“You’ve known him for two months. It’s not much, but he’s your mate and you observed him. You know Dominic. Do you really think he would think that of you, of anyone who has been in your situation?”
Ani shook his head. No, he didn’t really think Dominic would judge him like that, but the problem was that he thought of himself that way. “Even if he doesn’t think that, I’m not good enough to be an Alpha mate. I can’t...I can’t even read or write well.” It was one of his biggest shames, and he had just admitted it for the first time. He knew Finn would never think badly of him for something like this.
He heard Finn softly gasp. “You can learn. You are one of the most intelligent men I know, Ani. It’s not your fault that you never had the opportunity to learn, but you can have it now. You can do anything you want now.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts,” Finn stopped him, covering Ani’s mouth with his hand. “If those are the only reasons why you’re staying away from your mate, then I think you should talk to Dominic and see what he thinks of it. You are not used, you are not stupid, and Dominic wants you. I know it’s scary to just let go and trust someone, especially someone who is as important as a mate, but once you do it...you’ll never be so happy. I’m not telling you to mate with him right away, but give him a chance. You’ve been keeping Dominic at arm’s length for months. You know he won’t hurt you, so try, please. I know he will make you happy, and you deserve it.”
God, Ani wanted what Finn was describing so much. He wanted what he saw in all the mated couples in the house. Finn and Bryce, Jamie and Ward, Denver and Jeremy—they were all happy and cared for each other, and he wanted that. Maybe Finn was right. Maybe he deserved a bit of happiness after what had happened to him.
Someone else knocked at the door and Ani stood up to open it, nearly swallowing his tongue at the sight that waited for him on the other side. Dominic was...there were no words to describe how good he looked in his dark suit, his blond hair bound on his nape and his amber eyes gleaming as he looked at Ani.
I’ll shimmer to Bryce and leave you two alone. Think about what I told you.
Ani didn’t even answer his cousin when he heard him through their bond, he was too mesmerized by the sight in front of him. The man was gorgeous, too gorgeous to be his. Still, he had decided he would at least try, and that was what he was going to do. Ani stood on tiptoe and quickly kissed his mate’s cheek. It was only when he felt Dominic’s hot hands on his back that he realized he was still naked from the waist up.
Ani blushed and stepped away, but he liked the slightly dazed look on Dominic’s face. “I, uh, I came to see if you were ready. Maybe we could...go downstairs together?”
“Of course. Let me finish dressing and I’ll go with you.”
Ani wasn’t sure if he was supposed to invite Dominic in or if he should close the door, so he rushed to his bedroom and quickly put on his shirt, tie and jacket. After checking one last time in the mirror that he was as perfect as he could be, he started to go to the door, but he stopped at the last moment. He grabbed the camellia from the bed and tucked it in the jacket’s pocket. He wanted his mate to know he had understood and that he was trying.
* * * *
Dominic had never been so nervous. He had fought against wolves, other lions and a whole array of other shifters, against humans, but this...it had to be the worst experience ever. He was terrified he would ruin Jeremy and Denver’s wedding somehow, maybe by falling on his face as he walked to the arch, or by saying the wrong things. Maybe he would stutter.
He wasn’t broadcasting his feelings, though. Dominic knew that on the outside he appeared as calm as ever, and he didn’t want anyone to know how nervous he really was. His pride needed to know they could rely on him.
A small hand slipped into his as he waited behind the closed living room door. He looked down at Ani, both delighted and surprised at the fact that his small mate had initiated contact between them. Ani squeezed Dominic’s hand before whispering so low that no one but Dominic could hear him, “You’ll be perfect.”
It shocked the hell out of Dominic that Ani could see through his calm mask, but then maybe it was normal. Ani was his mate, even if they hadn’t claimed each other yet. He would be the one person on earth to know every side of Dominic, every quirk of his character, even the worst ones. The fact that his mate supported him helped to calm Dominic down, so when Keenan opened the doors and let him and the other members of the pride in, he knew he could do it. He would make Ani proud of him.
The living room was...incredible. Keenan had toned down the flowers and unhooked most of the garlands. The arch was between two windows, the soft light of the moon bathing it in an eerie glow. Two high vases stood on each side of the arch, and ivy mixed with white flowers hung from it. A long red carpet led from the doors to the arch, and on each side of it were several rows of white chairs decorated with one red ribbon. Each of these rows started with another small vase of flowers. The whole room was illuminated by candles and soft yellow light, and music was playing. The scent of flowers was heavy on the air, but not overwhelming for Dominic’s shifter senses. It was perfect, and it nearly made Dominic want to marry Ani—until he remembered what a mess it had been only a few hours before.
After a last squeeze on his hand, Ani left Dominic under the arch with Keenan and Jamie, the two best men, while everyone else took their places on the rows of folding chairs. The level of noise was high, the excitement nearly palpable in the room. It wasn’t often that they had ceremonies like this in the pride. Usually mating was a private thing, even if everyone knew about it, but weddings were a very human thing. Jeremy had even invited one of his human friends, Xavier, and some members of the Gillham pack. Dominic had been surprised to see that while Zach and Kameron were both present, they didn’t seem to be talking to each other.
Once everyone was seated, Isaiah changed the music and Dominic watched as Jeremy and Denver walked down the makeshift aisle, Adam in Denver’s arms as he held the small cushion on which the rings were set. It was very sweet to see how the couple had wanted to include their son, and Adam was smiling as he looked down at the pride members.
The men stopped in front of him, Denver setting Adam down between them. The kid made himself at home, sitting down crossed legged and earning himself a laugh from the audience. He shot a bright smile to Dominic and Dominic felt his heart constrict. He had always wanted kids, but the fact that he was gay had made him resigned that he wouldn’t have them. That was why he doted so much on the few kids they had in the pride.
The room fell silent and Dominic took a deep breath and peeked at the piece of paper in his hand. “So, I wasn’t supposed to be the one doing this, so I apologize if I get anything wrong.”
Dominic’s audience laughed, and he felt the tension ease. It wasn’t so hard to go on after that—he only had to read his piece of paper, after all.
He talked about Jeremy and Denver and their love for each other, then let them have the center stage. He saw Ani cry when the two men exchanged their vows, and yeah, he felt emotional too, but what he really wanted to do was go to his mate and hug him. It would have been nice to be able to share this moment with him, maybe holding his hand. Dominic shook his head. Yeah, it must be the wedding that was influencing him that way. He usually wasn’t that...cuddly.
“Thank you,” Jeremy said, hugging Dominic, and it made him feel good. He might be Alpha of the pride, but for that reason he tended to keep some distance between himself and the members. It wouldn’t do him any good to have to punish one of his friends if they did something wrong, but it was a pity. It made him feel lonely even when he was surrounded by others.
“It was a pleasure.”
Jeremy laughed. “I saw the terrified look on your face, you know? But in the end I’m glad it was you. It gave the ceremony a special feeling, because we care about you and you care about us.”
Dominic smiled. “I’m happy for you.�
� He turned to move away and let the others congratulate Jeremy, but before he could step away he was engulfed in a bear hug. Only one person in the pride was bigger than him, so it startled him when he realized it was Denver hugging him. The man kept to himself and seldom talked to anyone other than his mate if he didn’t have to, even if he was getting better since Jeremy had arrived. Still, he didn’t think he had ever seen the man expressing his feelings like this if not with Jeremy or Adam.
Dominic lifted his hands and awkwardly patted Denver’s back. The man grunted, “Thank you,” in Dominic’s ear before letting him go and turning away, leaving a stunned Dominic in the middle of the living room.
An arm wound around his waist and shook him out of his stunned state, and he looked down to see Keenan smiling at him. If there was one member of the pride he was close to, it would be the human. He had pretty much wormed his way into the heart of every single member there, Dominic included. “Good job, boss.”
“Yeah, well, next time find someone else to do it.” He tried to sound gruff, but the smile on his face betrayed Dominic’s real feelings.
“You never know, maybe next time you’ll be in Denver’s place. I could be the one performing it, what do you think?” Keenan shot him a cheeky smile.
“Don’t hold your breath, Keenan. I have to convince Ani to talk to me before you can even think of something like a wedding. I’m not even sure he likes me.” What a way to cheer up the evening, thinking about how his mate might not like him.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure he does. You should see how he looks at you when he thinks no one sees him.”
“Yeah?” Now that was interesting. Dominic knew Ani had to feel something, since he shimmered in his room every night, but he couldn’t help feeling a little insecure, and he didn’t like it. He was the type of man who took what he wanted, but with Ani he couldn’t do it, and it opened a whole range of possibilities that made him feel lost. He hated feeling lost. He shouldn’t feel that way, because if he was lost, what would happen to the pride? Okay, this was a private matter, but still...
“Yeah. He’ll cave in, you’ll see. You just hang in there, big guy.” Dominic chuckled. Keenan was the only one who gave him these pet names. The others were probably too scared to make the Alpha angry, or more likely it was just because Keenan wasn’t a shifter and he wasn’t used to their hierarchy. Not that they were very observant of it in the pride, apart from the Alpha and Beta role. “By the way, you’re next to me for the reception.”
Keenan used the hold he had on Dominic’s waist to make him move into the right direction. Dominic looked around the dining room and his gaze locked with Ani’s. He saw the Nix’s eyes lowering to take in the hold Keenan had on Dominic and Ani’s expression fell, his gaze suddenly avoiding Dominic’s. He tried to move, to go talk to his mate and reassure him that there was nothing between him and Keenan, but Keenan stopped him.
“Don’t. He has to realize how he really feels about you. Maybe making him a bit jealous will do you good.”
“What if it pushes him further away?”
“If he really wants you, it won’t. We weren’t making out, Dominic. I’m just a friend, a very good one, but still a friend. He knows it.”
Well, Dominic hoped so, because he didn’t want something as trivial as a hand on the waist to ruin his hopes of a happy mating.
* * * *
Ani wanted to go to his room and lock the door, but the others would have noticed it if he just disappeared. He had seen Dominic and Keenan, and he couldn’t help but think that Keenan would be a better Alpha mate than he would. Not that he was planning to become the Alpha mate, of course.
Keenan was gorgeous, funny, friendly and, well, everything that Ani wasn’t. The way he had handled getting the wedding ready showed how good he would be at being in charge around the pride. Sure, Ani knew Keenan had found his mate, just like he knew Dominic would never take anyone other than him as a mate, but he couldn’t help but see the differences between them anyway. It made the fact that he was inadequate stand out, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Dominic would have preferred someone like Keenan. Maybe he should just leave and let Dominic find someone else to be with.
“Whatever you’re thinking about, it can’t be good. I can tell by the look on your face.”
Ani turned around to face his cousin. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he couldn’t help but think that Finn had had it easy. Sure, he had been in those labs for months, but they had never raped him, and his mate had accepted him in the end. Now he was happy, and Ani wanted what he had. “It’s not.”
“I thought you guys would end up talking or something when I left you in your room. I mean, I saw you coming in together before, and you were holding hands.”
“We did talk.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Ani took a deep breath. He had never told anyone how he really felt about Dominic. He had let them think that he didn’t talk to the lion because he was afraid of big men, and it was true, at least in the beginning. But he had soon realized Dominic would rather sacrifice one of his arms than hurt him. Now the only thing that was keeping them apart was the fact that he knew he wasn’t good enough. The only one who didn’t realize it was Dominic, but sooner or later he would.
“Ani...you know that whatever the problem is you can talk to me, right?”
“Yes, I know. I’m fine.” Ani didn’t give Finn the time to answer. He disappeared in the small crowd moving around the living room and headed for the stairs, hoping he would be able to sneak out to his room before anyone saw him and asked too many questions.
A hand grabbed him and effectively stopped him. Turning around, he wanted to weep when he saw it was Keenan. He really liked the guy, but did they have to do this right now, after what he had seen?
“You know there’s nothing between us, right?”
Ani nodded “I know. Can I go now?”
“You know, I don’t understand you. You have a gorgeous man pining for you, ready to do anything to make you happy, and you chose to hide and run away. Why?”
A sob nearly choked Ani and everything came out. “I’m no good for him. You’re right, he’s gorgeous and smart, and the Alpha. What can I give him?”
Keenan pushed him until they were hiding in the entrance, alone yet so near to the party. “I don’t know if I should comfort you or throttle you, really. Stop being stupid and think. You’re sweet and smart, and Dominic wants you. Give him a chance, and let him decide what he wants. If you don’t want him, then fine, let him be, but if you think you’re somehow lacking, you have to let him chose. If you really think he’s so smart, he will know what the right thing to do is.” Keenan smirked, obviously convinced he was right.
Ani shook his head and tried to argue against that anyway. “He will want me anyway because I’m his mate, even if it’s not the right thing to do.”
Keenan threw his hands in the air, clearly exasperated. “Shit, I’m so over dealing with stubborn men. You all think that you know better and make decisions on your own when you really should just talk about it. That’s what having a mate, a partner, is about! You make the decisions together, not one for both! I’m done trying to deal with you, Jonah and everyone else. Just...do whatever you want, but don’t come crying on my shoulder when it doesn’t go like you wanted!” Keenan stomped away but stopped after only taking a couple of steps. He twirled around and got back to Ani, kissing his cheek. “Don’t be stupid.”
Then he stomped away one more time, but this time he didn’t stop and Ani lost him in the crowd. Keenan had left him gaping. He had never seen the human react like that. Keenan was usually easy going and the first to volunteer to help, especially his friends, even if Ani knew it wasn’t an easy moment for him. Jonah had disappeared one night and no one had heard from him since then, and he knew that even if he didn’t show it, Keenan was distraught.
“Did you really mean what you told Keenan?”
Ani jumped at the sound of Dominic’s voice. Could this evening have gone worse? Was Ani that unlucky that Dominic had to hear his confession?
Ani kept his gaze on his suddenly interesting feet. He didn’t want to look into Dominic’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the pity or whatever feelings Dominic was feeling right now. He didn’t expect the hand cupping his cheek, though, the strong fingers tilting his face up. The only way left to avoid his mate’s eyes was to keep his eyes down, but the only result was that that way, Dominic’s body was right under his gaze.
The sight sent a shiver through Ani’s body, but it didn’t surprise him. It was the same reaction he had every time, and to see Dominic encased in a suit...damn! He knew that after what had been done to him it was strange that he even thought of sex, but how could he not? Besides, he knew Dominic would never hurt him.
“Ani? Did you mean it?”
Okay, it seemed that they were having this conversation then and there after months of walking on egg shells around each other. He really, really would have preferred somewhere more private, but Dominic was stubborn, and Ani knew he wouldn’t be able to change the lion’s mind. “Yes.”
“Look at me, please.”
God, Ani so didn’t want to. He didn’t want Dominic to see his emotions written on his face. He was falling for Dominic, even if he shouldn’t have. “Why?”
Ani chuckled and gestured between the two of them. “Isn’t it obvious?” He wasn’t talking about the physical aspect, and he hoped Dominic would understand.
“Not to me. Why don’t you try to explain?”
Yeah, there was no getting out of this. “I’m used and damaged. Leold...he made it so that I’m not good enough for a man like you. You need a strong Alpha mate, one that can be by your side and help you guide the pride, just like Keenan did today. I’m not like that, I can’t be like that, at least for now.” Dominic opened his mouth but Ani didn’t give him the opportunity to talk. “I can’t even read! How could I help you if I can’t even do that?”
Ani [Whitedell Pride: 7] Page 3
