Each day Isabelle allowed the walk to venture further, she could see the strength and determination returning and knew she was going to lose him soon. Every morning when she opened her eyes, she thanked God for giving her another day with him and she would beg for it not to end quite yet, but she knew it could not go on forever. Sometime soon she would have to face her life without him and this time it would be final, there would no longer be a reason for them ever to meet.
Tom wanted to get on a horse, but he knew it was impossible. He was unable to drive a carriage. Even though usually stubborn, he realised that by having only one arm working he could not control a pair of horses. He was moaning about this one day when Isabelle offered to drive him around the grounds in a phaeton. He was sure of her ability after seeing her ride in Bath, she was a real horsewoman and he wanted to go further than they could walk, so he agreed, but not without teasing Isabelle about overturning them both first.
They set off, promising Mary they would not leave the grounds. As Isabelle guided the horses along the lanes, they did not speak for at first, Tom was enjoying the nearest thing to a horse ride too much to want to spoil it with talking. Isabelle enjoyed driving the pair, she had not driven a carriage through the woodland for years, and she usually opted for the extra freedom that riding on Beauty allowed. She kept to the main routes, there were enough tracks through the parkland to allow Tom to see more of the grounds than he had previously and by twisting and turning through the woodland it gave the feeling as if they were travelling further than they actually did.
Eventually Isabelle stopped the horses. “There is a small river through these trees, if you would like a short walk,” she indicated through the woodland. “It’s where James fishes and is an attractive prospect, the woodland ends just before the edge of the water.”
“Yes, I’d like to see it,” Tom said climbing down carefully. The limited use of one arm made climbing in and out of the phaeton a more challenging task than normal. “Are you joining me?” Isabelle nodded her assent and climbed down. She secured the horses to a tree and followed him down through the wooded area.
The river was man-made at some point in the history of the land and had been tended to by the groundsmen. It was supplied by accessing a larger tributary on the outskirts of the estate. James loved his sport and came down to the lake whenever he was at home to fish and escape from the numerous people who always seemed to need to speak to him. Isabelle had accompanied her brother when she was younger, the river seeming magical as it babbled over the uneven riverbed. It had always been a place that offered peace.
They walked slowly along the edge of the river, neither feeling right to rush in such a peaceful spot. When they had walked a length and returned, Tom took off his greatcoat and covered a fallen tree stump. He offered Isabelle a seat and she accepted with a smile.
“James has a good home and land. I’m surprised he spends so little time here,” Tom said.
“I think it is his intention to settle here more now he has Mary. London holds more promises of pleasures for a single man whereas home offers more once he is married,” Isabelle replied.
“True.”
“This has always been a happy place for us, I’m not surprised he did not want to spend too much time here while he was single.”
“I would think the opposite would be more relevant,” Tom replied knowing how the unhappy memories kept him away from his home.
“No, here is where he was always reminded of what a wonderful marriage our parents had, what happiness can achieve. I understand him not wanting to be reminded of that until he is sure he can create his own happy memories here.”
“He seems happy with Mary.”
“Yes he is. She has loved him for a long time, they are very lucky to have realised that their affection was worth developing and that it was strong enough on both sides that they needed to be together.”
“Isabelle, do you believe me when I say that I don’t know how you can ever offer it, but it is my biggest wish to receive your forgiveness?” Tom blurted out.
“I thought we’d agreed not to talk about this?” Isabelle replied, immediately uncomfortable and shifting slightly, wanting to stand, but being too polite to do so.
“You agreed to that course of action I seem to remember and have done an excellent job of deflecting me every time I have tried to have a serious conversation with you. I won’t be here for much longer, can we please speak about this before I go? I do not want to leave without this being resolved between us.”
Isabelle felt the usual tightening of her stomach when she thought of him leaving. “If you really need to speak, go ahead, but there isn’t any need you know. I have forgiven you for your outburst, I did on the night it happened.”
“Really? I know you mentioned that before, but I thought you were just trying to appease me.” Tom could not believe that she was so matter of fact about it. He was not sure if in her place, he would have been so forgiving.
“Yes,” Isabelle smiled. “I understand losing control in a moment of madness. It is only what I did with Frank when I slapped his face.”
“I wish I could have seen that after all he said to you! I didn’t lose control as such, well I did,” Tom said frankly, “But it was because I thought you were going to marry someone else.”
Isabelle frowned. “You don’t need to do this.” She said quietly.
“Isabelle, please listen. On our way to Scotland I was foolish.” Isabelle stiffened at his words and Tom quickly corrected himself. “Not foolish with what happened in the carriage, foolish about the way I reacted afterwards. I hurt you and for that I can never forgive myself. I have grown so used to avoiding any closeness with anyone that when I wanted it to happen I did not know what to do.”
“You seemed sure of your actions at the time.” Isabelle could not be quite so forgiving at the rejection she had received, she had willingly responded to him and to have been dismissed by him in the way she had still caused her hurt and embarrassment.
“I know and it was only when I returned to the inn and you had left that I realised what I’d done and what I had lost.” Tom continued talking before Isabelle could interrupt. “I thought it was only fair to stay out of your life after how I’d behaved. I returned home and threw myself into anything and everything, but as soon as I received James’s invitation I knew I had only been waiting for an excuse to see you.”
“You could have come before,” Isabelle said unconvinced. Although in some way this was what she had wanted to hear since his rejection. She could not forget that he had rejected her and in such a way that had made her feel cheap. Being told their actions had been nothing more than a dalliance, had hurt as much as Frank’s words, more so as she thought more of Tom than she did of her brother.
“I could, but as with most males, I have too much pride and even when I saw you I wasn’t exactly throwing myself at your feet was I? I don’t understand why but every time I was in your company I was so angry. I wanted you, but could not take a risk by declaring that I had acted in haste on our journey, then I realised that your family were encouraging a marriage between you and the clergyman.”
“Who hasn’t been anywhere near me for weeks,” Isabelle said wryly. “It was obviously not a long lasting attachment on his part. Fortunately my heart will survive.” It was true Mr Roberts had been noticeable by his absence since the wedding day. She did not know if he had heard any gossip, or had been told by her brothers that she had received an offer of marriage from the Earl, either way his attachment appeared to be at an end. Isabelle was grateful for small mercies, she did not want any further complications at this moment, but she was also relieved that she had not talked herself into a marriage with Mr Roberts, he had obviously not had any serious intentions towards her to be so easily discouraged.
“More fool him, but I’m glad of it. Isabelle what I am trying to say in a very bad way is would you please reconsider your decision and marry me?”
Isabelle flus
hed, even though she had known when he started talking that this was what he was leading too. In her heart she knew he was the man she loved, but he had not spoken of love and she could not be with him knowing that he did not love her, but could she really live without him?
She did not know what to answer and tried to delay a response. “Why are you asking me again? What would we gain?” she asked.
“We are a perfect match, we both have shied away from society and marriage. We challenge each other. It would be a marriage of equals, which can only lead to happiness surely?” Tom replied quickly as if he had already prepared reasons to convince her.
Isabelle’s heart sank, he never mentioned love at all and probably never would. She could not marry without love. “You don’t need to do this because of your feelings of guilt at your outburst. I told you weeks ago that I will deal with the gossip, there is no need for you to be forced into marriage out of obligation.”
“I’m not being forced into marriage, you know me well enough to know that I would never do anything I did not want to and this decision is not because of guilt. Isabelle I promise to make you happy and I know you will make me happy.” He was convinced she was going to say no and he was at a loss as to what to say further to convince her. He could not lay himself open and declare his love for her, that would put him in exactly the same position his father had been in, but he needed her to agree to marriage with him.
Isabelle looked at him. His gaze was intense, as it always seemed to be when he looked at her. She knew without a question that she loved him, but what he felt she did not know. Perhaps he was right, perhaps happiness and compatibility would be enough in marriage and he would eventually come to love her through those. She could say no to his proposal, but when she had to make a final decision and stick to it, she was not convinced that she could never see him again. She cursed her weakness and let her gaze fall. I want him to love me and he does not, she thought with remorse.
“Isabelle?” Tom prodded her for a response. He had seen the emotions crossing her face and dreaded her reply.
“I will marry you,” she answered quietly, not meeting his gaze.
Tom breathed a huge sigh of relief, “Thank you. I promise you will not regret your decision.”
But Isabelle misinterpreting the sigh was already regretting it.
Chapter 17
The next two days passed in a blur for Isabelle. James and Mary had been delighted with the news that she was to marry Tom after all. Letters had been sent off to Sophie and Frank and James and the Earl spent time together working out the details of the union. Isabelle had agreed to marry in a month, there did not seem any reason to delay once the decision had been made. The only point Isabelle had any firm opinions on was where they were to marry. James had wanted her to marry from his home, but she had refused, wanting to be married in Bath. Tom agreed to the scheme, he was feeling in a way he had never before felt, happy at the thought of his future. He was pushing his concerns and fears to the back of his mind. At the moment he would have agreed to anything Isabelle wanted.
As they sat in the drawing room during the evening, plans were beginning to formulate. “I need to spend some time in Bath before the wedding,” Isabelle said.
“Why?” James was a little worried his sister would change her mind once in the familiar surroundings of Bath and he would only be totally relieved when the whole sorry episode was over and she was actually married.
“I need to decide what I want to bring with me to Kent, I presume we will be living there?” She replied looking questioningly at Tom. “Also, I want to say goodbye to my friends. They would think less of me if I didn’t.”
“Surely you can send word of what you want to keep?” James said a little belligerently.
One look at the expression on Isabelle’s face and Tom thought it prudent to intervene. “I think Isabelle is correct in returning to Bath. It would seem odd for her not to return and especially as the wedding is to be held there. Anything needed for the day can be bought beforehand. I can meet up with Sophie and Sidney and follow Isabelle to Bath and stay at Laura Place before the wedding, I have still time left on the lease of the house I rented with Sophie.”
Isabelle smiled at him in thanks. “Do you think Sophie and Mr Arnold would accompany me to stay in Great Pulteney Street? I know it is only a few steps away from Laura Place, but if she was able to stay with me, it would mean that James and Mary could finally spend some time alone.”
Mary tried to protest at this but Tom cut in, “I’m sure once Sophie realises she would be helping you to pick out wedding trousseau, there will be no further persuasion needed. Sidney has my sympathy though, I shall need to let him escape to Laura Place occasionally.”
Isabelle smiled at the comment, whenever possible Tom tried to banter with her and she appreciated his efforts at trying to return to the light-hearted time of their early acquaintance. “That settles it then. I shall write to Sophie asking her if she is willing and dependent on her availability I can make arrangements to travel to Bath.”
Sophie responded quickly to Isabelle’s request. She would be delighted to stay with her in Bath and would use the opportunity of bringing Charlotte Arnold back with her to London when the visit ended. They were to meet when James and Mary left and travel to Great Pulteney Street the following Monday, which would be less than three weeks before the wedding.
Isabelle was not sure what she felt each time she thought of being married. Since the announcement she had not been alone with Tom. He was well enough now that he no longer needed her nursing and he seemed to be determined to spend time with James and Mary. They had been engaged for almost a week when Isabelle entered the library to see him reading the newspaper alone.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Isabelle said apologetically, not knowing whether she should stay or leave.
“You are not disturbing me at all,” Tom smiled. “I wanted to speak with you in any case.”
Isabelle sat on the edge of the chair. “How can I help?”
Tom looked surprised, “We were never so formal Isabelle, is anything wrong?”
“No, it feels a little strange, that is all,” Isabelle replied honestly.
Tom put his paper down and sat forward. “I hoped you would enjoy the build-up to our wedding, but if there is anything wrong you must tell me. That is not what I wanted to speak to you about though. The other evening you mentioned about where we are going to live, you said you presumed Kent. Are you happy to live there?” He acknowledged that he was holding himself stiff, waiting for her response.
“It is your family home,” Isabelle replied.
“Yes, but are you happy with that? If you would prefer London we can live there, or even if you would prefer Hampshire, to be near Mary and James, we could buy a place nearby.”
Isabelle smiled, it was a kind gesture to offer to live outside the county she knew he loved. “Kent is fine, I have never been there, but you and Sophie convinced me previously that it was a beautiful county. I am happy to live in your family home.”
Tom stood and took hold of Isabelle’s hands, forcing her to stand. “Thank you Isabelle. I cannot claim that my home has been a content one and experienced the family security as this house has, but it is dear to me as my ancestral home. If you are sure you are content to live there I promise to make you comfortable in any way that I can. You are making me very happy. I appreciate what you are giving up and promise that whenever you want to travel to Hampshire we shall come.”
Isabelle picked up on the reference of unhappiness in Tom’s history, but did not feel it was appropriate to question him about it at the moment, so instead she smiled, “I wish I would have known at the start of our acquaintance how easy it was to make you so compliant, I would have agreed to marry you on our first meeting!”
Tom laughed, “I always knew a compliant husband was something you could not cope with! Come here.” He pulled her into his chest and folded his arms around her. �
��I have held off touching you while everything was a bit of a whirl, but your impertinence as made me see the error of my ways.”
Isabelle was not surprised at the willingness she had allowed herself in being pulled into Tom’s embrace, in all honesty she knew she had wanted to feel him hold her since the day in the carriage. She looked up to him and with a mischievous grin said, “What is to be my punishment my Lord?”
“Oh I can think of all sorts of punishment, starting with this,” Tom said bending his head and kissing her.
He tried to be restrained, tried to make it a chaste kiss, but once his lips had touched hers, he was lost. He pulled her to him roughly and kissed her with all the passion that had built inside him since he had first touched her. Isabelle responded to him, she was powerless to do anything else. The touch of his hands down her back, set her skin on fire and as his tongue probed her mouth, she felt the heady sensation of wanting something more from him, without knowing what. She moaned and Tom stopped and looked at her face.
“Isabelle, I want you, I don’t know if I can wait three more weeks,” he whispered huskily.
Isabelle’s eyes widened, it was gratifying to know he wanted her, even if he did not love her. “We must wait, mustn’t we?”
The Complicated Earl Page 21
