by P. C. Cast
The amber-eyed woman glanced down at Summer. “Do you take late work, Miss Smith?”
Summer swallowed. “No. I mean, isn’t that the English Department’s policy?”
“Of course it is.” The slender woman raised one arched brow at the boy and trapped him with her sharp gaze. “No. Late. Work. Means no late work. Now, go away, child, before you truly anger me.”
“Y-yes ma’am!” the boy’s voice broke as he backed hastily from the room and then scampered away.
“How in the world did you do that?” Summer said, gaping at the tall, young woman.
She smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Jenny Sullivan, your across-the-hall neighbor and fellow English teacher, as well as a Certified Discipline Nymph. Sorry, I would have introduced myself last week at the beginning of the semester, but I was on that delicious staff development trip to Santa Fe.” Summer blinked blankly at her, so Jenny hurried on. “You know, Discipline in the Desert 101. Goddess! There are just so many applications for desert discipline in the high school classroom.” She shook herself. “Anyhoodles, just got back today and heard that you’d taken your sister, Candy Cox’s, place on our staff, and thought I better welcome you.” She paused and glanced at the closing door after the student. “I see I arrived just in time.”
“What’s the thing that starts with a W?” Summer asked.
“Whips?” Jenny said hopefully.
“Whips? We can use whips here? Candy never told me that.”
“Wait—wait. I think we’re having a communication difficulty. You asked me for a W word and, naturally, I thought of whips.”
“Okay, no. Let’s start over. You said foolishness and something that starts with a W make us great teachers.”
“Oh!” Jenny brightened. “Sadly, the answer to that is not whips, though it should be,” she finished under her breath.
“Then it’s…” Summer prompted.
“Whatever.”
“Pardon?”
“The other thing. It’s the Whatever Factor. Honey, I can already tell that your problem is you give a shit too much about what the hormones and germs are thinking.”
“The hormones and germs?”
“Aka teenagers.”
“Oh.”
“Darling Summer, you need to understand that teenagers rarely think.” Jenny patted her arm. “Come on, let’s lock up, and then I’ll treat you to a drink at Knight Caps.”
Summer started to grab her keys and her purse, then her eyes flitted to the clock on the wall. “Uh, Jenny. It’s barely three. Isn’t that too early to drink?”
Jenny hooked her arm through Summer’s and pulled her toward the door. “When you teach high school, it’s never too early to drink. Plus, rumor has it you ate lunch in the vomitorium. You’ll need a good healthy dose of martini to cleanse your system of those toxins.”
“Vomitorium?” Summer asked as Jenny took her hand and led her toward the door.
“Just another word for the cafeteria. And, yes. You should be afraid. Very afraid.”
“Wow. Teaching is so not like I imaged when I was in college.”
“Darling, nothing is like you imaged in college. This is the real world.” Jenny paused and then snorted. “Okay, well, Mysteria isn’t actually part of the real world in the reality sense, but you know what I mean. College is college. Work is work. Teaching is work.”
Summer sipped her sour apple martini contemplatively. “Teenagers are a lot more disgusting than I thought they’d be.”
“Preaching to the choir here,” Jenny said.
“I mean, Candy told me to change my major to anything that didn’t involve teaching, and I just thought she was, well…” she trailed off, obviously not wanting to speak badly about her sister.
“Here, let me help you. You thought Candy was just old, burned-out, and disgruntled. And that you, being twenty-some-odd years younger and ready to take on the world, would have an altogether different experience with touching the future.” Jenny said the last three words with exaggerated drama while she clutched her bosom (with the hand that wasn’t clutching her martini).
“Yeah, sadly, that’s almost exactly what I thought.”
“Until your first day of real teaching?”
“Yep.”
“And now you want to run shrieking for the hills?”
“Yep again.”
Jenny laughed. “Don’t worry. A few short lessons in discipline from an expert—that would be moi, by the by—and another martini or two, mixed with one of Hunter’s excellent five-meat pizzas, which I’ll split with you, will fix you right up.”
“Okay, except I never have more than one martini, and, well, I’m a vegetarian.”
“One martini? Sounds like you’re a little tightly wrapped, girlfriend.”
“I like to think of it as maintaining a healthy control.”
Jenny rolled her amber eyes. “In my professional Discipline Nymph opinion, I might mention that ‘healthy control’ is often an oxymoron. And you’re a vegetarian? Really?”
Summer chose to ignore Jenny’s comment about control and said, “I’m really a vegetarian. I don’t eat anything that had a face. Makes me want to throw up a little in the back of my throat even to think about it. So get my half with cheese and veggies.”
“Cheese and veggies on your half it is.” She motioned for one of the fairies to come take their order and then frowned when the pink-haired, scantily clad waitress ignored her and instead giggled musically at something a werewolf at the bar had said. Jenny lifted one perfectly manicured finger and started swirling it around in the air. “Looks like girlfriend over there needs a little discipline lesson. She needs to learn it’s best not to ignore me when I—”
Summer grabbed Jenny’s finger. “Do. Not. Use. Magic!”
Jenny yelped in surprise and put her finger away. “What gives?”
“Did Candy never mention what kind of, ur, magic I have?”
Jenny’s frown deepened. “Well, no. Candy didn’t have any magic, or at least she didn’t until she hooked up with that handsome werewolf of hers. I think she felt kinda weird that everyone else had some sort of magic, so she didn’t talk much about it. Plus, you know school’s supposed to be a Magic Free Zone. There was no need to go into it much. Why? What’s your magic?”
“Opposite.”
“Huh?”
Summer sighed. “My magic is opposite magic. Any spell worked around me instantly turns opposite, or at the very least becomes totally messed-up and twisted around. That’s another reason I decided to teach.”
“To really fuck with the teenage mind by screwing up all the furtive little magics they attempt at school?”
“No, though that does sound like it might be a fun by-product. The truth is that I wanted to get a job back home in Mysteria. I really like it here. While I was in college, I missed…” She hesitated, trying to decide how much to say. “Ur, I uh, missed the people who live here,” she finally decided on. And it was true. She had missed the people—some of them more than others. Actually, one of them more than others. “Anyway, I wanted to live in Mysteria, but I didn’t want to constantly be messing up people’s magic.”
Jenny’s expression said she knew there was more to the “Ur, I uh, missed the people who live here” nonsense, but the only comment she made was, “Oh, I get it. So working in the high school, a Magic Free Zone, sounded perfect.”
“In theory,” Summer said, mournfully sipping her martini.
“Hey, cheer up. It could be worse.”
“How?”
“You could be teaching at the grade school. At that age they touch you and pee in their pants.” Jenny shuddered. “Yeesh!”
Summer sighed. “This might fall under Emergency Procedures and require one more drink.”
“Of course it does, and of course you do. I’ll get it and order our pizza.” Jenny slid her lithe body from their booth. “I’ll go to the counter and order it. Although I do wonder what would happen if my kick-the-fl
irting-waitress-fairy-in-her-lazy-ass spell went opposite.”
“You don’t want to know. It’s always a true mess and—”
A gale of giggles and the door opening caused Summer to lose her train of thought and glance over her shoulder at the entrance to the bar. Then she sucked air. Her face blanched white and then flushed a bright, painful pink.
“Oh, Goddess!” Summer whispered. “It’s Kenneth.”
2
“Yeah, it’s Kenny the Fairy. So? What’s the big deal?” Jenny was saying when the gaze of the tall, blond, male fairy in the middle of the new group of laughing girl fairies lighted on Summer and, smiling, he hurried over to their table.
“Hey, Summer! You’re back!”
“Hi, Ken,” Summer said, managing to stiffly return his hug. “Yeah. That’s me. Back. For a week.” And she blushed an even hotter shade of pink.
“Come on Kenny-benny! You promised to buy us mushroom pizza and those fizzy blue hypnotic drinks,” pouted a pair of identical twin silver-haired, gold-winged fairies.
Kenny gave Summer an apologetic smile. “Sorry, gotta go. I’ll call you later, okay? Is your number still the same?”
“Yeah. The same. Still.” Summer tried to smile, but her face ended up looking more like an enthusiastic grimace.
“Oh, no no no. This is so damn sad. You have a crush on Fairy Kenny,” Jenny said when they were alone again.
“Shhh!” Summer hushed her. “He might hear you.”
“Oh, please. He’s too busy with the slut sisters and their trampy friends. Hang on.” Jenny turned, faced the counter, and nailed the giggling pink waitress with her stern gaze. Her voice carried easily across the bar, slicing through the chattering fairies like a saber through a butterfly-infested flower garden. “Esmeralda, we need another round of martinis and a veggie pizza. Now. And do not make me repeat myself.” The waitress gulped, nodded, and scampered off to place their order. Jenny briskly brushed her hands against one another, as if pleased at a job well done, then she sat back in the booth, turning her full attention on Summer. “Okay, give. Why did you turn into the Incredible Cardboard Woman the instant Kenny-benny spoke to you?”
“I like him,” Summer whispered, upending her martini and patting on the stem as she tried to coax the last of the liquid from the glass.
“Yeah, so? That doesn’t explain the stiffness.”
Summer sighed. “He and I grew up together. We were best friends, or at least we were until we hit puberty and I realized how gorgeous and perfect he is. Since then things have been kinda awkward between us.”
“Kenny’s been through puberty? Who knew?”
“Stop it! He’s cute beyond belief. Don’t you think he looks just like Legolas?” she said, shooting furtive glances at Ken.
“I guess so, only gayer. If that’s possible.” Jenny shrugged. “But whatever floats your boat.”
“He definitely floats my boat,” Summer said.
“Does he know that?”
“Huh?”
“You said you guys grew up together, and then things changed when you started crushing on him. Maybe you should let him know why things changed.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m not very good at—”
“Here are your drinks, ladies. Your pizza should be right out,” gushed the waitress as she sloshed their new martinis down on the table in front of them.
“Thank you, Esmeralda. How kind of you to finally show us special attention.”
“I—I just didn’t realize it was you, Jenny,” the fairy said. “Discipline Nymphs always get special attention at Knight Caps.”
“As well they should,” Jenny said smoothly, bowing her head in gracious acknowledgment of the fairy’s apology.
The waitress hurried away, and Jenny turned her gaze back to Summer. “So, you need to let Kenny know you have the hots for him.”
“Ack!” Summer sputtered, mid–martini sip. She swallowed, coughed, and said, “Jenny, like I was saying, I’m not good at, well, the guy-girl thing. It’s just so—I don’t know—unpredictable.”
“Oh, please. Kenny-benny isn’t a guy. He’s a fairy. And they’re really predictable. They frolic—they flirt—they scamper.”
“I happen to think there’s more to Kenny than that, but as I said, I’m not good at the social interaction thing.”
“You have issues with guys.”
“No, just with guys I like.”
“Okay, fine. Just with guys you like. What are you going to do about it?”
“Huh?”
Jenny snorted. “Darling, you’re definitely old enough to take the bull by the horns. Figuratively and literally.”
Summer took another drink of her martini. “You’re right. I know you’re right. But knowing and doing are two different things.”
“Look, you don’t seem especially tongue-tied right now. Actually, you’ve been rather amusing, so you’re definitely not conversationally impaired. Just talk to the fairy.”
“I’m only conversationally impaired when I have to talk to someone I want to sleep with. I like you, and you’re attractive and all, but I definitely don’t want to sleep with you.”
Jenny preened. “Nice of you to notice I’m attractive.” Then her arched brows went up. “Hang on—you want to have hot, nasty sex with fairy boy?”
“No, I’d like him to make tender, slow, amazing love to me,” Summer said, blushing again.
“Are you sure?” Jenny studied her carefully. “I’m getting the need-to-have-it-uncontrolled-and-hot-and-hard vibe from you, and I’m rarely wrong about my vibes.”
“Jeesh, I’m sure. I don’t do uncontrolled. Enough already.”
“Okay, okay. You two are friends, right?”
“We were.”
“You can still play off that. Hey, aren’t you living in your sister’s cabin at the edge of the woods?”
“Yeah.”
“So, invite fairy boy over for dinner. You know,” she winked, “for old time’s sake. Then jump his bones,” Jenny paused, rolled her eyes, and added, “slowly and tenderly.”
Summer chewed her lip. “I don’t know…”
“Take it from me. When dealing with men, fairy or otherwise, it’s always best to be in charge and direct. Plus, you like control, and you’ll definitely be in control if the date’s on your turf.”
“I’ll think about it,” Summer said, her eyes moving back to where Ken was perched in the middle of the group of fawning fairies at the bar.
“What you should think about is taking another gulp of that martini, putting on some of this nasty red lipstick, fluffing your hair, and marching yourself right over to that bar and extending the big invite to fairy boy.” Jenny fished in her purse until she pulled out a tube of lipstick called Roaring Red and tossed it to Summer. Then she gave the giggling fairies a contemptuous glance. “You’re cuter than those pastel pansies; don’t let them intimidate you. Female fairies would lust after a snake if you put jeans on it and called it Bob. Everyone knows how easy they are, and no one takes them seriously.”
“I guess I could.” Summer gnawed her lip again. “I mean, we are old friends.”
“Exactly.”
She took a big drink of her martini, letting the alcohol burn through her body. Another gale of giggles erupted from the fairies, and Summer seemed to shrink in on herself. “I can’t. I just can’t. It’s so…I don’t know…unplanned.”
“Girlfriend, life is unplanned. Get used to it. Okay, how about this deal: if you ask Kenny-benny over for dinner, I’ll take my class on the field trip to the gallery with you tomorrow and be sure the hormones and germs act right.”
Summer sat up straighter. “You’ll come with me?”
Jenny shrugged. “I’m getting ready to start Romeo and Juliet with my freshmen, so I might as well. Plus, your students will probably behave dreadfully and need an ever-so-firm disciplinary hand,” she finished with a gleeful smile.
“Promise?”
“That I’
ll jump squarely into your students’ shit? Absolutely.”
“Not that. Do you promise you’ll come with me if I ask Ken out?”
“Yep.”
“Even if he says no?”
“Don’t put that negative energy out there. Of course he’ll say yes, and of course, regardless of the fairy, I’ll go with you tomorrow. Now gird yourself and go ask him out.”
“Fine. Okay. I can do this.” Summer gulped the last of the martini, ran her fingers through her curly blond hair, and in two quick swipes of Jenny’s lipstick completed the transformation from Nice New Teacher into tipsy Discipline Nymph Trainee.
