by Skyla Madi
“They’re the ones who sent me to a therapist twice a week.” I notice the time on the clock beside the bed. “Which I’m going to be late for if I don’t get a move on. My appointment’s in half an hour.”
Jake’s eyes light up. “I’ll drive you since your car is still at work.”
“If you’ll drive me to work in the morning, I can just pick it up then.”
Before I say anything else, he’s jumped up and extracted his car keys from his pocket. Putting my bag over his shoulder, he takes my hand and promptly leads me down the stairs and out into the chilly September air. I have to direct him through the Silver Lake streets to get to Dr. Ross’ office; the smile he’s wearing is the brightest I’ve seen on him yet.
He parks the car and turns it off, ready to settle in and wait.
“You’re staying out here, right?”
Jake takes his hands off the steering wheel. “I don’t want to overstep. Do you need me to come in?”
“No, I’d like to go in alone.” My body relaxes. “That sounds great, actually.”
“I just want to get to know you, Olivia.” Jake runs his thumb along my knuckles. “There’s something about you…I’m addicted to you.”
“So you’ve said.”
I have five minutes before my appointment starts, and I realize that Jake knows all these things about me—or lack of things—and I hardly know anything about him. Putting my dreams and lost memories on hold, I scan my brain for something to latch onto.
“How was the meeting with your mom?”
He frowns. “My mother is broke and wanted me to fix it for her.” I know it might not be any of my business. He looks at me with broken eyes; I can’t help but automatically be on his side. “I won’t help her. She’ll bankrupt me, and where would that leave my future? I have big plans for the future I want.” His full lips curve into a smile while he daydreams about something brilliant. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get to know me, Olivia White.”
I blush. “Oh, my first and last name. You must mean business.”
“Oh, I mean business.” He shakes thoughts from his head onto the blanket in his lap. “I mean serious business when it comes to you.”
“It scares me when you’re so intense like that.” I blush, not thinking before I speak. “We just met, and you’re so…into me. It’s just a little much to get used to, not to mention I have zero business trying to help fix someone when I’m a mess myself.”
Jake places his palms into his lap. “There are things about me that I’m not proud of.”
My chest tightens, and I can feel a panic attack rising in my throat. Jake places his fingers around my knee, and the panic bubbles away until I can breathe freely again.
“Olivia, I would never do anything to hurt you, but you do have to trust me.” The words that trickle from his throat sound so final that it’s hard to argue with them at all. I have a burning feeling crawling down my throat that Jake is right.
How can he be right?
I know he’s completely into me, like he’s found his trifecta of love at first sight: the perfect woman, flirty banter, and instant attraction all wrapped up in one little Olivia White. I bite my lower lip thinking about his rough hands clutching my sides, picking me up and holding me against the wall earlier downstairs. I feel a twinge in the pit of my stomach as I watch his lips move while he speaks; I still feel the electricity they provided against my collarbone and his hot cinnamon breath on my skin.
“Olivia?” Jake’s face is alight with laughter. “Don’t you need to get inside?”
I blink a few times, his raised eyebrows coming into focus. “Oh, yeah. I better go.”
You can use this to your advantage…
Before I leave the car completely, I turn to catch his eyes with mine. “Can you help me find out the truth? It would mean spending more time with me and being the only person I trust.”
“Find the truth about your dreams?”
“I know I’m not who people say I am, Jake. I’m going to prove it.”
He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “You know I’ll always do what I can to help you, Olivia—”
“But you don’t believe me.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you—”
“Do you believe me?”
Jake takes a long look at me before backing down. “I believe you. If you say the dreams are real, then they’re real.”
“So we have a deal? You’ll help me?” I lean my body farther into the car, keeping my breath in time with his. “This is a one-time only deal, take it or leave it.”
His whisper pushes against my breath. “Deal.”
“So it begins,” I say and take a deep breath, leaning back into my own personal space. “Piecing together my existence.”
Piece by piece.
Brick by brick.
Lie by lie.
Chapter Ten
Lacey
“Welcome to your second session of the week, Olivia.” Dr. Ross pushes his glasses up the bridge of his short, stubby nose. “I’d like to talk more about the dreams you’ve already had in the past next week, if that’s okay.”
The leather sofa squeaks under my weight. Dr. Ross takes my silence as some form of non-verbal agreement, and honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure that once I left his office yesterday, he couldn’t wait to call my parents and tell them about the crazy things I said in my session.
“If you’re up to it, I’d like to try a mild form of hypnosis.”
My eyes widen. “You want to hypnotize me?”
“If that’s okay. You’re twenty-three—you don’t need parental permission.”
Taking my phone from my pocket, I quickly send Jake a text asking him to come inside. The receptionist speaks to someone, and Dr. Ross gets up from his seat to see what they’re talking about in the lobby. When he returns, Jake follows him into the room, and I blush.
“What’s wrong?” He sits down next to me.
Dr. Ross sits back down in his chair and crosses his arms. “Who are you, son?”
Jake holds his hand out for the doctor to shake. “Jake Redding.”
“Well, Jake, as I was saying to Olivia before she texted you for comfort.” Jake looks back and forth between me and Dr. Ross. “I wanted to try a new approach to her session today. I’d like to place her in a mild hypnosis, one that she can easily come out from.”
“Will it help her remember anything?”
Dr. Ross nods. “It could put her in a level state where her mind unlocks itself enough, yes. Although, Olivia, you might not be able to speak during the hypnosis, but you can most certainly have visions.”
“Are you sure I should be here?” Jake whispers.
“I want you here. I can’t do that alone. No offense.” I blush at Dr. Ross. “I’d like Jake to stay.”
“I have no issues with that. You’ll get better results the more relaxed you are.”
It takes five minutes to get everyone positioned in the room where it makes the most sense. I lie on the squeaky leather sofa with Jake at my head and Dr. Ross sitting next to me at my knees. He speaks to me, but it sounds like he’s farther and farther away; he counts down from ten, and something makes me feel like I’m floating in mid-air.
Like I’m outside my own body.
“Concentrate on the first thing you can hold onto,” Dr. Ross says. “Focus and choose your memory. See what your mind can unlock for you and the sounds around you.”
The sounds around me.
Dr. Ross talking.
Jake’s heavy breathing.
The clock ticking across the room.
The squeaky leather—
***
She screams.
I hate it when she screams at Daddy like that. I don’t know why she hates us so much; he gives her whatever she wants, and it’s still not enough.
“Let me go!”
A door slams.
“Fucking open the door!”
&n
bsp; Daddy hardly ever curses.
“I hate it here! Why couldn’t we just stay in L.A.? You told me our lives would be better here, you fucking liar!”
“Sabine, calm down! I can’t control what people say here, just like I couldn’t control them there. If you don’t want them talking about you, don’t give them shit to fucking talk about!”
Sabine. I always thought Mommy’s name was pretty, just like her. I love her long, dark hair and how she brushes mine before bedtime. That was before we moved here. Before I met the boy across the street and before the yelling started.
“You have a daughter that needs you, Sabine. You can’t just walk away.”
“I never even wanted her! You forced me to have her, Michael!”
Michael is my daddy. He’s tall and strong and plays tea parties with me whenever he’s home. He works a lot, and Mommy leaves a lot, so usually it’s just Miss Claudine and me in this big, empty house.
“You’re right, I did force you to have her. I wasn’t going to let you kill my daughter!”
“I fucking hate you!” Mommy screams, then her voice gets louder. I hide in their closet because it’s the first place I can run to before I’m seen. “Michael, don’t fucking touch me!”
Bang!
***
My eyes snap open, and tears run down my cheeks. Jake strokes my head and looks worriedly down at me, but Dr. Ross starts clicking his timer again and counting down, forcing me to return to my dreams.
***
Soft music plays, and people mull around like zombies in our living room. It was my eleventh birthday yesterday, but no one remembered. Well, no one except the boy across the street. He sent me a birthday card and a bag of Hershey’s Kisses.
Dad shoves his hands into his pockets and talks somberly to a pair of older women. They hug him and pat his shoulder, comforting him.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this sad in my entire life.
I loved Miss Claudine like a mother. She basically was my mother since my real one never acted like it. Dad loved her too—maybe not like he loved my real mother, but he loved her like his family, and that’s exactly what she was.
“Hey.” The boy from across the street leans down and smiles. “Are you okay?”
I can’t speak.
“Can I hold your hand?”
He takes it without consent, but I don’t mind. His brown eyes look like acorns.
“You’re going to get through this,” he says and squeezes my hand. “I’m going to help you.”
“Why?” Tears stream down my face. “You don’t have to.”
The boy across the street takes a tissue from his pocket and wipes the tears from my cheeks. He moves next to me and wraps his arms around me, hugging me close.
“Yes, I do.”
Dad walks to us. “Lacey, come. Miss Claudine’s sister, Natilda, wants to speak to you.” He pulls me up from the seat, but the boy from across the street doesn’t let go of my hand until he has to.
“Will you be here when I get back?”
He smiles before Dad pulls me away completely.
“I’ll never leave you.”
***
“Give her some space to let her come back,” Dr. Ross tells Jake. “Olivia, find the sound of my voice and clear your mind.”
The room comes back into view, and Jake’s more worried than before.
“Your eyes.”
Jake’s eyes widen with fear. “What about them?”
“How do you feel?” Dr. Ross cuts in. “We’re out of time, but I want you to sit as long as you need to get straightened up. Did you have any visions, Olivia?”
I sit up on the leather sofa and put my hands between my legs.
“My name is Lacey.”
Jake coughs into his hand. Dr. Ross scratches a few notes on his notepad and nods like I’m speaking, but I’m not.
“I didn’t get my last name, but my name is Lacey, not Olivia.”
“Okay, what makes you think this?”
Anger bubbles in my throat. “Because a man in my dream called me Lacey.”
“A man? Who was this man?”
“My father. His name is Michael, and my mother’s name is Sabine.”
Jake swallows so hard I hear it. “I think she’s had enough for today, don’t you, Doc?”
Dr. Ross closes his notebook and smiles at me. “You did very well today, Olivia. We’ll pick this up next week at your first session.”
Jake rushes me out of the room before I can demand to talk about this any further.
My name isn’t Olivia.
I’m Lacey.
Chapter Eleven
Mockingbird
The world is a crazy place. It can change the person you are into someone you never thought you would be before you even realize it. Most times, it’s too late to change yourself back. Some moments I look around and think—think hard—about each piece of the puzzle of life that has led me here.
I only really have one piece of myself.
I know I am not truly who people say I am.
“It doesn’t make sense. I Googled the name Olivia White and found nothing. I need to know my real last name so I can find the answers I need.” I let Jake drive me to work the next morning because my car is still parked outside the YMCA. I’m on lifeguard duty today for the morning water aerobics classes, which doesn’t even need a lifeguard at all, really. He yawns, and I can tell that the lack of sleep is really catching up to him. “Don’t you work?” I not-so-subtly ask, wondering what he actually does during a normal day.
“Don’t you worry about me. I’ll do some work when I drop you off.”
I prod him further. “Doing what, though?”
Jake’s handsome, especially rugged and unshaven like now. I’m not exactly short, but the way he towers over me is exciting; the outline of his defined chest beneath his navy sweater and motorcycle jacket tantalizes me, and I want to run my fingers through his hair.
Stay on task, Olivia.
Lacey.
My stomach drops.
“I own a few small businesses around Seattle.” He wiggles his nose at me. “I actually work for my money, if that’s what you were wondering. I don’t take what isn’t mine.”
I blush because he’s caught me being judgmental without trying.
“Just wondering, that’s all.” I make it a point to quickly change the subject. “Thanks for the ride.” I let myself out of the car as he parks next to mine. In three seconds, his grasp is around my wrist, pulling me back toward him like clockwork.
“There you go, running away again,” he snips at me with a cool voice. The parking lot is loaded with cars, but we’re alone outside. “I thought you were going to stop all that?”
“You believe what you want to believe.” I don’t want to argue with him—there’s nothing to argue about. “Have a good day.”
“Don’t Google yourself.”
“Bye, Jake.”
His lips turn into a thin smile, and he forces himself to take a few steps back. “I’ll text you later,” he grumbles and gets back into the car, peeling out of the lot before I can argue.
“He just keeps surprising me.” I head inside toward the dressing rooms to change. This has been the most challenging few days of my life, with a man that I hardly know but I feel like I’ve known my entire life. Being with Jake is real and easy; I don’t have to choreograph my moves around people I don’t remember at all.
And his eyes look like the boy across the street’s eyes.
Stop it. Don’t go there, Olivia…Wait. Do I call myself Lacey now?
How do I know I’m not really going crazy? I need solid proof that these dreams are real. Hold on. What did Caitlyn say the other day?
It’s not hard to do a simple internet search on someone.
Someone like Jake Redding.
The lifeguard bathing suit is a comfortable one-piece built for modesty. I’m thankful for that since I have trouble seeing my reflection these days, not recogni
zing the person staring back at me with borrowed eyes and a stolen frown.
I wave at Brant, who’s teaching a group of sixty-something women how to use the water to exercise. I stifle a laugh when he makes a horrible face at me.
“Hello, ladies.” My voice carries across the water. I wave at them, giving Brant a thumbs-up before heading toward my chair in the middle of the walkway next to the pool.
A cool breeze wafts around me, and I think it might be Jake running back to see me—maybe even secretly hope it is. When I don’t smell the cinnamon radiating from him, I frown and turn around to see Sam’s smug face smiling at me. “Well, hey there, babe.” He winks and puffs his chest toward me, a litter of snickering friends several feet away from us.
“Sick.” I gag. “Don’t bother me, Sam. I’m on duty.”
Sam laughs in a high-pitched tone, making sure his friends hear every word he says to me. “Are you serious? What, one of the old ladies is going to slip and need you to rescue her? Come on, Liv. I just want to talk to you.”
I narrow my eyes when the slimy words ooze from his lips. He holds up his hands in surrender. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone. I just came to see what the deal is with you and that guy from the party, anyway. I hear he’s bad fucking news.”
The chair is cold when I sit down; my legs shiver more from the way Sam makes me feel than the cold surface beneath my bare legs.
“What do you mean? Hey, come back here!” I yell, and his smile widens when he turns to face me.
“I noticed that he dropped you off. Was that your walk of shame?” Sam’s voice rises back up enough for the group of friends to hear. “You should’ve given me a chance. Should have moved on me while you could, but now you aren’t even on my radar.”
My laugh billows through the hall. “You were never even on my radar. I hardly remember you exist at all sometimes, really.”
“What did you say to me?” he growls and walks back a few steps, realizing that he was about to launch himself at me. Before he does something he’ll regret, clouds shade his eyes and he sneers at me. “I’d be careful who I piss off if I were you. I know a lot of secrets about a lot of people. Your family has deep roots, remember that.” He narrows his eyes in warning before smiling toward his friends and walking out of the hall with them.
