Still, she was nervous. They had to talk about the future—their future. And though she had a really good feeling about where they were headed, saying the words would make it real. Her insides shivered with nerves. Not a bad kind of nervous. It was an excited kind of nervous.
She hadn’t told him yet, but she loved him. It hadn’t happened suddenly, but rather she figured it must have happened slowly over time. Somewhere along the way, as they’d shared their morning coffee and discussed current events, or she’d regaled him with a story about what happened at the bakery the day before, she’d fallen in love with Simon.
Those mornings had seemed so innocent—so laid-back—that she hadn’t realized what was happening until now. She was madly, crazily in love with Simon. And now she was having his baby.
And soon they would be one big happy family. Her heart swelled with love. Her happiness overflowed into a big smile that lifted her lips and puffed up her cheeks. They were going to be so—
“I think we should live together,” he said.
“What?” She swallowed hard. Was it possible her dreams were coming true? It was time she made her own confession. Her heart hammered so loudly in her chest that it echoed in her ears. It’d be so easy to back out—to keep her feelings to herself.
After all, everyone she’d loved had vanished from her life. What if the same thing happened to Simon?
But she had the baby now. And she loved it dearly. She had faith that the baby would always be a part of her life, now and in the future. If she could believe that, then she could open her heart to Simon. She could believe they’d have a future.
“Simon.” She waited until his gaze met hers. “I love you.”
He took a step back as though in shock. Was her admission that much of a surprise? Was she the only one who felt that way?
She couldn’t drop the subject. When he didn’t say anything, she said, “Simon, do you love me?”
“I... I’m sorry. This was a mistake. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up that—that we would be more than we are.”
Her heart sank all the way down to her bare feet with her pink shimmery nail polish. His invitation to move in wasn’t about love. It was about convenience—Simon’s convenience.
She thought lots of things, like falling for him was the biggest mistake of her life. She was thinking it was time to pack her bags and get back to reality. Staying here would only allow her to wonder what if, and that was dangerous.
She turned away.
“Pepper?”
“Leave me alone.”
With Daisy right behind her, Pepper moved toward the hallway that led to her bedroom as fast as her legs would carry her. Her knees felt like jelly as she moved. She just needed to keep it together until she reached her room and was able to close the door. It was just down at the end of the hall.
“Pepper.”
Unshed tears stung the backs of her eyes. She blinked repeatedly, refusing to give in to them. It wasn’t much further now.
And then she was there. She slipped inside and closed the door. The weight of reality pushed down on her. She sank down on the edge of the bed. She knew what needed to be done—she needed to pack.
It was time to go, to get her life back on track. The apartment wasn’t finished, but it was close enough. The things that were left to do could be completed with her living there. She didn’t have any other choice. As it was, she’d stayed at the penthouse too long.
Once she was back in her own home around her own things, she would feel better. Right?
What choice did she have? She couldn’t stay here and take the crumbs of affection that Simon was willing to toss her way. And in the end, he would leave too—just like the other people she’d loved so dearly.
Sheer determination was the only thing that drove her body from the edge of the bed to the closet, where she had some shopping bags and her clothes. She made sure to only take the ones that she’d paid for. She didn’t do charity and she didn’t want to feel any more obligated to Simon than she already did.
Knock. Knock.
“Pepper, can we talk some more?”
She glanced down at the bed, where her clothes were scattered, awaiting their turn to be folded and placed in the shopping bags. “Now isn’t a good time.”
“Pepper, this is important.”
She knew she was delaying the inevitable. The best thing to do was to get this over as quickly as possible. As her grandmother used to say, it was like ripping off the bandage—quick was the best.
Pepper moved to the door on wooden legs. Dread filled her. She didn’t know how Simon was going to react to the news. But it isn’t like he should mind all that much. She was just beating him to the punch.
She opened the door and stood there. “I don’t think you need to say anything else. The fact is—”
“You’re leaving?” He gazed over her shoulder to the bed.
She nodded. “Yes.”
A distinct frown marred his handsome face. “And what about the baby?”
“I won’t keep you from him or her. I’m sure we can work out a reasonable schedule.”
She returned to the bed and continued placing her belongings in the shopping bag. And then she realized what he was waiting to hear. Her thoughts were a chaotic mess or she would have thought of it sooner.
She placed a pair of jeans in the bag and then turned to Simon. “Thank you for everything. You’ve gone above and beyond for me. I will pay you back. It might take some time, but I will do it.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yes.”
With a grunt, he turned and strode away.
That was the last she saw of him. When she went to leave that evening, he was not in the kitchen nor was he in the living room. She had no idea if he was even in the penthouse. She dropped her keys next to the door. With Daisy in one arm and her meager belongings in the other, she walked out.
Her heart ached for the love that was not reciprocated. How could she have been so foolish? They might have had their special moments in the mornings over coffee and a cherry turnover, but that didn’t translate into a life together.
Still, they did have this little one. Her hand cradled her tiny baby bump.
“Don’t worry little one. We’ll work this out. Somehow.”
She hoped.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
HE’D CALLED OFF work Monday.
And Tuesday.
Simon found himself utterly alone in his great big penthouse. It was Christmas Eve. And the office was slated to work a half day followed by a catered lunch and the distribution of Christmas bonuses. Handing out the much-anticipated envelopes was a job he took on every year—but not this one.
Today was Pepper’s birthday. He wondered if she had any special plans. He had presents for her—kitchen items he’d heard her mention, some brightly colored nail polish because he knew she liked painting her nails, and a diamond necklace because it was beautiful just like her. But with her gone, he didn’t know what to do with the packages.
Simon moved from room to room. He’d never felt more alone in his life. He even missed Daisy running around, practically tripping him because she was so excited to be taken outside in the morning.
As he ambled into the kitchen to get some coffee, he paused at the kitchen counter, lacking its usual clutter of recipes, Pepper’s phone and the dog leash. He rubbed his hand over the heavy stubble along his jaw. The kitchen was back to its spiffy cleanliness. It felt strange and foreign somehow. It also lacked the homey, delicious scents of Pepper’s baking. He missed seeing her move barefoot through the kitchen with a touch of flour on her face and clothes.
Most of all, he missed her smile. It wasn’t just any smile. It was a smile that could light up the darkest day. It would warm him from the inside out. It filled him with happiness and the feeling that if he be
lieved enough, everything would work out.
He backed away from the counter without his coffee. He’d lost his interest in it. As he walked out of the kitchen, his thoughts centered on his last conversation with Pepper. Where exactly had it all gone so wrong?
They’d been getting along so well. Laughing, talking, sharing. For the first time in his life, he’d started leaving the office at a reasonable hour. Not because he felt required to do it, but rather because he wanted to go home. He wanted to find out what Pepper had done that day. He wanted to share his day with her. Was that the way happy, committed couples felt?
He moved into the living room. Without Pepper in his life, he felt aimless. He was going through the motions, not caring about anything but figuring out how he had lost the most important woman in his life—a woman who’d brought the joy of Christmas back to him.
He bent over and turned on the tree lights. Memories of the evening they’d decorated it flashed through his mind. Things shouldn’t have ended like this.
The doorbell rang. His heart launched into his throat. Was this it? Was this his second chance? Had Pepper changed her mind?
He nearly tripped over his own feet trying to get to the door quickly. He swung it open, expecting to find Pepper, but instead his mother stood there. Her smile quickly morphed into a look of concern.
“I stopped by because I found the cutest toy for the baby.” All the while, his mother continued to take in his disheveled appearance. “Is Pepper around?”
He turned and walked away. “She’s not here.”
The door shut with a soft thud. He hoped that meant his mother had decided to go away and leave him alone with his misery. But then he heard the distinct click-click of her heels on the marble floor.
“Simon?”
He sat on a chair in the living room. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees while he stared at the floor. He couldn’t meet his mother’s gaze.
“Simon, what is going on? You’re worrying me.”
“Nothing is going on.”
“I know that we aren’t close. A fact I would like to change. But even I know you should be at the office. Instead, you are here wearing...are those your clothes from yesterday?”
He glanced at his wrinkled pants and his partially unbuttoned shirt. He hadn’t gone to bed last night, so he hadn’t seen the point in changing. Actually, his attire was the very last thing on his mind.
“If you don’t like my appearance, you can leave.” He knew he was being unduly grouchy, but he wasn’t up for his mother’s penchant for putting on a good show.
She moved to the couch and sat down. “That isn’t what I meant. I... I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be. I’ve been getting along by myself all of this time. I’ll be fine.” Even he didn’t believe his proclamation.
“You aren’t fine. Anyone can see that.” Her voice cracked. “And I blame myself.”
He lifted his head, surprised to find unshed tears shimmering in his mother’s perfectly made up eyes. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“Actually, I think it has everything to do with me.”
“You?” He shook his head. “Why would my relationship with Pepper have anything to do with you? She barely even knows you.”
“Because I wasn’t a good mother to you.”
His gaze met hers. He was supposed to argue with her, but words failed him. Instead, he quietly waited to hear what she had to say.
“You were the sweetest little boy.” She smiled as she moved her gaze toward the window. “You were so full of love, but your father—”
“Stop.” His self-defensive nature reared itself. “We’re not going to talk about him. I know that you’ve always blamed me for his death.”
“What?” His mother’s face took on a pained look. “No. I never blamed you.”
“Sure you did. You barely spoke to me after he was arrested and I testified against him. We’ve never been the same since.”
“And that’s because I was ashamed of myself. How could I not be when my nine-year-old son was stronger and braver than me?”
He studied her face, a face which appeared to have aged in just a matter of minutes. His mother suddenly looked so much older.
She licked her lips and clasped her hands in her lap. “I should have been there for you. I... I should have protected you. Instead, you protected me.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “You made sure that horrible man paid for his sins.”
Was this for real? All these years he’d kept his distance from his mother because he thought she hated him, blamed him, had been a huge misunderstanding. He continued to study her face, searching for the truth.
“You don’t blame me?”
“No. Never.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “I’ve blamed myself. I grew deeply depressed for many years. It is only in recent years that I’ve gotten treatment.”
And he would have known all of this, if only they’d talked to each other. That’s what he was doing with Pepper. Letting her walk away without talking to her.
“I’m sorry,” his mother said. “Please forgive me.”
He hadn’t known how much those words would move him. He took her in his arms as she wept.
When he at last pulled back, he looked into her eyes, so much like his own. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.” His mother stood. “I should be going. But please don’t let things end with Pepper. She’s good for you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I’ve seen you with her. You smile when you’re around her. And look!” She gestured to the Christmas tree, “I never thought you’d celebrate Christmas again.”
“But she’s the one who ended things.”
“Did she? Or did you give her no other choice?”
“I asked her to stay here with me—to continue this life we’d started.”
“But did you tell her you love her?”
His head lowered. He hadn’t done that. He’d been so busy worrying about protecting her from him—from him hurting her—that he hadn’t allowed himself to say so. He’d held himself back and in the process he’d hurt Pepper.
He knew how to fix this. But first he had to grab a shower. He scratched at the unfamiliar stubble on his chin. In the shower, he’d formulate a plan.
“Thank you, Mom.” He kissed her cheek. “I have to hurry. Can you let yourself out?”
“Certainly. Good luck.”
He was already rushing down the hallway, working on the most important proposal of his life.
* * *
“Happy birthday!”
Stephanie handed Pepper a pink cupcake and a coffee.
“Thank you.”
“I know with you being a baker that it’s strange to give you a cupcake, but I didn’t want you baking your own birthday cake. It’s not as good as yours, but I baked it from scratch. And I ate one just to make sure they were edible.”
Pepper smiled. “Thank you. It looks delicious.”
“I also come bearing news. You’re not going to believe this.”
Stephanie stood in Pepper’s messy apartment with a mix of glee and awe on her face. Pepper, wearing yoga pants and a big T-shirt, moved back to her spot on the new couch. She placed the cupcake on the end table to eat later when her appetite returned.
The last thing she wanted to do at the moment was entertain guests. But Stephanie was too good of a friend to just turn away. No matter how bad Pepper might feel, she wasn’t capable of hurting her friend’s feelings.
Stephanie joined her on the couch, as it was the only cleaned-off area to sit. The new chairs were stacked with boxes. Everything was in such disarray that it made Pepper’s head hurt.
“Won’t believe what?”
Stephanie’s eyes lit up. “They hauled away Grinchy Greta.”
“I don’t know all of the details. Most of it was all hush-hush. But I was able to hear them tell her that she was under arrest for embezzling. Can you believe it?”
Pepper’s mouth gaped open. “Really?”
Stephanie smiled. “And I’m temporarily in charge. I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing, considering there will be audits and changes, but at least the animals will be safe from that woman.”
“And this means if she was embezzling the donations, there will be more funds for the animals.” Pepper’s voice lacked the enthusiasm that this occasion deserved.
“How do you think this happened?”
“I’m not sure.” Her mind rewound to her conversation with Simon. He’d been asking a lot of questions about the woman. “But I have an idea.”
“Did you turn her in?”
“I would have if I’d known. But Simon was asking a lot of questions about Greta.”
“Really? Why would he care?”
Pepper shrugged. “He met her when he stopped by the shelter, and I might have mentioned how horrible she is. And then when I brought home Daisy, I think he understood how miserable that woman is and how she shouldn’t be allowed around such sweet, adorable animals.”
Daisy came scampering into the room as though she’d heard her name called. Pepper leaned over and picked her up. The puppy wiggled around, so full of energy while Pepper could barely move herself from the couch. She missed Simon—missed the life they’d started to create together. Had she made the biggest mistake by walking away? Would he have eventually come to love her?
“Something tells me that we have Simon to thank for ridding us of the Grinch,” Stephanie said.
“I think you’re right.”
“You should call him.”
Pepper shook her head. “I don’t think he wants to hear from me.”
Stephanie’s perfectly plucked brows rose high on her forehead. “Trouble in paradise?”
Her Christmas Pregnancy Surprise Page 16
