by Ivy Sinclair
“I guess that’s something they’ll have to figure out on their own,” Ben said. He reached up and moved a strand of her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “I’d like it if you’d consider staying with me tonight.”
There was nothing that Julia would have liked to do better, but she had to consider Jack in the equation. “I don’t think my dad should be alone tonight,” she said. “I’m also not sure how he’d react to knowing I was having another sleepover at your house.”
“Of course,” Ben said. “How about I come over tomorrow morning and help you sort out canceling the wedding stuff.”
“That’d be great,” Julia nodded.
Ben took her hand again and together they left the waiting room. As they exited the hospital, they found Jack’s car waiting by the entrance. Julia could tell that Ben wanted to kiss her goodbye, but was conscious that they had an audience. Julia stood up on her tiptoes and gently brushed her lips against his. “Thanks for being there tonight.”
“I will always be here for you,” he said.
Julia believed him. She got into the car and waved shyly at him as the car pulled away from the curb.
“So you and Ben, huh?” Jack said after a few minutes of silence.
She had been waiting for his reaction. She had no idea how Jack would feel about the idea of her with Ben. “Maybe,” she said, hedging her reply. “Would that be a bad thing?”
“No, of course not,” Jack said, shaking his head. “Ben is a good kid. Look at everything he sacrificed for his family. Takes someone with a strong character to do that. Have you asked him about his future plans yet?”
“His future plans?” Julia frowned. She barely thought about her own plans beyond the next day. “It seemed like he was pretty set in his plans. He runs the bar with his sister. He takes care of his parents.”
“Clary told me that Ben reapplied to some colleges a few months ago,” Jack said. “He didn’t want anybody to know, probably wasn’t sure how he would tell his folks and his sister. Mike let it slip. I don’t think Ben wanted anyone else to know in case it didn’t work out.”
“Oh,” Julia said. “Ben hasn’t said anything to me about that.”
“He’s a smart guy. He could have his pick of any career that he wanted,” Jack said.
Julia thought about what her father was saying. “There are lots of good programs in Minneapolis.”
“I’m sure there are,” Jack said. “All’s I’m saying, sweetie, is don’t make the same mistake your sister did. Jumping into a relationship without knowing all the facts.”
Julia bristled. “Ben isn’t Mike. He’s nothing like Mike.”
“Just be careful,” Jack said. He cast a siWest glance at Julia. “I just got you back. I don’t want you running off again because some guy broke your heart.”
The guilt came crashing back down on her head. “Dad, I’m sorry that I left the way that I did. I meant to come back sooner. I really did.”
“I understand, Jules. You were always the free spirit. You were the one meant to roam. You have a home here though and people who love you. Let’s put all that behind us and start fresh.”
Julia murmured her agreement and stared out the window. Soon they were pulling up outside their house. Inside her old room, she stood there staring at the picture of their little trio on graduation day. Then her eyes caught the open yearbook on her dresser. She walked over to it and slid her fingertips over Ben’s message.
Just say the word, and I will wait for you. Forever, if I have to. Ben
He had proved his words to be true. Trust. That’s what she had told Clary a relationship was built on. She was ready to trust him with the most intimate and vulnerable parts of herself. She knew where she needed to be at that moment, and it wasn’t in her old bedroom. She grabbed her keys and left the house. She flew down the steps to her car.
Less than ten minutes later, she pulled up outside of Ben’s house. She could see there was still a light on near the back of the house. Ben’s bedroom. She felt her heart beating hard against her ribcage. She didn’t know what she was going to say, but nonetheless something needed to be said. She didn’t want to wait any longer.
She rang the doorbell and stood there wiping her sweaty palms against the sides of her dress. Ben answered the door wearing only his pajama pants. His hair looked ruffled as if he had raked his hand through it several times. He pushed the screen door open.
“Hey, Jules,” he said. “You want to come in?”
“Yes. No.” she said. She was trembling.
“Jules, you’re cold,” he said, trying to draw her inside. “Come in.”
She pushed his hands away. “What are we doing, Ben?”
“What do you think we’re doing?”
“Quit answering a question with a question!” she snapped. “What is this? What’s going on between us?”
“I’m not trying to be difficult,” Ben said slowly. “I’m not the one who runs at the first sign of commitment though.”
“So that’s what this is about? Commitment?” Her mouth felt dry.
“Jules,” Ben said. He stepped outside of the door onto the porch and let the screen door close behind him. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. It was as if he was trying to hypnotize her with his stare. “I feel like I made a fool of myself that night at the lake. I declared my love for my best friend’s girlfriend. You were confused and vulnerable and instead of being a good friend, I took advantage of the situation. For some crazy selfish reason, I thought that if you didn’t want to be with Mike, maybe it was because you wanted to be with me. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you.”
“I didn’t know what I wanted,” Julia said softly.
“I know that now,” Ben said. “But then, you disappeared. You left my life without even a goodbye. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over that. You were my first love.”
“What about now?” Julia asked, desperately needing to know the answer.
“What do you want from me, Jules? To have me spill my guts again and tell you that I still love you? That I’ve never stopped loving you? If I did that, would you run away again and break my heart?”
He was scared. She didn’t blame him. Somehow she had to convince him that she was different now. She had grown-up. So she stepped closer to him. She put her hands on his chest and felt the rise and fall of his breath. His heartbeat pulsed against her skin. She wasn’t the only one trembling now.
Then she reached up and put her hand behind his neck. Although he stiffened against her, he didn’t resist when she pulled his head down to hers. She nibbled on his lower lip and then his hands wrapped around her pulling her tight against him. She continued her exploration of his mouth with her tongue and felt another part of his body stiffen against her.
Then she pulled her head back and searched his eyes. “I don’t want anything from you,” she said. “I just want you.”
She gave a small yelp of surprise when Ben swept her up into his arms. He kicked the screen door open and stepped inside. His mouth found hers again and then he sank to the floor laying her gently on the thick rug that covered the wooden floor.
He pushed her dress up around her waist. Julia understood exactly what he needed because she needed the same thing. His urgency pushed her on as her hands gripped his shoulder blades, and she pulled him closer to her.
She loved the feel of the weight of his body on top of hers, and she ached for him in a way that she never thought possible. She wasn’t going to be complete until he was inside of her. Ben fumbled with the waistband of his pants, and her hands helped him push the thin fabric aside.
As he thrust pushed his hardness deep inside of her, Julia strained against him eager for the release that he promised her.
“Open your eyes,” he demanded.
She did as he asked and then she couldn’t look away. The intensity and desire in his eyes pulled her in, and she knew that she was lost. She wanted to be his forever.
She matched his rhythm, and as her body rushed towards its climax she clung to him. He wrapped his arms around her so that their skin licked each other’s and then she felt the burst that threatened to consume her. She cried out in pleasure. It was her declaration of coming home to where she belonged.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
As he heard Julia’s breath even out as she descended into slumber against his chest, Ben felt as if everything in his life was finally coming together. It seemed impossible to think how different his life had been forty-eight hours before, and quickly things had changed.
The woman in his arms was the catalyst for everything. The only thing missing was for her to reveal to him what she wanted their future to look like. As long as she wanted him in it, he would do whatever she wanted. He would go wherever she wanted to go. He was ready to live his life, as opposed to watching those around him move on with theirs.
He thought about Maggie and Everett and Mike and Clary. If he learned anything about relationships from those around him, it was that love was complicated and could also be cruel. He wondered if what he and Julia had could sustain the roadblocks that life would surely put in their way. He thought so, but he didn’t want to move to fast and have Julia bolt like she had before. He wanted her to be as invested in the next steps as he was. His whole body hummed with the promise of new possibilities.
Ben lay awake, unable to sleep because his mind refused to be still. Until he knew that Julia was his, he didn’t think he would rest. Unwilling to disturb her slumber, Ben slowly slid out of bed. He looked down at her in the shadowy rays of dawn’s first light and felt his chest contract. Her hair spilled across his pillow, and he thought she looked like an angel. She was the most important thing to him. He wanted nothing more than to make her happy.
Padding quietly into the kitchen, Ben started to put on some coffee. He needed a jolt of caffeine to get through the day ahead. He happened to glance out the window and his eyes widened seeing Mike’s truck in his driveway. He pulled a pair of jeans and shirt out of the laundry basket in the laundry room and quickly dressed before going in search of his friend. He went out the front door and looked on the porch. Mike was nowhere to be found. Then he walked around the side of the house. Mike was sitting on one of the chairs on the back deck.
Ben approached him carefully. Julia’s car was out front, and it would be difficult to pass off her presence with any other reason than the obvious one. He had no idea how Mike would react to the idea of Ben and Julia being together. It wasn’t the way that he wanted him to find out.
“Hopefully you have clothes on,” Mike said over his shoulder.
Ben shook his head ruefully. It had been impossible to sneak up on Mike even when they were kids. “I don’t make it a practice to wander around in public without them. Not like some other people I know.”
When they were in junior high, Julia dared both Mike and Ben to streak the neighborhood in return for ten dollars. Ben refused to do it, but Mike countered with a request for a kiss instead of cash. When Julia agreed, Ben was shocked. It was his first clue that something more than friendship was brewing between his friends.
“The good old days,” Mike said.
Ben sat down in the chair across from Mike. It was obvious that his friend hadn’t slept. “What are you doing here, Mike?”
Mike shrugged. “I couldn’t stand being at home any longer staring at all of Clary’s stuff in my house. I suppose she’ll be coming to pack it up and take it all back soon.”
Ben didn’t know what to say, so he decided his best course of action was just to listen.
“We’ll have to send back all of the wedding gifts, of course. I’m sure the town is going to be buzzing about this for months. And when the baby comes, I don’t know how this is all going to work,” Mike’s face crumbled. He took a deep shuddering breath. Then he leaned forward fixing his gaze on Ben. “So, when were you going to let me in on the little secret? I thought we were best friends.”
“What secret?” Ben said, deliberately playing dumb. Mike was hurting. It made sense that he would lash out at Ben to keep his own guilt at bay.
“What secret,” Mike’s short bark of laughter had no humor in it. “Why you and Jules of course. I mean, it’s great. I’m really happy for you, but I got to say, those Bell women are flighty and irrational. You might want to watch your back.”
Ben felt his anger flash. “Don’t blame Clary or Julia for your issues, Mike. That’s hardly fair.”
“Why did she run, Ben? I’m guessing with all the time you two have been spending together and now finding out that you’re obviously sleeping with her I’m sure she told you. I would love to know,” Mike said.
“I don’t know why she ran,” Ben said evasively.
Mike laughed again. “Right. Even back then, she told you everything. You two always had your heads together. Don’t you think I have a right to know?”
“What I do know is that you should be focused on Clary and the baby,” Ben said. He pushed back in his chair. “You’re exhausted and have been through a lot. I think you should go home and get some sleep.”
“Goddammit, Ben! Tell me the truth,” Mike said, slamming his fist down on the table.
“I left because I couldn’t marry you, Mike.” Both men swung in their chairs as Julia stepped out of the shadow of the house and approached them. With her tousled hair streaming down her shoulders, she looked sexy as hell. But she had a pensive look on her face that was hard to read. “What you did to my sister makes me hate your guts. I don’t owe you a damn thing, but I owe Ben an explanation, and since you are part of it to, this is your lucky day.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Ben said. Although part of him wanted to hear her say it, the other part of him feared the dirt she would unearth digging up the past.
“Speak for yourself,” Mike said.
Julia rounded the table and sat down on the edge of the chair next to Ben. She looked at Mike and paused as if considering her words. “It took me a long time to understand what happened back then. I couldn’t have articulated what I was feeling at the time if I tried. It was a jumbled mess. Suffice it to say that as senior year progressed, things felt more and more off in our relationship.”
“I don’t understand that,” Mike said. “You never said anything to me.”
“Of course not,” Julia said. “You were riding high on the wave of popularity from being captain of the football team and class president. Everybody loved you and you loved being the center of attention. I was an accessory to you. My opinion didn’t count as much as what everyone else thought of you. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. You wouldn’t have understood, but it was all wrong, Mike. What we had wasn’t the basis for a long-term relationship.”
Mike said nothing. Ben was sure that he was turning over memories in his mind just like he was. Ben had watched Julia’s spirit wither and fade away at what should have been the happiest time of her life. She retreated from him just like she retreated from Mike. Although her physical body was there, her mind was always somewhere else.
“It didn’t matter though. Even if you had been the perfect, attentive boyfriend that’s not what I wanted because I knew that I wanted to get out of Benton Hill. I wanted to travel and have a life outside this town. You were going to stay here, and that was fine with me. I just couldn’t stay here with you,” Julia said.
“You couldn’t have just said that?” Mike said. “Why all the mystery? Why the bolt for the border? Jesus, you almost killed your old man and Clary started to believe she did something wrong even though I always told her it was me.”
“You’re right,” Julia said slowly. “I could have just said no to your proposal, and that would have been that, but then something else happened.”
Her gaze swung to Ben, and he realized with a jolt that she was reaching the real meat of her story, and it had nothing to do with Mike. “I was so confused and distracted that I never saw it coming.”
&n
bsp; “Saw what coming?” Mike still had no clue what she was talking about as his head swung back and forth between them.
“Ben,” she said as she reached forward and took Ben’s hand. She drew a deep shuddering breath. “When you told me how you felt about me and everything that you saw in the way that I changed, I knew that you saw me. The real me. It was hard for me to believe that anyone could love me the way that you said you did. I was such a mess. I just wasn’t ready then for what you were offering, Ben. I left because I couldn’t give you what you deserved, but I couldn’t watch you find it with someone else either. I was selfish and stupid.”
“Are you kidding me?” Mike said in disbelief. “This started all the way back then?”
Ben shook his head, but his eyes never left Julia’s. “This started for me when I was five years old.”
She smiled softly. “I’m ready now, Ben,” she said. “I would understand if you never wanted to see me again. I turned down the opportunity for something great, but I’d really like it if you would give me the chance to try again.”
Ben’s heart lifted. He couldn’t believe it. He leaned forward and kissed her telling her with his lips his answer. Then he stood up and lifted her into his arms, whirling her around. He gently set her down when he remembered that they had an audience.
Mike watched them with furrowed brows in silence. Ben pushed Julia partly behind him. Mike had a temper, but Ben was prepared for it. He steeled himself for Mike’s words.
“I should probably be pissed off,” Mike finally said. “Everything that happened back then feels like a blur, but through everything, it was always the three of us, you know? I think what set me off the most was that everything changed after that. I thought it was my fault.”
“It wasn’t,” Julia said. “It was my fault.”
Ben put his arm around her and drew her close to him. “It was my fault.”
The three of them looked at each other and then Julia sighed. “Or it was no one’s fault. We were three kids who didn’t have a clue what we were doing. We followed our instincts. In my case, my instinct was wrong.”
