There were piles of dirty laundry scattered here and there, giving the place a smaller look than it already had. Jessie scanned the entire area, trying not to form any opinions just yet.
It’s still new, and you were late in arriving. Perhaps he had it picked up a couple days ago and let it unwind a bit since I was late. I’m sure he’ll get around to cleaning.
“You will find a broom and a wash bucket in the shed around the side of the house, and the fire will warm water quickly. I’ll get one going so you can get a start on the dishes there.” Toby whistled a tune as he turned and headed out the door, leaving Jessie standing in the middle of the room, shocked at what had just happened.
Settle down Jess, you don’t know what he meant by that. Surely he doesn’t expect you to clean up the place. You just got here! Or maybe he just wants you to help him out a bit.
She turned and walked out the door to go find Toby and straighten out what had just happened. He was by the woodpile, lifting logs into his arms as high as he could stack them.
“I’m sorry Toby, but I’m confused… are you asking me to clean up the floor?”
“Well, yeah, I guess. But not just the floor, the dishes need doin’ and there’s a bit of laundry about that could stand being washed. I was going to get you a fire going so you would have an easier time starting it all.” He smiled at her, and Jessie could tell he was serious.
“Is there a problem?” He asked, a look of concern in his eyes.
Jessie forced a smile and shook her head. She put her hands in her apron pockets and looked around.
“Oh no, there’s no problem. It’s just not what I was expecting is all.”
“What you were expecting? What did you expect? You’re my wife, so it’s your duty to cook and clean and keep the house. Heck, I thought you knew that already.”
“I better get to it then, supper will be ready in an hour, I hope you’re hungry.” Jessie smiled again and walked back into the house. She went to work on clearing the counter space as Toby built a fire and put the water on to heat, and she watched him as he headed out to the barn.
As soon as he had disappeared from view, Jessie sat down and buried her face in her hands. This wasn’t at all what she was expecting. This wasn’t what she wanted. She came out here to marry a husband and raise a family together, not to be a maid.
If I just wanted to be a maid I could have gotten hired at a hotel back home! This is crazy… what have I gotten myself in to?
She didn’t cry, because she wasn’t sad. She was confused and a little bit angry. If Toby wanted someone to do the dishes, he could have any hired help do that. It seemed like a lot of work to marry someone to get them to keep house, but perhaps he didn’t think of it that way.
Shaking her head, Jessie rose and grabbed the pot of hot water off of the fire and poured it into the washbasin.
She had said dinner would be ready in an hour, so she felt she best have it done.
Chapter 6 – Conversation and Conflict
The next few days dragged by, even though Jessie was busy. She did all of the cleaning she could see needing done, and moved on outdoors. Toby had mentioned something about a garden, and she wanted to see if there was anything she could get into the ground this year.
It was a little late in the season, so it was unlikely anything would grow in time for harvest, but if there was something already planted, perhaps she could salvage it and get it to grow a while longer.
“I didn’t do much in the way of planting. I was pretty busy putting up a fence in the back pasture.” Toby explained that night as they ate dinner.
“I see. So I take it you have lived alone for a long time then?” Jessie didn’t want to pry, but she wanted to get a feel for the life of the man she married. He was already so different than John had been, she wanted to know more about him.
“Well yeah. It was just me and my ma and pa growing up. Me an’ Pa went to take care of the outside work while Ma stayed inside and took care of the chores. It was always so nice to come home to a hot supper just waiting for me to dive into it. I missed that, so I figured I get me a wife!” He shoveled a bite of potatoes into his mouth and smiled at her.
Jessie sighed. She didn’t think he was being rude for the sake of it, but she also couldn’t believe how he viewed her as the maid. She was his wife, so she was happy to do the housework, but she wanted to be loved by him. She didn’t feel like he loved her or that he even tried to, he was just happy to have someone to put dinner on the table while he was out in the barn.
Toby glanced up at his wife. She looked sad, but he didn’t know why. She had come out here to marry him, a complete stranger. What did she want? They barely knew each other, though he did like her. He wanted her to be happy, but to ask him to love her… that was a lot to be asking of him.
He scooped the last bite of the dinner onto his fork, and said, “I have a few things I have to get done out in the barn, but I was thinking after that I would take you out to the back pasture and show you around the place if you would like.”
Jessie looked up, there was surprise written on her face, but she recovered quickly.
“I’d love to.”
The back pasture was blooming with all kinds of wildflowers. It looked like there was a blanket of snow across the top of the grass with all the white petals spread over the field. They had fields in Missouri, but Jessie hadn’t ever seen anything like this before.
She let go of Toby’s hand and skipped ahead of him. There was a sense of freedom she felt as she ran through the field. For the first time since John had passed, she felt a twinge in her heart that whispered there was still some beauty in life.
Jessie didn’t go far, it wasn’t long before she felt winded, so she sat down among the flowers.
Toby watched her gracefully fall back and lie in the grass. He thought she looked like an angel among the white flowers, and couldn’t recall ever seeing another human being that was so beautiful before. She reminded him of his mother in some ways, but there was a youthful shine about her that made him feel excited.
Jessie sat up, looking around for her husband. When she finally saw him, she motioned him over to sit with her. Toby obliged, and dropped onto the grass beside her.
“What do you think?” He asked with a smile. He covered the concern he felt about her not liking it, and hoped she would only sense the positive note in his voice.
“I love it. I feel like we own a bit of heaven right here on earth. This meadow is the prettiest thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life, and it’s ours!” Jessie laughed as she lay back on the grass, then sat quickly up again.
“I got a flower stuck in my hair, I can feel it!” She cried as she reached into the back of her braid, trying to locate the trespasser.
Toby laughed and reached for the flower that hung from the bottom of her braid.
“I would say this field is the second prettiest thing I have ever seen. I think the prettiest is sitting right here in front of me.”
He pulled the flower out of her hair and lifted it to her nose.
Jessie was caught off guard with his comment, and she felt her cheeks flush a crimson red.
“Thank you,” she said, “I think it’s time I get back to the house. Those dishes ain’t gonna wash themselves.”
Before Toby could say anything, she headed back to the house. He sat in the grass and watched her go, wondering if he had said something wrong. He felt conflicted inside. He hadn’t wanted a romantic relationship, he wanted a wife. He wasn’t expecting someone like Jessie to show up at his house, and now that she was here, he wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Toby had never fallen in love before. He hadn’t let himself. His mother had died of the fever when he was a young teenager, and the pain he watched his father endure made him vow to himself he would never love like that. It looked like it hurt too much, and that was something he didn’t want to feel.
But watching his new bride make her way back to the house, he couldn�
��t help but admire how beautiful she was… and wonder what that feeling was that was welling up inside of him.
Chapter 7 – Could This Be Love?
Jessie lay awake, staring at the ceiling in her room. She slept in the main bed of the house, and Toby slept on a small cot in the living room. As she lay there, wishing for sleep, she thought about Toby, and the way her life had turned out.
The morning she married John, she never would have thought she would be in this house, married to a stranger, less than 5 years later. She had pictured a different life, one that was filled with John and the children she hoped they would have together.
The afternoon she married Toby, she had felt at peace. She was eager for the future, though at the time she didn’t know why. Now she questioned what she was thinking, and why she thought he was going to love her.
You didn’t even know he existed before a few months ago, and here you are, sleeping in his house… in his bed even! If you wanted to fall in love with him, you should have worked that out before you came all the way out here to marry him.
Her thoughts were interrupted as she felt a twinge in her stomach.
She felt the baby kick inside her, and she put her hands on her tummy. It was getting close to the time for her baby to be born, and the thought of that both thrilled her and terrified her at the same time.
She liked her baby in her belly. The baby was safe there, never to get hurt, and never to be taken away from her. If Jessie had her way, her baby would never leave her.
She didn’t want to talk out loud, fearing she would wake Toby. He was generally good natured about things, but she knew he worked hard and needed his sleep when he could get it.
You sound like a businessman, worried that your partner is going to be too tired to work tomorrow. Could you love that man? He is kind and charming, but he still treats you like you are the maid of the place. That’s not love.
She sighed and closed her eyes, mixed emotions running through her the entire time. She wished Lizbeth were here to tell her what to do. Lizbeth always knew what to do, and she wasn’t afraid to tell everyone around her what they ought to be doing, too.
A smile crossed her lips as she thought about her rambunctious friend back home. She had written to her after she arrived in California, but there hadn’t been a reply to her letter yet. Jessie knew Lizbeth would write to her when she got the chance, she just had to be patient.
She’s probably busy running the town now. I used to be her project, but now that I’m gone, I’m sure she found someone else to raise.
Suddenly a wave of sadness crossed over Jessie. It was the first time she had felt sad since she left Missouri. It wasn’t a sadness for her friends, and it wasn’t a sadness for John. It was just a general sadness that seemed to sweep over her and grasp onto her heart like a cold fist.
She wanted to be loved, and she wanted to love again, but love seemed like a dream she had when she was young, or a dream of a dream.
Toby lay awake in the living room, also staring up at the ceiling. With the crackling of the fire in the kitchen he couldn’t hear Jessie breathing, so he only assumed she was asleep. He lay still, lest the creaking of the cot wake her.
His mind was a mess. He couldn’t get the picture of Jessie in the field, surrounded by flowers, off his mind. She had looked so perfect, and so pretty, it was like an angel had come down out of heaven and had been sitting there right next to him.
Those big brown eyes she had, framed in by those thick brown locks of hair. She was captivating, and she was his bride. He wanted to treat her well. He wanted to make her happy, but he didn’t know why he couldn’t get her off of his mind. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on the work he had to do.
Every move he made, he saw her. He could see her in the flowers that were along the path to the house, and in the sunrise he watched every morning as he did the chores. He thought about her as he milked the cow, and when he actually got to see her, his heart pounded inside his chest so strong he wondered if she could hear it, too.
With each passing day he wanted to be with her more and more, and that feeling terrified him. He had promised himself he wasn’t going to feel this way about anyone, but the more he saw her, the harder it was to not feel anything.
She is having a baby that I am not the father of. How could you feel this strongly about her? She came out here to marry you out of sheer need. If she had been in a different situation, you never would have had a chance with her.
Toby yawned and rubbed his eyes. He rolled over, his back to the fire. With thoughts of Jessie still running through his mind, he desperately tried to fall asleep. Whether he got any rest or not, the morning was coming, and he was going to have to do the chores no matter how tired he was.
He didn’t know when sleep finally claimed him, all he knew was it only felt like a few minutes before the rooster was crowing outside.
Chapter 8 – A New Start
Fall leaves crowned the tree line at the edge of the field now. Jessie walked slowly, a basked in one hand, the other hand wrapping her shawl around her shoulders. The air was getting chillier, and she rarely left the house without her shawl or a coat.
This morning, Jessie wanted to take a stroll in the field she had gone to with Toby a couple months before. There was a peacefulness there that she couldn’t find anywhere else. Toby was busy most of the time now, doing something out in the barn.
He spent almost all of this free time out there, working with the wood he had left over from the extra room he had built on to the house. It had taken him nearly a month to complete it, but was finally done. As soon as that project had been finished, he spent every spare minute he had in the barn.
Jessie missed Toby. She had grown used to the business like nature of their marriage, and was enjoying the companionship she found with Toby around. She still felt that twinge of emptiness in her heart every now and then, but for the most part she was happy.
After all, her baby was to be born in just over a month, and she would have her hands full. Every now and then she wanted to go out to the barn and talk to Toby while he worked, but he told her she wouldn’t want to be in that dirty old barn, breathing in the dust in the condition she was in, so she spent her days alone in the house.
In her free time, Jessie spent hours knitting things for the baby. She had made a scarf for Toby for the turning weather, but she hadn’t seen him wear it. Now she worked diligently on a baby blanket for her little one. It was a bright blue, like the sky had been the first day she had arrived in California.
Suddenly, she heard a shout, and turned. Toby was calling for her, and hurried to catch up to her.
“There you are Missy! I have been looking all over for you… come here, I want to show you something.” Toby reached for her hand, and Jessie looked at him in surprise.
She reluctantly agreed and hurried as best she could beside his lively steps. There was something different about him, something she couldn’t put her finger on, but something that made her heart pound.
Was it the way he looked at her? Normally, he would speak looking away from her, or just give her a glance when he finished. Now, he looked at her full on, gazing into her eyes. She felt vulnerable when he did that, but excited at the same time.
The hurried to the barn, and Toby suddenly turned to face her.
“Now, I want you to go in front of me, and I am going to cover your eyes. Don’t worry, there’s nothing in the way for you to trip on, just walk in a few steps, and stop when I say.”
“Toby?” She asked, but he shushed her and walked behind her, covering her eyes from behind.
They walked into the barn, and Toby stopped.
“Are you ready?” He asked, and she nodded.
“Look!”
He lifted his hands off of her eyes, and Jessie blinked, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness of the barn. There, right in front of her, stood the most beautiful cradle she had ever seen. It was carved out of mahogany, and stained with a
chestnut stain.
“Oh Toby!” She cried.
“Do you like it?” He asked, concerned, then continued. “I wanted to make you something special for your little one, Jess.
Listen to me. This is hard for me to say, mostly because I don’t understand it myself, but I love you Jessie. I really do. When I was young, and I saw the pain my father felt when my mother passed away, I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love.
I wanted to save myself that pain, until I met you. You changed everything for me, Jessie. You are so beautiful and so kind and so charming. I just couldn’t help it. I fell in love.”
Jessie felt her throat get tight as he spoke. She had never dreamed this is what he was doing out here in the barn, and the fact that he told her how much he loved her made her feel like she was on top of the world. All she had wanted when she came out here was to find love, and now she had.
“Toby I-“ She began, but he interrupted her.
“Don’t anything. I don’t want to hear you say anything. All I want is the truth. I know I haven’t been the kind of husband you deserve, and I know I wasn’t the man you thought I was when you moved out here, but I have to know… Do you love me?”
He looked anxiously into her eyes, and waited.
A smile slowly spread across Jessie’s face, and she had tears in her eyes as she nodded.
“Yes, I do love you Toby. I do!”
Jessie threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, and he gently lifted her up off the floor. She felt complete at last. Her child was going to be born into a home filled with love. A home that was happy. A home that was ready for a baby.
Toby paced back and forth in the living room. Jessie had gone into labor earlier that day, and now the doctor was in the room with her, and all he could do was wait for the news. He wished there was more he could do to help; this waiting was driving him crazy.
He could hear Jessie making noise in the other room, and he prayed she would be ok. He couldn’t shake the fear of losing her out of his mind no matter how hard he tried, and he wouldn’t feel better until he knew she was ok.
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