by Cassia Leo
“God damn,” he says as he pushes up onto his elbows and looks me in the eye. “I miss the way I fit inside you. You’re my missing piece, babe.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Adam
THE LOBBY IN THE LAB is a lot darker than I expected. The wallpaper is a dark forest green with pink rosettes and the industrial carpet is a dark blue that matches the color of the chairs. The squat woman at the front desk is on a phone call when I approach, but she raises her dark eyebrows when she sees me as if I should make my intentions known.
“Picking up some test results,” I whisper.
She nods and mouths, “Last name.”
“Parker.”
I don’t know if Lindsay and Nathan had the sense to put the test under my last name, and I almost wish they hadn’t. If this baby isn’t mine, I don’t want anything left tying me to Lindsay, not even a paper trail to a negative DNA test.
She pulls a folder out of a rack on her desk. “Adam?” she whispers.
I nod and she opens the folder. There’s an envelope clipped to the inside of the folder.
“I.D.?” she whispers.
I show her my North Carolina driver’s license and she looks over the details, probably checking that the name and birthdate match. She hands me the envelope and I’m surprised to see that it’s still sealed. I guess they take this privacy thing seriously.
“Thanks,” I whisper as I tap the desk and set off to open the envelope inside my rental car.
The car has that new car smell that I can’t stand, like plastic and carpet. I miss my truck that always smells a little like ocean and coconut sunblock—and Claire when she used to ride with me.
I slide my finger under the flap of the envelope and quickly pull out the paper folded neatly within. I don’t waste any time unfolding it and searching for the words I want to see. The words materialize in front of me as if they were spelled out in the heavens with stars. I am not the father of Lindsay’s baby.
I kiss the paper and I’m tempted to run back inside the lab and hug the receptionist for giving me the best birthday present ever.
I have never cried from sheer joy, but I’m almost happy enough to cry right now. I can’t even imagine what Claire must have gone through being pregnant all alone. I don’t think I ever realized just how fucking strong she is until now.
My first instinct is to call her and tell her I’m coming home, but I don’t know if she’ll even answer her phone. For all I know she’s changed my name in her phone to “Not Worth It” or “Asshole” the way Lindsay’s friend Michelle did when she broke up with her boyfriend. Just the possibility of Claire ignoring my calls or giving me a shitty nickname makes me anxious. I can’t call her. Besides, I want my arrival to be a surprise.
I take a picture of the lab results and text them to Lindsay and Nathan then I delete the text messages and their numbers from my phone. Next, I call the airline and book a flight to Kauai so I can get my stuff and hop on a plane back to the mainland tonight. Then I’ll arrange for Tina and Cora to help me plan the surprise for tomorrow, Friday, when Claire has the day off.
Just thinking of finally seeing Claire again after four weeks apart makes me ache inside. I hope I haven’t fucked things up too badly.
I pull out of the parking lot and head straight for the airport. My suitcase is already packed and tucked away in the trunk. As I head down the highway with the green mountains on my right and the Pacific Ocean on my left, all I can think of is the gift I left for Claire in my apartment.
I actually left it in my apartment the night before I left to Kauai, but I had to ask Tina to go into my apartment to attach a note to the gift a couple of weeks later. I hoped that I could get Claire to go to my apartment and search for the gift while I was gone. I thought that if there were anything that would make her wait for me, the gift and the note would be it. I never expected to be coming home to so much uncertainty. I guess I’ll have to save that surprise for another time.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Claire
I LAY MY FINISHED QUIZ on top of the stack on Mr. Collins' desk and scurry out of the lecture hall. I am so glad it’s Friday. All week long, I’ve had butterflies in my stomach anticipating tonight. I can’t believe that after so many years together, Chris and I feel new again. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
I head back to the dorm to get some clothes and the rest of my textbooks so I can spend the night at home, but when I enter the dorm Senia is sitting on her bed looking totally bummed out. I drop my backpack onto the floor and take a seat next to her.
“What’s wrong?”
She looks up at me with an expression that says she’s about to tell me something I don’t want to hear. “Tina just called.”
My heart stops as I think of the worst news that Tina, Cora’s caregiver, could deliver.
Senia notices the horror in my face and shakes her head adamantly. “No, Cora’s fine, but Tina asked if I could go check on Cora this weekend because she’s going to be out of town and….”
She doesn’t have to finish this sentence. If Adam weren’t in Hawaii, he would be the one checking up on Cora. The way he cared for Cora was one of the things that made me fall in love with him.
“I know you’re going home this weekend so I offered to go,” Senia continues as she stares at her hands in her lap. “I guess I’ll miss the party.”
Senia’s family is having yet another party, but this one is for her parents' 25th wedding anniversary so it will be huge. I would have gone with her, but I had already made plans with Chris when she asked me to go a few days ago. There’s no way she can miss this party.
“I’ll go.”
She looks up at me with so much hope, I try not to let her see the utter disappointment I’m feeling.
“Really? I know you had this weekend all planned out. I don’t want to mess that up for you.”
I roll my eyes. “Please. I can see Chris and Jackie any time. If Cora needs me, I need to be there.”
“Thank you.” She hugs me hard and I give her a few pats on the back. “I’ll help you pack.”
She helps me empty out my backpack and toss in some clothes and toiletries. When we’re done she looks me up and down, raising one of her perfect eyebrows as she takes in the jean jacket I’m wearing over a dress and some leggings.
“What?”
“Lose the leggings. You’re going to the beach.”
“I’m not going to the beach. I’m going to Cora’s.”
“Even more reason to lose them. Do you really want Bigfoot rubbing himself all over those leggings?”
I immediately pull off the leggings and put my ankle boots back on, silently thanking myself for shaving my legs this morning.
“Beautiful,” Senia says, pulling me in for one last hug. “You can pass this hug on to Cora for me.”
She slaps my ass then pushes me toward the door where she hands me my backpack.
“Trying to get rid of me, huh?”
“Cora needs you.”
I’m not looking forward to sleeping on Cora’s thirty-year-old sofa tonight, but I’ve missed the hell out of her. It will be fun to have a nice drama-free weekend with Cora and Bigfoot. Of course, Jackie will be disappointed. Now that Chris and I are back together, she’s been dying for me to spend the weekend there. I hate disappointing Jackie.
The two-hour drive to Wrightsville Beach gives me time to call Chris and break the bad news.
“Finally,” he says when he answers my call.
“Finally, what?”
“Finally, I can stop checking my phone. Where are you?”
“Oh, shut up. You were not checking your phone.”
He laughs and I’m reminded of the first few months Chris and I were together when we were sixteen. He bought me a cell phone and I threatened to drop it in the toilet because I was becoming obsessed with checking for missed calls and texts from him. He made fun of me, but after that he never made me wait longer than fiv
e minutes for a response to a text or voicemail. When I told Senia about this she nearly threw up.
“Okay, I wasn’t checking my phone, but I was dying to hear your voice. I can’t wait to kiss you and sing to you. I finished your song today.”
And the butterflies are back. I really don’t want to have to give him the bad news, but Chris will still be there next weekend. In fact, I’m pretty sure I can count on Chris to be there for me forever.
“Chris, I can’t make it out there today.”
He’s silent for a moment before he responds. “Why? What are you doing?”
There’s a note of suspicion in his voice that makes me wonder if he’ll even believe me when I tell him where I’m going.
“I have to check on Cora.”
“Who’s Cora?”
“I told you about Cora. She’s my old landlady and my friend. Her caregiver is going to be out of town and she doesn’t have anyone else to keep an eye on her.”
He pauses again. “So you’re going back to your old apartment?”
“Chris, I’m going to Cora’s apartment. I’m only going because he’s not there. If he were there, he would be the one checking on her.”
It really bugs me that I don’t feel I can speak Adam’s name around Chris, but I understand feeling like you despise someone so much you don’t even want to hear their name. I feel that way about Joanie Tipton and, though I don’t know his name, I feel that way about my father. I hope I never know his name.
“I trust you, babe. I guess I’ll just have to go see you during the week. I’ll help you study.”
Study is Chris’s code word for oral sex. He used it all the time when we were together. The thought of his mouth on me is enough to make me squirm in my seat.
“I’ll call you when I get there.”
“No, call me when you go to bed so I can sing you to sleep. I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I pull the phone away from my ear to plug it into the stereo and I already have a text message from Chris.
Chris: The song is called Pieces of You. I wrote it for you and Abby.
The closer I get to Wrightsville Beach, the tighter the knots in my stomach become. By the time I pull into the parking lot at my old apartment complex, I feel as if I might vomit. I turn off my car and pull my feet up onto the seat so I can hug my knees. My entire body is shaking with nervous energy as memories of Adam come back to me: all the conversations we had while sitting in his truck in this parking space; all the eye roll inducing jokes he told me while hanging out in his apartment; all the times he touched me or kissed me and made me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Adam and I were only together for eight weeks and we’ve been broken up for four weeks, but I can’t deny how much I miss him and how happy he made me.
I meditate for twenty minutes before I get out of the car. The breeze rolling in from the ocean smells like my old life, but it brings with it a slight chill. I button up my jean jacket and heave my backpack over my shoulder before I set off for Cora’s.
It’s almost seven p.m. If Tina already checked in on Cora today, she’ll be gone by now, which means that I may have to wait upwards of ten minutes for Cora to answer her door. I knock on the door three times and stuff my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. My hand hits my phone and I think of Chris’s text message. I pull my phone out of my pocket while I wait—to gaze at the name of the song he wrote for me. When Cora’s door opens, I drop my phone on the concrete. It’s Adam.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Claire
I CAN’T BREATHE. MY SKIN breaks out in a cold sweat as my fingers go numb.
“Oh, shit!” he says, and this is the last thing I hear before I pass out.
I open my eyes and I can hardly see anything through the darkness, but I can feel the scratchy fabric of Cora’s sofa under my cheek. I blink a few times and her living room slowly comes into focus.
“How are you feeling?”
His voice is both startling and comforting. I turn my head toward the sound and he’s kneeling on the carpet not far from my feet. I’m torn between throwing my arms around his neck and kicking him for breaking my heart.
Cora clears her throat and I turn my head in the other direction. “You almost took a nasty spill there, honey. Good thing Adam was here to catch you.”
I sit up slowly and he shifts a little so I don’t hit him with my legs. Just that small movement and I can smell him. He took a shower recently. I recognize the scent of his shampoo and it actually makes me want to cry. I want to pull my knees up to my face again, but I’m wearing a dress and Adam is kneeling almost directly in front of me. I stand quickly and he stands up right after me.
“Claire, we need to talk.”
“Did you trick me into coming here?”
His skin is more tanned than when he left and I’m suddenly angry as I picture him surfing and frolicking on the beach while I suffered through four weeks of self-doubt.
“I just want to talk to you.” He takes a step toward me and I take a step back, almost falling back onto the sofa, but I manage to regain my balance. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine.” I turn to Cora, who’s sitting in her recliner with Bigfoot in her lap as usual. “I came here for you, Cora.”
I stride toward her and give her a big hug. She pats my arm weakly and I try not to cry as I look into her eyes and see the fatigue.
“Senia wanted me to give you a big hug from her,” I say as I kneel next to the recliner and scratch Bigfoot’s head. He purrs softly and this makes Cora smile.
“You tell Senia I saw a beautiful dress that would look perfect on her. This girl looked just like Senia and she wore the most beautiful dress to her wedding. Of course, they ended up throwing her in a koi pond at the reception and ruining it, but it was so perfect for her.”
Cora’s more than a little obsessed with the TV show Bridezillas. She thinks it’s the most hilarious thing, women having nervous breakdowns over the color of a dress or the flavor of a cake. She loves to tell the story of how she and her husband, Frank, got married more than sixty years ago in a tiny chapel in Minnesota. She wore a dress that she made herself and he wore the suit his father got married in almost thirty years earlier.
“We had holes in our clothes and our shoes, but our hearts were finally whole,” Cora likes to say whenever she tells the story.
I glance at Adam for just a second and his eyes are locked on mine. My brain knows that he did what he thought I needed, but my heart feels utterly betrayed by him.
I continue stroking Bigfoot’s head as I avoid looking in Adam’s direction. “Well, I’m here now, so you can go.”
“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”
“Adam, that’s no way to speak to a lady,” Cora chides him.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, Cora.” He looks me in the eye again, but his expression softens. “Please come upstairs so we can talk.”
“That’s much better,” Cora says with a smile. “You two go on ahead. My show’s coming on soon.”
My hand shakes as I grab the remote off of Cora’s wooden TV tray table and point it at the television to make sure it’s on the right channel. I set the remote down and I can’t believe how anxious I feel. This is Adam. This is the guy who picked me up off the floor when I was broken and carried me until I was ready to walk again.
I make my way to the door and Adam kisses the top of Cora’s head before he follows me.
“Goodnight, Cora. I’ll be by in the morning. Make sure you have my steak and eggs ready.”
“Don’t you worry. Bigfoot knows just how you like your steak. Goodnight, sonny.”
I can’t help but smile before the sadness of how much I’ve missed Cora and Adam comes rushing back to me. I wait near the front door to my old apartment as he locks Cora’s door. He turns around and my heart pounds at the sight of his beauty. The sun is almost down, but the faint warm glow of the sunset makes his golden skin glow.
<
br /> He gives me a soft smile and I close my eyes so I can’t see his face while I think of how he broke my heart and how it would destroy him to know what I did with Chris five days ago.
“Claire, please look at me.”
I take a deep breath as I open my eyes and he’s closer, just a couple of feet away, and staring down at me with that intense look in his eyes.
“You hurt me.”
“I’m sorry. I know I fucked up, but I came back for you. I quit my job.”
“You quit your job?”
“I quit. I took the job in Raleigh and I’m moving in two weeks.”
His green eyes search mine for a sign of forgiveness, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell him I wish he had come back a week ago.
“Am I too late?” he asks as the muscle in his jaw twitches.
I want to tell him the truth, but I can’t bear to place the image of Chris and me together in his head.
“I don’t know.”
He looks confused. “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
I shake my head. “I just… I was so hurt and I thought you had given up on me. I mean, I’m a mess. I’ve got more baggage than any person should be allowed to carry.”
“And I’m strong enough to carry it. I just got a little scared, but it wasn’t because of your baggage. I’m fucked up, too. It had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with what I heard in your voice that night you called me at one in the morning. You needed me there and I felt so fucking helpless because I couldn’t give you what you needed. I didn’t want to keep disappointing you like that.”
“How could you ever think that? You never disappointed me until you left me.”
He steps forward and takes my face in his hands. His hands are warm and I close my eyes to breathe in his scent. His lips are soft as he presses them against my forehead. The lump in my throat makes it impossible to speak as the first tears begin to fall. He kisses each of my eyelids and I grab his forearms to steady myself. His arms are so smooth and solid, exactly the way I remember them. I open my eyes as he plants a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I promise I will never hurt you again.” He kisses the tip of my nose then the other corner of my mouth. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. I love you,” he whispers against my lips, but he doesn’t kiss me.
