Something is bubbling to the surface. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m hesitant to broach the subject.
For now, I’m left scratching my head.
TWENTY-ONE
“I don’t think he’s that into me,” Gretchen says over the phone when I call the next day to see how their date went.
“Why do you say that?”
She sighs. “I know he seems kind of… affectionate in public, but when we’re alone, it’s like he barely comes near me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, he declined last night when I invited him in for a bit, so I kind of waited, you know, giving him the chance to kiss me goodnight, but all he did was give me a quick peck on the lips before leaving.”
“Wait a minute. So you guys never even kissed the night we had dinner at our house?”
“Oh yeah! We were all over each other that night, but we were smashed. That’s why I think he’s probably not interested. Without alcohol, it’s a different story.”
I don’t get it. By all appearances, he seemed into her, but I don’t say this out loud. I don’t want to feed her hopes if he’s had a change of heart, especially since I was the dork who encouraged the whole thing.
“I’m sorry, Gretchen. There’s no understanding men.”
“No worries. I kind of doubted I was his type anyway.”
“He’s crazy if you’re not.”
“Anyway… did you and Kiran have a nice stay at the hotel?”
Lord. I do not know Gretchen well enough to share last night’s adventure. That will be a story to share with Julia. “Yeah, we had a great time. It was a nice getaway for the night.”
After chatting a few more minutes, we hang up and I go to the kitchen medicine cabinet to take a couple of Gas-X, which it seems I’ve been living on lately. That was another complaint I had for my gyno—this frequent bloating and discomfort on top of the gradual weight gain. Her response was that it could be peri; or could be I’m developing food intolerances to things such as gluten or dairy as I get older. Great. Well, there’s no way in hell I’m giving up my dairy. At least, not yet.
Kiran comes into the kitchen to fetch his keys. “I’m going to go get a haircut in a couple minutes.”
“Okay. But could you do a big favor for me before you go?”
“Of course.”
“Could you give Seth a quick call and ask him how the rest of his date went with Gretchen?”
His shoulders sag. “Anna…”
“Please? I just got off the phone with her, and she thinks he isn’t interested.”
“Maybe he isn’t!”
“I know. But if he is, he needs to know he’s giving off the wrong vibe. Could you please just call him and find out how he really feels about her?”
He groans. “Don’t make me do this.”
I put my hands on his hips and pout. “Please?”
“You’re killing me with this stuff, you know that?” He picks up the phone to dial Seth’s number, and I silently clap my hands.
As he waits for Seth to answer, he motions me over and turns me around to lift the back of my shirt, inspecting my “injury.” I sigh with exasperation.
“Seth… I’m calling because my nosy better half wants to know how the rest of your date went last night.” Kiran pulls my shirt back down, and I turn around to face him. “Uh huh… uh huh… Good!” Putting his hand on my shoulder, he continues, “Anna’s concerned because Gretchen doesn’t think you’re interested.”
Seth’s voice gets louder, but I can’t make out what he’s saying and Kiran closes his eyes. “Here, I’m going to let you talk to her about it.” He hands me the phone and whispers, “I’ve done my part. I’m getting that haircut.”
“Thank you,” I mouth to him. “Hey Seth, why didn’t you give her a nice goodnight kiss? She said you gave her a peck and high-tailed it.”
“Wonderful.” He sighs. “So now you’re going to be getting a blow by blow of each of our dates?”
“In her defense, I called to ask. She didn’t offer. And am I to understand there are going to be more dates? Because she doesn’t think so. Have you lost interest?”
“No, not at all!”
“Then what’s the deal?” After waiting several moments, there’s no response. “Are you there?”
“Anna… she makes me nervous.”
Huh? Gretchen’s one of the most down-to-earth people I’ve ever met. At least, she seems to be. “How can she make you nervous? Out of all the women you’ve been out with? And she’s so nice and easy to get along with. Sweet, classy…”
“You don’t get it. That’s why she makes me nervous! I don’t know how to date someone like that anymore. It’s been too long.”
Aww, what do I say to that? “There’s no special way how. Just be yourself. You were being yourself the night we met her, and she seemed to like you just fine.”
“We were drinking.”
“Oh my God. Now you sound just like her.”
“What do you mean? What did she say?”
Now I’m beginning to understand why Kiran is so impatient with me on this matter. This is starting to sound an awful lot like junior high. “She thinks the way you behaved around her that first night was only because you were drunk. Not because you’re especially into her.”
“But I am. I really am!”
“Seth, you’re cracking me up! You have this long history of womanizing, and you can’t even grasp the basics of normal dating.”
He finally relaxes a bit and I hear him laugh on the other end of the line. “That’s very true.”
“So, apparently you haven’t called her or asked to see her again.”
“…No.”
I sigh heavily. “Call her! Ask her out again. When she asks you to come in at the end of the date, accept. That doesn’t mean she’s asking you to sleep with her. If a make-out session doesn’t necessarily ensue, for crying out loud, give her a memorable kiss goodnight.”
“Okay,” he says quietly. “Okay, I’ll do that. God, I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You’re just out of practice.”
***
It seems as if my day consists of being chained to the phone, because later on, I get a call from Carly in total panic mode.
“Mom, something has happened and I don’t know what to do.”
It’s clear I need to get a handle on the panic attacks that arise whenever Carly comes to me with another conflict. I’m not sure how much more my heart can take, because my mind goes crazy with scenarios before she even has the chance to tell me anything. Did Claire have the mother of all meltdowns? Did Carly and Jason decide to split?
“What is it?”
“Michael… He kissed me.”
Closing my eyes, I exhale. “Where? When?”
“Friday.”
“Friday? Carly, that was two days ago! Did you tell Jason?”
“No. No!” She starts to cry. “I don’t know what to do!”
“Okay, sweetie. Try to calm down.” Pacing the floor, I rub my forehead.
“We were just having a cup of coffee, talking…”
Has she been meeting him for coffee? Was this on campus or someplace else? I know having coffee with a friend shouldn’t be a big deal, but she’s in a vulnerable state with all this Claire stuff, and this is exactly what I was afraid might happen. I keep my thoughts to myself because the last thing I want to do is add to her upset by saying anything that has an I told you so tone.
“And then just out of the blue,” she continues, “he leans over and kisses me!”
I drag a palm over my face. “Carly, you have to tell Jason. And I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but you should have told him the day it happened.” Frankly, I’m surprised she’s just now telling me about it.
“I know. I know.”
“What did you do when he tried to kiss you?”
“I asked him what the hell he was doing!”
“So… you’re no
t interested in him?”
“What?” she shrieks in my ear and I have to pull the phone away. “No! No!”
“Okay,” I say calmly. “I just wanted to be sure.”
“It’s just been so hard.” Now she’s really bawling, and it’s breaking me. “I’m trying to finish up this internship while all this stuff with Claire is going on. It’s so stressful, wondering what kind of day she’s going to have—every single day. Jason and I are in constant defense mode. We can’t even enjoy each other anymore… It was just nice to have someone to unload on, you know?”
“I know, baby. But you were putting yourself in a dangerous position, letting a male friend be your confidant.”
She sniffles. “Of course I see that now. I just thought it would be okay.”
“You have to tell him. Right away. If he somehow finds out on his own, he’s not likely to believe what really happened.”
“I know that, but I’m so afraid to tell him. What if this is all he can take? What if he wants to end it?”
I want to assure her that’s not going to happen, but how can I? I have no clue what they’re going through. “Sweetie, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. And you know your dad and Richard are, too. Whatever happens, we’ll cross that bridge if we have to.”
“So you think this may be it?” Her voice is shrill.
“No, I’m not saying that at all! I’m just saying that until we figure out what’s going on with Claire and what she needs to cope, unfortunately you and Jason have a tough road ahead. I don’t want to give you a bunch of platitudes. Personally, I think you guys love each other enough to push through, but it’s not going to be easy.”
She’s silent for a few moments, I think trying to collect herself. “I just want her to have a happy, normal life,” she says through tears. “Is that too much to ask?”
“No,” I answer softly. “Of course not.”
“What is life going to be like for her? Is she going to be the constant butt of the joke? That weird, lonely kid that no one wants anything to do with? I can’t bear it.”
I can’t bear it either. Naturally, I’ve had the same thoughts, but I can’t bring myself to consider Claire’s suffering when at the moment I’m overwhelmed with Carly’s, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.
***
Everything feels as if it’s reaching a fever pitch, and I’m unraveling. Logically, I recognize my fragile state is most likely due to unstable hormones, but I need to get out of here.
After hanging up with Carly, I give Kiran a brief rundown of what happened and tell him I’m going to meet with Julia. Now I’m the one who needs to unload, and it can’t be on Kiran this time.
He approaches me with a wrinkled brow and places his hands on my arms. “Are you okay? You look pretty rattled. Why don’t you let me take you?”
With a tight smile, I shake my head. “I’m fine. Just need a little girl time is all,” I say, hearing the quake in my voice.
He stands before me a few moments, pursing his lips. “Okay,” he replies quietly.
Trying to maintain my composure on the drive to Julia’s, the tears stream and flow steadily the entire way over. When Julia opens her front door, she takes me by the arm to pull me inside.
“Is Derek here?”
“You’re in luck. He’s out playing golf.” Holding my hand, she leads me to the kitchen. “Coffee or alcohol? Or both? I have Baileys.”
“I don’t know,” I squeak, rubbing my nose. “Can I just have some water?”
“You got it.”
As she puts some ice into a glass and pours water from the dispenser in the refrigerator, I have a seat at her kitchen table.
Julia sets the glass in front of me.
“Thank you.”
“What happened?”
I take a deep breath. “It wasn’t just one thing. But the trigger is what’s going on with Carly.”
“What? More trouble with Claire?”
I go on to explain what happened with Michael.
Julia leans back in her chair, her face pinched. “Ah, crap! Really?”
“So much has been going on that I haven’t been keeping you up on. Carly came over about a week ago with Claire, because she and Jason had a big fight. Then he came for her to try and work things out, and Kiran and I kept Claire for the night.”
She listens without interrupting, and squeezes my hand.
“And between the bloating and knots from worry, it seems like my stomach hurts all the time now. I haven’t been sleeping well, waking a million times a night with my temperature issues.”
“Have you tried taking some melatonin, hon?”
“Yeah, I tried it a few times, but I think it gives me disturbing dreams. So I don’t know whether to suffer with the bad dreams or the insomnia.” My mouth is horrendously dry, so I take a few gulps of iced water, making my throat ache. “On top of everything else, Kiran admits he’s been depressed.”
“Did he say why?”
“No.” I sniffle. “But I think it’s because he wants kids.”
“Wha…?”
“I mean, I don’t know if he really wants them now, but I think he’s sad because he never had them.”
She just sighs and tilts her head.
By now my tears are drying up, and after all my venting, I’m beginning to calm down. “And… I don’t know… Remember how I mentioned he’s been acting out of character?”
“Yeah.”
Going cotton-mouthed again, I take another sip of water. “Last night we went to see a show with Seth and his date, and we reserved a room at the hotel for the night. After they went home, Kiran and I took a walk out on the grounds…”
“Okay… And?”
“And…” I shake my head with a slight smile. “We ended up doing it against a wall outside.”
Her mouth falls open. “Get! Out!”
Leaning my elbow on the table, I cover my eyes. “We did.”
“Kiran. We’re talking about your Kiran.”
Dropping my hand, I look at her. “I know. Right?”
“Well… how did it happen? Did he ask you?”
Now my mouth is the one that falls open as I recall the incident. “No. One minute we were kissing by the pool. The next, he’s taking me to this hidden spot and we’re going for it.”
She gives me a half smile. “Did you like it?”
I make a face. “Julia, I don’t have the attention span for that kinda thing. I was like a dog distracted by a squirrel, in a continual loop.”
She covers her face with both hands and breaks into laughter. “Oh, Lord! The visual you just gave me.” I can’t help but smile at her reaction. “So what did you do?”
“What was I supposed to do? I faked my way through it.” Sighing, I take another sip from my glass. “Good God. What is going on with my life right now?”
Julia bites her lip in an attempt to contain herself. “You haven’t talked to him about any of this?”
“I’ve tried. Sort of.”
She gives me a stern eye. “There can be no sort of. You need to talk to him. It’s obvious his behavior, on top of everything that’s been going on with Carly, is getting to you.”
“I know. I just haven’t found the right time.”
“You have to make the right time.” She leans a temple on her hand.
“But Julia, what if he’s really not the person I thought I knew? What if all this time there’s been this wild, daring creature underneath, who needs to have sex in public places? I’m not like that. Okay, so once is not such a big deal, just so you can say you tried something crazy, but I didn’t fall in love with Christian Grey.”
She smirks. “I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. I’m sure he’s still the same person; he’s probably just going through something.”
I’m not sure which is worse.
TWENTY-TWO
The day after Carly told me what happened, she ends up dropping Claire with me and Kiran for another
sleepover. Luke and Richard are away, and not surprisingly, things didn’t go at all well when she broke the news to Jason. I’m sure for Claire’s benefit, she was rather stoic when she came by the house with Claire and her things, however, her eyes were plenty red and puffy. All she said was that she and Jason needed an opportunity to come up with a “game plan”—whatever that means. I didn’t press or ask questions.
After having a nice, quiet dinner, the three of us share the couch for another movie. Although I feel somewhat better after my visit with Julia, I’m still in a bit of a funk. Claire lies between us, with her head in my lap and feet in Kiran’s, and I watch as he tickles her toes, making her giggle.
Claire begins to lose interest in the movie about halfway through and wants us to take her outside by the water. When we reach the edge of the lake, there are several ducks swimming nearby, and I go back inside to get some bread for Claire to feed them.
She has trouble throwing the pieces far enough into the water for the ducks so they come up to the shore, making her squeal with a combination of terror and delight, bouncing excitedly. At first she tears the bread into humongous chunks, flinging them at the birds.
Kiran chuckles. “Claire, that’s too big, honey. You need to make them smaller, like this.” He tears a small piece off her slice of bread to show her.
Once she’s gotten the hang of bread tearing, she starts bossing the ducks when they don’t come after it fast enough. “Right here!” She points before moving to another spot. “Over here! Over here! Papa K, look at the black one.”
“She’s a pretty one, isn’t she?”
When some time has passed and I point out that the bread is almost gone, she decides to litter the ground with the tiniest pieces she can manage, pinching them off between her fingers just so it will last longer.
“That’s it, Claire Bear,” I announce when she cleans out the rest of the loaf. “All gone.” One by one, the ducks dip back into the water and gradually start swimming away.
“No!” Claire cries. “Nana, can you get more bread?”
“That’s it, sweetie. We don’t have any more.”
Menopause to Matrimony (Fortytude Series Book 2) Page 14
