Another fifteen minutes passed by before I heard Diane’s voice behind me say, “Oh, there you are! I was going to head over to the mall to visit Gwen. Why don’t you come with me?”
Frowning, I said, “Sorry sis. I plan to stay right here. Besides, everyone down at the theater knows me as a girl. I can’t show up as a guy.”
Plopping down on the couch next to me, Diane said, “No problem. Go change your clothes and put on a little make-up. Maybe we can all get lunch later.”
I didn’t move. Annoyed, I said, “I’m not moving. You know I’m staying in boy mode for the next two weeks. I’m enjoying every second of it.”
“Oh come on! Do you really want us talking about you behind your back?”
“Diane, you’re going to do that anyway, so why not start now?”
Diane shoved my legs off the couch, “I’m gonna kick Gwen’s butt. Don’t you want to watch?”
As I pulled my legs back up on the couch, I looked to end of the couch where Diane was sitting and said, “No, not particularly. Gwen’s been pretty good to me.”
Suddenly standing, Diane burst out, “Good to you!? How can you say that? She… she… turned you into a girl, for God’s sake!”
I sat upright and said flatly, “She didn’t turn me into a girl. I still got my… all my body parts. Wanna see?”
“Ugh, please, no,” Diane covered her eyes just in case. “But you have to admit that if she hadn’t dressed you up in the first place, you wouldn’t be a cheerleader today.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “You’re absolutely right. Maybe I should go thank her. I told you last night I loved being a cheerleader.”
Diane folded her arms and said, “Come on, go with me. You know Mom isn’t going to let you lay on the couch all day.”
“I said, ‘No’! And that’s final,” I turned back to watching television.
* * *
“Hey, they have a lot of nice prom dresses this year,”Diane said as we looked through the window of the dress store near the theater. “Has Jeff asked you to the prom yet?”
“No. It’s still pretty early. I doubt he’s even given it much thought,” I sighed. “I don’t know what I’d wear anyway. I mentioned prom not long ago to Dad, and he’s opposed to buying me a prom dress. He said there’s a perfectly good one hanging in your closet.”
“You’re not wearing my prom dress! No way!” protested Diane.
“He said your dress was only worn once, so what’s wrong with me wearing it? I tried to tell him I wanted my own prom dress. Oh, well. We have a few months to wear him down,” I sighed again. There was one very pretty blue gown that I wanted real bad, but not only was it very expensive but it also looked like it needed the wearer to have real boobs.
Finally, we walked on towards the theater. Through the window, we could see Gwen busy behind the counter. A couple of other employees were cleaning. The theater wasn’t open yet and the door was locked. Diane rattled the door to make Gwen look up. Gwen looked surprised and then hurried over to the doors.
The door flung open and Gwen shouted, “Diane! You’re back! What a surprise.” She proceeded to give Diane a big hug. She then ushered us inside, and she locked the doors behind us. “It’s good to see you again. I was beginning to think you were never coming home again.”
Diane studied her old friend and said, “It’s good to see you too Gwen. I can’t believe you’re still working at the theater.”
Gwen shrugged, “Well, there’s not much here in this town.”
Diane agreed, “Well, I doubt I’ll be in town much longer. Now that I have my MBA and after I start sending out my resume, I’m sure I’ll have so many offers in a few weeks, I’ll have my pick of just about any city I want to move to.”
“Keep dreaming, kid,” Gwen smiled.
“I also came by here to kick your sorry ass!” said Diane, with a ting of real anger in her voice.
The other employees looked around and Gwen said, “Let’s continue this conversation in my office, shall we?”
Gwen led us to her office, where she motioned for us to sit down while she closed her door. As she sat down herself, she asked, “Now what the hell was all that about?”
“I think you know,” Diane said. She pointed at me, “You turned my little brother into a girl! What the hell were you thinking?”
Gwen glanced over to me and said, “I thought you liked being a girl?”
Before I could answer, Diane said, “She… he wouldn’t even have considered being a girl right now if it hadn’t been for you!”
Gwen’s face darkened as she nearly shouted, “Hey, that was several years ago, and I thought it was just a harmless one-time prank Chris and my brother were going to pull. How was I supposed to know it’d cause a lifestyle change in him? Besides, I’ve already apologized I don’t know how many times to Chrissy.”
Diane opened her mouth, but I jumped in saying, “Gwen, I’ve told you a hundred times already, this isn’t your fault. You have nothing to apologize for. We can all argue about how smart it was, but I’m the one who put myself in this position. When the cheerleaders first approached me to join them, they didn’t know I had dressed as girl before. How could they? They wanted me because I was related to the school’s best cheerleader ever.”
Diane sighed and asked, “Really? Um, well, I’m just worried about Chris and how this will impact his life. Gwen, you know our dad had to see a shrink after Chris’ first girlish adventure. I was worried about my parents, but to be honest, I think they both have decided they like Chris as a girl.”
“You’re joking, right?” I asked.
She shook her head, “Nope. They might not say it, but they sure suggest it. I don’t know how many times Dad has said since I got home how much easier you’ve been as a daughter than me.”
Gwen relaxed and sat back in her chair, “See? What’s the problem? Chris here is happier as a girl. Her parents are happy she’s a girl. To be honest, I’m pretty happy too, since she’s my best little salesperson. She sells more up-sized popcorn and sodas than anyone else. Why can’t you come to terms over this?”
Diane frowned, “I’m just worried about him... especially if he goes to college as a girl. I… well… dammit. Remember that transsexual we knew at the university?”
Gwen thought a moment and then said, “You mean Tracy? I remember her. We discovered she wasn’t a girl that night at my apartment. She was so drunk she was taking a piss in my bathtub… standing up.”
“That’s her.” Turning to me, Diane continued, “She was a sweet girl. Very nice. Very pretty. You’d never guess she wasn’t born a girl. She was in a program and hoped to have her surgery as soon as she could afford it. Well, the summer after Gwen graduated, I stayed at the college and so did Tracy. She was taking some art classes or something. Anyway, one day she was all excited about a boy she’d met. They’d gone out a few times, and she was fretting about telling him about her… secret. She was afraid if she told him, she’d lose him, but she was also afraid of him finding out on his own and still losing him. I told her just have a few laughs and don’t get serious with him. I should have told her to not see him anymore. That it’d be best if she didn’t date until she was all girl.”
Worried that I wasn’t going to like the answer, I asked, “Why? What happened? Did he find out? Was he mean to her?”
Diane started to tear up as she said, “Oh yeah, he found out. I talked to her just before she left for her last date with this guy. She was all happy and excited to find someone so understanding and so right for her. Well, it turns out, that night he gave her a date rape drug and took her back to his apartment with some of his friends. When they ripped her clothes off, they discovered she’d been hiding something from him. Instead of showing his anger by just walking away or yelling at her, or even just slapping her, he… he strangled her, in front of his friends cheering him on.”
Shocked at what I’d heard, I said, “Did she …?”
Diane looked right
through me, “Die? Yes, she died. He was arrested and went to trial. The D.A. really didn’t want to try the case, because Tracy was transsexual and even said he thought the trial was a waste of taxpayer’s money. The guy was convicted of manslaughter and only got a few months in jail. The jury agreed that Tracy got what she deserved because she “fooled him.”
Angry, Gwen asked, “Where’s this worthless creep now?”
Diane said, “Oh, he’s back in jail on charges of two counts of rape.”
We all sat silently in Gwen’s office for several minutes.
* * *
We sat down with our burgers at the Carl’s Jr. for a late lunch. It was trying very hard to snow outside.
Between nibbles on my burger I said, “Why the hell did you bring that up in Gwen’s office? I’m going to be depressed for a month!”
“Sorry. But I wanted you to know why I didn’t want you to go to college as a girl. You seem to be as boy-crazy as I used to be, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Diane twirled a fry, as if she was not sure if she really wanted to eat it or not.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I doubt Jeff and I will be together at college, but honestly, I’m really not interested in guys,” I said as I took another bite from my burger.
Diane gave me a “yeah, right!” look as she said, “Oh, like you wouldn’t chase after Phil if he showed up again.”
“OK. OK. Maybe there are some guys I like, but you’ve warned me now. I’ll be careful.”
Looking very serious, Diane said, “You’d better be.”
* * *
It was the day before Christmas Eve, and I was about to climb into bed when I noticed something lying across the bedspread. It was warm flannel nightgown, white with red trim on the sleeves, neck and hem. On the front was a picture of Rudolf and a Christmas tree with the words ‘Merry Christmas’ across the top. I laughed when I picked it up to look at it. I’d been a boy for the past couple of days, so I didn’t know where the nightgown had come from. I decided what the heck and stripped down to my panties (even as a boy I wear panties… just too comfy not to), let my hair down and slipped the nightgown over my head, fluffing my hair through the neck hole. The nightgown felt great!
I opened my room’s door and peeked down the hall. The light was still on in Diane’s room. In a moment, I stood in front of her door and knocked softly. She opened the door and smiled.
“I see you found the nightgown I got you,” She said matter-of-factly. She was wearing a similar nightgown, with a picture of Santa Claus standing in front of a fireplace.
“Yep! I think it’s adorable!” I exclaimed.
“I’m glad you like it,” she said as she sat down on her bed. She motioned for me to join her. As I climbed onto the bed, Diane said, “I have to confess…” She paused a moment. “I have to confess that I was wrong about Chrissy.”
Puzzled, I asked, “How? What do you mean?”
Diane stretched out on her bed, laying on her side looking at me, “I think Chrissy has been a very positive thing for you. The other day when we got back from visiting Gwen, you helped Mom with the housework and always seemed to be doing something. The last couple of days as a guy, you’ve laid around the house watching television or playing computer games.”
I smirked, “Doesn’t that sound kinda cliché? The girl being domestic and the guy being a slob? Chris and Chrissy is the same person.”
Shaking her head slightly, Diane went on, “I don’t agree with that. I think Chris is just half a person. Chrissy is the complete person. As for being cliché… well, men and women do think differently. I haven’t seen that much of Chrissy yet, but I think I’m starting to like her better than Chris.”
“Just because you always wanted a sister!” I teased.
“No, it’s more than just that.”Diane looked thoughtful for a moment. She asked, “Why do you like boys? I never saw that in you before.”
“I don’t know. It just seems to go with being a girl. I don’t chase guys; they come after me. I try to avoid them at first, but they keep at me.”
“It’s clear you’re head-over-heels in love with Jeff, that’s for sure,” said Diane with a wry smile.
“I wasn’t at first. I tried to avoid him at the beginning. He was liking me even before I started trying to look like a girl. I wasn’t trying to like him, but when he tried to kiss me that first time, he took me by surprise, but I know I wouldn’t have resisted anyway and I can’t say why.”
Diane bit her lip and hesitated a second before asking, “Have you and Jeff had sex? I’m just curious.”
“No,” I said flatly. “We haven’t.”
Grinning, Diane said, “You sound disappointed.”
“In a way, I guess. I mean, I want our relationship to go deeper. I want to be totally his girlfriend, but he’s already told me he doesn’t want to see me naked. And I can’t blame him. Despite how he feels about me, he really isn’t interested in guys, and he hates being reminded of what I really am. And deep down, I’m not sure if I really want to have sex that way. There was that time with Eddie…” My voice trailed away as I started to tear up.
Diane sat up and asked, “What about Eddie? You just went on a pretend date, right? That’s what Gwen told me. She thought it was kinda funny because Eddie couldn’t ever get a date with a real girl. You went out a few times after that and then quit.”
“That’s sorta true,” I said. I then gave Diane a brief recount of going to Lisa’s party, then meeting Shane at the mall and the disaster of my big date with him... and finding myself falling in love with Ed at the concert. “We went on a few dates after that, with me sneaking out of the house to meet Eddie. We’d go to some fast food place then to Harvey’s. One evening, I still don’t know why, we wound up at Springer Lake.”
Diane interrupted to say, “That’s a great make-out place.”
I gave Diane a pained smile and said, “Yeah, that’s what was on Eddie’s mind. He was getting pretty hung up on me as a girl. And I have to say, I was totally in love with Eddie. I had developed a huge, schoolgirl crush on him. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging and getting really carried away. One thing led to another and I completely lost my senses I guess. Eddie was naked in the grass, and I was down to my bra and panties. It happened so fast, I didn’t even think about it. Before I knew it, I… I…” I hadn’t let this thought into my head in years. It was painful to even think about. Trying to force myself to say it took tremendous effort. I started to cry, “I… I… dammit, I put it in my mouth! I actually gave Eddie a blow job!”I started crying uncontrollably. All the years of pent up shame and self loathing poured out.
The memory was almost too much to put into words, “Th… Then Eddie pulled my panties down and … and grabbed my ass and started to pull me towards him. I… I was going to let him do it, but I said to him, ‘Eddie, no. Please don’t.’ He suddenly seemed to realize where he was and what he was doing. He stopped and started to go limp. He fell back onto the grass and looking away from me, said, ‘What in hell are we doing?’ He never would talk about it afterwards.”
Crying, with tears streaming down my face, arms folded tight against my chest, I said, “I hated myself after that. I never wanted to put on girl’s clothes again.”
Diane hugged me tight, “Oh my God, Chrissy.”A shocked expression flashed across her face, “You shouldn’t hate yourself over that. You were in love with him. It was a normal reaction. It’s OK.”
Shaking from the crying I said, “No it’s not normal.”
Diane tried to sound soothing as she said, “It’s normal for a girl who’s totally in love with her guy and wants very badly to please him.”
“That’s just it!” I almost shouted. “I’m not a girl, dammit! I’m not a girl.” I started to cry uncontrollably, “I’m a boy… and a very sissy boy at that!” My body shook from sobbing so hard.
Diane sat up and held my head in both her hands to make me look at her, “Chris, you’re not a sissy. You’re not
even a boy. You… are… a… girl. I realize that now. You can’t change your chromosomes, but inside,” she tapped a finger on my head, “you’re a girl. You’re a very pretty, intelligent, sweet, caring girl that any parent would be proud to have as a daughter and any guy would be lucky to have as a girlfriend.” She paused a moment, then added, “And any girl would be proud to call her sister.”
My crying started to slow down. Maybe Diane was right. Maybe I should stop trying to fight what actually seemed right. Being a boy just didn’t seem to be working out. Even Mom and Dad seemed more comfortable with me as a girl. The specter of Springer Lake had finally been exorcised from my soul. Years of shame were washed away.
Still with a cry in my voice, I said, “You’re right. I’m a girl.”I paused a moment, then added, “It feels good to say that.”A feeling of tremendous relief gushed through me with the acceptance of what I’ve been denying so hard for so long.
Diane hugged me and said gently, “It’s OK. You don’t have to cry, it’s OK.”
She held me at arm’s length and took a long look at me. Smiling, she said, “I think it’s great having a sister!”
The Reluctant Sister (Reluctant Series Book 3) Page 13
