by L. B. Dunbar
“My God, you are so beautiful, Lily pad.” His head pops back up. I barely have a bump, but lima bean is in there, between us, joining Brut and I forever together. I crawl over his calves and reach for his jeans, tugging forcefully to remove the clothing. I’m a woman on a desperate mission, and I groan at the effort.
“I love your noises,” Brut mutters, sitting up to help me by tugging off his tee. Falling to his back again, he meets my eyes again. “Are you sure about your legs?”
“I’ve got it.” I grasp his swollen shaft in my hand and tug, reinforcing I’m about to have my way with this man’s body. I’m possessed, ripples dancing on my skin with excitement, but I can’t stop myself. It’s as if my brain is on a mission—Must. Have. Him.
I lower for a swift lick up his smooth, hardened skin and then open my lips for a deep suck.
“Sugar,” Brut hisses, digging his hands into my hair. It’s only a tease, moistening him. I release him with a pop and crawl to squat over him. My feet lay flat on either side of his hips, and I lower in one quick thrust.
“Fuck,” Brut grunts.
“Did I hurt you?” I ask concerned at my aggressive, needy behavior.
“Hell no,” he mutters, gripping my hips. I remain still only a moment before I move, literally bouncing up and down in my frog-like position. I lift only to slam down, swallowing him whole, feeling him tap an undiscovered slice of heaven inside me. So sweet, so ripe, so ready to come undone.
“Brut,” I choke on his name as I swallow the lump in my throat. I’m not going to last long, filling myself with him, feeling the intense friction in just the right place. But it’s also my heart, so full with relief Brut isn’t upset, that he’s touching me, that we’re like this again. His thumb comes between us. Three sharp rubs and I’m done. I bite my lip to keep from screaming his name. I have no idea if Chopper is home, and the thought comes too late.
“Don’t you dare keep those noises to yourself. Scream,” he commands, and I do as my body unwinds. Almost instantly, I feel the tightening again as his thumb continues to stroke me and my legs continue to power thrust over him.
“I’m going to go again. Brut. Again.” I’m huffing in total surprise that I’m going to come a second time so soon. I continue to bounce, my body no longer under my control. With his thumb on the nub and his dick tapping the sweet spot, I unravel. This time, I slam down on him to catch my breath as my body clenches, drinking him in. My head falls back like I’m ready to howl at the moon even though it’s roughly midmorning.
Brut bucks upward and jolts within, the jetting of his seed which has already impregnated me filling me. I still as I ride out his wave, our breaths mixing in heavy pants. I notice I’ve clawed at his chest and soften my fingers on his red skin. His skin is so smooth, uninked, and tan. I lean down to briefly kiss the marks I’ve made.
“I’m sorry,” I quietly say, and Brut lifts his head to peer at his chest.
“You can mark me anyway you want,” he says, his voice thick and struggling from the exertion of what we just did.
“You need a tattoo,” I say although I have no idea if that’s something he’d consider. His hand instantly comes to my hip, palm flattening over the large cupcake tattoo coloring my skin.
“I know just what I’d get,” he teases, squeezing me, and I respond with a laugh, thinking how sweet it would be if he had markings to match mine.
36
The right thing said the wrong way
[Brut]
After our sex-a-thon—Lily is practically a nymphomaniac—she decides she needs a shower although she’s worried the water will sting. I suggest a bath and get up to run one for her. I need a moment anyway. The morning has been a whirlwind. Lily in my bed, in my house, announcing her pregnancy. I’m happy. I mean, I know I’ll be happy, but I’m just still in a state of…stunned. I’m forty-five. Can I start over again? Can I do it right this time? Will it be different?
These thoughts fill my mind as I fill the tub. One big difference this time around is Lily. I won’t let her go, and we’ll do this together. I’ll be her partner, and I think it will make all the difference. In hindsight, I had no issues raising Chopper alone. I had support, but I still would have liked a partner. I would have liked him to have a mother. Not Lauren, but someone female to be maternal for him. I recall how hard the past few months have been, opening up the wounds of not having a mom who cared for him. Lily will never be like her sister.
The thought makes me shiver. She never was. I chuckle to myself as I sit perched on the closed toilet, waiting for the tub to fill. Both my hands scrub down my face. Funny how life is. Funny how I recognize this is a second chance—a golden opportunity to make things right—and I want to do it right, for Lily. I want to give her all the things she wanted all those years ago.
Love. Marriage. A baby in a baby carriage.
We have to get married, I decide on the spot. It’s the thing to do. I need a ring, and the date, and a license, and…
“Hey.” Lily’s soft voice turns my head to the bathroom door. Her naked body leans around the doorjamb, and her blue eyes fix on me.
“Hey.” I sigh in relief although the list plays out in my head. Her looking at me like she does confirms my panic and my pleasure. We are going to be good. I reach out a hand for her, willing her to step forward. She does.
“I wonder if it will hurt.” Marrying me? I stare up at her but find her gaze on the water.
“I’ll help you get in.” The water isn’t too deep yet, and I guide her as she gingerly steps in. She sits and lifts her feet to balance on the edge of the porcelain. I need a new bathroom, I decide, and add it to the list. Lily can decide how to rearrange my room. Our room, I think with growing excitement.
We’re going to get married, a little voice in my head says, and my heart jumps like an animated creature looking around. Who? Us? I stare down at Lily, at the space on her belly that will grow and stretch to accommodate life. I missed this stage the first time. Lauren told me she was pregnant, but I didn’t believe her, and I didn’t believe it could be mine. I didn’t know I had a child until she dropped him off at the door. I scrub a hand down my face. Jesus. It will be different this time.
“I can almost see the wheels spinning,” Lily says from in the tub. I want to join her. I want to hold her, but I know we both need a moment. Yet I can’t seem to leave the bathroom.
“I think we should get married.”
Lily’s head flinches back, her eyes blinking. “What?”
“We need to do this right. I need to do it right.” Lily’s still staring at me as if she isn’t seeing me or hearing me.
“Okay,” she says, the simple word echoing off the tiles, but she’s hesitant.
“Look, you seemed worried about the ambulance ride yesterday. I know how expensive independent insurance can be.”
“I have insurance,” Lily says, her voice a little defensive. “When I hired Ester, she needed it as well, so I formed a small company, and we got a decent rate.” Her eyes lower, and I know it’s still pricy.
“As my wife, you can be on my insurance. The baby can be on my insurance.” I pause. “You’ve been to the doctor, right?”
“Brut,” she admonishes. “Yes, I’ve been to the doctor. I have an ultrasound for the heart beat next week. I already told you this.”
“Ultrasound,” I repeat although I know what the test is. Baby images. We will get to see the baby. “I’m coming with you.”
Lily’s face falls, and she glares at me.
“I’d like to know your schedule, and I’ll add it to my calendar. I promise I won’t miss anything.”
“Brut, it isn’t—”
“We already discussed you’re staying here. The kitchen countertop should be here within the week. I still need to do the backsplash and maybe you could help me choose a new kitchen table.” I’m rambling as I’m ticking things off in my head.
“We could get married by the end of the week, and we could—”
“Brut. Stop it.” Her harsh tone snaps up my head.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“It’s just…this isn’t exactly how I saw things happening. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I mean, marriage? That’s a big step. I know you’ll be a great father. I’m sure you’ll always be there, but this is kind of…huge.”
“Nothing is happening as I thought it would, but I want us to marry. For the baby.”
Lily’s face pinches. “I get that, but what about us?”
“What about us? You’re staying here. I want you here.” I sit straighter, emphasizing my enthusiasm. I want to be with her, but I’m trying to read the lines on her face “That’s not it, is it?”
I’ve cataloged her noises. I’ve memorized expressions. But I’m missing something, and I don’t know what it is.
“You don’t want to marry me.” Everything inside me rushes to my stomach, and in another second, I’ll need to open this lid and vomit.
“That’s not it. I just thought one day I’d have a wedding.” Lily’s eyes avoid mine, scrubbing a nail on the porcelain like she’s trying to chip at it.
“We can do that.” My shoulders lower, and my body language shows the added weight to my list. A wedding. “Okay, we can get Midge to help and contact a minister—”
“Brut, can you slow down a minute? We don’t need a wedding, especially a rushed one. I’m just saying I thought I’d have one, one day.” Her hand comes to her still small belly. “But like you said, nothing happened as you thought it would.”
Something in her tone doesn’t settle well with me. I also don’t like the sound of the words I said repeated back to me.
“Okay, you’re right. I don’t mean to push.” I know Lily understands this is what I do. I take care of things.
“You’re not pushing,” she says softly. “We just don’t need to do everything today.”
I chuckle, rubbing the back of my neck, then nod to agree.
“What I would like to do today is check in with the landlord and contact the insurance company.”
The bakery. I almost forgot. I plow forward again.
“I don’t think you should return to work.”
“Excuse me?”
“In your condition, you stand all day, which can be stressful.”
Lily sits forward in the tub, her arms resting on the edge while her feet still angle on the opposite edge. She’s flexible, and my mind flashes back to the frog-like position she took over me on my bed. Her voice interrupts the memory.
“I’m pregnant, not dead. I will be working, and I will reopen my bakery.” The determination in her voice reminds me of a nineteen-year-old Lily telling me she’ll own her own bakery one day.
“Okaaaay.” I hesitate. “But I think you need to reconsider your location.”
“The bakery is located on Sacramento Street. And that’s where it will stay. I have too much equipment, and the location works best as I’m just outside LA. I need to be close to the city for events.”
I sigh, exasperated. “Lily pad.” The nickname doesn’t work.
“Brut,” she exaggerates.
“Okay, let’s just take it one step at a time. The insurance company first.” I take a deep breath although I know taking steps is going to be difficult when I want to run to the finish line.
+ + +
“What is she doing out there?” Chopper asks as he stands before the back door to the yard. My kitchen is long and narrow with limited light. It’s a few days after Lily told me the news, and I stand amid the space staring at the wall behind the stove. I should have bumped out the entire room and added an addition to make an open-concept space like the beach house. I sigh, worrying for the millionth time I won’t provide Lily with all she wants, all she needs.
“She’s doing yoga,” I reply without having to look out the door. It’s October but still pleasant outside. Lily and I have slowly established a routine of living and working around one another. I had to get back to the garage, and Lily’s been elbow deep in insurance claims and working with her landlord. She’s in a panic with the holiday season coming. The police have cleared her business for normal operations in the kitchen area, but the storefront still needs some work.
Hank gave me a hand, and we cleared out the damaged display cases and cleaned up all the glass. After a scrub down and industrial vacuuming, the place didn’t look too bad despite the boards across the front. She should have new windows installed any day. I’m still not happy she insists on remaining in her current location, but we settled on her living space. She’s with me. We moved her personal things to my house—our house—and she’ll use the space above the bakery as her office.
While Hank and I were cleaning Lily’s place, I asked him to bring Midge over for dinner tonight. Lily and I have something to discuss with them. We’ve already told Chopper about the baby, and he seems excited enough. As enthusiastic as a twenty-two-year-old can be when he’s getting a sibling. When we told him, he told us he was moving out.
“The timing’s perfect. With Lily moving in, I don’t have to worry about you being alone, and with the baby, you’ll have your hands full.”
Lily worried she was forcing Chopper out, but he assured her she couldn’t get rid of him even if he lived elsewhere. I was touched he worried about leaving me alone. The comments made Lily cry. I’ve never pegged her for an emotional person, not on the level the tears seem to fall this week, and she admits it’s not her typical behavior, but pregnancy has made her a hot mess. Tears result from television commercials, reading a social media post, or something she witnesses—like an old man hugging his kid—which is what happened between Chopper and I after he told me he was moving out.
I also know Lily’s dealing with a lot. The damage to her business rattles her despite her brave front and survivor attitude. She’s pregnant. She’s moved in with me. It’s all been an adjustment, but I still worry she isn’t adjusting like I am. I’m so happy inside. Waking up to her each day causes me to nearly burst. I stare at her form next to me in our bed, where she finally lingers each morning instead of rushing to get out of it like she did at the beach house. I follow her movements as she crosses a room or sits on the couch absently holding her stomach. She glows from the early stages of pregnancy, and her light warms my insides.
Yet something’s still missing.
With Hank and Midge over for dinner, I’m hoping to finalize the marriage plan and get something checked off my list. I’m still waiting on the countertop, but I plan to grill, so it won’t be too much of an inconvenience.
When Hank and Midge arrive, I’m the only one nursing a beer as my brother doesn’t drink, and Lily and Midge can’t. I’m a little perturbed to discover Midge knew Lily was pregnant weeks before me. I thought Lily and I were sharing some big news together.
“Seems I’m the last to know,” I mutter, lifting my beer to swallow down my irritation along with the cool liquid.
“Don’t be upset,” Midge admonishes. “It wasn’t my place to tell you. I just nudged you in the right direction.”
“How so?” I look at my sister-in-law as I lean against the counter-less cabinet. We’re gathered in the kitchen despite the disarray. Midge and Lily sit at the table that needs to be replaced while Hank stands behind his wife, leaning on the back of her chair.
“I told you Lily was sick. Remember, I saw her at the doctor’s office. I figured if you worried about her, you’d go see her, and her being sick was a good excuse. Not that you needed an excuse but…”
“You needed a kick in the ass,” my brother adds, finishing his wife’s thought. Lily giggles.
“So that’s how it happened?” Midge is noticeably more pregnant than Lily, but I smile inside, knowing my brother and I will have children the same age this time around. I’ll also have someone to commiserate with me as we’ll be two old guys with young kids.
“Speaking of how things happened.” Lily clears her throat. “How is it that Brut and I ended up together at
the beach house?”
“Oh, about that.” Hank coughs, and I watch as my brother swipes his fingers through his hair before he answers. “I own it.”
“What?” I snap, my irritation level rising at another thing I seem to be the last to learn.
“When I learned I had some money, and my wife wouldn’t let me invest in her business…” His hand comes to Midge’s shoulder. “I wanted to buy something. Something I could own alone.” Hank’s eyes drift to the side. He technically doesn’t own the garage. He just works at it. When he went through his rock star years, and his rock bottom phase, decisions needed to be made, and Hank had to be removed as an owner. He gladly gave it up when our pop died and the will left the place in equal shares to both of us. I’ve offered over and over to make him a partner, no financial transaction needed, but he doesn’t want it.
“Anyway, I thought rental property might be a good investment. I found the place, made an offer, and took possession around July. You and Lily were our first and only tenants so far.”
“How did I get involved?” Lily questions, looking at Midge.
“When Hank first looked at the property, you had mentioned wanting a vacation. It was around the time of our wedding dinner.” The mention reminds me Lily made the cupcakes for their celebration but declined the invitation to attend the meal. “I simply suggested the location, and you seemed eager to go. Hank had already decided to hire a property manager as the place is too far away for us to manage. You were our first customer.”
A thought occurs. “You made Lily pay.” I’m pissed and realize I’ll be paying my brother for Lily’s share. She was obviously bamboozled a bit, and I don’t want her paying for things when we are family. Or will be. This reminds me of my purpose in inviting Hank and Midge to dinner.
“Actually, the money’s in an escrow account. We planned to give it back to Lily.” Midge looks sheepishly at Lily and reaches for her hand. “I’m sorry we’ve held the money for so long. We were waiting for the right time to come clean.” Her eyes shift up to her husband and back.
