by Rhonda Helms
She squeezed me back. “Okay.” Then as she pulled away, she said in a louder voice, “But I don’t think we’ll have time to drop you…” Her eyes roamed to Gavin in a meaningful manner, and I almost groaned out loud at the heavy-handedness.
“Never mind, I can walk—” I started.
“Let me take you home,” Gavin said in a firm tone. “You shouldn’t walk alone this late at night. I was gonna head out anyway.”
“You sure?” I asked in a hesitant tone. My pulse kicked up.
His eyes were serious as he said, “Absolutely. Let’s go.”
Chapter Nine
Gavin pulled into my driveway. The car rumbled in idle as we sat in the warmth for a moment, both of us quiet.
“Thanks for the ride,” I finally said. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem.” His voice was just as soft as mine.
I pressed my hands to my belly, aware that I was way more nervous than I should have been with a mere friend. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t sexually attracted to any of my friends. Hell, I was pretty sure I’d never been this attracted to Steven. This was so messed up and crazy.
“Well, I guess I should go inside,” I replied. Though I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep on talking to him. Pick his brain more.
“Okay.” I could barely see his eyes in the dim light, but the glow from the dashboard highlighted the lines of his face. The plumpness of his lower lip. The angle of his jaw and bump of his Adam’s apple.
“Wanna go for a walk?” I blurted out.
“Oh. Sounds good.” He turned the car off, and we got out.
I turned left past my duplex, and he walked beside me, our strides in rhythm. The only sounds in the air were the skittering of dry leaves across the street and our feet crunching on the ones on the sidewalk.
“Are you ready for Halloween tomorrow?” I asked him.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I got my orange and black lights out and ready to go. For trick-or-treating, I open my garage and make it into a sort of haunted house, complete with strobe lights and a fog machine. The kids love it.”
“Sounds awesome. That makes me want to come over and see it too,” I admitted.
“If you’re not doing anything, help me hand out candy. We get a ton of traffic on my street, so I could use the assist.”
My regret was stronger than it should have been. “I would, but I have to work in the evening.” The pizza joint had called me earlier and asked if I could deliver tomorrow night instead of tonight. Which meant I didn’t have to spend any of my money on Halloween candy to avoid looking like a cheap putz. But it also meant I was going to miss spending more time with Gavin.
Though with as much sexual attraction I had for him, that was probably not the worst thing ever.
“How many jobs are you working now?” he asked in a light tone.
“Oh. Uh, a few. I do a lot of things here and there.” I gave an awkward chuckle and wrapped my arms tighter around my torso. Warm yellow light from streetlamps lit the sidewalk up in front of us, and we were surrounded by large trees on the yard and tree lawn. Naked branches stretched over our heads and formed an arc.
“I was wrong about you,” Gavin said.
“What do you mean?”
I heard him exhale through his nose. “When I first saw you, in your designer clothes and jewelry and whatever, I thought you were…”
“Were what? Go ahead and say it.” I knew what he was gonna say, but some self-torturing part of me needed to hear it.
“I thought you were a bit of a snob,” he said evenly. “That you would quit the cafeteria job within a few days because you’d think you were too good to do it.”
I didn’t reply, but my chest stabbed with pain. Because frankly, he was right in a way—the old me, before our family’s severe income change, would have laughed at the thought of working as a lunch lady. It would have been far, far below me.
The new me was fully aware that any money was good money. Frankly, I couldn’t afford to be a snob.
Gavin touched my arm and tugged me to a stop. He was inches from me, his mouth tantalizingly close. “I feel bad, Anna. I was wrong about you and I wanted to admit it. You’re not a snob, and you’re not a flake. You work hard.” His breath puffed on my face, and I could smell a hint of mint.
My stomach tightened in response to his proximity. The desire to push up on my toes and close the distance between our lips was so strong. Don’t forget about Steven, I reminded myself. I had a boyfriend. Though the thought of him didn’t fill me with emotion the way Gavin did.
Steven had never made my skin tingle this way. I’d never been this hungry to know everything about him.
Gavin’s hand slid down my arm to cup my fingers. The gesture was simple but powerful. He squeezed my hand. “Sorry. I just figured I’d tell you because I felt bad about my assumption and needed to own it. That’ll teach me to be so judgmental.”
“Thank you.” All my feelings were in my voice, and I squeezed his hand back. “I really appreciate your honesty.” I had to admit, his words had a balmy effect on my soul. Instead of feeling embarrassed about the work I was doing, I allowed pride to flit in, fill me. He was right about how hard I worked.
Maybe I was stronger than I’d realized.
When I went to withdraw my hand, he kept my fingers locked in his. “Anna,” he said in an anguished tone that made the air lock in my lungs. “God…you’re so beautiful.”
My resistance was crumbling faster than I could maintain the protective wall around me. I scrambled for something light to say that would get me out of trouble before I dove headfirst in. “Oh, yeah, my dating life went through the roof once I got my braces off in high school.”
He chuckled and let go of my hand, and I was filled with equal parts relief and regret. “You know, I wanted to kiss you so badly when we were dating, but I was petrified you’d smack me or something. I thought you were the cutest girl in school. I couldn’t believe you’d said yes to going with me.”
My jaw dropped. “You never told me any of that.” Our relationship had basically consisted of holding hands and walking around school. I hadn’t gotten any hint that he’d wanted to kiss me the way I’d wanted to kiss him.
Unlike now, where I could feel that crackling tension between us still, despite my efforts to lighten the conversation.
We turned around and started walking back toward my duplex. A sharp breeze picked up, and I zipped my coat a little higher to block air from flowing down my neck.
“I guess after I got busted for stealing Imogen’s jewelry, I was too embarrassed. Especially since you dumped me so cruelly.” His voice was teasing.
“I made a lousy Bonnie to your Clyde,” I told him, mock regret pouring into my tone. My mind kept drawing back to his sincere words about my beauty, and I knew I needed to be honest with him. “Gavin, I need to tell you something.” I swallowed and forced myself to continue. “I have a boyfriend back in New York City.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I appreciate you stopping me before I made an ass out of myself tonight.”
“No, don’t say that,” I said as I reached out for his hand to stop him in his tracks. I made him look in my eyes before I continued. “There’s more I need to tell you. I’m…attracted to you. A lot.” My stomach lurched into my throat, but I made myself keep talking. “And I’m struggling because I can’t help how I feel. But I don’t want to be that person, you know?”
He stared into my eyes for a long moment. Then he nodded. There was a flash of something deeper in there, and then it was gone, replaced by his usual easygoing demeanor. “Yeah, I get it. And I’m glad you were honest. I’d still like to be friends though. If you want to, that is.” Then he smirked. “I do realize my hotness might make that difficult.”
I gave him a light punch on the arm to cover up my flushed cheeks at the accuracy of his teasing words; I was glad though for the reprieve from the guilt eating at my stomach. “I’ll try to fight my rampant lust back.” I paused.
“So are we okay?”
His words held a sensual rumble that made my nipples tighten. “We’re whatever you want us to be, Anna.”
An hour later, I was sitting on my couch, drinking a glass of super-cheap wine. I’d spent some of my pizza tip money to buy a bottle of pinot grigio. Dad had finally gotten home, gone right into the shower, then collapsed in bed, so I was left alone with my thoughts.
How had everything gotten so complicated? The plan was supposed to be straightforward—find my mom, get some money, get Dad settled, then move back to New York City. Instead, my mom was still in hiding, I was barely getting by, my dad was an emotional hot mess and New York City was nowhere in sight.
I bit my lower lip and remembered the way Gavin’s eyes had fixed on mine when he’d told me goodbye. The guy oozed sensuality, intensity. Every time I was around him, it was harder and harder to fight this attraction. It might be different if it was just physical, but something about him compelled me beyond his good looks. He was smart, funny, caring. Natalie and Bianca had nothing but positive things to say about him. His students practically worshiped him.
My chest ached from all the stress hitting me. Checking Gavin out like this, being this interested in him was being disloyal to Steven. I was ashamed of myself, remorseful over how much I’d tried to justify this attraction. At least I’d told Gavin about him instead of treating Steven like he was a dirty secret. He was my boyfriend, after all.
At least, technically.
I took a big swig of wine and sighed as the alcohol loosened my limbs. My phone had buzzed earlier in the bowling alley, but I hadn’t looked at it, not wanting to interrupt my time with the girls and Gavin. I took it out and saw a text from Steven.
Heading out w/ friends. L8tr!
Hm. I wrote back, Have fun! then sent the message. I stared at his text for a moment, willing myself to feel something deeper for him. To fondly recall some of our better dates together, like walking around Central Park or that impromptu weekend trip to Vegas.
We had a great time hanging out. And he was a sweet guy—always had been. Was I being unfair by comparing him to Gavin? After all, Steven wasn’t around to defend himself or point out all of his good qualities or kiss away my confusion.
I kicked my feet on the end of the couch and stretched out, back leaning against the arm. This distance was impacting us—I knew that much for sure. Where we used to talk daily, now we were barely sending more than a handful of texts and the occasional goodnight call. Even he’d gotten bad about not responding to messages for a day or two. Was this all my fault?
I kept Steven at arm’s length with my secrets. He still didn’t know about my mom…and the more time that passed, the harder it was for me to say anything. I knew it would hurt his feelings for me to tell him now; he’d wonder why I’d kept it secret for so long, why I hadn’t trusted him.
And therein was the crux of the issue. For some reason, I didn’t want to tell him. Which made me feel like a huge jerk. The secrets and the distance were making me pull away from him.
I rolled a mouthful of wine in my mouth then swallowed. The temptation was there to grab my phone, call him and blurt it all out. Just to see what his response was. But I knew that was the wine talking, a false bravado I’d probably regret. Steven was with his friends—it would be rude to interrupt their time to ease my guilt.
Yet another excuse to not tell the truth.
With a sigh, I put my phone in my pocket so I wouldn’t do anything dumb. I had to face facts—my feelings for Steven were changing, but I wasn’t quite ready to end it with him yet. I was going to have to make a hard decision soon though. Either stop talking so much to Gavin or do something about Steven. Because I couldn’t live in this weird middle ground for much longer.
Chapter Ten
“Here ya go, Dad.” I slid two eggs onto his plate beside the lumpy pancakes I hoped tasted good.
To his credit, he didn’t wince when he noticed how awful the eggs looked. Just smiled and grabbed a slice of toast. “Thanks for making Sunday breakfast. I don’t remember the last time we went all out like this.”
I did. It was before we’d moved here. Mom had made a big brunch for us just a week before she left.
I got in my seat and eyed my food. Here’s hoping.
“You okay?” he asked as he laid the paper napkin on his paint-splattered pants. We were both working this afternoon, so this morning was our rest and relaxation time. Given how busy we were, we hadn’t seen much of each other over the last several days.
I nodded and dug in. The eggs weren’t as fluffy as I’d hoped, but they were serviceable. “Just thinking about…things,” I mumbled around a mouthful.
“I accepted the offer on the condo, pending your mom’s final approval,” Dad said. “The lawyer is working on contacting her so she can sign off on the paperwork. He’s okay with us postponing payment of his fees until the condo sells.”
It was on the top of my tongue to blurt out that I was looking for her too, though my PI hadn’t found anything yet. “She isn’t going to fight you on this, is she?”
He shook his head, and I heard a quiet sigh. “No, she just wants out of this all. The house, the marriage. The life.”
That anger came back fresh and strong, surging in my chest and making my skin hot. “I’m still so mad at her. I can’t believe she hasn’t reached out to me at all. Two months have gone by and not one word from her. What kind of mom does that to her daughter?” Apparently one who was too busy getting banged by her new man. Whatever.
Dad sat there with his hands in his lap, not moving. Then he said, “I’m mad about that too, kiddo. It’s one thing to leave me. Another to pull this shit on you.”
I blinked. My dad wasn’t one to talk so bluntly about things. I took a bite of pancake and tried to think about how to word my next question. “What happened with you two? Why did she really leave? She said in her note that you guys had had problems for a while, but I don’t remember seeing it. Was she right, or was that her trying to pin the blame on someone else?”
He pursed his lips and then sipped his coffee. “Your mom and I always had some issues. We didn’t agree on everything. But I figured we could get through this recent rough patch. You probably didn’t notice because of being busy… Not to mention we didn’t want to make a fuss or drag you into it.”
Huh. Yeah, I hadn’t been around much for the last few months—too occupied running around with Steven, Fiona and our friends. “Did you know this was coming though? Because you seemed just as shocked as I was.”
He swallowed and stared at his food. “No, I was blindsided.” His voice resonated with anger, which surprised me. “I never thought she’d up and leave like this. This was the coward’s way—and your mom never struck me before as a coward.” His words were bald, honest. I found my chest tightening again.
“I’m sorry, Dad.” I reached over and rubbed his arm. “But I’m proud of you. I know this has been hard, but look at you—you’re making a life for yourself now.”
He nodded, and when he looked at me, I saw his eyes soften. “I couldn’t get through this without you. I’m sorry you’ve had to bear so much of the burden, but I’m ready to start shouldering my fair share of the responsibilities around here. I was afraid this shock with your mom was going to destroy me. But it didn’t.”
“No, it didn’t,” I affirmed. “Do you miss the city life?”
His sigh was a touch wistful. “In some ways I do. I miss the art scene. I miss going to gallery exhibits. The lifestyle is fast and energetic. There’s always something happening every day of the week. But…a lot of it was fake. All that schmoozing I did with your mom’s associates. The so-called connections I made at the gallery. Not one of those people have returned my calls since I moved here.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” Fiona had fallen off the radar completely now, the last of my friends to stop talking to me. But at least I had Natalie and Bianca. The few weeks I’d been hanging out with them h
ad been more real and more fulfilling than anything I’d had in a long, long time. Good grief, how shallow and fake my life had become. I hadn’t realized how much I’d craved genuine friendship until I moved here.
He nodded and sipped his coffee. “I’m proud of you too, you know.”
“Me?” I poked my pancake; it tasted like eggs. “Uh, you might want to pass on the pancake. Or slather it in syrup. Sorry about that—I tried.”
His smile was warm. “That’s what I mean. You’re trying. You’re not afraid to roll up your sleeves and make breakfast, even if you’ve never done it before, or take on a job that requires hard work.” He paused, and his eyes started to glisten. “Seeing how much you sacrificed to come here with me… It humbled me. Made me want to get my ass out of bed and earn your respect.”
“Oh, Dad,” I said with a choked smile. I ran over and hugged him. “Thank you.”
“I’m so proud to be your father,” he said as he stroked my back. “You’ve become an amazing young woman.”
I sniffled and sat back down then dabbed at my eyes with my napkin. “We’ll get through this.”
He nodded. “Yes, we will. And my buddy Jim—the one who helped me get this job—he’s putting in a good word for me to get other work, too.” Dad paused then stood. “I want to show you something.”
I followed him into his bedroom. The room was sparse—just a bed, a dresser and a bedside table—but in the corner I saw a rickety wooden chair and an easel. On the easel was a canvas with preliminary black charcoal sketches of downtown Edgewood Falls. True to Dad’s artistic style, the contrast of light and dark was already evident. I couldn’t wait to see the final product.
My heart sped up. I turned to look at him, and the proud smile on his face made my own mouth turn up at the corners. “You’re working again.”
He nodded. “Jim’s wife runs a boutique on Main Street that sells upscale art and jewelry. She’s offered to give me space to display some works.”
I clapped my hands over my mouth and let the tears stream down my cheeks. Relief poured through my soul, heavy and blissful and sorely craved. We were really going to make it. Dad was moving forward, not letting Mom hold him back anymore. The change in him was subtle but there, now that I studied him. The shadows of despair weren’t in his eyes. His spine seemed straighter, his outlook more positive. He was finding himself.
