“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.
“No. I’m just really not in the mood to do this right now. The party is still going on, and you should go back.”
She looked utterly confused. I turned my back to her, and she got dressed and stormed out of the house.
I scribbled a note on the back of an old assignment and stuck it to Jack’s door.
I’m going to the lake in the morning. I should be back in time for practice. If not, cover for me.
Then, I plopped back down on my bed and immediately passed out.
Alice
I lost track of how many times I called Shawn that night. I couldn’t get the look on his face when he saw me at the podium out of my mind. He just looked so hurt, and I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone’s pain, let alone his.
Chris called me after the seminar had wrapped up, asking why I left. I came up with some lie about not feeling well, and in typical Chris fashion, he offered to come over to my dorm to take care of me. I assured him that I was feeling better and I’d just needed some air.
Then, he emailed me document after document to go over and some sort of release that I had to sign and send back to him. I was so distracted by everything that happened with Shawn that my eyes tracked the words on the page but nothing went in. I finished as much work as I could, then gave up and went to sleep.
I woke up early the next morning and couldn’t fall back asleep. I thought about calling Shawn again, but I didn’t want to wake him and make him angrier. I lay in bed, and the scene between us replayed in my head over and over. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and took my computer to the study room and continued going over the work from Chris.
Apparently, Chris didn’t sleep much either. I had a new email in my inbox, sent in the middle of the night. I yawned, opening the attachment that I realized was a personalized work schedule for me. Not only was there a checklist of things to accomplish about a mile long, but he had scheduled several hours out of each day for me to join him in his office.
Maybe it was a good thing that Shawn was pissed off at me. There was no way I’d have time for both him and my research, not to mention the coursework I had on top of that.
As the sun came up and sleepy students started making their way outside their rooms, I was starting to get a little worried about Shawn. What if he wasn’t answering because something had happened to him? My brain created the most ludicrous situations where Shawn was passed out drunk on the sidewalk or lying in a ditch somewhere after getting in a car crash.
I went to breakfast with Lori, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. I sipped a cup of tea and picked at some cereal.
“Are you sick?” she asked. “If you’re sick, you should go to the health center. I don’t want to sound rude, but I don’t want you to spread germs in our room.”
“I’m not sick,” I said. “I’m just not hungry.”
“Then something is obviously wrong. What is it?”
“Shawn is mad at me, and I feel terrible about it,” I said, trying to hold back the moisture forming in my eyes.
Lori listened intently as I told her the whole story. When I was done, she offered her advice.
“Well, you should never have to apologize for looking out for yourself,” she concluded. “But obviously, you have some feelings for him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel this bad about upsetting him. If you find him, apologize. If he won’t accept it, then move on. Don’t waste your tears on a man who doesn’t deserve them. There’s no point in trying to salvage a relationship if it’s already broken beyond repair.”
“I don’t agree,” I said. “I think just about every problem can be solved.”
“Maybe, but you have to invest your time and energy in the right things,” she said. “It’s your call, but you have to put your feelings first.”
“I think I’m going to see if he’s still home. He doesn’t have class before ten. He should be there.”
“Good luck,” Lori said. “Keep me updated.”
I walked over to his fraternity house and stood at the door. I was finding it really difficult to work up the courage to knock. I didn’t belong there, and Shawn certainly didn’t want me there, or else he would have replied to one of my many phone calls and text messages.
A girl walked out of the house, so I used the opportunity to sneak my way inside. Shawn’s friend, Jack, was in the living room, copying homework answers from one of his fraternity brothers.
“Do you think it would be okay to go up to Shawn’s room? I really need to talk to him,” I asked quietly.
“You could,” he said, scribbling furiously. “But he’s not there.”
“What?” I asked in disbelief. “Where is he?”
“He’s taking the day off. He said he’s going to the lake. That’s about all I know.”
“Is he okay?”
“Shawn? Yeah, he’s always okay. I don’t know why you’re worried about him. Do you know something I don’t?”
“Not really.”
“He’ll probably be back tonight. If you need to talk to him so badly, just call him. Do you need his number?”
“No,” I said, not wanting to explain anything. “I’ll try giving him a call.”
I left the house and started walking toward my first class. Why would Shawn go to the lake house for the day? He had a game on Saturday, and missing practice would make him ineligible to play. This seemed serious. I made a U-turn and headed straight for my dorm room.
“Lori,” I said out of breath, catching her as she was about to leave for class. “Can I borrow your car? Shawn’s at the lake house and I really need to go talk to him.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Is it really worth it?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
She slowly reached for her car keys, dangling them in front of my face.
“If you crash my car, I will smother you in your sleep.”
“Noted.”
She sighed, dropping them into my outstretched hand. “Honestly, this seems like a lot of work for a guy who’s known to be a player.”
“I know. I just need closure, if nothing else.”
“Well, do what you need to do.”
I raced off, trying to make a mental map for where I needed to drive. Luckily, I was so nervous on the way up there last time that I spent most of the ride looking out the window. I took off down the highway, being as cautious as possible. I didn’t need to have a car wreck to deal with too.
I recalled the deer crossing sign, where we took a left. Shawn had told me a story about seeing a family of deer cross the road here, so he always slowed down, just in case.
I took a right at the forked road with the ski resort sign. Shawn told me that he liked to ski, but he couldn’t go anymore because the coach was strict about them doing things that could cause injuries. I’d never been skiing before, and he said that he would break the coach’s rules and teach me sometime.
I turned off the highway and followed the road with the other houses that lined the lake. I had forgotten which house was his, but luckily, his car was parked in the driveway.
I knocked on the door and instantly regretted coming. My stomach hurt, and I felt stupid for thinking that I should just show up at his family’s home uninvited.
There was no answer. Maybe he went on a hike and I had driven all this way for nothing. Driving around in the country and skipping class for this would all be a waste. I went around the back.
Sure enough, he was standing on the dock, skipping rocks. He must have collected the best rocks because beside his feet was a pile of flat, smooth stones.
“Shawn,” I said, hoping I wouldn’t startle him.
It didn’t work. He jumped and spun his head around so quickly that he might have given himself whiplash.
“What are you doing here?” he growled.
“I stopped by your house, but Jack said you were here,” I said apologetically.
“Why?”
“I wanted t
o talk to you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Alice. I saw everything that I needed to see. You’re not over your ex-boyfriend. That’s fine. I just don’t want to be caught in the middle of things. I didn’t realize that you were still using me to make him jealous. I guess it’s my fault for being so stupid.”
“It’s not like that at all. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to talk to you.”
“What is there left to say? I saw the way you two looked at each other and the way he put his arm around you.”
“Why were you there in the first place?” It never occurred to me until this moment that I never got an answer to that question.
“I saw the flyer. I thought I would surprise you by doing something you’d enjoy. I wanted to show you that I’m not some stereotypical frat guy or football player. I care about things too. It really sucks that I tried so hard to get you to like me, and you made up some excuse and lied to me to get out of our plans.”
“I’m sorry,” I said as tears spilled from my eyes. “I didn’t think you’d find out. I wanted to hang out with you, but Chris said that if I came, it would be good for my future at this school. If I would have known you were going to take me to the lecture, I would have never backed out.”
“The truth would have been nice, though,” he said coldly. “I’m a human with thoughts and feelings, too, you know.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, wiping the tears from the rims of my eyes.
“Tell me that Chris means nothing to you, and maybe I’ll accept it.”
“What?” I asked, hearing him but not fully understanding him.
“If you can say will complete honesty that you like me and no one else, I’ll accept your apology.”
It was unfair for him to put me in this position. He didn’t understand me or what I had been through.
“It’s been harder than I thought it would be to get over him,” I admitted. “How can you force me to choose between two people I care about?”
“I’m not forcing you to do anything. I don’t want to play games with you anymore.”
“I didn’t come here to promise to be with you forever,” I said, getting frustrated. “I just wanted to apologize. I messed up.”
“So did I,” he said. “I was wrong about you. I pursued you because I thought you weren’t the type to fuck around with multiple guys. I even made a bet with Jack that I could make you come around to me. It turns out that you played me.”
“You what?” Fresh tears started welling up in my eyes.
He sighed. “A stupid little bet that I had called off because I was starting to have feelings for you. The joke’s on me, though.”
“I come here to apologize and try to make things better, and you’re telling me that you only ever talked to me because of some stupid hookup bet with your friend?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Fuck you!” I shouted. Why did I think that I could patch things up between us? He was everything that I hoped he wouldn’t be. He was cold and uncaring, and he only introduced himself to me because he thought I would be a challenge.
“Fuck you too,” he responded. “I’m sorry we wasted each other’s time.”
Without another word, I ran through the yard and back to the car. I made it about five miles before I had to pull over to the side of the road. I was crying too hard to even see the highway.
When I finally composed myself, I continued on my way. I missed all of my classes for the day, but I still had to work on research. I didn’t want Chris to know that anything was wrong. Even though I knew that he’d comfort me, I still just wanted to be left alone.
In the end, I’d said what I needed to say to Shawn. If he didn’t want to accept it, there was nothing more I could do. I just had to shut this chapter in my life and move on.
Shawn would be fine. Guys like Shawn had no shortage of women available to him, and eventually, he’d find a new girl to be with. I would be fine too. Eventually.
Shawn
Shortly after Alice left the lake house, I grabbed my things and drove back to campus. So much for having a relaxing morning. Next time I ran off, I’d have to remember not to tell Jack where I was going.
I understood that I was being a massive dick to Alice, but I was still a little mad at her. I just didn’t want to hear any excuses.
I really didn’t like the sound of this Chris guy. I know how guys work. You don’t ask your ex-girlfriend to spend a lot of time with you after the breakup without wanting more than friendship. Anyone claiming to be without a hidden agenda is either lying or crazy.
I mean, the guy was okay-looking by my standards, but I didn’t get what she saw in him. I guess he was smart or something, but he didn’t look particularly athletic.
I had also heard her mention on more than occasion that he was a “nice guy”. I never understood why a girl would want to be with one of those. I just imagine a guy with a fake smile, telling his girl what she wants to hear and letting her walk all over him. To me, it sounds incredibly boring.
Hopefully, he wasn’t one of those self-professed “nice guys”. Those guys tended to be kind of creepy. That’s why I would never describe myself as nice—I didn’t want girls to get the wrong idea about me. Those were the types of guys who would act all sweet around a girl until they weren’t getting what they wanted. They’re just as bad as those “friend-zone” douche bags. They think that just because they’re nice to a girl’s face, they should have first dibs on her, and then get pissed off when it turns out that the girl isn’t into him.
As much game as I talked, I knew that I had no claim over the women I slept with. I didn’t care if they even liked me as a person. If a girl wasn’t into me, I wouldn’t cajole her into being with me. There were always more women out there.
I made it back to campus well before I had to go to practice. I could have even gone to class, but at that point, I wasn’t really in the mood to go. Instead, I went to our house’s computer lab to do a little digging on this Chris guy.
In a matter of seconds, I had found him on three different social networking sites. All of his profile pictures featured him in some obnoxious pose, with a goofy smile on his face. He certainly played up the “nice guy” persona.
Everything looked clean. No materials on his pages could ever even raise an eyebrow, even for the most conservative grandparent. I was actually a bit disappointed to discover this.
I couldn’t explain how, but I just knew there was something wrong about him. He did cheat on Alice, after all.
“What are you doing?” Jack asked, popping his head into the empty room.
I quickly closed all of my windows. I didn’t want to get caught snooping.
“Nothing, just catching up on homework,” I covered quickly.
“Dude,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I saw what you’re doing. Why were you looking up Chris Lane?”
“Do you know him?” I asked a little too eagerly.
“Regrettably, yes,” Jack said. “I went to high school with him. We were kind of friends back then.”
“Did you know that he used to date Alice? They were together last year before she was even in college.”
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
“Why?” I asked, clueless.
“I suppose that high school girls are more likely to go out with older college guys. They’re probably a bit easier to manipulate, too.”
“Is he the type to do that?” I asked, hoping my suspicions would be confirmed.
“Yeah, he can be pretty weird with girls.”
“How so?”
Jack sighed. “It’s a long story, and I really wanted to forget all about it. Basically, stupid high school games went wrong, and I wouldn’t trust any of my female friends to hang out with him.”
I shook my head. “No, tell me everything. If Alice is potentially in danger, I want to know.”
Jack sat down in the chair next to me, settling in to tell me the whole story.
&nbs
p; “During our senior year, a few guys in our class were playing one of those stupid games we play with girls. We’d see who could make out with a girl, then eventually who could do the deed. One time, we had a bet to see who could get and keep a girlfriend the longest.”
“That sounds super lame,” I interjected.
“We were all such idiots that it would take a miracle to get any girl to stay with us. Naturally, we all gave up because forced relationships never worked out. Except for Chris.”
“He won the bet?”
Jack scoffed. “There was no winner. Chris fucked that all up.”
“So what exactly did he do?”
“Well, he started dating this girl in order to win the bet. We all did. I’m surprised that no one caught on to that. Anyway, the other guys and I didn’t last more than a month. Chris, however, did his best to keep his girlfriend well after we had already lost. Maybe he was just trying to prove a point.”
“Did you know her?”
“Yeah, she was from the neighboring town. I didn’t know her well, but she was a cool girl. This is where things get weird. After a while, this girl starts to figure out that she’s part of a game. She got pissed off and tried to split, but he didn’t want to let her go.”
“Was he really that into her?”
“Not really. He just got really possessive over her when she tried to break up with him. Something inside him snapped. He invited himself over to her house and said that he wanted to talk things through. Chris has always been a good actor. He can cry on cue. He used to do it all the time when we were kids and it really pissed everyone off.”
“Get to it,” I said, getting annoyed with his digressions.
“He showed up to her house with a bottle of vodka and made her a drink. He had laced it with something because she passed out.”
“What did he do to her?” I was starting to feel sick.
“He didn’t touch her or anything. Not that they could find any evidence of, anyway.”
“So what was the point of drugging her?”
Lethal Seduction: A CIA Romantic Suspense (CIA Agents Book 1) Page 31
