by Ronna Gage
“Make do with what they have.”
Landy took a second and let the remark soak into his psyche. . She took another sip of her coffee.
“Were you a prisoner of war?”
His stomach lurched, his breathing escalated, and he eyed her warily. His mind spun with long-ago images of pain, the death of others, and the sickness he saw in the dangerous missions he took part of during his military career. “Don’t go there, Rae Anne. It’s a journey you won’t like.”
The low, warning tone of his voice scared him. But the flicker of determination in her eyes terrified more. Be strong, she doesn’t need to know.
* * * *
The air chilled around Rae Anne. She gazed at Landy and shivered. Dread and hurt surrounded them. She feared his answer, and yet the terror in his eyes called to her. “I have to know.” Images of Landy’s battered body troubled her. To think of him alone and tortured sickened her. She would never forgive herself for not finding him if he’d been hurt in any way by the enemy. Landy said nothing more but continued to eye her with agitation, almost demanding her to change the subject. Trying a softer approach, she leaned forward. “Don’t I have a right to know?”
“I said”—he shifted in his seat—“leave it alone.”
She backed off, allowing him a chance to settle back into a relaxed state for the second time. Looking into her cup of tepid coffee, she took the matter to the next level with a different tactic. “Why did you fake your death?”
Landy jerked straight and stiff with anger. He clamped his fingers to the edges of the table, and if not for the seriousness of the conversation, the look of surprise on his face would have been comical. He smirked, but his eyes remained cold, uncaring, and almost evil. “You were fucking other men while I was in Iraq.”
The bitterness in his voice made her gasp. Landy bolted up and stood, kicking his chair back. He left the table enraged. He beat a heavy footed path to the beach with Rae Anne right on his heels.
“So you faked your death. That seems ludicrous.” Then his answer dawned on her. “What are you talking about? I had affairs?”
In his anger, he grabbed her by the arms. “You know what the fuck I am talking about,” Landy spat out, shaking her with each scorching word.
His near-violent reaction shocked her. Her arm went numb from his clutching it. She felt the fear rise inside her, but she refused to back down at this point. He would open up soon. “Landy—stop—you’re hurting me.”
She and Landy looked down at the source of her pain. The spot on her arm that he held turned red. He pushed her back.
“Shit!” he hollered. He ranted a string of curses at her, stomping his feet and pointing fingers at her in accusation.
Rae Anne let the tantrum continue until he heaved with labored breathing, and then finally stood still, shaking from the release of his pent-up rage. “If you are finished cussing me, I would like you to stop. I don’t like that kind of language, and you know it.”
He looked at her with menace. The smirk on his lips annoyed her. “I don’t give a fuck what you like…you…pampered witch.”
Okay, defiance is a good place to start. “Landy, stop calling me names and talk to me. What are you talking about I dated other men?”
“That’s not what I said.”
His singsong challenge didn’t warrant acknowledgment. Rae Anne casually let the remark pass. “What are you talking about? I slept with other men?” Rae Anne shifted her weight to one hip.
“Thomas Howard.”
Rae Anne couldn’t fathom the connections of Thomas and fucking other men while he was away. “You mentioned him before, but we never re—”
“You were at a premiere with him.”
Rae Anne honestly had no idea what he accused her of. “When?”
“The newspaper article I received said you were about to change your relationship status.” Landy crossed his arms over his massive chest. “Tell me I’m lying.”
Rae Anne knew what article he was referring to. The challenge in his eyes pissed her off, but to answer the call would make him a victor, and right now, he needed healing, just as she did. “You’re not lying.”
The look on his face registered shock. Rae Anne figured that he anticipated her to lie. “But you were only half informed. Tom and I did go to his premiere together. His girlfriend, my college roommate, got sick. Tom and I worked on a fund-raiser together for the conservation efforts of the Alaskan coastline. His executives thought it best he didn’t show up at the premiere alone. He didn’t feel comfortable going with someone he didn’t know, so he asked his girlfriend if she knew of someone to go in her place. She suggested me since we did the fund-raiser together. The night before the opening, they asked me. ”
Landy looked at her with the same malice after the explanation he’d had before the reason. She felt her heart sink. “What about Shain Sherman—the Dallas Cowboys quarterback?”
“What about him?” His question confused her. “I don’t understand the connection. Why would you put Shain and me together? It makes no sense.”
“How convenient.” Landy gave her a hard look. “I saw the pictures of the two of you kissing.” Landy accused. “Every time I think of him handling you in anyway, my stomach aches.”
“I never dated Shain.”
“You were at another fund-raiser. You kissed him.”
“Oh my God! Not this again. No, Landy, you’re wrong. Shain whispered something in my ear. I turned just as they snapped the picture. There was no kiss. That damn picture has caused him and Shelley, his fiancée at the time and now his wife, nothing but grief.”
Rae Anne crossed her arms over her chest in defiance. For years she had given numerous explanations of that picture. And now it continued. “Her folks saw that picture and thought the worst, just like you.” Anger consumed her. She ignored the building tick in her cheek. “You”—she pointed a finger back at Landy she gave to him her frustrations—“are just as narrow-minded as they.”
Stepping forward, she shook her finger in his face. “What bothers me isn’t the fact that you’re asking me about it. I think you should, considering our relationship. It’s the fact that everything has changed between us. You and I aren’t together. This line of questioning isn’t because you care but to stand and accuse me of something I didn’t do.” She placed her hands on her hips. “Why is that, Landy? Why am I defending myself after ten years of mourning?”
Amid strong currents of tension, the two faced one another, heaving for breath, shaken, and glaring. If looks could kill, Landy’s cold gaze would annihilate Rae Anne on the spot. He turned away. In her failure to make an amends, Rae Anne took a step toward camp but remembered something he said in his venting. “What newspaper clippings of me and Shain, or me and Tom? How did you get these clippings?” She stood in front of him again, crossed her arms, and glared. “Come at me with hard facts, not some dramatic remarks of indiscretions.”
“You don’t really want to know the source of my information.”
The cold warning in his voice chilled Rae Anne’s anger, but she pressed stayed her ground.
“Maybe it’s best to leave it alone.”
“Oh, hell no! You didn’t just accuse me of having an affair and then back away.” She took a step forward and poked his chest with her finger. “Give me the name, now.”
“Just remember, I warned you.”
“Fine, motherfucker, give.”
Landy’s eyebrow lifted. “Your father sent them to me.”
“What?” Rae Anne stepped back. “What would my father gain by breaking you and I up like that? You’re mistaken.”
“Oh, yeah! What about this?” Landy reached for his hip pocket and pulled out his wallet. “This should be proof enough.” He produced a piece of yellowed paper. “This is the paper I received from your father,” he said, looking at her, while he unfolded it. He waved it in her face. “Sure you want to know all my secrets?”
Rae Anne snatched the paper from his h
and, took a step back, and read it. On her father’s letterhead was a message dated from the first part of December, ten years earlier. The printed contents of the letter not only accused her of seeing other men but also made it sound like it was her choice. Then the most hurtful comment of all ended the letter. You were never good enough for her anyway. The comment hurt her so deeply that she moaned. All these years we were apart due to rumors and innuendo. She looked at Landy. Hurt and grief reflected in his eyes. And his stubborn pride. I was his everything, but didn’t he see he was everything to me when he left?
“Landy, I’m so sorry you got these letters. I can’t believe my father wrote this and sent it to you.” She looked at them again. The printing had to be her father’s. It looked familiar, but she never paid that much attention to his penmanship. “It wasn’t true. I never dated either of those two men.”
Rae Anne took a step toward him. Landy stiffened at her advancement. He didn’t welcome the encroachment, but he didn’t pull away from it either. “I was at legitimate fund-raisers with you in mind. I never stopped loving you.” Rae Anne was up close, within reach. She attempted to touch him.
“Why did you give up on us?”
His eyes watered. His hurt and anger were close to the surface. Knowing Landy, he felt uncomfortable facing these feelings, but this needed to come out for both their sakes.
“What do you mean?”
“That son of a bitch Carmichael.”
Rae Anne gently cupped his face in her hand. “You were dead.” His eyes shot to hers. “I received word that you were taken prisoner, and then a few weeks after the new year, the news came that you’d died—killed in that damn jeep accident.” Her hand slid to his shoulder—solid muscles tensed and twitched under her touch. She closed her eyes to the feel of him. “It almost killed me. I don’t think I ever got over losing you,” she whispered. Tears ran down her cheeks.
“What a trooper.”
His acerbic tone encouraged her to press on. “Landy, you have been to places you should never be a part of.”
“Like where?”
“When I visited the wall that bears your name during that first year, I swear I saw you standing beside me, looking and smiling down at me, giving me courage to go on. Were you there? Did you purposely taunt me?”
Landy shook his head.
“On my twenty-first birthday, our supposed three-year anniversary, I saw you at the dinner party my dad scheduled for his political friends. You dressed as a waiter, serving up champagne. But I couldn’t taste it. I didn’t feel like celebrating alone. And then, on my wedding day, you came to me in my dressing room and told me how beautiful I looked. You told me that life had to go on for my happiness.”
“How convenient,” he snapped and stepped out of her reach. “It’s a pretty story. But, tell me, why in the hell would I ever give you permission to go on and marry that bastard?”
The vengeful comment was like a slap in to face, and Rae Anne jerked back. She walked away. The time for mending the relationship with Landy had passed long ago. How could she begin to pick up the pieces? Ten years of hurt and mourning had kept them apart, not to mention the lies of a third party, and complicated everything she tried to build. “Damn you, Daddy! You just couldn’t stand the fact that I was happy.”
Rae Anne looked over her shoulder at Landy’s profile. He stood at the shore, a silhouette she couldn’t read, not so unlike the man himself. She turned around and took the path to the beach out of sight of the camp. So much needed to be dealt with to go forward in peace. The crashing waves soothed her, freed her to contemplate all the things they said tonight. Her broken heart hardened a little more. She looked to the starry heaven and prayed.
“In order to protect myself, I have to stay clear of him. He won’t tell me what’s bothering him deep down. He won’t share the horrors he’s faced with me, and I can’t let him push me over the edge of insanity. I fought too hard and too long to come back from hell to allow him to send me back. Regrettably, I must admit that for my sake, and his, this is as good as it will get. I don’t know what hurts most. Thinking and believing him dead or knowing he lives and doesn’t want me.” She bowed her head and cried once again, over him.
* * * *
Landy stood on the shoreline, thinking about his and Rae Ann’s argument. In his anger and hurt, he thought of her as a lying cheat, but the story of his death was the same one Grandpa Joe told him a year ago. He remembered being confused by the announcement, and then the old man showed him the death notice.
“I just couldn’t declare you legally dead, boy. Not without a body.” His grandfather cried. “But the War Department assured me in order to get any benefits you set up for me, I should do so. I didn’t care about the money. I only wanted my boy back.”
Landy felt like a heel all over again now. Rae Anne was telling the truth. She really had thought that he had died. How can the War Department declare me dead with no body? That question had plagued his grandfather for years. Until a year ago, Grandpa Joe hadn’t known Landy was alive, and Landy didn’t know he’d been pronounced dead. Living the life of a mercenary, Landy had kept out of sight, fearing his grandfather could be a target. He hated his reaction to the news when Grandpa Joe told him. All blame lay on Rae Anne and her father. He toyed with the scenario that she had had her father fix it, to clear her way to marry the political bigwig. The more he recalled the details of their uproar, the harder his focus continued on that same angle, but this time he reconsidered Rae Anne’s involvement. “Her father’s hands are all over this. I can feel it in my gut.”
Even knowing all this didn’t matter. Landy was too proud to do anything about making things right with her. It is a weakness she’ll never understand.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Rae Anne kept busy with little menial tasks and details around camp. She made wicks, hammered cans for lighting, and gathered wood. On impulse, she tried her hand at fishing. These little jobs steered her away from Landy’s path. The bitter stares he graced her with added to the snippy retorts in place of answers to any of her questions, and the curt instructions to Gina and Kip were all borne of the pain her father had caused them. And Landy wore it like a badge of honor. But those were my father’s actions not mine! She wanted to shout to the world. What was worse was that because of her father’s interference, the rift between her and Landy was too wide to fix.
In three tries, Rae Anne cast her fishing line into the lagoon’s center. A feeling of accomplishment filled her. “Not too bad for a beginner.” She sat on the bank and watched the red and white ball float in the water. Watching the sinker entranced her into a relaxed lull. Now the truth of Landy’s disappearance surfaced, but new questions arose. Why didn’t Landy come to me? Not much thought there. That was easy to answer. I was married by then. What did Daddy have to gain by breaking up the relationship? Landy and his family didn’t have any money or political influences. Why did the War Department send me a message of his death when clearly he’s still alive?
Rae Anne’s head ached from the whirlwind of questions, emotional letdowns, lack of sleep, and the heat of the sun. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. Sweat soaked the skin, and her head ached more. I better get out of the sun. Trying to make sense of the relationship, and this new situation with Landy, was literally painfully hopeless. “I give up. I need a nap.”
Stooping, she grabbed the fishing rod and felt a hefty tug, which almost took it out of her hand. She pulled on the line, and to her surprise, it pulled back. As she reeled the line in, the pole bent almost in two. “I don’t know what creature looms at the other end of this line, but it is huge.” She reached again for the reel, and after one turn, the fighting monster jerked hard on the line. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re coming out of that water.”
Tugging and pulling on the rod, Rae Anne hitched the bottom between her booted feet, and pulled harder. Her back hurt, her arms burned, but she refused to let go. The reel spun in the opposite direction, allo
wing the hooked fish to go further out in the middle. “I can’t pull this in myself.” Once more, she tried to reel, but holding the pole and reeling in the catch was too hard to do by herself. Looking around the empty camp, she did what any other woman would do in her situation. She screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Help! Landy, help me!”
* * * *
Landy stepped back to examine his handy work. The minor disadvantage of having lanterns is it only lights up a small area. The sleeping quarters would do for now, but once he and Kip made a more suitable shelter, it would need extra lighting. He plugged in a lamp to the generator, turned the switch, and, to his relief, the little room had light in every corner. Perfect.
The cool comfort of the tent made working on the electrical problem a breeze. The air conditioner barely made a sound on the low setting. Glancing around the tent, little things reminded him of Rae Anne’s big-hearted nature. Kip and Gina, sharing Rae Anne’s queen-size bed, slept at one end of the tent. Landy claimed the middle using the captain’s full-size bed. And Rae Anne set up a queen-size bed from the guest’s quarters on the other end. Each bed had a nightstand to store clothes. A wall of palm leaves and bamboo poles separated Landy’s sleeping area from the other two. He smiled at the pride Rae Anne exhibited in her walls. She never ceased to amaze him with her little projects, and her unselfishness. Like the lantern project, the wall was for the good of the group.
A movement outside caught his interest. Rae Anne sat on a rock fishing with one of the poles found on the yacht. Catch a big one, girl. Landy chuckled at her efforts. She’d tried so hard to catch enough fish to feed the four of them yesterday, but had only caught three small ones. Kip suggested she use her last catch as bait for a bigger one. She wound up throwing the little things back. Smiling, he had to admit, if only to himself, Rae Anne had turned out to be an asset. For a pampered princess, she surprised him. Evidence of her skills showed around the camp in almost every form of comfort.
