by Beth Wiseman
“Jonas talked with me about God, Robert.”
“He’s Amish. They have a very strong faith. I’m not surprised.”
Silence dredged a gap between them, and Josie felt oddly detached from Robert for a moment. “Linda and I prayed together tonight too. For quite a while.” More silence. “Maybe we’re wrong, Robert. About God. I mean, who’s to say that just because we don’t have something tangible, that a higher being doesn’t exist?”
“Sweetheart, I have told you from the day we met that it’s important for you to form your own opinion about this. I don’t think I ever forced my beliefs on you, did I?”
Josie knew he hadn’t. She’d just listened to his arguments against God and decided for herself that no God of hers would strip her of her child and deny her the ability to have another one. She recalled when Jonas said she was angry with God. Josie wondered if she’d always been angry, which made it easier to pull away from Him. Maybe she’d always believed.
“No, you didn’t force anything on me,” she finally said. “But I think I want to investigate the possibility of something after this, Robert.”
Another silence, then Robert said, “Then you should.” He paused. “But Josie, I won’t change what I believe.”
“I know.”
She’d been married to Robert for twelve years, and at this moment, his last comment bothered her more than any harsh words they’d ever exchanged. How would this affect their relationship?
“I’m hoping the airports will reopen in a day or so, and I’ll keep you posted. Josie, I am keeping my phone with me at all times. Please, baby, call me if you need to anytime, and make sure Linda and her family have my phone number to call if anything—happens. I mean, if you have a seizure or something.”
“I will.” She took a deep breath. Please God, keep Robert safe. Josie realized that prayer came easier with each passing moment, and she wondered why.
“Well, I guess I better go, but I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you.”
“I love you too, Robert.”P
The next day, the community celebrated the life of a man they’d all loved. There was much admonition for the living as well as respect offered for Jonas. A hymn was spoken, not sung, and following the service, Jonas was laid to rest in a hand-dug grave next to his beloved Irma Rose, his wooden coffin plain and simple with no ornate carvings. As customary, friends and family gathered for a meal at Jonas’s home following the service.
Linda didn’t think she’d ever stop crying, plus the thought of going through this again with Josie was overwhelming.
She glanced around the kitchen as the womenfolk worked to set out the meal and fill tea glasses. Jonas’s wife, poor Lizzie, had only shared a few years of marriage with Jonas, but Linda didn’t doubt for a minute that her love for Jonas was immeasurable. Linda watched the frail, gray-haired woman pouring tea with shaky hands and swollen eyes. Linda scanned the room to see where she might be needed, but everything to do with the meal was being handled. She slowly walked from the kitchen to the den and scanned those mourning.
Her Onkel Noah and Aenti Carley were sitting on the couch, entertaining their daughter, Jenna. Kade, Sadie, and their two children sat on the far side of the den, with Kade’s arm wrapped around Sadie who was crying softly. Jonas’s daughter, Sarah Jane, brushed past Linda and offered tea to several of the men. Linda heard her sniffling as she passed back by her. Uncle Samuel was sitting in a rocking chair with his two young girls in his lap, and her cousin, David, stood nearby. Linda had already seen Lillian in the kitchen, not much good to anyone. Her poor aunt could barely function.
Jonas was going to be missed, and Linda’s heart hurt for all the friends and family who’d gathered at his home today. She passed back through the den and into the kitchen. Josie was helping her mother line up loaves of homemade bread on the counter, assisted by two other Englisch women, Barbie Beiler and Lucy Turner. Linda didn’t think Josie and her mother were exactly friends, but they were respectful of one another, and Linda was just glad that Josie felt well enough to come today. Yesterday had been a bad day, and Josie hardly got out of bed after they’d visited Jonas. Another headache.
Linda wasn’t sure how Josie would feel about coming to a funeral, but she’d insisted that she wanted to pay her respects to this very special man.
“Linda, can you open that door?” Her Aenti Rebecca nodded toward the door in the kitchen as she carried a tray with full glasses of tea. “I want to get these to those outside in this heat.”
“Ya.” Linda pushed the screen door open and let it slam behind her. She walked down the porch steps and into the yard. When she stepped around to the side of the house to have a moment to herself, she heard voices coming from the back.
“I don’t care, Ivan.”
Linda recognized the voice to be her Aenti Katie Ann.
“Please, Katie Ann . . .” her Onkel Ivan said. “I’ve said I’m sorry a hundred times.”
“And it wonders me if you mean it one bit. The fact that Lucy Turner is even here turns my stomach.”
“It’s a funeral, Katie Ann. I reckon it’s not like I invited her or nothin’.”
“She’s not even friends with Jonas. Barbie Beiler has been a wonderful friend to Jonas, and of course, she should be here. But that Lucy woman is only here for one reason, and you know what it is!”
Her aunt rounded the corner, and her eyes widened when she saw Linda. “Linda!”
“Uh, sorry. I was just trying to get away from the crowd for a few minutes.” Linda could feel the heat building in her cheeks, unsure if it was from being caught listening or from the conversation she’d just overheard.
Katie Ann folded her arms across her chest and marched past Linda mumbling something under her breath. Linda quickly followed before Ivan came around the corner.
Stephen drank a glass of tea out in the front yard following the meal. He watched Linda and Josephine walk to her car and get inside. It appeared they were enjoying some air-conditioning for a few minutes. Stephen sighed as he recalled seeing Linda in the fancy blue jeans and red blouse at Josie’s house.
Two more times, his grandfather had spoken with him about Linda and shared his concerns about her relationship with her birth mother and about stretching privileges during rumschpringe. Plenty of times, Stephen had watched his grandfather warn parents when their children were stepping outside the boundaries set forth by the Ordnung, but lately Stephen found himself worrying about Linda and her role within the community. Stephen had never felt the need to explore the Englisch world. His place was here. With Linda. Or so he’d thought.
He took another sip of tea. “Avoid getting too close to those who are unequally yoked,” his grandfather had told him.
His thoughts were interrupted when he saw Kade Saunders gathering the immediate family on the front porch. Most everyone else had gone home, but a few people were still cleaning up for Lizzie and Sarah Jane, including Stephen’s mother and sisters.
Stephen sipped his tea and held his position, not wanting to intrude. But he could hear from where he was standing. He could also see Linda included in the group.
“Jonas left some special instructions for me to share with those he was particularly close to.” Kade reached into a large envelope and began distributing smaller envelopes. When he was done, he addressed the entire group. “Before you open your letter, I have this note to read to you from Jonas.”
My dear friends and family,
I am a blessed man to have shared in all of your lives. I’ve watched many of you grow up and have families of your own. We’ve celebrated the gut times and struggled through the bad times together through prayer and fellowship. I reckon each letter is my way of letting you know what you mean to me.
Take care of each other through love and prayer.
In His Name,
Jonas
Stephen regretted the fact that he wasn’t getting a letter and that he hadn’t been closer to Jonas, since Jonas was often called up
on like he were the bishop himself. Everyone spoke of Jonas’s wisdom and fun-loving personality. Perhaps, that was why his grandfather had never encouraged his family to be close to Jonas. Jealousy? But that’s a sin. Surely Daadi wouldn’t think like that. Stephen watched each person walk away with their letter to a quiet spot. Linda went to the far side of the yard and sat down in the grass underneath a shade tree.
Linda peeled open her envelope and eased out the letter, knowing she would treasure Jonas’s final words for the rest of her life. She took a deep breath and read.
My Sweet Linda,
If you’re reading this, I’m dead and buried, six feet under. Everyone is probably moping around, crying and the like. Now, no need for all that, mei maedel. I’m with our Lord, and I reckon by the time you get this, me and Irma Rose will be sipping cider on the front porch of our heavenly home, looking down on our loved ones, and hoping you folks can behave yourselves.
Although, it ain’t likely that you’ll disappoint me. What a fine young woman you are. Always polite and eager to help others, much like your mother. You will be a fine fraa and mamm some day, and I regret that I won’t be around to see you in this role, but I will be smiling from above. I’m not sure if there is a greater love than that of a mother, and as of recently, I reckon you have two. How blessed you are, even though I know it is a confusing time. Somehow in all of this, I see you as the strong one, the binding glue so to speak, in this threesome.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
May the will of God be done, and may you grow and prosper in His name.
Now, I have some final thoughts for you. I reckon you’ll end up marrying Stephen Ebersol. Don’t let that scary grandfather of his get you worked up. You young folks don’t see Bishop Ebersol as the man he truly is, with three times the wisdom as your old friend Jonas here. Bishop Ebersol just ain’t all warm and fuzzy like I am.
Linda grinned. She could picture Jonas roaring with laughter as he wrote the comment about his warm and fuzzy self.
Go to him, Linda, if you need to. For anything. He is a wise man who has much to offer.
I have always thought of you as one of my grandchildren, Sweet Linda.You’ve always been precious to me.
Loving thoughts from above, Jonas
Linda pulled her knees to her chest, then buried her head and wept.
She jumped and lifted her head when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Stephen brushed away a tear on her cheek.
“I wish I had received a letter from Jonas. I know he was a gut man.”
Linda swallowed back tears. “Ya, he was. The best.”
“Let’s go to the creek when we leave here and get away from all this sadness, and just be together for a while.”
“Ach, I don’t know. Josie is staying with us. I don’t know.” Although there was nothing she wanted more. She could tell Stephen wanted to kiss her, but there were too many people around, and public affection of that type was frowned upon.
“I understand. How’s it going with Josie at your house?”
“So far, so gut.” Linda felt tears building again. “I just can’t believe that we’ll be having a funeral for Josie. I don’t know how I’m going to get through that.”
He reached for her hand and squeezed. “I will be by your side, you won’t be alone. Let’s pray for Josie.” Stephen bowed his head and closed his eyes. Linda did the same.
Dear Lord, please don’t let Josie be in pain, and please let her stay with me for as long as it is Your will. If You could see fit to let her stay with me for a long time, that would be so gut. Say hi to Jonas for me. Aamen.
They both lifted their heads when they heard footsteps.
“Hello you two.” Carley squatted down beside them. “Jonas will certainly be missed.”
“Ya, he will,” Linda said as Stephen nodded.
“Linda, I’ve already spoken with Josie, and there is something I want you to know. There are so many people praying for Josie. I know you don’t have a computer, but prayers for her are flying across the Internet and people of every denomination are praying for her. She is on our prayer list at church. Barbie Beiler has also added her to their church list, and tons of people you’ve never even met are praying for Josie. I just wanted you to know that.”
Linda let a tear spill over, then hugged her aunt. “Danki, Carley.”
“You’re welcome.”
Josie sat down at the bench in the kitchen when the strobes of light began to flash. Please, not now. A few women were finishing the cleanup, including Mary Ellen. Josie thought about what Noah’s wife, Carley, had said. About all the people praying for her. What a sweet gesture from so many people whom she’d never meet.
It had been a long day, and Josie could feel the weight of her emotions turning into a bad headache. But she had no regrets at coming. She didn’t know Jonas, but something about their one encounter propelled her to be present at his funeral.
“Josie, look at me.” Josie tried to blink her eyes into focus. Mary Ellen had a hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“I—I think so. It’s just my head. I’m sorry. I don’t want to cut your time short. I’ll be fine.”
“Nonsense. We’re done. I’ll find Abe and gather Linda and the boys.”
Josie watched Mary Ellen quickly walk away, and she pondered the oddity of this situation—Mary Ellen taking care of her. And, to her surprise, Josie welcomed Mary Ellen’s nurturing ways, something she’d never had from her own mother. Even though Mary Ellen was only a few years older than Josie, but she felt safe in her presence. This must be how Linda has always felt. I wonder if I could have been as motherly and nurturing as Mary Ellen.
“Hi, Josie. Danki for coming. I’m Lillian.” The woman Josie already knew to be Jonas’s granddaughter sat down beside her.
“I hope I’m not intruding, but I met Jonas one time, and I just felt something . . . and I—I don’t know. I just wanted to be here. And also for Linda.”
Lillian’s eyes were swollen from crying. “Grandpa had that effect on people.” She smiled. “He would be glad to know you’re here.”
They sat quietly for a moment.
“Linda thinks the world of you,” Josie finally said.
“Linda is very special. When I first came to the community, after being in the Englisch world for most of my life, Linda was so welcoming. I liked her right away.”
Josie fought the pressure in her head. The strobe lights had stopped, but the pain in her temples was making her stomach churn. “Was it hard for you to leave, I mean, leave the Englisch world and become Amish?”
“Hmm. I wouldn’t say it was hard.” Lillian twisted her mouth to one side. “Challenging, perhaps. But once I realized that the only way to true inner peace was through a relationship with God, then it was easy.”
“So, you didn’t always believe?” This piqued Josie’s interest.
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t understand.” Lillian paused and twisted on the bench to face Josie. “My grandparents taught me about the Ordnung, about trusting in God’s will, and ultimately I became a Daughter of the Promise.”
“What is that?”
“It’s when a woman takes a spiritual journey to find the meanings of faith, hope, and love.”
Hope. I need that more than anything. “It sounds wonderful.”
“It is an amazing journey, especially when you are first establishing a true relationship with God and you see the immense changes in your life.” Lillian stared off in space for a moment. “My grandpa was a huge part of that process for me, and of course my grandma, Irma Rose, who died several years ago. Without them, I’m not sure where I’d be.” Then she smiled. “And, my husband, Samuel, was right by my side while I learned about the Lord.”
“I understand from Linda that you and your husband went through a lot with his—I mean your son, David. Linda thinks the w
orld of David too.”
“It was tough times four years ago. David needed a kidney, and Noah was the only one who was a match in our family. Noah had been shunned, and it was a rather big mess for a while. But David is healthy now, and over time the community has welcomed Noah into their hearts and homes.”
“I can’t help but notice how everyone in this community joins together, in good times and in bad. I remember that from when I was growing up here. I had a few Amish friends.”
“How is it going, staying with Linda and her family in their home? Miss that air-conditioning?” Lillian smiled. “It was the hardest thing for me to give up.”
Josie liked Lillian. Even during this difficult time, she was making an effort to get to know Josie, and Josie was touched. “It was a little warm last night. Although I suspect my husband will be home from overseas soon, and I’ll be returning home.”
“I’d like to pray with you, if that’s all right,” Lillian said.
“I’d like that.”
“Normally, we pray silently, but I’d like to offer a prayer aloud for you.”
Josie nodded, welcoming this thoughtful gesture.
“Please Heavenly Father, be with my new friend, Josie, and stay close to her during difficult times, both now and in the future. Bless her with Your healing touch, and wrap Your loving arms around her. In Your name we pray.”
Josie tried to stifle her sobs, which would only make her head hurt worse. “Thank you. I don’t know why that’s making me cry.” She faced Lillian. “I just appreciate it so much. And it’s such a sweet thing to do.”
Lillian gazed long and hard into Josie’s eyes, and Josie had the strangest feeling that Lillian knew her secret, although she was sure Mary Ellen would never share something so private. “When I first came to know the Lord, I cried a lot. It’s a spiritual cleansing of sorts. Maybe that’s the case with you.” Lillian smiled.
Josie didn’t respond. She swiped her eyes and wondered what was taking Mary Ellen so long, even though she was enjoying this time with Lillian.
