by Mercy Amare
“You owe me a pair of shoes,” I tell Jason playfully, as I watch my heels sink to the bottom of the pool. I actually liked those shoes.
“I’ll get them.” He swims to the bottom and grabs my shoes. Once he comes back up, he dumps the water out and hands them to me. “Good as new.”
I laugh, and wipe under my eyes. I am hoping I don’t look like a raccoon right now.
“If it’s any consolation, you look good wet.” He swims to the edge of the pool and climbs out. He holds out his hand for me and helps me out. “You ready to be corrupted, Kihanna Evers?”
“No way. Maybe I should be the one to make you turn away from your evil ways.”
I feel another arm go around me. I look over to see a guy I have never seen before. “I would love to see a girl who could tame Jason Bridges.” He looks down at me. “Though, if any girl could do it, it would be you. I don’t believe we have had the pleasure of meeting.”
Jason rolls his eyes at the guy.
“I’m Emmett Avery,” the guy says. He pushes his shaggy brown hair away from his eyes, and I can now see that he has stunning green eyes. I am once again reminded how beautiful everybody in this town is. How is it fair that they have both good looks and money?
“Kihanna Evers,” I say back.
I say his name in my head a few times. Emmett Avery. Why does that name sound so familiar? Maybe I’ve heard somebody talk about him?
“So your dad is Mark Evers?” Emmett asks. “Nice.”
I nod. “Yep.”
“My mom is Nichole Avery.” He answers the question I hadn’t asked.
It’s then that his name clicks. Nichole Avery is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood, and most recently played a girl superhero in a movie. “Wow. I’m impressed.”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Your dad created Staying Connected. I’d say that trumps superstar any day.”
Jason shoots Emmett a dirty look. “Maybe you should find somebody else to flirt with. I saw her first.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not a toy. Not everybody gets a turn. But it was nice seeing you both.”
I walk off toward the bathroom and wipe off all of my makeup. I run my fingers through my curls, trying to get out some of the tangles. It doesn’t help.
Well, this is as good as it’s going to get.
When I come out of the bathroom both Jason and Emmett are nowhere to be seen, so I decide to socialize. After all, I am going to be going to school with these people.
The first person I see is a beautiful brunette girl. She has long, dark brown curly hair, a dark tan, and beautiful brown eyes. She looks nice, so I walk to up her.
“Hey,” I introduce myself boldly. “I’m Kihanna Evers.”
“I’m Courtney Summers,” she replies, and I’m shocked to hear that she has a southern accent. “It’s nice to meet you, Kihanna.”
“Where are you from?”
She laughs. “Is it that obvious I’m not from around here? I’m from Texas. My daddy is in the oil business. My mom and I moved out here a year ago when my parents got divorced.”
“I’m sorry,” I say awkwardly. My mom has never dated anybody that I know of, and she definitely never got married, so I have no idea what it’s like to have divorced parents. It must suck.
“It’s okay. So where are you from?”
“St. Louis. My dad is Mark Evers.”
“I know. I’ve heard all about you,” she says humorously. “Honey, this group likes to gossip.”
“I’m the long lost daughter.” I roll my eyes. Ugh, I hate that they’ve all been talking about me. It means they have expectations, and I probably haven’t lived up to any of them.
“Don’t sweat it.” Courtney’s smile is sweet and very reassuring. I definitely think I’m going to like her. “You are going to fit in just fine around here. People are just curious about ya.”
I’m about to say something else, when I hear Ty call my name. I turn around to see him walking my way, and then I turn back to Courtney.
“See, you’ve already made friends. You’ll be just fine, Kihanna.” With that she turns around and walks off.
Finally, somebody I can relate to. She’s not from around here, so she knows what it’s like to be an outsider, and she seems very nice. Maybe she and I will become good friends.
“Hey, Ty,” I greet him as he walks up beside me.
“How is it going, Key?” He stumbles a little and then laughs.
Ugh, seriously, he’s drunk? “My name is Kihanna, not Key. Please, do not call me by a nickname. I do not want it to stick.”
He puts his arm around me, and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. I quickly throw it off.
“Seriously, Ty? Why are you drunk?”
“Because my life sucks and alcohol makes it better,” he answers. The honesty in his voice scares me. Nobody’s life should suck that bad.
“What’s wrong with your life, Ty? It seems pretty perfect to me.”
He shakes his head and laughs. “You only see the outside. Inside, I am all kinds of screwed up. You can’t even begin to understand.”
“Then try explaining it to me.” I want to know Ty’s story. He is different than everybody else, and I can see the pain in his eyes. I need to know who hurt him.
He runs his fingers through my hair. “I don’t want to scare you. You’re so damn innocent. You were so much better off before you came here. Now you’re screwed, just like the rest of us.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“You will see.” His words echo over and over again in my head. Is it true? Is my life going to be worse because I’m here?
“You really shouldn’t drink so much.” I try to lighten up the conversation, but my voice sounds unnaturally tight.
“Don’t over-think things, baby.” He then proceeds to completely change the conversation. “So, tell me about your life in St. Louis. Did you leave behind a boyfriend?”
My head is still spinning, but I answer his question. “No, there was no boyfriend.”
“Good. That means there is nobody for me to compete with. Tell me what your life was like, please.”
“There isn’t a lot to tell,” I answer honestly. “I went to school, made good grades, and I spent a lot of time with my mom. I had a few friends, but I wasn’t really close to any of them. I only hung out with them at school, and mostly because I didn’t want to sit at the lunch table alone.”
“What did you do for fun if you didn’t have a boyfriend or any friends?”
“Um, I read a lot of books.” Wow, what a lame answer.
He laughs. “Oh my, Kihanna. We are going to have to spice up your life.”
“Spice up how?” I’m afraid to know the answer to this question.
He winks. “I have several ideas running through my head right now, and I’m liking them all.”
10:45 PM
Never have I ever…
We are all sitting in a circle. I am right beside Ty and Gabe with a glass full of beer. It smells gross, and I’m thinking it tastes even worse.
“The name of the game is Never Have I Ever,” Gabe explains. “Since Kihanna has never played, I’m going to explain the rules. It’s simple. When it’s your turn, you say something that you’ve never done. If anybody in the circle has done it, they have to take a drink. Got it?”
“I think so.”
“You go first,” Gabe says.
“Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Never have I ever drunk beer before.”
Literally everybody in the circle takes a drink. Wow. I must seem like a loser to them. I probably should have said something less lame.
Gabe goes next. “Never have I ever…” He pauses. “Wait, no, I’ve done that…” Everybody laughs. “Oh, I got one! Never have I ever fucked my English teacher.”
Ty gasps. “Dude! It was just the one time, and I was really drunk.”
“It still counts. Drink.”
Ty takes a drink.
He had sex with his t
eacher? Whoa. He really is messed up.
A girl beside Gabe goes next. “Never have I ever shoplifted.”
Nearly every girl takes a drink — me included. When I was eleven, I stole a pair of sunglasses. My mom couldn’t afford them at the time, and I thought I had to have them. I felt so bad that I took them back to the store the very next day. They didn’t press charges, but they did call my mom. I was grounded for three months over a $20 pair of sunglasses.
“Never have I ever kissed a guy,” the guy beside her goes next.
Every girl, besides me, takes a drink. I wish I could take a drink, and I am praying nobody notices.
“Are you a lesbian?” Ty asks.
“Nope.”
“And you’ve never kissed a guy?”
“Nope,” I clarify. “Not even on the cheek.”
“We have to change this.”
I feel my face grow warm, and now everybody is staring at me. “I just never found a guy that I wanted to kiss,” I tell them, like I need to explain.
“So you’re a virgin?” I hear Jason ask me.
Um, wow. He is so blunt, and I have no idea what I am supposed to say. I’m embarrassed, and I want to run away, but if I did, I would never be able to live the moment down. So, I answer honestly. “Yeah, I am. I’m honestly glad I didn’t give it to some loser before I was ready. I think the moment should be special.”
I hear a few of the girls “aw”, but I doubt any of them are virgins. Though part of me is glad that I’ve waited this long, the other part of me just wants to get it over with. I want to know what all the hype is about.
Thankfully, the next girl goes. “Never have I ever been in love.”
I wish I could drink now too. I want to know how it feels to fall madly, deeply in love, but the truth is — I’m not even sure I believe in true love. Maybe it’s just make-believe.
Only a few people drink to that, including Gabe. I wonder what his story is, and I wonder who he fell in love with.
“Never have I ever had a threesome,” the next girl continues.
I’m surprised by the amount of people who drink to that. Ty, Gabe, Jason, Emmett, Courtney, and Jacqueline all drink, along with about ten others.
“Never have I ever been arrested,” Emmett says.
I’m surprised to see both Gabriel and Ty both take a drink. A couple of others drink as well. I feel like the more we play this game, the less I know about each of them.
As the game goes on, I’m literally just sitting there. Everybody else is getting drunk, but all I’ve had is one sip. I’m not sure whether I feel like a loser, or if I’m thankful that I haven’t been stupid. I can’t help but feel like more of an outcast. I don’t fit in with these people, and I don’t belong in their world. Some people have stolen cars, done drugs a lot harder than weed, and that is just the stuff they’re admitting to. I can’t imagine what other horrible things that have gone on.
“Are you scared yet?” Gabe asks me, in a whisper.
I don’t respond, but I’m sure the scared look on my face is answer enough.
“This is just the beginning,” he warns.
His words make me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
I don’t belong here.
Thursday, August 26
7:43 AM
California girl
When I get up, I straighten my hair for the first day of school. I’m nervous, but it’s just school right? No need to be nervous. I already know a lot of people.
“Is there a specific dress code?” I ask Toby as I search through my closet.
Toby is sitting on my bed. I never thought I would invite him into my room, let alone allow him to be on my bed. But he hasn’t hit on me once this morning, so I’d say we are making progress.
“Nope,” he answers. “They thought about having uniforms, but the students protested. Said they wanted to be individuals or something… Whatever… I’m just glad I don’t have to wear a stupid tie or anything.”
I know what I would wear to the first day at my old school — jeans. This school should be like any other school, right? “Are jeans okay?” I ask.
“Sure. I’m wearing jeans.”
I pull my favorite pair of jeans out of my suitcase, and smile. “Awesome. Now get out of my room so I can get dressed.”
Toby relaxes back onto the bed. “Oh, I don’t mind. You can get naked in front of me.”
I roll my eyes. “And we were making such good progress.” I walk inside the closet and shut the door. Thankfully, there is a lock. I put on my jeans, and a comfy pink Billabong tank that says ‘I Heart California’. I put on a pair of matching hot pink Tom’s, because there is no way I’m wearing heels today, and I put on a hot pink headband. When I walk out of the closet, I do a spin for Toby.
“How do I look?” I ask.
“Like a California girl,” he answers approvingly.
“Good.”
Toby and I walk downstairs together, and Veronica is standing in the foyer talking on her cell phone. When she sees me, she tells the person, “Let me call you back.” She looks at my outfit and crinkles her nose in disgust. “You’re wearing that?”
I nod. “Yep.”
“You’re going to be the laughingstock of the school in that,” she says. “I think you should change.”
Here we go again.
I roll my eyes. “Good thing I don’t care what you think.”
Veronica shakes her head at me. “Sorry. I know it seems like I’m being pushy, but I need you to understand that this is not St. Louis. People will judge you based on what you wear.”
“What is wrong with this?” I ask her. I’m very aggravated at her, because she is pushy. My own mother doesn’t care what I wear as long as it’s decent, so I’m definitely not going to let my stepmother push me around and dictate my wardrobe. “This is what normal people wear! It’s a nice pair of jeans, comfortable shoes, and a cute top. Please, tell me what is so wrong with it?”
“You’re right. It is normal, but you are not normal. That is what’s wrong with it. People are going to judge you. I am just trying to help you, Kihanna. Please, just listen to me this once.”
“Mom, leave her alone,” Toby defends me. “She looks hot in these jeans, and the guys really don’t care about labels. The girls who do care are snobby bitches who aren’t worthy of being her friend.”
“Don’t call your stepsister hot,” Veronica scolds Toby. I have to laugh to myself.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell her. “I want to wear this. I will dress up for the fancy parties, but school is for learning. It’s not a fashion show.”
“Okay, Kihanna.” She sighs. She knows that I’m not going to change my mind. “I hope you have a good first day of school.”
What? I won! Wow. I seriously didn’t think she would give up so easily.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “I will try not to embarrass the family.”
Toby laughs as we head outside.
“Do you think this outfit was a bad choice?” I ask him.
“I’m a guy. I really don’t care. All I know is your ass looks great in these jeans,” he says, checking me out.
“Ugh,” I turn around so he can’t look at my butt anymore. “You are seriously disgusting.”
I am walking toward my car when I hear Toby yell after me. “You know we aren’t actually related, right?”
I ignore him and just get in my car. I’m pretty sure I hit the stepbrother jackpot when it comes to Toby. I’m about ninety percent certain that he’s just joking when he hits on me. Of course, the ten percent is seriously creeped out that my stepbrother wants to hook up with me.
I’m going to go with the ninety percent.
8:03 AM
On the outside looking in.
In the parking lot of the school, there are a ton of really nice cars. I’m pretty sure I even saw a Ferrari. What kind of parent trusts a kid in high school to drive such an expensive car? I guess my dad isn’t the only one.
The school looks more like a college campus. There are sets of matching brick buildings. There is a huge library that I can’t wait to check out. I go into the biggest building, which is where the crowd seems to be going, and head toward the administration office to get my schedule. Everything is laid out very simple, and I have no problems finding my way.
When I walk into the office, there is an older woman sitting at the desk. Her light hair is pulled into a tight bun, and she has black-framed glasses. She has on a nice suit jacket and a black pencil skirt. When I see her, I kind of wish I had dressed up a little more.
“Hi, I’m Kihanna Evers. I’m here to pick up my class schedule.”
She looks at me and narrows her eyes. “Do you have an I.D.?”
“Um… Yeah.” What the fuck? I pull out my driver’s license and show her. She looks at it for a few minutes. Maybe she doesn’t believe I am who I say I am. At that moment, I’m beginning to wonder if Veronica is right. In my $30 pair of jeans, I seem to have lost all my power.
Eventually, she hands my I.D. back to me, along with a schedule and a map. “Your first class is on the third floor. It’s the first door you see when you go up the stairs. Somebody in that class will be showing you to the rest of your classes. Good luck.”
I take the papers and walk back out into the hallway. And it’s there, in the midst of my new classmates that I feel like a complete outcast. People are all grouped together in their own cliques, and here I am, all by myself. A few girls sneer at me as they walk by. I know that no matter what, unless I become like them, I will never fit in here. I will always be the outcast. Veronica was absolutely right. I hate that she was right. And I hate even more than I have to dress and act a certain way to fit in here. Wearing a nine thousand dollar dress isn’t going to make them like me. No, it’s going to take a lot more than money to impress these people… Maybe I am better on the outside looking in.
As I walk up the stairs, I look at the ground. I am scared to make eye contact with anybody. I don’t want to get any more dirty looks. I hate seeing the judgment in their eyes. So I walk quickly into my first classroom and take a seat somewhere in the middle. It doesn’t take long for the seat next to me to be filled.
