"It is possible," Johai said as he scratched his chin in thought. Stubble had begun to grow, and unlike his hair, it was golden blond like ripe wheat. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and it seemed he had aged since we had left Keisan.
"We should seek him out once we arrive in Jerauch," Johai said.
"Jerauch?" I asked, a bit bewildered. It was as if he had read my mind.
"Yes, I found employment with a caravan heading to Jerauch." He closed the book and set it aside before pulling his own porridge toward himself.
"That's good news indeed," I replied. The sooner we were out of the city, the better. Knowing Jon Sixton was in the city, I did not feel safe. If he was the ambassador, that meant he had much more power than a visiting lord. That combined with the increased Danhadine presence seemed a recipe for disaster.
"The caravan does not leave for a fortnight. Hopefully enough time will have passed and we can leave the city without incident."
"Do you think that will be sufficient time for Jon to forget we are here?" I asked.
"I think it would be best to leave the city sooner rather than later. Even though the city gives us cover, Jon Sixton knows we are here, and I suspect if he is here at Adair's bidding, they will leave no stone unturned to find us." Even though Johai had pulled his food over, he had not touched a bite.
"You're right," I replied and stirred my porridge in thought. I had considered going back to the playhouse and asking Elenna again about the specter, but Johai was right; it might be best if we laid low while in Sanore. Just because we had not seen Jon yet, did not mean he wouldn't take an opportunity to strike if we were about. Besides, there was no guarantee that Elenna even knew about the specter—my dream could have been wrong. Not that they ever have been before.
"It will be for the best, I think. The caravan will provide disguise and a safe journey to Jerauch. I think we may need to use the glamour as well to hide your features. Jerauch is close enough to Danhad that you would be at risk of detection," Johai said.
I stirred my porridge without replying. It was a fortunate arrangement to be sure, and I dared not speak out against it. Our original motive, my original motive, had been to find a way to save Johai from his curse, to break the bond between him and the specter. The doubts I had been pushing aside came to the forefront. Can I save him? Perhaps it was the du-toath's warnings, but I was not feeling confident in my abilities. Would Jerauch be any different than Neaux or Danhad? I supposed we would have to travel there and find out. Then there was Sarelle. She haunted my nights as visions of the specter once had. If I did not leave now, I knew I would be drawn back into the world of intrigue, the world that had nearly taken my life. I would be doing more than putting myself at danger but Johai and Beau as well.
I pushed my bowl away, tired of pretending to eat. "I am feeling a bit tired. I am going to lie down." I stood up, and the bench creaked.
Johai grabbed my hand. I looked down at him, and his expression gave nothing away, but the physical contact still sent shivers down my spine. Why did my body continue to react this way to him? No matter how hard I tried to push aside my feelings?
"You are not pleased?" he asked.
I met his gaze and considered revealing everything to him, the dreams and my fears and, most importantly, telling him about Jon Sixton and my suspicions about Adair and his plans. What good would it do? He will tell me to stay, and he will continue making sacrifices for me. I promised to save him, and I will.
"Saving you is the most important thing. I will be pleased once you are free." I gently extracted myself and met Beau at the bottom of the steps. He raised a brow at me in question. I shook my head.
I did not turn back to look at Johai. I knew he was watching me. I knew he had questions for me that I was not willing to answer.
The fortnight passed exceedingly quickly considering I did little to occupy my time other than read and worry. Leaving this city meant once again we would be exposed, though the caravan promised to give us a measure of protection, but not enough to save us from being recognized and captured. Johai had offered to use the glamour to disguise us, but I refused to use his powers. His powers were linked to his loss of control over the specter, and we could not risk it further.
The day the caravan was to leave, we rose before the sun and met the caravan master. The caravan consisted of two dozen wagons in all colors and shapes. Some were made of wood with doors that could be entered through the rear. Others were plainer, with hide tied over arched wooden ribs. There were fifty-odd oxen to pull the carts. Perhaps a hundred horses and riders joined the caravan. There were people of several nations. There were fair-haired Jerauchians, larger in stature, who spoke to each other in clipped tones and rode massive shaggy mounts. There were a few Neaux merchants that wore damask trimmed with rabbit and fox fur and sat in the front of painted wagons with signs advertising their wares. Sprinkled amongst them were Danhadines, who shivered in layers and stamped their feet to fight the morning chill.
I avoided them and stayed close to Johai and Beau. I was wrapped up in a new parka that Johai had procured for the journey. It had a large hood trimmed with soft fur and stuffed with down. A biting wind blew down from the blue-grey mountains known as Snakeback and went through me. I wrapped my arms around my torso in an attempt to get warm. Jerauch was even further north than Neaux, and the higher altitude meant even colder climes. As we waited to rendezvous with the caravan master, I looked out into the distance to the mountains. They were shrouded in grey clouds, and white peaks poked through them. We would pass through the mountain range to reach Jerauch. Johai told me it would be a difficult journey but one I was willing to take if it meant finding the answers we sought.
The caravan master met us just before the city gates. He was a tall man, at least a head taller than Johai, with short-cropped blond hair and thick arms and broad shoulders.
"You're the scriber that Lord Malchor referred?" he asked, looking Johai up and down with a quick assessing gaze.
"I am, and you are Hamon?" Johai replied.
"That's me. Ever worked on a caravan before?" Hamon asked, crossing his massive arms over his chest.
"No, but I have enough experience travelling and at scribing to make myself more than useful."
The caravan master grunted and then spit onto the ground. "It's more than you that you have to make yourself useful for, it's your wife and your guard too." He nodded towards Beau and me. "Rations are not free, and everyone needs to do their share."
"Beau is willing to lend his sword to protect the caravan, and as for my wife, she will not be a burden."
Hamon narrowed his gaze at us. "Very well, any of you fall behind, you'll be left behind." He turned on his heel and walked over to a gate guard who had emerged from a room near the gate mechanisms. "After the inspection, we'll be on our way," he said over his shoulder.
"Lord Malchor, your grandfather, recommended you?" I asked Johai with a raised brow.
Johai did not flinch or look away. "I contacted my grandfather's factor in the city, and he made some arrangements for me. Before leaving Keisan, we reconnected, somewhat."
I smiled, secretly pleased that Johai and his grandfather had begun to make amends. I was surprised his grandfather was willing to assist him, considering he was a convicted traitor. Johai and Beau gathered together our belongings and were adding them onto the packs of the horses the caravan master had provided us. I was turning to assist when I noticed the Danhadine guards stationed at the city gate. They stood opposite the Neaux guards, who watched them with open hostility. The caravan master was showing a slip of parchment to a Neaux soldier who wore gleaming armor and a cape of crimson. I assumed him to be the captain.
One of the Danhadine soldiers glanced in my direction, and I looked away and pretended to be engrossed in adjusting a strap on my mare's pack. I peered at the soldier sidelong and could see him staring in my direction. My heartbeat picked up its rhythm. I abandoned the pretense of tying the straps and went over to
Johai.
"There are Danhadine soldiers here. What if they recognize us?" I hissed.
Johai glanced at them and then turned his back. "I can use a spell to turn their gaze away. They will be compelled to glance over us."
I twisted my hands and considered his offer. I hated to make him use the magic, but if we were caught, we might be forced to use more than just a simple spell to break free, if we were able to do that at all.
"Are you sure it would be safe?" I asked.
"No, but we do not have much choice." His eyes darted towards the soldiers.
I exhaled and glanced at the caravan master and the captain, who was flipping through the pages of the manifest. "Do it quickly," I said.
Johai motioned for Beau. After a quick explanation, we arranged ourselves to appear to be packing and readying for a trip. Johai mumbled under his breath in a language that I did not know. As he spoke the words of the spell, a tingling sensation danced over my skin. There was a dazzling light that obscured my vision for a moment, and then it dissipated and left me shivering from cold.
"There," Johai said, "that should be enough."
I looked over at the soldiers. They were no longer looking in my direction but chatting amongst themselves. I sighed in relief.
The caravan master finished with the captain, and we mounted our horses. We were not out of danger yet. After the Neaux captain looked at the manifest, the Danhadine soldiers marched up and down the caravan, peering into the backs of wagons and chatting with a few of the men. I closed my eyes and prayed to the goddess, Let us get away without being seen. They approached us. One of the men raised his head and shaded his eyes as he squinted at us. Beau's sword clicked as he unbuckled it. My heart beat loud enough that I thought the soldiers would hear it.
He took a step in our direction, and then another man shouted something indistinguishable in Danhadine. He cast a glance in the direction of the shout but continued towards us. I gripped the reins, white knuckled, and looked to Johai in a panic.
"Return!" a voice barked.
The soldier looked towards us one more time before following his superior's order. He jogged over to join his comrades. I let out a long-held breath. Johai, too, eased back in his saddle, but his grip on the pommel of his saddle did not loosen. His horse danced beneath him, and my own mount tossed her head. I looked up at him, and that flash of black overwhelmed his irises. A shiver ran down my spine, and I forced myself to look away. There's little time. I hope we can find answers in Jerauch.
After the inspection, the caravan inched forward. We had been placed further back in the line, and it took several minutes before we made any progress. Our pace was dragging and the sun was rising in the sky by the time we passed through the city gates and down a cobbled path that led down to the road. Beau rode up and down the ranks, helping where he could to get the wagons moving. Once we were a fair distance away. I took one last glance at the walls of the great city—dark gray stone walls lined with turrets and backed against a steep mountainside. The city walls were surrounded by a town of thatched roofs and dirt roads. Inside the walls, homes rose upon the mountainside rising up until it reached the palace carved from the mountain and looming over the city below. I was glad to see the end of it; Sanore held too many dangers for me. I could only hope Jerauch would fare better for us.
We journeyed until the sun was fading behind the mountains. Pinks and oranges smeared the sky and softened the horizon. The wagons stopped with much groaning of animals and the creaking of dusty wheels. A circle was made, and therein we made camp. After months on the road, I was proficient at setting up camp. I tended to my horse and unpacked our cook pot and prepared some dried stores for our meal. I added water to some ground grains and heated it over the flames of a fire that Johai had built. It made for a flavorless gruel that I had learned to stomach on our journey to Neaux. That was one thing I would miss in Sanore, a warm meal that did not consist of mush.
Beau returned from his duties, and we settled in to eat. I ladled up a serving for each of them and then sat cross-legged on my sleeping mat. "I will miss Lady Maria's cooking," I said in jest to lighten the tense mood that seemed to have settled on our camp.
"Hmm," Johai replied.
Sensing he was not in a mood to talk, I amused myself by staring into the fire and watching the dancing flames lick up the side of the pot.
Beau finished his gruel and rose without a word and disappeared into the night. I assumed for another round of guard duty. I took the gruel off the fire and replaced it with some boiling water for tea. I tended the fire, stirring the embers, and let the flames grow higher.
After a stretched silence, Johai spoke. "Is this what you want, really, to spend your life on the road in search of something that may very well not exist?"
His question startled me, and I looked up to meet his gaze over the fire. His eyes were boring into mine once more as if trying to withdraw an answer from me. Being stubborn as I was, I refused to give him the answer he was looking for. He was trying to give me the opportunity to turn around and head back, to sacrifice his life for me again. I wouldn't allow it.
I poked at the embers a bit longer than necessary to avoid answering. "If you had run away when I accused you of attempting to kill Adair, I would be dead." I looked up, and he did not flinch or look away. "Even though I was terrible to you and accused you of being a traitor, you still risked everything to save me."
"You cannot blame yourself for that. We never expected the spell to take all your memories away."
I shook my head. "Does it matter? All of this was my choice, don't you see. You've had so many chances to run away, yet you never did. I need to save you. I have to break this curse."
"Maea, I knew what I was taking on when I summoned the specter. I agreed to give my soul for power. You are endangering your own life for my mistakes, and that is not fair to you. I am willing to let my life be forfeit if that is what it takes to keep you safe."
Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "Just tell me, why did you summon it?"
He sighed and looked into the fire. The flames were reflected in his eyes, and he seemed much older than his twenty and eight years. "My father had intended to use the specter's power to rule the kingdom. It was a part of his plans to overthrow his brother. I acquired a book after his passing, one which told of the specter's power. Once he betrayed the kingdom, a mark was put upon me. I was considered a traitor by default. I became obsessed with the idea of finishing my father's work, summoning the specter and proving them right. I thought once I had completed my father's task that I would feel complete and their disdain would not... matter."
He stopped, and I moved around the fire to sit beside him. My knee brushed against his, and he stared down at the brief contact. "You never told me, what made you change your mind?"
He looked at me, and I tilted my head back to regard him. "Time and..." he paused, and I thought he would say something more, but he held back. "As the years went by and I did not master the specter's powers, I began to resent my decision in my youth, but by then it was too late."
"Perhaps not," I said, forcing a positive attitude, but inside, my thoughts were much more dismal.
He nodded his head, and nothing more was said on the matter, but I suspected our thoughts followed a similar path. What if the du-toath is correct? What if he is beyond saving?
We sat for a few hours side by side, not speaking but watching the fire burn low and listening to the pop and crackle of the wood. The night sounds crept in, the soft cry of the owls and the mournful cry of a wolf. My eyes grew heavy.
"You should get some rest. We'll be in the saddle when the sun rises."
I rubbed my sleepy eyes. "You should as well." I paused. "I worry you're not taking care of yourself."
He shook his head. "I am fine."
I pursed my lips and put a hand on my hip. He met my petulant gaze before sighing. "I will only stay awake a bit longer."
I smiled. "Good night
, Johai."
I climbed into my sleeping roll and pulled the blankets up to my chin. I faced the fire and let my heavy lids fall down, but before I slipped into slumber, I thought of how nice it was to be like the old days, before dire prophecies and politics had ruined everything. We used to be happy once, I thought as sleep took me.
As I slept, I dreamed. I was back in Keisan, walking down a long hallway I had often walked with Sabine. I admired the frescoed walls and inhaled the salty scent of the sea. Late afternoon sunlight spilled from a window at the far end of the hall. Normally at this time of day, there would have been courtiers strolling and chatting or servants rushing about. Instead, the hall was empty, and a pressing silence seemed to weigh down upon me. I could not even hear the crash of the ocean. I could not hear the faint murmur of voices. The silence was deafening.
I needed to find something. The desire overwhelmed all other thoughts. What it was I was looking for, I could not say. I ran my hands along the wall, searching for a chink or a gap in the paneling. There should be a door here, I thought. I ran down the hall, my hands gliding along the wood paneling. I stopped at the end of the hall, at a window, and looked at the silent sea crashing in the distance. I must find it before it's too late! I thought.
"You will not find it."
I turned, and the first diviner stood behind me, her hands folded into her sleeves.
"How can you say that when I do not know what it is I seek?" I asked.
She glided towards me and then past me. She stood beside me at the window and looked out across the horizon. Her face was still concealed in shadows from her deep hood, but her violet eyes reflected the light coming from the window. "You are still searching in vain for the answers to save him, when you already have the answer."
"I refuse to accept that!" I shouted. I balled my hands into fists. This cannot be the end.
She moved towards me, and I felt planted in place, unable to move. "And yet you refuse to scry. You close out your mind's eye, and the power pours out of you, looking for an escape. Why?"
diviners curse Page 4
