by Lena Skye
Before she could answer his question, her phone buzzed. It was her old flame Malik and she knew he only called when he wanted sex. It was usually great sex and she never was able to turn him down. He could do things to her body that she would be happy to pay for if he charged. When he was finished with her, she felt like putty. She usually would have stepped away to talk to him, he was hard to keep up with. So when Malik called, she answered. Not this time though.
She liked Malik but he couldn’t compare to Kai, even if they didn’t have sex. For once in a long time, she wanted a genuine connection with someone that wasn’t based on sex. The ice queen was beginning to melt.
“Do you need to take that?” Kai asked.
“No, I don’t. It’s no one important,” she smiled.
“So, are you going to answer my question?”
“My answer is yes. I want to give you a chance. I’m not making any promises. I can potentially fuck this whole thing up. I’m not good at it.”
“Just keep trying. If it doesn’t work out between us, then at least we won’t have any regrets.”
“I’m going to need you to be patient with me.”
“I can do that.”
She inhaled deeply and exhaled. “Good.”
“However, I do need to say one more thing.”
“Umm okay.”
“We should hold off on the physical for a bit. I won’t have sex outside of a monogamous relationship.”
“You’re really serious about this, huh?” she asked.
“I’m very serious. Just know that if we do take that step, you won’t be disappointed.”
He looked at her like he wanted to lay her out on the table and do naughty things to her, she wanted him to. “Are you sure that you don’t want to give me a taste?”
He laughed, “You’re not ready.”
“Don’t make false promises.”
“I don’t bluff and I don’t lie.”
“Well, alright then. Now it’s hot in here.”
He chuckled, “I’m just being honest.”
“Okay, I can wait.” She expected to feel some anxiety about saying those words, but the anxiety wasn’t present. She was content.
#Chapter8
“I didn’t call you to be psycho analyzed.”
Kalena
Some people wouldn’t know a good thing if it was branded “good thing” directly on their butt. Kalena tossed and turned all night, she couldn’t get any sleep. Instead she watched TV on her couch with a horrible sense of panic that she couldn’t shake. Everything within her was telling her that she’d made one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Her stomach clenched and spasmed, not even wine could cure it. The four shots of tequila that she took didn’t do much to help either.
How could she just let Tommy walk out of her house the way that she did? All he wanted to do was love her, and that’s really what she wanted, right? If that was what she truly wanted, then why did she keep making a mess of things? Why couldn’t she just accept the love that was given freely by the man that she loved?
She rocked back and forth on the couch and ran her fingers through her hair. She was struck by the realization of her feelings. She felt for him the same way that he felt for her. She loved him. It scared the hell out of her. She was in love with someone and she knew for a fact that he loved her too. The feelings inside of her were warring with one another. Letting him go would relieve the stress of possibly getting her heart broken in the future because sometimes Tommy just seemed too good to be true. However, he could have been her one true chance at happiness.
So many people said that the best relationships stemmed from friendships. People romanticized being in a relationship with their best friend and she had the opportunity to actually live it. Now she was throwing it away as if it didn’t mean anything. If she was him, she would have been done with herself a long time ago. The amount of mixed signals that she was sending her friend wasn’t fair to him at all.
Maybe now he actually was done with her. Maybe she’d broken his heart one too many times. The guilt and panic washed over her in waves. The horrible feeling moved from the pit of her stomach and to her chest. Her breathing became shallow, the tears fell down her cheeks, and she couldn’t seem to get enough air. She hopped to her feet and tried to take deep breaths, nothing was working.
Breathe breathe, breathe, she thought to herself.
Nothing helped, her chest heaved up and down. She cried and finally realized that she was having a panic attack. The realization alone sent her into a frenzy, it only made it worse. What if she died of a damned heart attack in her house and they didn’t find her body for days? Sure she was overly dramatic but she didn’t have panic attacks! She was always cool, calm, and collected.
After a few minutes of mentally scolding herself, she was able to regulate her breathing. She needed to talk. So she called the one person in the world that would put her on the straight and narrow. She called Crystal.
“Hello?” Crystal said.
“Hey,” Kalena sniffled.
“Girl are you okay? You never call me this early.”
Kalena looked over at the clock and saw that it was 5:30 in the morning. She felt lucky that her friend answered the phone. Very few people would have gotten a response from Crystal that early in the morning. Kalena felt special.
“No, I’m not okay. I just had a full blown panic attack and I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s going on, babe?”
“It’s Tommy, he left here last night. He came over to apologize, we slept together, and then he left and I don’t think that he’s coming back.”
“Okay, clearly I’m missing something. There is a huge chunk missing in that story because Tommy wouldn’t just leave you like that unless he’s really upset. So what happened?”
Kalena took in a deep breath; she didn’t want to admit what she’d done. She knew that she was about to get another verbal ass kicking but it was needed.
“Don’t get quiet now girl,” Crystal scolded her, “You’ve called me before the sun is even up. Tell me what’s going on with you. What did you do to make that man walk out on you?”
“I didn’t make him walk out, he decided to leave.”
Crystal sighed, “Yeah, okay.”
“I didn’t call for you to judge me; I called because I’m falling apart over here!”
“Stop trying to get upset before you work yourself up again. You’re just getting defensive because you don’t want to tell me what you did. Because you’re hurting, I’m going to give you a pass but tell me what’s going on.”
Kalena hated it when Crystal was right, but she was right. There was no point in arguing because she needed her friend. Crystal would never do anything to hurt her, so lashing out was stupid.
“Okay okay,” Kalena digressed. “He came over last night and he apologized to me. I knew that what you were saying was right from before. I told him that he didn’t have to apologize to me because he didn’t do anything wrong. Then one thing led to another and we had sex.”
“Who initiated the sex?”
“I did.”
“Why did you initiate the sex?” Crystal asked.
“I did it because it was what I wanted to do,” Kalena said.
“So in that moment of you two working through your problems, you just couldn’t keep your hands off of him?”
Kalena sighed, “I guess.”
“So then what happened?”
“After we were finished having sex, we lay together and had a good time. Then he gave me an ultimatum. He said that he wanted a relationship or we couldn’t be friends anymore. He said that he wanted all or nothing.”
“Okay and then what happened?”
Kalena squeezed her eyes tightly closed and quickly said it, “I told him that I wasn’t ready for a relationship.”
“Then he left?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to ask you this question and I’m not trying to light into you.�
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“Okay”
“Can you blame the man?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you blame him for leaving?”
“I’m sad that he left, I guess I can understand why he would leave. I just don’t want to be pressured into a relationship.”
“Kalena I’m going to tell you this one time and one time only, and then you can do whatever you want. You are making a huge mistake. I’m not going to ask you if you love him because I already know that you do. You can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me. So few people have the opportunity to be with a man who will do anything for them. That man has been through thick and thin with you. He has watched you have full blown relationships with other men and he’s sat on the sidelines and waited patiently. Shit, he broke up with his fiancé over you!”
“He did not!”
“You can say whatever you want about that but I know that he did. After you two became friends, he and that girl started having serious problems. Over you. He chose his friendship with you over the woman that he was supposed to marry. How blind can you be?”
“I’m not blind.”
“Well stop acting like it, Kalena!”
“There’s no need to yell at me,” Kalena said when tears pricked at her eyes.
“No, I’m not going to stop yelling at you. Someone needs to do it and I’m not about to baby you. Do you know what I would give to be able to marry the love of my life? I had a man that meant everything to me, that would do anything for me and I lost him. It pisses me off to see you throwing it away. If you can’t do right by him and treat him the way that he deserves, let him go. Stop putting him through the ringer with your bullshit.”
Kalena felt like Crystal punched her in chest. She’d never unloaded on her like that before. Why would her friend speak to her that way? “Wow, I see that I made a mistake by calling you.”
“No you didn’t make a mistake, you finally made the right decision. Everyone needs to stop babying you. Bad stuff happens to us all, Kalena, but you don’t throw away love because of it. You build a bridge over that shit and you move on. Your mom and your dad have a bad relationship, that doesn’t mean that you’ll have one. You are not your mother or your father,” Crystal said.
“I didn’t call you to be psycho analyzed. I called you because…”
“You wanted me to back you up on your crap,” Crystal interjected, “Either that or you thought that I was going to take it easy on you. I’m not going to take it easy on you this time because I’m trying to get through to you and hopefully you’ll hear me.”
“You act like you make the best decisions, you don’t commit either!”
“Unlike you, I’m actually working on that. I was going to tell you about it later but I’m working through my shit. I’m even considering going to a therapist. I have my shit together as far as my career but I need to deal with some things from my past. If I can work through my stuff, you can work through yours. We’re in this together. Now I’m just asking you to get a good start. You need to find that man before he changes his mind about you and beg for his forgiveness. You need to give him a fair shot.”
“I know.”
“Then what are you waiting for? Get off the phone with me, throw on some work clothes, and get to his house. After you’ve apologized for being so dense, take your ass to work.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“That’s more like it,” Crystal laughed, “Call me if you need me.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
Kalena hung up the phone; she was unsure about how to feel, but for now she was going to do exactly what her friend told her to do. When Crystal told a person to choose love, they should do it. It was rare when she ever got mushy. The call was a lot more than what she bargained for but maybe it was exactly what she needed. She’d been pretty spoiled and very selfish.
She never gave much thought to Crystal’s past and how it affected her. She’d seen pictures of Crystal and Malik before but Crystal never really talked about him. Feeling like a complete idiot, Kalena found a simple dress and flew through her morning routine. She had about an hour to catch Tommy before he left for work.
After getting dressed Kalena grabbed her purse and headed out of the door. She decided that overthinking it was going to get her into trouble. That was the problem with her anyway, she overthought everything. Her head took precedent in most of her decisions and it left her alone.
Kalena climbed his stairs again, she was nervous. What if that girl Sydney answered his door again? She wouldn’t be able to live another moment like that one down again. She rang his doorbell and waited impatiently.
“Who is it?” she heard his voice say tentatively.
“It’s Kalena!”
He quickly opened the door. He looked just as crappy as she felt. He wasn’t in his work clothes at all. Usually he would be ready about that time and ready to head off to work.
“You’re not going to work?” she asked.
“I called off. What’s up?”
“Can I come in?”
He opened the door wider for her to walk in. She walked into his house; all of the lights were off. It was clear that she’d woken him up.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you, I guess I should have called first.”
“What’s up, Kalena?” he asked impatiently.
“I came over to apologize,” she admitted, “I gave what you said a lot of thought and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize for the way that things happened. You were just being honest about your feelings. I can’t fault you for that. You have been one hundred percent clear about what you wanted and what you didn’t want from the very beginning. I chose to ignore what you were saying and try to push things further.”
Her heart broke when she heard his words. He was resigned to being without her. She’d finally gotten her point across but it wasn’t her truth at all. She couldn’t be honest with him because she couldn’t be honest with herself. Before saying another word, she walked to his couch and took a seat. He followed her and sat directly across from her.
“I know that I came here to apologize but I came here to do more than that,” Kalena started, “I came here to say that I care about you much more than I care to admit.”
“As a friend?”
“Obviously I like you more than that. We’ve been sleeping together.”
He gave a hopeless shrug, “That hasn’t seemed to make you feel anything more for me.”
“I want to give us a try,” she said, “I know what I said last night but I was just being stupid. I have this horrible fear of losing you over some bullshit and I pushed you out of my life by being scared.”
He shook his head, “I don’t want you to be with me just because you think that I’m not going to be your friend anymore. I said that it was all or nothing but we both know that’s not true. I’m just going to need some time to get my feelings under control, but if you ever need me, I’m going to be here for you. I’m never going to be gone from your life unless you want me to.”
Just when she thought that she couldn’t feel any worse, she did. This man was far too good to be true and he wanted her. He wanted her even when she was being a certified bitch. He was much more than what she deserved.
“I appreciate that but for the first time in a while, I’m being honest with myself. I really want to be with you. You’re everything that I could ever want and so much more. I’m not saying that I’m not scared, I’m saying that I want to give us a try.”
He stared at her for a moment in disbelief. He felt like he was being pranked. Was he finally hearing the words that he’d dreamed of for years? Had all of his years of waiting actually paid off? “I don’t know Kalena, you’ve been very clear about your feelings so far. What sparked the change?”
“My feelings have always been there. I just tried to shove them down. You know how I’ve grown up. I wasn’t ra
ised around the healthiest of relationships. I know how things can turn sour.”
“Your parent’s relationship is just one of many. Just because they are that way, it doesn’t mean that you have to be that way.”
“I know that now. Well, I’m trying to come to terms with that now. I’ve just been screwed over so much by the people that I love.”
“What that man did to you, what those men did to you, I would never do. I’ve been trying to prove it over and over again. I’m not like them. I would never intentionally hurt you and I would never step out on you.”
“Oddly enough, I know that and that’s what scares me. I’ve thought that about the men in my life before but I’ve been wrong. However, even after all of those bad experiences, I know that I can trust you.”
“That’s a good place to start, let’s just build our foundation from there.”
“So are you saying that you will give us a try?” Kalena said.
Tommy laughed.
“What’s so damned funny?” Kalena asked.
“It’s just that the roles have been reversed. I never thought that I would hear those words from you. I knew for sure that you just didn’t want to be with me. You were dead set on us not being together.”
“Look, I know what I said before and I’m sorry about making you feel like I didn’t want to be with you. I’m sorry for friend zoning you. Now are you going to continue to give me a hard time?”
He shook his head, “You’re always so damned demanding. Things have to be your way or the highway, even when you apologize.”
He was right, she wasn’t doing a very good job of saying that she was sorry. She felt hopeless, the conversation wasn’t going the way that she thought it would. Maybe he didn’t want to be with her anymore and he was tired of her shit.
“And I’ve always loved that about you,” he said, silencing her negative thoughts. She watched as he rose to his feet and walked over to her. He placed himself directly in front of her knelt on the floor so that he could see her at eye level. “Of course I want to give us a try. I’ve been trying to give us a try for a very long time now.”
