by Jenni James
He shrugged. “It happens. At least she’s excited about something.”
I nodded. “Still, I’m sorry. Thanks for coming by. That was sweet of you.”
Skyler looked around the little hallway and nodded, not quite meeting my eye. “No problem.”
As I opened the door, I decided to step outside and continue chatting to help ease the awkwardness of my sister’s sort-of rejection.
“How long have they been going out?” he asked as I closed the door behind us.
“They’re not going out. They haven’t even been on a date yet.”
He seemed surprised. “Then why did he come over?”
“Harrison was there when she twisted her ankle. He rescued her and carried her home.”
“Ah. That makes sense.”
“Yep.”
“Do you think she really likes him?”
What was he asking? I know he saw her face when Harrison came in. “Yes.”
He looked toward the road and then squinted out at the sun before meeting my eyes. “So, I guess they’ll be together soon?
“I hope not.”
His eyebrows rose. “Me neither, but you first. Why don’t you want them together?”
“It’s not that I don’t want them together as much as I don’t like the “soon’ part. I think she needs to get to know him first.”
“Yes!” He grinned, almost eagerly. “That’s it. Make sure she really knows Harrison Crawford before she falls for him. Trust me, she needs to know him first.”
My Spidey senses went into overdrive. “Why? What do you mean?” Did he know something we didn’t?
“Nothing, really. Just rumors. But nothing.” He waved his hand. “I’m sure it’s all just gossip anyway.”
My heart dropped. It was like waiting for a big reveal on your favorite TV show, the reveal that will most likely ruin what you liked most about that character. Except this wasn’t a show—this was real life, and I kind of already had my suspicions. “What have you heard? Tell me. This is my sister we’re talking about.”
“It’s nothing. Seriously. But if I do hear something concrete, I promise to let you guys know.” He began to head down the stairs.
“Wimp,” I hollered after him.
“What did you call me?” His grin was contagious.
“You heard me.”
One eyebrow rose higher than the other. “I see how it is. I tell you you’re being smart by hoping your sister won’t jump into things, and you call me names.”
“Wimp, wimp, wimp.”
He walked to his car and then opened the door. “Okay, but give me some time. Let me ask around discreetly and I’ll see what I can find out.”
“You’re going to verify what everybody at school is already talking about?”
He laughed. “No, this isn’t the students doing the talking—if it was the students, I’m sure you’d have already heard it. This is the teachers, so it’s ten times worse. No, be grateful I’m nice enough to get the facts before sharing all the trash.”
Really? Were teachers that bad? I thought you stopped gossiping once you got into the real world. “Fine.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re a good guy. Happy?”
“Pass that message onto your sister, okay? Looks like I’ll need all the help I can get.”
I snorted. “Yeah. Um, you try telling my sister anything. If she decides Harrison is the one for her, there’s nothing anyone could say to make her see him any differently.”
His face grew serious all of a sudden. “That’s not good.”
I didn’t understand why he looked so concerned. “Why?”
He shook his head. “Never mind. I like this saying that goes, ‘True character always wins out in the end.’ It’s so true. I’ve never met someone who didn’t eventually realize the truth of whatever situation I’d find myself in. So if Harrison is a good guy and will take care of her, we’ll all see that he’s awesome and be done with it. However, if he’s not, he won’t be able to hide for long. His true character will show through.”
“What about yours?”
“Me?” He laughed. “I already know I’m awesome. I’m just banking on the fact that Maralyn will eventually see my true character too.” He opened the car door. “Well, I’m off to review my teaching schedule. Glad everything is okay. Bye.”
“Bye.” I waved as he slipped into his car.
I liked him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why—but I did. There was something about him that was more steady and good than anyone else Maralyn had been interested in. He fit, even if she didn’t see it, and I had this huge feeling that he’d always bring out the best in her.
If he got the chance.
As I made my way back into the house, I wondered how I could sneak Skyler into the conversation and get Mara to start thinking about him differently. There were probably several ways to do it, if I could clear my mind enough to think of them.
I walked into the living room and stopped. Harrison and Maralyn were cuddled together on the couch. He sat behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist, and she leaned back against his chest. They were whispering about something, and Mara giggled.
They looked way too cozy.
I backed out of the room and headed to mine. There was no way I’d go in and be the third wheel to their flirting.
By the time Mom made it home, Harrison had been there nearly two hours. I’d walked past the living room twice—once to get a drink, and the other to start dinner. Each time, they looked much more cuddly than the last time. Mom thought it was adorable, so she left them alone to get to know each other better. She also threatened Katelyn to stay far away from them. However, once dinner was ready, I was sent to help Mara hobble to the table with her crutches.
They were out-and-out kissing. Right there in the living room.
Good grief. I cleared my throat, and they guiltily moved apart. “Mom says it’s time for dinner.” I couldn’t even stay in there. I didn’t know why, either. I couldn’t tell if I was mad at her for not taking things much more slowly, or if I was just weirded out because I caught them kissing. Either way, I could feel myself sort of freaking out. “Harrison, could you help Mara get to the table?”
“Mara, huh?” He grinned.
She playfully swatted at him. “You only get to call me that once you’ve earned it.”
In answer, he kissed her again, right in front of me. I thought I might gag. Something was wrong. Something deeper than my not liking this relationship, but I didn’t know what. I just knew I had to get away. Right then.
“Tell Mom I’ll be back in a minute.”
“What?” Maralyn asked as I stepped out of the room and walked out the front door.
I didn’t take time to go back and explain. I just sort of took off. My heart was pounding, my elbow was itching like crazy, and my neck was beginning to sweat. The stress, the timing, the craziness—I don’t know what it was. As soon as I hit the sidewalk, I turned left and began to run.
I hadn’t actually run away like this since Dad died nearly two months ago. I didn’t know where I planned to go, or how far I’d go—I only knew I needed to get away or burst.
A car honked and scared the living daylights out of me. I’d made it to the middle of the road, probably right where Mara had almost gotten hit. Great. Nothing like being the Dashwood dorks who never looked where they were going.
I stumbled out of the way, onto the sidewalk, and bumped into the chain-link fence that wrapped around the school. Everything was confusing. Everything was wrong. And I didn’t know why. I followed the fence all the way around until I came to the baseball fields. There were people everywhere, warming up for a game. Ugh. I needed to be alone.
I kept going, wandering along the fence line until I made it to the football field. There were a few people over by the home bleachers, probably the track team finishing up for the day. I slipped into the field area and headed toward the other side of the track, over by the visitor bleachers. Near the side farthest away f
rom anyone was a small tree. I made that my destination and sat down against it.
Sitting where I was, I couldn’t even see the field, so I knew I wasn’t visible to the team across the way. It was quiet over here. And peaceful.
I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my head on my knees. What was my problem, anyway? Who cared what Maralyn did or didn’t do? She’d had plenty of boyfriends, and she’d always been careful before. Why was it any big deal now? And why in the world was I freaking out just because I watched her kiss someone? Had I really become such a controlling monster that I’d get mad when she didn’t do what I wanted her to?
Seriously, what was wrong with me?
I took a deep breath. If I’d just give myself a few minutes, I could usually realize what my real problem was, and then address it. There had to be something much more going on here. But what?
I sighed and then felt a sob catch in my throat. And then another came. And another. No tears—just these weird, almost frustrated cries, or something.
Taking a shaky breath, I willed myself to stop. And then it hit me. Full force, right between the eyes, like a jackknife hitting its mark. I wasn’t mad about Mara kissing Harrison. Sure, it irritated me a little, but it didn’t freak me out. That wasn’t it.
It was Dad.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Finders Keepers
Dad wasn’t here. He wasn’t here, and it hurt all over again. He wasn’t here to protect us from jerky guys, to see if Harrison was good enough, or Skyler, or Zane—or anyone.
He wasn’t here to kiss Mom, either. To snuggle with her on the couch, or make her giggle or bring her flowers.
And I was angry that he was gone, that he would leave us when we needed him most, that we had to move away from our house and friends and life and . . . and everything!
And I was upset that Maralyn could so easily slip into a relationship—especially since we’d lost the best man in our lives just a couple of months ago. How could she be ready to move on and be normal?
And everyone else was happy about it.
Everyone except me.
It was like they thought our lives could go back to normal again. Well, guess what? They couldn’t. Not now, not ever. Because Dad left us. He was gone. And he wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t here when we needed him. And he didn’t care.
I did. I had to do all the caring. I had to worry and wonder and hope—and I hated it. I didn’t want to. I wanted him! I wanted my dad to be here where he should be.
I hadn’t noticed I’d begun to cry until my knees felt wet. Nice. I lifted my head and wiped my eyes.
“Ellyn? You sure make it hard for a guy to stay focused when I keep running into you. Literally.”
“Zane?” I opened my eyes and found a pair of very male legs and running shoes in front of me. What were the odds?
He chuckled. “I came over to run a few laps and clear this adorable twin from my head only to find her in the same dang place I came to forget her. How’s that for irony?”
I couldn’t even think right now. The last thing I wanted was for Zane to witness my pity party. “Yep.” That was the best answer I could give. Keeping my head tuned away from him, I tried to be discreet about wiping my face. It didn’t work.
“Hey, are you okay?”
When I didn’t answer, he sat down next to me.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Uh—okay. Would you like to try that again?”
“No.”
Suddenly I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me into him. “Well, if you don’t want to tell me, I guess I’ll just have to give you some Zane cuddle therapy until you do.
“Zane cuddle therapy?” My voice sounded thick. I was too drained to bother telling him how much I didn’t like hugs.
“Yep. It’s a real thing. Just wait. You’ll feel better in a minute.”
I doubted it. It wasn’t like he could poof my dad back or something. I grunted in response.
“You’re adorable when you grumble like that.”
“You’re weird.”
His arm squeezed me. “You know, I’ve been called worse.”
“You probably have.”
We didn’t say anything for a few minutes. I guess my grumpiness kept him at bay. It was nice not having to talk.
Then he asked, “So, are you ready to share yet?”
I sighed. “Not really.”
“Well, ‘not really’ is better than ‘no.’”
“I need time alone.” Why didn’t he understand that?
“No. You need a friend.”
I needed a dad. “An older brother?”
“That’s right. One of those.” He scooted in a bit closer. “Well, here I am!”
I chuckled and pushed against him. “Why are you so chipper, anyway?”
“And persistent. You forgot persistent.”
“That too. Why?”
“I don’t know.” His voice got a bit softer. “I must like torture, I guess.”
“What do you mean?” I was trying hard not to be curious, but he’d completely thrown me.
He shook his head. “Nope. This isn’t about me. This is about you. How can I help?”
“Why are you tortured by being persistent?” I turned around to face him.
Those eyes held mine for a minute, and I saw my own pain mirrored back. “What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me.
I grinned and turned back around, this time giving in and snuggling into his embrace. “Fine. It’s nothing, really. I just miss my dad.”
“Ah.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well … it is what it is.”
“It’s still hard. And not something you should have to go through alone.”
Why was he so . . . so . . . exactly what I needed? “I don’t think I want to go through it alone. But I don’t know any other way. How do you balance something like death and still live?”
“Well …” He adjusted his position. “I’ve heard it’s amazingly helpful to spend lots of time with older brother-friends who hold you and let you feel as though someone’s there.”
I couldn’t help myself. I gave a small grin. “You have, huh?”
“Yep. It’s supposed to be incredibly effective.”
I looked out toward the large grassy area.
“And how’s it going for you? Better?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, I guess.” I pushed all my thoughts away so I could focus on Zane. “But maybe it’s not good.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m not processing. I’m not working through it. I’m just sitting here with you. Which is nice, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not taking time to grieve on my own.”
“How many weeks have you already grieved on your own?”
“All of them.”
“Exactly. So every now and then, having someone here for you isn’t all that bad.”
“I hate your logic.”
I must’ve hurt him somehow because he pulled just the slightest bit away. “Yeah, well. I’ve been told it isn’t the best, so you know, maybe I shouldn’t be offering advice.”
“Okay. So that just flipped. Your mood completely changed. Are you ready to talk yet?” When he didn’t answer, I nudged him. “What’s torturing you?”
Both his arms wrapped around me. “Being here.”
“Then why are you here?” I tried to pull away, but he held on tighter.
“Hush. Give me a minute, and I’ll explain.”
Something in his voice made me pause. I really wasn’t good with this boy-girl friendship thing. I didn’t catch half of what he was trying to convey, but something—something was there. Something I did understand. Longing. He really just wanted to be here with me, but couldn’t.
And then it clicked. Heaven help me for being a day late and a dollar short, as my dad would say, but I finally understood his torture. It was my tort
ure too. “You want more than friendship?” I tentatively asked.
“I thought it was obvious.”
“I’m not actually Captain Obvious. I’m more like Captain Stup—”
“Stupendous?”
I laughed. “Nerd.”
“You know you love my nerdy side.”
Love. That word rang around us both for an eon. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to.
Thankfully, Zane cleared his throat and changed the subject. “So, tell me about your dad. What triggered the tears?”
“I—I don’t know. Maralyn’s new boyfriend, I guess.”
“Huh?” He pulled away to look at me. “What happened? Do I need to punch someone?”
The look on his face caused me to chuckle. “Nothing. They’re just all lovey-dovey and kissing and stuff, and I don’t know. It hurt.”
“Okay. You’re gonna have to explain that one to me.”
“I didn’t realize it at first. I was getting mad at her, and assumed it’s because everything is so new and she really doesn’t know him. But actually, I think it’s because of my dad.”
He waited for me to continue.
My heart twisted in my chest, and I didn’t know how to share. “Because he kissed my mom.” That was totally lame. I tried again. “Because he’s not here. Because I’m the only one worrying.”
Zane didn’t say anything. I couldn’t even blame him. My words were all over the place. How could things make so much sense in my mind, but come out so jumbled?
Taking a deep breath, I tried again. “Give me a minute. I’ll get this out.” I paused as my muddled brain found coherent words. “He’s only been gone a couple of months, and already things are going back to normal. And I’m not ready for it. I’m worried that without his wisdom and advice, we’ll do stupid things.”
“Like getting a boyfriend you hardly know?”
“Exactly!” I sighed. “Except my mom thinks it’s wonderful that Maralyn has this guy and is encouraging her behavior, and I’m still—I don’t know—I’m not liking the way they were kissing. He hasn’t even taken her on a date yet, and already, they’re making out. And he’s giving her flowers and they’re snuggling on the couch and . . . and . . . that’s what my dad did. For my mom. That was his thing. That’s—he always brought home flowers. They were always kissing, and cuddly, and cute. And I don’t know. It hurts. A lot. It doesn’t make sense. And it hurts.”
