Stop leering at me, jerk.
“I reviewed all your data and was amazed you came out during the last test.”
Reviewing is part of your job. Why are you mentioning this?
The memory of five years ago—snot dripping from her nose as she confessed to being a lesbian—sent a shudder inward. Knowing all of it was on audio and visual made it more horrifying and humiliating.
He cocked his head from side to side as if there was food stuck on her face. “Have you ever hooked up with someone you shouldn’t? Someone who might be into illegal things?”
“No.” Asshole. And you’re probably a homophobe.
“Okay, let’s go again.” He started the test and asked her the same set of required questions.
The standard questions went on and on…Have you ever spied against the government? Have you ever stolen any secrets? Do you have an allegiance to a foreign government? Have you ever advocated the overthrow of the American government?
He stopped the test. Silence hung in the air. He came around and leaned over with his hands on his knees. “Something appears to have upset you. Anything you’d like to tell me? Are you feeling guilty about something? You know Alaina, there really is no need to worry unless you’ve done something wrong.”
I’ve done nothing wrong. Unhook me.
She looked down at the floor. Anywhere, but in his face.
Ali knew this strong-arm tactic and resolved to remain composed against the accusations, insinuations, and lies. It was like good cop, bad cop, but with one maniacal tester.
“Okay. Let’s start the test again.” He hurled the standard test questions at her again.
After what seemed an eternity, he stopped and made more comments that deviated from the standard. She knew he was trying to get under her skin, but it felt like a personal assault with a tone she hated. With each comment, Ali sunk deeper into her dark state.
“Alaina, have you done something wrong? Maybe it was as simple as taking home a ream of paper. Have you stolen anything?”
She looked from the tester’s eyes to the floor. She could not fend off the assault of feelings and voices deep within. They consumed her...
“Did you steal my beer?”
“No.”
“You lying little bitch.” The spittle from his mouth flew into her face.
“Have you ever traded sex for secrets?” The tester was leaning into her face.
“No.”
“Do you have any friends that would ever persuade you to do something illegal? Maybe you should tell me about your friends.”
The ugly voice of her father kept creeping into her mind…
“Who’s your friend, Alaina?”
Their kiss stopped.
He laughed as her girlfriend ran from the room. “Never figured you for a pussy-licking cunt.”
Denise skipped into the room. “Daddy, you’re home.” She wrapped her arms around him.
“Yes, my little daisy. Go play. . .” He turned back to Ali. “Take care of your sister, or I’ll take care of you.” He seized his crotch.
The man snapped his fingers. “What are you thinking about? We’ve got a long way before quitting time. How did your deployments go?”
“Fine.”
“I didn’t hear you.”
“Fine.”
“Is there anything that’s not in the paperwork?” He reached for a folder on the desk, making a spectacle of shuffling through papers. “What about your relationship with Major Lynn Stewart?”
Her voice was barely above a whisper as she mumbled, “She was in charge of JETT. It’s all in the paperwork.” In her mind, she screamed, asshole.
“You’ve earned many achievements and awards. With such a stellar background, this should be a breeze for you. Why is today such an issue? Aren’t you proud of your work? Or are you trying to hide something?”
“No.”
“No to what question? Talk to me, Alaina.” He smacked his hand on the desk.
The voice of her father, drunk and mean, roared inside her head. Her mother never kept her safe…
“It was just a small argument, nothing. Go lie down, Eddie.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, woman! Alaina, sit down. Now!” He looked around. “Where’s Denise?”
“She’s with friends. Please, Eddie. You’ve been drinking.”
He shoved her mother toward the door. “Go pick her up.”
After the click of the deadbolt, he backed Ali into a corner, “I’ve told you and told you. I don’t tolerate this teenager backtalk.” He pointed his finger in Ali’s face. “You think you’re so much better than anyone with your grades. And you want to go to college. What a waste. You’re a piece of shit.”
Smack.
“You’re a carpet-munching whore. You’re nothing, and you always will be nothing.”
Smack.
“Guess you like the punishment.” He pushed her down, her cheek pressed against the floor. She felt his full weight crush on top of her. . .
“You’re positive that nothing is wrong?”
Ali shook her head. After all these years, she could still feel the tightness of her swollen face.
“Maybe something about one of your deployments. Did you always go by the book or did you ever break the rules? What about the investigation in the second deployment?”
A tear rolled down her cheek.
“Okay. Let’s take a break. Restroom and water fountain are to the left down the hall. When you get back, we’re going through the same questions. Think about things. Tell me what’s bothering you, then we’re going to start again.”
His fingers scarcely touched her sides as he unhooked the hoses. Still, she squeezed her eyes tight.
She could feel his glare upon her as she moved to the door. When she turned the doorknob, he put his hand on the door. “I want you to think long and hard about what responses you’ve given. Cooperating is so much better than punishment.”
Punishment. Her father punished her for everything…
She ran for the door.
He lunged and stopped her. “Guess you like the punishment.” He pushed her down, her cheek pressed against the floor. She felt his full weight crush on top of her. . .
He released his hand. She yanked the door open. A torrent of tears ran down her face as she inched towards safety. The sound of his footsteps as he trailed her down the hall made her pick up speed. He was close.
“What are you feeling right now?”
“I wish I were dead.” She slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it. With her back to the door, she slid to the floor. She drew her knees to her chest and sobbed into them.
He banged on the door. Others came. Their voices faded.
The thumping ceased. Minutes later, it began again. “Ali, it’s Dr. Martin. Please let me know you’re okay.” More thumping. “If you don’t respond, we’re going to have to force the door open.”
Ali recognized the voice of the agency psychologist who had done her last post-deployment assessment.
“I’m okay.”
“Good. We need to go downstairs and have a talk.”
Ali blew her nose on toilet paper and splashed water on her face. She had no choice. If she stood any hope of keeping her job, she had to bare her soul to the agency psychologist, wait for their assessment, and retake the polygraph. They’d also require her private therapist to submit an evaluation.
Five hours after the polygraph began, Ali walked out of the building with her head down. The cold, cleansing rain soaked her clothes. She crawled inside the refuge of her car and collapsed on the steering wheel.
Her father had been dead almost twenty-four years, but she could not eradicate what he had done. There had been triggers and reactions before, but nothing like today.
Her mother and older siblings didn’t like to talk about his drinking or her sexuality. Ali felt utterly alone and abandoned. If not for her younger sister Denise, Ali would have thought it was all in her mind.
“I hate you, you son of a bitch!” She pounded her fists several times against the steering wheel. “I’ve tried so fucking hard to put you out of my mind, and you keep haunting me.”
The sky opened up, and the rain beat down and stifled her sobs.
Chapter 36
September 2014 – Northern Virginia
Ali reached for her phone and only succeeded in knocking it on the floor. Yawning, she stretched and picked it up.
“Hello.”
“Did I wake you?”
“Hey, Paul. Yeah, don’t you sleep in on the weekend?”
“Maybe until eight, but it’s nearly ten. That’s not like you. Are you sick?”
“No. What’s up? Got any plans this weekend?” There was a moment of silence. Oh, shit, he’s coming to dinner tonight with his fiancée.
“You forgot.” He chuckled. “Well, I’m sorry to say that we can’t make it. Jada’s parents crashed our plans.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Don’t sound so heartbroken.” His bellowing laugh made her feel better. “Besides, I found a couple to stand in for us.”
“Huh?”
“Trust me. Besides, it sounds like you need some cheering up. Your guests will arrive at six.”
“Who are they?”
“I want you to be pleasantly surprised, and they love your BBQ. I have to get back to work. Enjoy the dinner party tonight.”
Ali popped out of bed and went straight to the kitchen. She had just enough time to get her boneless country-style ribs seasoned and in the slow cooker. It’s a new day, and I shouldn’t be alone. A little company will do me good.
As dinner cooked, she played Mjoll the Lioness in the Skyrim Special Edition. Hearing the doorbell, she closed the game, tossed the controllers in the storage bin, then smoothed her clothes.
“Surprise!”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe it.” She exchanged hugs with her old 2010 deployment buddies, Michele Miller and Jill Cramer.
“Hey girl, how’s it going?” Jill grinned wildly.
“Come in.” Ali pointed to the sofa. “Make yourselves comfortable.” She breathed in the scent of the flowers. “This bouquet is amazing. I love Stargazer lilies.”
Michele said, “I had to stop by Fort Meade headquarters on our way to Georgia and saw Paul at a meeting. We were going to call you, then he told us about the busted dinner plans. So, we hatched a plan to surprise you.”
“I’m so happy you did.”
Paul had been such a dear friend since 2008. Last year, Michele was at Fort Meade for three months of training, and Ali introduced them. Out of all the odd coincidences, it turned out that Michele grew up in the same suburb of Albany, NY as Paul. The only reason they had never run into one another in high school was because of the age difference.
“What’s going on in Georgia? Jill, I thought your mom retired and moved to Florida.”
“She did.” Jill tilted her head at Michele.
“I’ve been reassigned to Fort Gordon. Jill quit her job and is going to find one down there.”
Ali’s eyebrows shot up. “Georgia doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage, and it’s not a gay-friendly place outside of Atlanta. How’s the atmosphere on base? I heard conservatives are pushing back and looking for any religiously based excuse to be a thorn in everyone’s side.”
Jill threw up her hands. “Believe me, anything is better than being back in the military and fighting to be stationed together.”
“You don’t regret getting out?”
“Hell no. I never thought I’d leave, but Michele’s NSA job is definitely the better position. And if I can’t find a job, then maybe I’ll be a stay at home wifey.”
“Ha!” Michele jabbed her finger in Jill’s middle. “Over my dead body.”
Jill put her arm around her wife and kissed her. Ali loved how the Army’s 2010 decision to separate them hadn’t dulled their love for one another.
Ali put the food on the table, Jill set glasses of water out, and Michele uncorked and poured the Cabernet. The conversation around dinner was light until the end.
“It’s been ages since I’ve talked with Lynn, but I had to contact her about a project recently.” Michele swirled her wine then looked at Ali over the rim.
Ali rose and gathered the plates.
“Ali, the damn dishwasher can wait. Please, let’s talk.”
Ali sank into the chair and crossed her legs and arms. “What did she say?”
“That you ran into one another at National Women’s Music Festival in July.”
Ali could feel the anger rising up. “Yeah. Weirder than you and Paul being from the same hometown.” She flicked her wrist. “What are the chances? Out of all the fucking places, she flies from South Korea to vacation in Wisconsin while I just happen to be there. We ended up barely fifty feet apart. Unbelievable!”
“You’ve said it’s over and she’s in a relationship. Why’s it still bothering you?”
“Honey, careful,” Jill whispered to Michele.
“No, Jill. I think Michele might be right,” Ali propped her head in her hand and played with her napkin, “Seeing them all kissy-kissy was…” Ali waded up the napkin. “At one point, the chick had her tongue so far down Lynn’s throat that I thought I’d have to come in and administer CPR. And her hand kept cupping Lynn’s ass.”
“So, why did you watch?”
“I’ll turn the question around. Why did she mention it?” Ali tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, then crossed her arms.
“Ali, you’re my friend, and I’m concerned. Listen to your own voice. You still sound upset.”
Ali closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. “During our deployments, Lynn said she didn’t date colleagues and that being outside and away from the base was the only time she was comfortable. Well, I guess since DADT’s fallen, she’s pretty damn comfortable.”
“Don’t let memories hold you back. You were the one who went to Australia at the spur of the moment. What was Lynn supposed to do?”
Ali blurted out, “After Evans made his allegation, there were other questions the military asked me. They had claimed to have gathered evidence of Lynn at parties with multiple women. They even read a list of names and asked me if I knew any of the women. And,” Ali held up a shaky finger, “if I had ever known Lynn to have a threesome. Do you know how much that hurt?”
“Oh Ali, I’m so sorry.” Michele grabbed Ali’s hand.
“You know the military background investigators sometimes come up with crap to see what the reaction might be.” Jill leaned back in her chair. “Someone with a grudge could have told some crazy story. Obviously, they didn’t find anything solid because the Air Force promoted her.”
“Yeah, but she’s such a workaholic. I thought Lynn would be in a rocker before she would change and come out.”
“So true, but she’s not the only workaholic,” Jill smirked.
“Point taken, but you know it comes with the job. Oh, please don’t tell Paul. You guys are the only ones I’ve told.”
“We won’t say a word,” Jill said and bumped her wife’s arm. “It’s getting late, we should hit the road.”
“No way! You’re spending the night. It’s pouring.”
Jill said, “If you don’t mind.”
“But we need to leave at the crack of dawn,” Michele added.
“No problem. I don’t get to see enough of you guys, and my spare bedroom is roomy.”
“Terrific. Thanks, Ali.”
“So, have you been dating?” Jill waggled her eyebrows. “Ouch!” She turned to her wife. “What was that for?”
“You tell me not to talk about Lynn and you nosey-in on her dating.”
Jill shrugged and smiled. “I just don’t want Ali to be alone.”
Ali threw her head back and laughed. “You two are hopeless snoops, but I love you. I know Paul can’t keep his big mouth shut and talks to Michele all the time.” She flicked her hand. “I go to a women’s dinner
group once a month and a dance every so often. I’ve met a couple of interesting prospects, but no, Miss Nosey, I haven’t met anyone who has swept me away.” Ali got up and picked up another bottle. Waving it in the air, she said, “Since you’re spending the night, let’s have a second bottle. Oh, I also have the movie Gravity. Have you seen it?”
“That’s a good one. I saw it last year, but Michele hasn’t seen it.”
Michele rolled her eyes. “You know Jill goes for anything sci-fi.”
Jill walked over to the TV and waved a DVD in the air. A giant smile lit her face. “Looks a lot better than Gravity, but it won’t play on an American DVD player.” Jill slid the cabinet open. “Oh, you have two players.”
“A work colleague gave me her used player and some European DVDs.” Ali took a healthy swig of wine.
“A love prospect? I’m sure the cuddling during this was fun.”
“Jill, leave her alone.”
“No. Just a friend. We never watched them together.”
“If you are watching Lip Service alone, then you need to get laid. Tell me. Is it the British and Scottish accents or is it a fascination with Frankie? There are some differences, but she kind of looks like Lynn, except Frankie’s hair’s straight.”
Ali felt her face flush. “Put in the damn sci-fi movie.”
Chapter 37
October 2014 – Osan Air Base, South Korea
“I’m sorry ma’am, but we had to bounce you for the VIP. We’ll get you on the next one. Sorry, it’ll be a couple of hours.”
“Thank you, Airman.” Frak, I hope I don’t miss my connection.
“Ma’am, I see you have a Battlestar Galactica book. I’m a fan. My love of the original TV series rubbed off on me from my parents.”
Lynn wasn’t old enough to be his parent, but she felt like it. “Yes. You have a good day, Airman.”
The music in the background switched to oldies from the 1950s. “Earth Angel” began playing. She only knew the song because it was one of her grandmother’s favorites.
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