Letting Go

by Katie George

  Chapter Eleven

  Sarah

  NO MATTER WHAT happened to her, Sarah always woke around seven-thirty in the morning. It was a habit that had begun around her junior year of high school, after the late noon mornings of sleeping in ceased as her body matured. Overnight it seemed, Sarah had become an early bird, the only one in her family.

  The next morning—the morning after the mysterious shroud Sarah possessed of last night—was no exception. So Sarah fumbled downstairs in her pajamas, intent on making a good, homemade breakfast, when she saw her family staring at her from the kitchen table.

  “What happened last night, Sarah?” asked Helena, her eyes narrowed. “We got a call from Amy Brooks, who said she saw you, Destiny, and Joel Sealet at his house.”

  Oh, dear Dios. Sarah fell into a barstool as her parents blinked at her. It was a surprise they’d sent her off to California. “No worries, I’m still one hundred percent virginal.”

  “Sarah!”

  Zach walked in, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Hey, sleepyhead. You look rough.”

  “Thanks, idiot.” Sarah wrapped an arm around him. “How about I pick you up after school?”

  “No Alison or Mom? Are you kidding? Of course.”

  “Sarah,” yelled Helena. She shot a look to her husband, who was halfheartedly watching the situation unfold. Like usual, the news channel possessed his real attention.

  “Destiny and I went out for food. We gave Joel a ride home. That was it.”

  “I want you to stay away from that family.”

  “This is not Romeo and Juliet, Mom. I’m not a Capulet, and he’s not a Montague.”

  “He’s a bad influence. But also the Sealet family is in a torrential downpour right now.”

  “We go to the same church as them.”

  Scott finally chimed in. “The Sealets have been causing a lot of drama.”

  “Well… Isn’t it wrong to gossip?”

  “I just want you to stay away from that boy. He’s trouble.” Helena took a swig of her coffee, but Sarah felt a laugh tickle her throat.

  She did not promise anything.

  Instead, after they left, she took a nice, cool shower, wiping the dirt and grime from her back, and drove the few miles to the aquarium.

  She pounced on Joel at the first sight of him. He was taking a group of first graders around, teaching them about the lifespans of stingrays as a little boy called out, “I want to see the sharks!”

  The teacher, an elderly woman who looked like Mother Elsie, called out, “Josiah, you calm down, okay? Let Mr. Joel speak.”

  When Joel looked up to see Sarah standing beyond the group, he felt his throat constrict. “How about we go see the dolphins?”

  “Yay!” shouted a group of girls, and he led them to the holding tank where a few other workers, including a trainer named Erika and Destiny Tridell, were busy prepping the dolphins for the next show. It was a few minutes early, but Joel stole away a few feet as the teacher tried to wrangle her students into a makeshift line.

  As Erika began her spiel, Destiny observed Joel’s inching toward Sarah in wonderment. Casually, she snapped a picture with her phone and disappeared to the other side of the tank. This would be brilliant.

  “Sarah! What’re you doing here?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not exactly sure. I just… Well, this may sound incredibly stupid.”

  “What?”

  She was nervous all of the sudden, by his height and her feeling smaller than him, and how he was good-looking, and she had a bump of acne forming below her lower lip. Then she remembered he had dumped his girlfriend last night, and he was not exactly one to be trusted.

  But the anger and vitriol towards her mom pushed her forward.

  “I… My mom wants me to stay away from you.” Sarah blushed red.

  He stared at her as a hint of a smirk appeared on his lips. “How did she know we even saw each other?”

  “People talk.”

  “And so you, out of the goodness of your own heart, did the opposite of what she asked, and you came. You’re obviously bad to the bone.”

  “Obviously,” she seconded. She tugged on a strand of a hair that had escaped her long ponytail. Sometimes she had the urge to chop off all her hair.

  Joel looked back to his first grade class. The kids were busy chirping as a dolphin splashed around; Mrs. Hastings, their teacher, ran around them, asking them to calm down. There was no possible way the children could calm down in the presence of blue dolphins.

  “So, you’re visiting me to go against your strait-laced parents? Well, I can help with that. You wanted to find Karli.”

  She nodded. “It’s been a week, and I do want to find her.”

  “Well, let’s find her.”

  “But you just broke up with Brie, and…”

  Joel’s eyes glinted. “Yeah, and your point is?”

  “My point is…” Joel turned to Sarah, who nodded. “Your duty calls.”

  “I have work every day this week, but on Saturday, I can pick you up at ten, and we will find Karli.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure. Are you sure?”

  “Yes, but I may change my mind.”

  ZACH WAS NOT a popular student at the small private school from which his siblings had graduated. Everyone knew his name, but he still preferred shadows to people. He liked books, science, and airplanes, but he hated social events, the ocean, and Breezewater. Even at his age, he knew the town was a brutal little speck in the grand scheme of his life. He planned to join the military someday and fly all around the world. Did his parents know this? Well, they didn’t even care for one, and for two, he hadn’t told anyone. Except Joey.

  Zach and Joey had been inseparable since the boy moved into the old Victorian house in September. God had taken away Sarah but replaced her with Joey Raspoli, who, like him, loved to run around outside but also played Minecraft and the like. So their friendship began under a fall sun, and all shyness evaporated by October. Joey went to the public school nearby, but Zach was certain their friendship was even stronger by separating it for a time. If two people were together constantly, it was inevitable there would be some tension.

  Joey was a heartbreaker. He had already had his first kiss and had broken up with six girls, according to his storytelling. Zach didn’t exactly believe it until Joey asked Kirsten Lowes, a girl who lived in their neighborhood, to go with him to the church dance, before saying curtly, “Never mind. I already asked Jenna Newton.”

  This offended Zach, but he said nothing. He saw Kirsten’s look of dejection, and almost asked her to the dance himself, but Kirsten was not a nice girl. She did not deserve Joey’s mean-spiritedness, but she was not one Zach would call a flower in a garden. She was more of the snake lurking around the weeds.

  However, Joey broke it off with Jenna too. Instead, Joey saw that a certain young woman named Sarah Towson was in town. He had never met her, but he felt like he knew her based on what Zach had told him and through photographs. Joey was set on asking Sarah on a date, and he was certain he could do it.

  Joey was a thinker. He needed to meet Sarah, assess her likes and dislikes, and then he would serenade her and prove he was worthy of her attention. Plus, he would enjoy the boost of popularity that would come from asking a college girl to be his girlfriend.

  Zach was not completely cut off from Joey’s diabolical schemes. His best friend had been like this in their entire year of friendship, but nothing had really happened between them. It was mostly Joey telling Zach what he’d done to other people.

  Zach stood at the edge of the curb, his backpack light on his back, except for a book he’d checked out on Bernoulli’s principle. He was tempted to pull the book out—because if his parents ever picked him up, it was always thirty minutes late—but he decided to take in the fresh May air. School would let out in two weeks, and after, he planned on a long, relaxing three months with nothing on schedule except reading, h
anging out with Joey, and reconnecting with Sarah.

  Sarah appeared a minute late. She was driving their dad’s suped-up Mercedes for the afternoon, which added to Zach’s pride at his cool older sister. She smiled as she opened the door for him. Behind him, middle schoolers oohed and aahed, some recognizing Sarah, others not.

  “Nice ride, right?” Sarah asked as she lowered the top. She leaned into him. “Let’s make every girl jealous right now.”

  “Oh, Zeus no. I’m not into girls. Yet, at least.”

  “It’s okay. I’m still not really into guys.”

  Sarah and Zach sped off—well, only at the speed the school signs permitted. They turned the channel from oldies hits to current pop songs, to Christian, then off to a spicy, sultry Mexican-themed station. Surprisingly, Zach understood some of the Spanish in the songs, and he repeated to Sarah that the lyrics denoted a missing bird looking for its owner.

  “Interesante,” Sarah said as they cruised down the road, the scent of lilac fresh in the air. The wind stirred their hair in unison, and finally, a long strip of beach appeared before them, along with the endless mirage of the ocean like a large blue abyss beyond. Sarah was driving just to drive, and she felt something giddy in her soul. She was back with her brother, and the Atlantic was calling their names like sirens.

  She pulled off to the side of the road, and she and Zach ran across the sand until their legs gave out.

  SARAH SAT ON the sidewalk, pollen starting to cover her in yellow dots. Spring was still blooming, as evidenced by the glow of flowers beside her, along with each distinct odor that offered a spectral knowledge of botany. Sarah remembered gardening with Alison back when they were younger, and how much fun it had been.

  She checked her watch. It was 10:07. She was not sure if Joel was punctual or not, but she was starting to get peeved, especially since Zach had asked to spend the day with her, and she told him she couldn’t. She hadn’t lied to her brother, but it still felt like a lie, which hurt her.

  She continued to glance at the watch. By 10:30, Sarah doubted he was coming, so she stood up and hurried back across the dewy, green grass to the dreariness of her house. She opened the door and was tempted to slam it, but instead found herself in the kitchen, gobbling down a piece of pie on the stove. Her parents were already incognito, off together at a couples event in downtown Savannah for the day, while Zach had run off to his best friend Joey’s six houses down from theirs.

  Sarah took her piece of pecan pie with her to observe the street from the large bay windows in the office room. A Lexus passed by, and then a GMC Sierra, and nothing else. By the time it was eleven, Sarah wiped the icing from her hands onto her bare skin, feeling its touch. Eventually, she stood up and went to the coolness of the guest room to read a book she’d checked out from the public library.

  She fell asleep and did not recognize Joel’s rapping on the door only feet away. Instead, her dreams swirled around a sea—a large, vast, glassy sea—and in its depths, a young woman drowned, her amber hair swirling in circles around her.

  When she did wake, around twelve, she headed downstairs and took a large gulp of cherry limeade from the fridge (which her parents did permit, for whatever reason), not caring she would poison her family members with her own germs. She pulled her long hair into a frizzy bun, with tufts of hair poking this way and that, before she walked into the dining room, spotting a familiar Jeep in the driveway.

  Sarah angrily walked to the door, finding Joel lying on the brick porch, a trail of ants only inches away from his scalp. He had fallen asleep like this somehow. His lips were parted, a light snore drifting upward, and in this moment, Sarah forgave him. Why did he have to be such a jerk, the opposite of any person she ever wanted to hang around? He was heartless, he was conniving, he was Joel Sealet.

  She was tempted to dump a bucket of cold water on his head, but instead, she tapped on his shoulder. He awoke with a start, his eyelids opening speedy quick, his mobility momentarily plagued by the fuzziness of waking up. He breathed and said, “Sarah!” She laughed at his weirdness and he said, “You decide to scare the living daylights out of me?”

  “It’s the least you deserve. Or did you just now remember we were supposed to meet at ten, not twelve?”

  “Isn’t sleeping on your porch punishment enough? I knocked over and over, and no one ever showed up.”

  “I waited outside in this heat for thirty minutes. For you!”

  “Oh, cut the complaints,” he said, his cocksure grin back. He stood up, wiping his shorts before shaking out his hair, so that any bugs lodged within the curls would fall to the ground. He lifted his palms and said, “How about we go now?”

  She stared at him. “Are you out of your mind? I should reward your lateness with my presence? Give me a minute to flop on my shoes.”

  “Flop on your shoes? Are you even speaking English? Oh, sh… Shamrock.”

  “What?”

  Joel’s cheeks reddened with embarrassment. “Are your folks home?”

  “No. They’re out of town for the day. Now leave me alone, and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  As he waited, Joel found himself transported to a day long, long ago, when he had come to this same subdivision for prom pictures. He’d been a senior then, living in Savannah, but Manny’s date, Catherine, had lived here. Her house was large and brand-new, like a castle or palace, with beautiful greenery and waterfalls contributing to an utmost ethereality. That day had been a dream. His date, Alicia Allsbrook, and he had the best time in the universe.

  Now, looking back on it, he doubted the authenticity of his memory. Why had it been so fun, he wondered, especially now that he remembered only snippets of this, and snippets of that? He remembered Alicia leaving him to dance with Alex McFarland; he remembered Sarah Towson not being there; he remembered making out with Karli Kirkpatrick in his Jeep.

  Joel guiltily bit his lip. He wanted to tell Sarah, to be honest and up-front with her before this process started. Yet it was tough getting on her good side. Was it longtime interest, no, probably not; but he wanted to hang out with her, especially since he had broken up with Brie.

  It had been a simple fling with Karli: No one else knew about it, either, and Joel planned to keep it that way.

  He hadn’t meant it to happen, obviously. Joel and Karli were on very different stratums of all different sorts: social, physical, emotional, and spiritual. She liked to fish, sleep, and longtime date; he liked to run, party, and sleep around. Karli and Joel had smoked weed together only once before their rendezvous, which embarrassed Joel to the core now. When a woman like Sarah Towson stood before him, he doubted his questionable thoughts of his previous moments.

  After Alicia had left him for Alex, Joel had gone to the bathroom to smoke a joint when he ran into Karli, who looked sleazy and pretty, and he hit on her, she took interest, and then they walked outdoors together. Before going to the actual prom and after-party, they’d been breathalyzed, but Karli mentioned she knew the perfect spot to do some things later.

  He had asked her about her date; she told him no one. Assuming Alicia would be fine with Alex, Joel drove to Paradiso Bay, on its easterly edge, where a popular lookout was housed. On this particular Saturday night, no one was around, not even the typical stoners or weirdos, and so Joel, Karli, his stashed bottles of alcohol, and a few packs of cigarettes walked to the beach, where they’d talked and gotten drunk. They’d talked about stupid things until their brains were fried and the serious stuff came out. Joel talked about his aspirations and the first time he’d smoked weed while Karli mentioned her dad before talking about her failed friendships. If Joel remembered correctly, she’d even uttered underneath her breath—underneath that crystal clear midnight—“I wish I was Sarah Towson.”

  Of course, from there had led to them lazily falling over each other back to his old Jeep, where they’d been so drunk and riled up that they’d made-out for thirty minutes. Nothing sexual had happened, because Karli touted, “I’m s
till a virgin, Joel.” If she hadn’t been so adamant about this fact, Joel probably would have succumbed to her. She was a pretty and sweet girl, but very vulnerable.

  Joel started when Sarah appeared, covering her long arms with sunscreen. Her long hair was pulled up on her head, her eyes bluer now they were rimmed with black eyeliner. She smiled at him before saying, “We can’t be out long. I am somewhat responsible for Zach’s wellbeing.”

  Joel nodded. “I know your little brother. He was part of one of my Sunday school groups over Christmas break. The church had this idea to pair up older kids with younger, and it just so happens I got your little brother. Then I got to teach him for a few weeks when…”

  “You were a Sunday school teacher?”

  “You can’t even hide your shock. Wow, Sarah. Yes, I go to church. You saw me at church.”

  Sarah shook her head. “I’m sorry, I know that was rude. It’s just…”

  “You didn’t think I was a churched guy? It’s okay. I’m working on my spiritual life.” Joel winked at her, jumping into the front seat of his jeep. No guilt in this moment, as all thoughts of Karli’s tongue had evaporated.

  Sarah hopped into his car, the openness of it troubling her. What if someone saw her riding around town with Joel Sealet? She decided not to worry, but it was a little impossible not to worry. As he drove off, wearing sunglasses now, she noted he had draped his arm over the steering wheel. He is not flirting with me, her mind whispered.

  She turned to him, her neck straining. Luckily she’d put her hair up, or it would be flying all into her mouth. The wind from the speed chilled her body, but she said nothing about her discomfort. Instead, she asked over the thrum of wind and the car and the radio, “So, do you know where to go?”

  “Yup!” Joel shouted. I know him because he’s my dealer.

  “Awesome,” Sarah said, turning.

  Joel could tell she was a bit uncomfortable. He couldn’t blame her, since they did not know each other well, and she was taking a serious leap of faith with him. If she knew anything about him at all, she would know he was not exactly the most responsible, well-respected guy in the universe. Maybe there was something Joel didn’t know. Why would Sarah want to hang out with him, especially when she had other friends who could have found Karli? Why Joel of all people?

  Unless she had baggage of her own.

  Joel looked at Sarah. She was observing the outdoors like she had never been to this town in her entire life. She was intelligent, obviously, and beautiful; what would she have to hide? He wondered sublimely if she was a murderer intending to kill him. Then he smiled. Sarah was a wholesome, honest, upright girl. She had never smoked weed or slept with a guy.

  Sarah, meanwhile, thought about what she had gotten herself into. Joel was not someone she should be trusting, but her old friends were not ones to trust either, especially after what had happened with Karli, even if that whole drama had been a year ago.

  Who was she kidding? Even if Joel did lead her to Karli, her old best friend would never want to see her again anyway. No matter how many apologies Sarah delivered, it would not be enough to cure the disease quarantining them. Karli had made that much clear.

  What had happened to her clearheaded thinking? When had running away with a boy, and a boy like Joel Sealet, ever helped anything?

  Sarah was having doubts when Joel lowered the radio volume and said, “So, do you like California?”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you stay there after school?”

  “Yes.”

  “Even if you had to leave Zach behind?”

  “Don’t give me hypothetical situations. I hate them.”

  “Catty.”

  “Yup.”

  Joel smirked.

  He pulled onto a country strip of road on which wildflowers grew in spurts along the edges. The beauty of the verdant atmosphere intoxicated Sarah for a moment, before she chided herself for ignoring her younger brother to hang out with Joel.

  “So, would you ever move back to Breezewater?”

  She looked at him. “You’re trying really hard.”

  “Can you blame me?”

  “No.” She lifted her hand into the breeze, feeling the air crush her skin cells. “To answer your question, never in a million years would I move back here, unless something terrible happened to Zach.”

  “You really hate it then.”

  “I don’t hate the town. I dislike its inhabitants.”

  He stared at her for a moment and in the process almost ran off the edge of the road. “That’s terrible.”

  “I wish it weren’t like that, but it is.”

  Eventually, they gave up on talking again, allowing the air to speak for them. When they pulled into Savannah itself, they began chitchatting again, but Joel could tell Sarah was nervous just by the lilt of her voice. She definitely had something to hide.

  He acted confused for a few moments before turning into the subdivision his primary dealer called home. Joel needed to refill his stash, but obviously he could not do that in front of Sarah. When he braked in front of the house, Sarah breathed, and he caught a glimpse of her collarbone. Sarah was a beautiful girl, but he wondered lazily if anyone had thought of her collarbone like he just had. He wanted to touch the dust of the bone, to feel it under the pad of his thumb, to taste the sweetness of her lips.

  But Sarah did not have these thoughts. She was trying her hardest not to faint and vomit all at the same time. It shouldn’t have to be this way, her tracking down Karli like a hunter on the prowl. She jumped out of the Jeep, the sweltering sun beating down on her neck. The subdivision was lousy, and every house—save for one that extolled a large American flag—was overgrown to the utmost degree. Bermuda grass was as permanent a fixture as the cracks in the pavement that desperately needed to be patched up.

  On Karli’s house, individual slivers of shingles dangled off the roof. The front door was open a crack, the steps leading up to the 1950s little ranch home dangerously in need of repair. Sarah was nervous for her safety if she was honest with herself, and she felt even worse when Joel’s height towered above her.

  “Let me check it out first, Sarah. You wait here.”

  She complied, not knowing Joel’s ulterior motive to alert Cruston—if he was home—to keep the drug issue on the down-low, and for Karli to keep her mouth shut about their one-night romance. He knew someone was home due to the presence of an old, ratty car in the driveway.

  He opened the door even further and called out, “Anyone home?”

  “Come in,” called a dopey voice. Karli’s.

  This was like Karli, to allow anyone to come into her house without checking. Joel entered, the smell intoxicating in every wrong way, and he found her on a chair painting broken nails bright red. Fire engine red. Red like the burning sun. She sat before him at her dining room table, the light above her head casting a yellow glow to her white blonde hair. She was a pretty girl, even beautiful, and when her big, sad blue eyes locked with his, Joel felt a pang of guilt. Karli should not have been here.

  “What’s up, Joel?” she asked, closing the container of nail polish. Her belly protruded more than he’d remembered, and a large welt appeared on her neck. She was normal Karli, languid and lethargic. She’d been like this since she had moved in with Cruston.

  “Is John home?”

  “He’ll be home soon enough. He’s out. He wouldn’t mind if I sold to you.”

  “I’m not here for that, for once.”

  She cocked an eyebrow. “How can I believe that?”

  “I brought something for you.”

  “That don’t sound good.”

  “Her name is Sarah Towson, and she’s been looking all over the map for you.”

  At the mere mention of Sarah’s name, Karli’s eyes turned ill with venom. She tensed and stared at Joel like he was the antichrist. “Joel, I like you. But if you utter that girl’s name one more time, I swear I’ll ruin you. Don’t l
et her in my house.”

  “Karli, she really wants to see you…”

  “What about what I want, huh? I don’t want to see that privileged liar for the rest of my life. Get out, Joel, before I lose my mind with you.”

  Without any inkling of what to do next, Joel turned on his heel and exited, almost tripping down the broken steps. He prayed Sarah hadn’t seen this misstep but upon examination, he found her intently observing the driver of a lifted-up truck rushing past the Jeep. When they made eye contact, she knew immediately what the answer was, and instead of giving up, she pushed past him, past his shouts, and hurried inside, her heart pounding in her chest, her sizzled brain yelling against the decision, but it happened anyway.

  She barged into Karli’s house and found her friend standing in the dining room, a gun dangling from her hand. “Why the hell are you here, Sarah Towson?”

  Sarah was terrified. Karli looked like a trainwreck, her veins bursting just beneath her skin, the blue eyes void of the happiness from a year ago. Her skin was sallow, her hair grimy, her skin pocked with acne scars. Karli had lost a tremendous amount of weight, but her belly was big. She twisted the gun around her finger like it was a piece of scrap, not a killing machine.

  Sarah lifted her arms like she’d seen people do in movies. Joel stood behind her now before he muttered, “Holy…”

  “Shut up, Joel,” Sarah hissed. “Karli, put it down.”

  Karli fiddled the gun for a few more seconds before placing it on the table. Then she looked at Sarah, her eyes widening with globular tears, and her high-pitched voice croaked, “Why are you here?”

  “Joel, please give us space,” Sarah said, the bravery in each word part of an act. Joel nodded, not about to go against Sarah’s wishes, and honestly he did not feel safe now, which was somewhat ironic. Karli always had been like a bomb ready to detonate.

  After he left, Sarah sat down a few chairs away from Karli’s housed spot where the gun lay on the table like a piece of pie might be for Christmas dinner. Bits and pieces of food rested on the wood, and a few red stains painted a strip here and there. It was like a quilt, this table, made of irregular parts to form a large, varied object. It smelled like rotten fish, but Karli’s pleading eyes said something that captured Sarah’s attention away from the squalor and filth to the blueness of the two irises before her.

  “Thank you for letting me in,” Sarah began, rubbing the socket below her eye. Sometimes, streams of mascara fell into the little crevice. Her mom always yelled at her about it. It was a typical thing to do nowadays, to rub away what was not even there. It was like a nervous tic that possessed her in times of troubling need.

  “What do you want, Sarah? Why are you even here?” Karli’s voice strained at this moment, like it had been stretched thin.

  “I’m here to check up on you, obviously. I heard you’re expecting, and some other things…”

  “No, the real reason you’re here is because you feel guilty, and you don’t know how to cope with your guilt.”

  Sarah was quiet then. Her voice had been taken from her after Karli’s harsh comments. “Yes, I feel guilty. I do feel guilty, Karli, but I’m not exactly here to apologize again. I’m here to reconnect with you. We haven’t seen each other in nearly a year.”

  “It doesn’t work that way, Sarah.”

  “Well, how does it work, then?”

  “I see you’ve gotten more direct since you left, which is not you in the slightest. Sarah Towson, class wallflower, not the stubborn, hardy person you are now.”

  Sarah sighed, knowing this would go nowhere if this conversation continued in this direction. Instead, she needed to shift it in the direction of Karli, who, once she heard the talking drift to herself, would instantly jump up at the chance to give her point of view. At least this was what Sarah hoped would happen. It would be better to steer the direction away from herself and their falling-out back to Karli. Maybe even to Karli’s baby.

  “And you have a house at nineteen. Things change,” Sarah said, forgetting how to strike up a conversation. Usually it was not this hard for her, but in this moment, it was. And for once, there was a reason why.

  “It’s not technically my house,” said Karli. “It’s actually my boyfriend’s. John Cruston. Do you remember him?” The poison in her voice had evaporated a few drips, but it was still at the surface, ready to pop up at any moment.

  “Yes. I’ve heard a lot about John Cruston.”

  Behind the wall stood Joel. He had almost run off to the car, but he found something in the way Sarah and Karli barked at each other. It was entertaining to say the least, and now he wanted to be on the outskirts of the drama that ensued. Plus, if he needed to make a dramatic entry to save Sarah’s life, he would be nearby, ready to strike.

  “Yes. The old football star?” Karli asked, her voice raising at the question in her voice.

  “Of course. How can anyone forget anybody else in this town?” In reality, she was referring to Breezewater, a municipality Karli had visited but never truly understood. No one could understand it unless he or she had fully lived in a house in the vicinity, had gone to church there, had cried and pulled on hair there. But for Sarah and Sarah only was the factor of her entire being, her entire purpose, but a purpose that could not keep her tied to the town of her youth. Zach, the one person for whom she would die, the person who possessed integrity and goodness. He lived his life as a kind person even when life did not favor him. When his parents did not favor him. When Alison ignored him. And when Sarah left him.

  “John’s a dream, Sarah. He takes care of me, and he’s going to be the proudest dad. We’ve gone on a few vacations together too. When I first told him I loved him, he told me, ‘We’re going to have a family, Karli.’ Isn’t that enough to fulfill everything you’ve ever wanted?” Karli had a far-away look in her eyes, as she looked at a place above Sarah’s head, but that place was possessed by dreams of yellow-haired children with American blue eyes. A dream Sarah had never dreamt, a dream she never really wanted. Her dream was something else, maybe even something she did not know yet.

  “I’m happy for you, then,” Sarah said, for once meaning what she said, forgetting Cruston’s drug dealer ties and their poor living conditions. Maybe John would make a great father to his child. There was always a maybe in Karli’s life, because her life had been surrounded by the word.

  Maybe I’ll…

  There were too many maybes in Sarah’s opinion. Maybe she would die tomorrow; maybe she would find her husband tomorrow. No, it didn’t even matter. It was all up to her to find a path to success. It was all up to her to protect Zach from the issues of the Towson family name. And it was up to her, right now, to care, for once in her life, about someone else besides herself.

  “So, you know about the baby, obviously,” Karli said. She looked outside, at the green outdoors, where a neighbor splashed her garden with water.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I’m four months along. We’re going to wait until the delivery to see the sex.”

  “That’s pretty cool,” Sarah said, although she would never do that herself. She was a pragmatic person, one who based her entire life around planning, although plans never really went the way she planned.

  At the pause in their conversation, Sarah whispered, “Can I come back to visit you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like, can we gradually resume our friendship?”

  Karli had a steely resolve. “I don’t know, Sarah. I honestly don’t know.”

  “Okay.”

  “Why are you trying so hard? Do you really feel that guilty?” Karli asked, picking up a nearby lighter so she could nervously flick the flame on and off.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, let’s get even on something, okay? This will make me feel better.”

  Sarah gulped.

  “You’re into Joel, hmm?”

  “No, not exactly. He just offered to help me find you.”

  “I
’m sure that’s what all his girls say,” Karli whispered, gently stroking an abnormally long fingernail against the table. “We slept together, Sarah.”

  It didn’t register for a good minute. Then when it did, Sarah’s shoulders slumped. “What?”

  “Me and Joel. Yup. It was good, don’t get me wrong, but this was on prom night. The year he took that girl Alicia. Well, he left with me.”

  “You lost your virginity to Joel Sealet?” Sarah asked, bewildered. She felt like she had just dropped into a pit of snakes.

  “No. I lost my virginity to Alex McFarland freshman year. I just never told you that.”

  “Karli!” Sarah screamed.

  Karli snickered. “I told you this would act as payback. You have a crush on Joel, and let me tell you, your heart will be crushed. The crush always crushes you. He’s John’s customer, too.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Sarah, Sarah, so naïve.”

  “Just tell me, darn it, Karli.”

  Karli was enjoying this, the spook of her words. Joel, meanwhile, stood behind the door, paralyzed. He had a few options: He could drive away and abandon Sarah, or stick up for himself. But Karli was only telling the truth—except about their sleeping together. How could he defend himself?

  “Cruston’s a dealer. As in drug dealer, if you catch my drift. Joel loves cannabis, don’t you, honey?”

  Sarah looked above her shoulder to see Joel standing tall. His visage was cloudy and unreadable. Anyone could tell he was an angry person now, and he shouted, “Are you serious?”

  Sarah’s gut wrenched. How would she get home? She could call a taxi. She could walk. She…

  “Karli, you’re a…”

  “Stop it, Joel,” Sarah said, her voice harder than she had anticipated. “This is ridiculous. Karli’s telling me things you weren’t supposed to hear.”

  “Well, I heard them, and…”

  “And what? You’re going to deny them? So my opinion of you can lower even more? Just shut up.”

  Joel flinched like he’d been hit. His reputation was damaged, but the physicality of the situation was troubling him even more. Karli poked her hand against a lighter while Sarah stared at the table. Karli was not to be trusted, and here she was causing more drama between Joel and Sarah.

  “Sarah, let’s go.”

  “No.”

  “Let’s go.”

  “I said no!” Sarah screamed. The scream rocked the house.

  Karli said, “You should go. I’ve caused enough drama for one day.”

  Sarah stood up and raced to the Jeep. She had a can of pepper spray in her purse in case Joel did anything funny on the way home, but he was as quiet as silence and said nothing on the drive back.

  WHEN JOEL DROPPED Sarah off at her house, he left in a hurry and she found a bouquet of flowers on the doorstep, a collection of rich-smelling jasmine, the scent intoxicating. She lifted them up, thinking somehow Joel must have dropped them off, and then she discovered the card. She did not know Joel’s handwriting and the script on the little sliver of paper was unusually neat for a guy.

  It read:

  Girls like you are one in a million,

  Boys like me are a billion in a billion.

  You’ve captured my heart,

  Like a poison dart.

  Dance with me?

  Please?

  Sarah shrugged. The card housed a poem written in the tone of a middle schooler, but she didn’t exactly remember Joel being an English bard. She walked inside the house to the guest bedroom and sniffed the jasmine for five minutes before throwing it across the room. Joel was a liar, and the only poison dart Sarah had was the one she would stab into his neck.

  Had he lied to her? He had kept certain truths from her, yes, and she knew his character was now tarnished by what she discovered. She would not want to be within ten feet of him anymore. He smoked weed, okay, but sleeping with Karli? That was too weird for her to handle. Especially when he acted like nothing was amiss. Plus, she knew he liked girls, and lots of them, and as a monogamous individual, Sarah cringed.

  She sat in her bedroom until Zach skipped up the stairs like a herd of bison. She was crumpled in a heap beneath her sheets when her brother entered with a collection of buttercups in his little palms. He placed them on her comforter, and she smiled.

  “Bad day, huh?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Want to go for a walk? I want to introduce you to Joey, you know, my best friend.”

  “I promise I’ll meet him sometime, but not now, okay? I just want to sleep.”

  “Get up,” Zach protested.

  “What?”

  “Get up! You are not going to cry like a big baby, and do nothing but sleep! You came home, remember? So, you’re going to enjoy it! And you’re going to live a little, for once in your forsaken life! People are dying, and they would kill to have a perfectly heathy body in which one can…”

  Sarah sat up and smiled. It was endearing. “Okay, fine. What do you want to do?”

  “Why are you even like this?”

  “I found my old friend Karli. And a lot of things are messed up.”

  “Well, want to go someplace?”

  “Anywhere but the aquarium, okay?”

  “Well, okay. But here’s the deal. I want Los Ranchos Toros, and I still want you to meet Joey sometime today, but I’ve found that food heals the heart quicker than boys, so…”

  “Amen.”

  “Well, are we going to go?”

  “Let me at least brush my stinky teeth.”

  Ten minutes later the brother and sister were on their way, in their mother’s car this time, to the legendary Mexican restaurant where Zach went at least once a week. It was within biking distance of the subdivision, so occasionally he and Joey would go there together. He even knew Eduardo personally now, as the guy was a twenty-six-year-old father of three, husband of one, and religious Catholic man who attended the parish nearby. Eduardo also liked to read, and he always gave more titles for Zach to check out.

  Sarah followed her brother into the restaurant. Bright colors highlighting Aztec culture were displayed in all sectors of the place Sarah had not seen in nearly a year. She used to come here often as well, but she had never been on a first-name basis like Zach had been with Eduardo.

  When they arrived, Zach waved at the hostess, Esmeralda, who said, “Eduardo is not well today, I’m afraid.”

  “Eduardo’s never sick!” protested Zach as the friendly woman pulled him into a hug.

  “Well, today he is. He actually hasn’t been to work in three days.”

  “Esmeralda, do you think something happened?”

  “No, I just think sometimes a man needs a break from his work, you know? Now, I’m sure Eliana will be thrilled to take your order. Who is this, cariño?”

  “Hi,” Sarah said, sticking out a hand. “I am Sarah Towson, Zach’s sister.”

  “I see, I see.” Esmeralda had thick lashes and the eyeballs within had a green hue to them. Green irises, Sarah wondered, underneath the layers of makeup. Esmeralda was in her mid-forties probably, a little plump, but she oozed a personality of happiness. Happiness that was hard to come by. “Well, Sarah,” at this, she pronounced Sarah’s name in Spanish, “it is a pleasure to meet you. I recently moved to Breezewater, so that may be why we have not been acquainted yet.”

  “Nice to meet you as well, Esmeralda.”

  “Your brother loves Los Ranchos so much. Okay, well, let me show you to your table, disculpame.”

  They followed the bustling woman to a rainbow-colored table, where she handed them menus. Zach already had his order memorized, but he watched as Sarah assessed each line like this was a life-or-death decision. It was a pretty big choice, he thought so himself.

  Eliana appeared a few moments later. She was a young, pretty girl who was at the most fourteen. She had a splash of freckles across her nose and bright brown eyes. She appeared before them like a ghost. “What would y
’all like to drink?”

  Sarah said, “Water with lemon, please,” and watched as her brother stared at the girl, his eyes big.

  “Diet Coke for me. Thanks.”

  Eliana disappeared, and Sarah had bait.

  “So, what happened to you? Why were you depressed?” Zach poked a chip into the salsa.

  Sarah frowned. “Well, Karli’s having a baby, and she’s living with a moron, and do you remember Joel Sealet?”

  “How could I forget Joel Sealet? That guy is everywhere.”

  “Well, he was hiding stuff from me.”

  “Wait, he was the person you were hanging out with?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sarah!”

  “I know. Please don’t lecture me. It was stupid, but he knew Karli, and I thought that through him, I could find her.”

  “You’re still beating yourself up over Karli Kirkpatrick? Come on, Sarah, liven up.” His voice was still a boy’s, but the words sounded eerily like a man’s.

  She nodded, dipping her chip, savoring the cilantro. “How do I liven up, dear Zach?”

  “Well, first, you hang out with your amazing, one-of-a-kind brother. Then, you come with us to Destin. Also, then, you go to church and ignore Joel! Also, we could practice football, and then there is the library… Oh, come on, you’ve got that faraway look in your eye.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just thinking… There’s a little girl over there who looks familiar.”

  “Yes?”

  “Oh! I recognize her from the Steakshop at Paradiso Bay. She’s really adorable.”

  Zach looked over his shoulder at the little girl whose curly brown hair splayed down her back like tendrils of a vine. She was pretty adorable sitting with her mom. She had bright eyes.

  “Do you recognize them?”

  “Well, that’s Ms. Temprend. She’s a kindergarten teacher at the elementary school down the road. She used to teach at my school, but then she left and came to Breezewater.”

  “Really? That’s interesting. I’ve just never seen them before, at least not until last week.”

  “Yeah. There’s something fishy about them, but I’m not sure what it is.”

  “You think? They seem pretty normal to me.”

  “Sometimes she drives by our house. Ms. Temprend, I mean. She has a blue Jeep, and I know this because I’ve seen her.”

  “Do Mom and Dad know? That’s extremely creepy, Zach.”

  He nodded but did not seem stressed by this revelation. “Mom’s talked to her before, and Ms. Temprend just sped away. That was only two weeks ago.”

  Sarah looked across the room. Ms. Temprend had her back to her, and Sarah was thankful. Why would this woman have anything to do with the Towsons? There was no viable reason, and instead of thinking too much on the subject, Sarah asked Zach, “So, when are we going to meet Joey?”

  “Soon. Very, very soon.” Zach winked, and Sarah wondered why.