“Yes, I can see that,” Ryder nodded, pulling in his bottom lip with his teeth.
After establishing that I was fine I expected him to escape. I could tell he wasn’t comfortable being around me, which only made me want to explore this phenomenon all the more. He was dominating in the doorway, he took up so much space. But it wasn’t just physical, it was like his presence hovered in every empty space in the small bathroom, pressing against me, crowding me. Pushing me out of the way.
I sucked in a breath, needing to break the silence, “You guys were….” I paused, not sure what to say. Any compliment I could give him didn’t feel like enough, there wasn’t a word for how great he was. But at the same time, saying something nice felt like a betrayal of everything that I was. He didn’t even like me! I couldn’t give him that.
I was saved by a pack of girls stumbling into the bathroom and directly into his back. They burst into giggles when they realized he was a boy and then glanced between us with knowing looks.
“Sorry,” one of the girls announced on a laugh. She was petite and tiny, with a short blonde bob highlighted with pink and purple streaks. “We didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“It’s no problem,” Ryder announced benevolently, but his eyes had yet to leave mine, making me feel like they actually were interrupting something.
I just didn’t know what.
“Oh my gosh!” another girl announced. She had red hair not at all like mine, vibrant, blindingly red and obviously from a bottle. “You’re Ryder Sutton! You’re from Sugar Skulls!”
And then the three girls squealed in unison.
“Oh my gosh, you’re Ryder Sutton!” I intoned obnoxiously, taking a step forward and laying a hand on his chest bravely. I was annoyed with the girls, both for their intrusion and the way they were ready to drop their panties for him. “I didn’t know it was you!” And I went to move past him. I pushed through the crowd of groupies, but left my hand on his chest. His skin was hot and muscled underneath my hand, holding me to him like an intense magnet, locking my skin to his.
He turned with me, apparently not minding that we were causing a scene. His hand wrapped around my wrist, his strong fingers closing tight against my bare skin. A lone butterfly flapped distantly in my belly, and a charge of electricity shot straight up my sternum into my heart. What the hell?
“You know me,” he stated simply. His silver eyes bore into mine and his tight hold on my wrist kept my hand to his chest, when I thought for sure he was going to remove my touch.
“I don’t know anything about you,” I replied, just as simply, just as sincerely.
The red head let out a burst of rude laughter breaking into the bubble of intimacy Ryder had created around us. I snapped my head her direction, reminded that we were still in the bathroom, that Ryder still wasn’t affected by my charm judging by the cold look in his gunmetal eyes and that his girlfriend was waiting outside for us.
“Fair enough,” Ryder admitted and then released my hand. My arm dropped to my side and I worked my hand into a fist and then relaxed it trying to find the strength that had been there a minute ago. But my hand was useless, completely zapped of motor function and usability thanks to the weird spell Ryder put on me.
I was never affected by men. Never. That was the key to my voodoo.
I did the affecting.
Not the other way around.
Ryder needed to learn that.
Or I needed to get the hell away from him.
Probably both.
I pulled the bathroom door open a little too violently and it swung at me with a rush of hot, humid air from the concert hall. I jumped out of the way and tumbled out of the bathroom. The gaggle of fan-girls erupted into laughter and I felt Ryder immediately behind me, escaping before they asked for autographs on their boobs.
Kenna was waiting at the bar for us, holding my sweatshirt in her hands, probably to save it from the exiting masses. The concert was officially over and save for some last minute t-shirt sales the crowd en masse was pushing their way through the door and out onto 14th street.
“Thanks,” I offered to Kenna, reaching for my hoodie. “He’s all yours.” I threw out as a candid acknowledgment of Ryder behind me.
There was a long moment of awkward silence before Kenna looked me straight in the eyes with a pinched expression and declared, “He’s always been all mine.”
Yikes.
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I hadn’t meant to issue a challenge, but Kenna was looking at me like she was deciding which hand to slap me with.
“She is well aware, Ken,” Ryder saved me by pulling his girlfriend to him and nuzzling into her neck.
Ugh. More PDA.
I looked longingly at the door, determined to flee. My night of freedom had been trampled and tainted by these two love birds and now I was being accused of poaching. Kenna’s claws had come out to protect her valuables and I was caught in between a product of my heritage and the uncomfortable third wheel.
“Seriously, Kenna,” I started, forcing the apology from my lips. This was not in my nature, but something deeper than my instinct to run whispered that I needed to protect this relationship. Or at least protect Ryder…. from myself. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not like that. I mean, what’s yours is yours. I didn’t mean to intrude tonight. You came up to me…. I’m not interested in… I mean, you have nothing to worry about.”
Ryder looked up at me from his hold on Kenna and could barely hold back his laughter. “You’ve given her a hard enough time, Kenna. She gets it, yeah?”
“Yeah, she gets it,” Kenna answered Ryder and her eyes narrowed on me further.
“I get it,” I repeated and then backed up toward the bar. I needed another drink before the bus ride home. I turned my back on the happy couple and called out to the bartender. “One more for the road,” I flirted a little, flashing him a smile, since he was already cleaning up and I knew I was being a pain in the ass.
“I’m just not sure the vodka gets it,” Kenna sniped, not even trying to soften her voice or disguise her disgust.
“Hey, give me a break,” Neck Tattoos held up his hand in a gesture of surrender. “It’s just water. I don’t serve minors.” And then he went back to scrubbing down the bar. That was the last shot of H2O I was getting tonight.
Thankfully the bartender had been defensive enough that even I believed he wouldn’t have served me. I turned back to Ryder and Kenna not really wanting to meet either of them in the eye. Water was bad for my rep.
I ignored the part of my soul that felt relieved somebody else had seen this part of me. The part that preferred water. The innocent thirsty part of me.
I didn’t know what that meant and now was not the time to try and untangle the mountains of screwed up I was.
“Uh, recovering addict and all,” I mumbled. I didn’t exactly meet their curious stares, but I did notice Ryder’s lips curve into a barely there smile. “Well, good talk. See you two tomorrow.”
I maneuvered around them during their simultaneous goodbyes and finally fled into the cool night. I immediately threw my hoodie on, zipped it up to the top and pulled on my hood. I had a trek to get back home and chances were homework was completely out of the picture. But I had gotten my night of freedom.
And there were parts of it that actually felt…. free.
Chapter Seven
“Hey,” Chase met me on the sidewalk in front of the school the minute I stepped out of Exie’s silver Lexus. I gave a fast wave to Exie and met him in front of the long set of stone steps leading to the front door of the antiquated school. Once upon a time Omaha was the capitol city of Nebraska and Central High School the capitol building. When Nebraska moved the yellow star to Lincoln, Central became a high school. It was a really pretty building, but a super crappy school…. at least in my opinion.
Chase was football-star-studly today in his letterman jacket and swoopy hair that fell across his forehead. He two-strapped his backpack and rocked back an
d forth on his heels while waiting for me. I was the recipient of a very confident smile this morning. His two dimples were like some kind of magical force, drawing out my own smile I thought had died sometime in the night.
“Hey yourself,” I replied without any edge in my voice. Yay for me. “Were you waiting for me?”
“Yep,” he grinned down at me. “Walk you to class?”
I wasn’t sure what to do with his chivalry so I just nodded. I was used to boys and boyfriends and all that came with them. It was like my after school job. But in reality I hadn’t had a boyfriend since last year, since…. Sam. And I felt awkward trying to get back into the pattern. There were instincts buried inside of me that would let me flirt freely and command attention with practiced skill. But right now I felt alien in this role, I couldn’t remember how to toss out smiles and demand flattery. Right now I just wanted to go back home and go to bed.
We took the long walk up the stairs in silence. I could feel Chase radiating with an excited energy that should be contagious, that should reinforce my self-esteem and pride. Instead, I sludged along next to him, holding back an epic sigh that would signify my utter dread for the day ahead.
Ugh. I was so messed up.
“So Calculus again?” I asked at the top of the staircase. We were as reluctant as most of our peers to actually enter the building, so we hung out collectively with the rest of the student body in front of the two story-stone façade.
“Nope,” Chase cut me a side glance as if he was surprised I had paid attention yesterday. “Applied Physics.”
“Even more fun,” I smiled at him, happy to have his full attention. There was something about being near Chase, having his eyes on me, standing in his shadow. He was like the sun, bright and happy and warm. He was exactly what I needed right now. Even if there wasn’t a spark from my end, I could still breathe when I was near him.
And I needed to breathe.
Besides, when were there ever sparks from my end?
He opened his mouth to say something but we were interrupted by a gangly arm that reached out to clasp hands with Chase. Phoenix emerged from the crowd around us all smiles and long limbs. He was wearing at least three different shirts all layered in chaos, a short sleeve, a long sleeve and then another short sleeve. His loose, low-waisted jeans were ripped at the knees and tattered at the cuffs and his hair was curlier than yesterday but I suspected that had something to do with the October drizzle this morning. He was also wearing big, pink framed, plastic sun glasses that I was sure were purchased in the Junior’s section of Target.
“What’s up, Phoenix?” Chase asked him, breaking out into a friendly smile.
I was surprised I had never run into any of these guys before this year. Although Central was a very big school, several hundred to each graduating class. Still, they were good looking enough and seemingly popular enough that they at least should have been on my radar last year. Then again, when I actually read the badges stitched to Chase’s letterman jacket I remembered soccer was his sport of choice and last year had been all about making my way through the basketball team.
“Not much,” Phoenix returned and then his attention fell to me. “Ivy,” he acknowledged happily.
“Phoenix,” I replied back in a mock imitation of his deeper voice.
“Kenna tells me you were at the show last night. You should have stuck around, you could have chilled with the band,” Phoenix’s smile widened with pride and I realized he must have been part of the band.
“You’re in the band?” I asked bluntly, a little disturbed that I hadn’t noticed. It wasn’t like I was into Phoenix for more than friendship, if that could even exist for me, but I still should have noticed him. Then again I couldn’t place faces to any of the band members.
Save for one, the stupid lead guitar.
Freaking Ryder.
He was seriously throwing me off my game.
“What? Yes! I’m the drummer!” Phoenix defended himself as if I really hurt his ego.
Oops.
“Sorry,” I gushed with a little bit of laughter. “I guess I couldn’t see you beyond the egomaniac in front.”
Phoenix nodded in agreement and gave me a look that said he forgave me. “So you’ll stick around next time? Hang out after?”
“Sure,” I conceded, hoping to avoid any future Sugar Skulls concerts and if at all possible run-ins with Kenna or Ryder in general.
“You went to see Sugar Skulls last night?” Chase asked. His eyebrows had drawn together and he seemed a bit confused and a bit more hurt. “I would have gone if I would have known you were going to be there.” His lips curved into his signature charming smile and the hurt was washed away and replaced with easy flirtation.
“It was a, uh, last minute decision,” I lied. “Plus I didn’t know I was going to see Sugar Skulls. I didn’t even know who they were until last night. I was just getting out of the house and I like the Slowdown on Wednesday nights.” That was more like the truth, but not common information either and I felt a chill of fear run through me. I wasn’t used to sharing this much, revealing this much about me.
“Right?” Phoenix agreed via question. “Slowdown gave us a pretty steady gig for Wednesdays, so there will be plenty of chances to hang. You can be like our groupie!”
“Ugh,” I groaned. “I met some of your groupies last night. I didn’t realize you thought so little of me.”
“We have groupies?” Phoenix asked, genuinely surprised.
“Well, I don’t know if they could be applied to the whole band, but um, Ryder has groupies.”
This got both Chase and Phoenix to laugh. “Of course he does,” Chase grinned. “Speak of the devil.”
Kenna and Ryder appeared from the thick mob of students climbing the steps to the school building. Ryder had his arm draped across Kenna’s shoulders and they were smiling and laughing and drooling and making googly eyes at each other and in love. And I wanted to vomit. Chase slipped his hand to my lower back in a move of possession and I sunk against his body, thankful for a place to go. I pressed against his side; half hoping he would just absorb me inside him. Gross, right? Still the desperation to disappear weighed consuming and suffocating against my lungs.
Chase wasn’t home, but he could at the very least be a shelter from the storm of my life.
“Morning love birds,” Phoenix called out to them.
Suddenly I was surrounded by people….. by friends? It was very confusing. I didn’t do friends. And what was more confusing was me.
“Hey, Kenna,” I called out as way of greeting.
She had the good grace to only hesitate for a second before responding, “Hey, Ivy.”
She eyed me over like I was ready to attack her precious boyfriend at any second and I shuffled backward out of the tight circle we had created. My eyes flickered to Ryder instinctually, but not in the man-eating way Kenna assumed I meant, more in like the…. I didn’t know what kind of way! The kind that felt like a gravitational pull, the kind of way that made it feel as though I was helpless to stop the slide of my eyes. The confusing kind of way. He was watching me with careful amusement, like I was his entertainment, like it was possible for him to look anywhere else, but he chose to look at me. I had to get out of there. Chase’s arm dropped from my back and he turned to face me, confused by my retreat. I struggled for an excuse but then my phone rang, some miraculous intervention by the gods, and I reached for it quickly.
I held it up in apology, waving it around and letting the loud ringtone pierce the conversation that surrounded us. I walked into the school building away from all those impossible but bourgeoning friendships.
“Hello?” I asked into the speaker without checking the caller ID first.
“Nix is here? Why didn’t you tell me?” Exie screeched from the other line.
I waited a beat, hoping she would forgive me in the silence of the air ways. No such luck. “Who told you?” I sighed into the phone. This is why I didn’t do friendship…. I wa
sn’t any good at it. But I did like to protect my girls. They were the closest thing I would ever have to real relationships.
“Sloane made the announcement this morning. Her mom is throwing some kind of shindig for him tomorrow night. You should have given us the heads up.” She sounded hurt. “You should have told me this morning in the car.”
No. She sounded terrified.
And she was right.
I should have given her the heads up.
I should have texted them both last night.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed into the phone, finding my locker and stuffing my backpack into it. “I was hoping you wouldn’t have to deal with him. I was hoping he was just here for me and mom.”
“Apparently he rented an apartment. I guess he’s going to be here for a while,” she grumbled and I could feel her freaking out through the airwaves separating us.
“How’s Sloane doing?” I asked, taking some of the pressure off Exie.
“She’s freaked. Evaleen turns twenty-one in two months.”
Shoot. I hadn’t thought about anyone other than myself. “Your sister’s already twenty-one,” I reminded her on a whisper. Not that she needed to be reminded. I felt despair settle over me and pushed my forehead against my open locker door, pressing my skin to the cold metal. Ridges in the metal, vents that kept the locker from smelling like dirty socks, pressed into my cheek, indenting my skin with the harsh edges.
“Anaxandra wants this life,” Exie replied and I could tell she was near tears. Her sister was no different than anyone else in our circle.
“Anaxandra’s been brainwashed by Prada and European vacations,” I bit out harsher than I intended.
Instead of getting defensive Exie let out a tired sigh, “So has Evaleen.” There was a long moment of silence while we digested the exact meaning of those words before Exie asked in a shaken, weak voice, “Will that be us one day?”
“No,” I answered immediately, my voice steady and full of conviction. I took a breath and fortified my resolve, “Never.”
More silence on her end. She wasn’t so sure. Damn it, we were stronger than designer purses and expensive cars. Stronger than our sisters. Stronger than our mothers.
The Rush (The Siren Series) Page 6
