“This is a really nice building, Ivy,” he announced, no longer trying to be discreet. Not that he would see a reason to be anything but normal.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. My body was rigid with anxiety, my stomach flipped riotously as I waited for the blade to drop on this guillotine.
“My dad and I live in a loft downtown, but it’s an older building so it’s not nearly as nice,” Ryder went on.
Nix opened the door to the apartment and held it for us. “Is it one of those with all the exposed brick?”
Ryder sounded more confident when he answered, “Yes, it is. My dad loves the architecture downtown.”
“I do too,” Nix replied sounding deceptively friendly. “I recently rented one off thirteenth.”
“Ours is closer to tenth, but we looked at ones over there,” Ryder explained. I met his eyes then and he sent the question of who Nix was through his stare.
“Ava,” Nix called out when the door closed behind us. “Ivy brought a friend.”
My mother appeared in the foyer with a plastic smile on her face. Her eyes darted to Nix when she realized my friend was a boy. I looked back to the ground completely ashamed of the situation for everyone.
“I’m Ava, Ivy’s mother,” my mom introduced herself to Ryder casually. “You are?”
Ryder took in my mother with widened eyes. She was gorgeous as ever, with her auburn hair down and soft around her shoulders, her tight pencil skirt and silk blouse. She was perfection and Ryder could easily see that. “I’m Ryder Sutton. Ivy and I go to school together.”
“How nice,” my mom murmured, narrowing her forest green eyes just a bit. “Why don’t you come in?”
She turned on her heel and led us all to the delicate dining table. Nix sat down and the rest of us followed suit, except for my mother who disappeared into the kitchen to make drinks.
“Ivy is going to have a glass of water,” my mother announced from the other room. “Would you like one, Ryder?”
“Yes please,” Ryder called back.
“So what class do you have together?” Nix started the conversation going. He was pushed away from the table with one foot causally resting across his knee. One hand rested on his bent knee, while his other arm draped across the back of my chair. My nerves were strung tight this close to him, but even more so because of Ryder watching me from across the table. It was like he thought he would finally get his answers here. I had just admitted to a bad home life not ten minutes ago and now he had a front row seat to find out why.
Except he wouldn’t get answers tonight. Just more questions.
Probably starting with why he thought I lied to him.
“We’re not actually in any classes together,” Ryder answered.
When Nix stayed silent, obviously waiting for more I volunteered some information although I knew it would cost me later. “I’m dating one of his really good friends, Chase.”
“So you’re a senior?” Nix pressed like he knew all about Chase. I shiver slid across my skin while I wondered exactly what he did know.
“Yes, he is,” I answered quickly.
“No, I’m not,” Ryder corrected. My head snapped up to meet his eye then. I realized I always assumed he was a senior but never actually knew whether that was true or not. I felt really stupid. “I’m a junior like Ivy.”
A fire of indecision spread through my veins. I had been assuming he would graduate and leave after this year. I hadn’t realized how much I was looking forward to being away from him and all the confusion he brought with him. At the same time unexplainable joy followed quickly in its wake. We would be together for another year. And even if our friendship ended after Chase and we never talked again I knew just being in the same school as him would mean something to me.
“Honestly, we’re only friends through Chase,” I said quickly, hating how callous I sounded. “Ryder was just nice enough to give me a ride after mom texted.”
Ryder looked at me like I just shot his puppy so I sent him a pleading look not to say anything differently. His gaze intensified at the same time his mouth pressed into a grim line. This was important. He needed to leave.
My mom came back in the room and when Ryder stayed staring at me instead of looking at the perfection that was my mother, I felt Nix tense next to me. Men weren’t supposed to be able to help but look at my mother.
“What do your parents do?” My mother asked, feeling the same absence of attention Nix noticed.
Ryder accepted his glass of water from my mom, and then explained, “My mom passed away when I was a baby actually, but my dad is a professor at UNO.”
“Oh how sad,” my mom gasped with the appropriate amount of sympathy even though I knew she felt none. “Did Ivy tell you her father also passed away when she was a baby?”
“She did,” he answered simply.
“Really? Ivy isn’t usually so open about her past,” Nix’s tone was clipped and reprimanding and I felt every one of my privileges slipping out of my grasp.
“It’s just something we have in common,” Ryder replied more politely than ever. My eyes flickered over to him and I could tell he was just barely holding onto his control. Something set him off and I had to wonder if it was me or Nix.
The iciness of controlled anger settled into the atmosphere around us. I hated having Ryder here, having him face my mother and Nix. This was a place I didn’t want anyone to see, least of all him. And when his expression turned from fury to wild concern I wanted to push him out the door and make him promise to never have anything to do with me again.
At the same time I wanted him to never leave.
“Ryder has curfew,” I blurted suddenly. “He should probably go.”
I stood up before anyone could challenge me and walked straight for the door, hoping Ryder would follow. I pulled frantically on the handle and held it open until he made his stunned appearance around the corner. He was leaving, but it didn’t look like he was happy about it.
“I’m going to walk him to the elevator,” I called when he was finally through the doorway.
I shut the door behind me and grasped his wrist with a shaking hand. I needed to act normal, act like everything was fine. Even though it wasn’t. I needed him to believe that it was.
“Hey thanks for the ride,” I tried to smile while I tugged him along to the elevator.
“No problem,” he answered slowly. “Hey, Ivy, is everything-“
My apartment door opened and Nix filled out the doorframe. He didn’t say anything, just watched us from the end of the hall. I slammed my finger into the down button as soon as I was in reach and released his wrist before Nix could make anything of it.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at school,” I said in way of goodbye.
“Sure, Red,” Ryder answered, finally taking the hint. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And then he stepped into the elevator and was gone.
A breath of relief whooshed out of me and I felt like I could finally turn back and face Nix.
“One boy at a time, Ivy. You know the rules,” Nix scolded before I could even get through the door.
“He’s not…. I swear, it was just a ride,” I promised. My voice was shaky, my eyes unable to meet his. Which wasn’t fair since it was just a ride on his part. I hated that it felt like more to me.
The door closed with a bang behind Nix and startled me. I ignored the way my heart hammered in my chest and the goose bumps rose on my arms. I went back to my place at the table and sipped from my water as if nothing happened.
“Ivy,” my mother started.
“Mom, I haven’t even broken up with Chase yet, please don’t start,” I begged.
“Is he always like that?” she asked, ignoring my statement.
“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.
“Is he always so composed?” she clarified calmly but I watched her eyes dart nervously to Nix.
“He’s really shy,” I lied. I wasn’t sure how else to explain his lack of inter
est. They could never know about his immunity from the curse. Never. Better to play up my mother’s insecurities anyway. “He’s also pretty oblivious. The first time I met him he didn’t see me until he crashed into me.”
“Crashed?” Nix asked noticing my word choice.
“With two cups of coffee,” I smiled weakly. Please buy it. Please buy it. Please buy it.
“That’s not what we’re here to talk about anyway,” my mother’s tone was sharp and to the point. “We want to know what Smith took you into his office for the other day. And before you deny it, I know you went in there. I watched him close the door.”
I mashed my lips together, sliding them back and forth while biting painfully into them until they felt bruised and swollen. I knew these questions were coming, I just didn’t think she actually saw us go in there. She was way too sneaky.
“He had this book on depression he wanted to give to me,” I replied carefully, slowly. I had practiced this answer in my head a hundred times since Sunday. This interrogation was inevitable, but it didn’t make me any less nervous. “But I said no thank you. I didn’t want him to think my condition was worse than it is. He was just worried about me.”
Nix sat thoughtfully for a few moments while my explanation digested between us all. His dark eyes narrowed in thought and his sculpted eyebrows pulled together. My mother sat demurely to my left, swirling her martini nervously. She tried desperately to wait for Nix to speak, to respond first, but her own self-doubt couldn’t hold her back.
“He was worried about you?” she echoed in the same casual tone I used. “Worried that you were still battling with depression? How sweet.”
“What else did he say, Ivy,” Nix demanded, knowing there was more.
“He thought maybe,” I paused. This was dangerous ground. But what else could I do? “He thought maybe mom had something to do with why I was sent away.”
I cleared my throat while that grenade settled.
“Smith,” Nix growled.
“Damn that man,” my mother echoed.
Like Smith was the villain. She married him to get knocked up, take all his money and then watch him die. And Nix orchestrated the entire plot.
“What did you tell him, Ivy?” Nix asked, his eyes flickering up to mine. They were fierce and demanding. They were eyes that would not be lied to.
“I told him the truth,” I began and forced myself to control the tremble in my voice. “I told him I went away because of Sam.”
More pause. Nix looked down into the depth of his scotch glass and seemed to simply watch the oversized ice cube melt. My mother’s gaze flitted between me and her employer and I wanted to roll my eyes and demand she grow a backbone. I was her daughter.
But she wasn’t afraid of me.
Not like she was afraid of Nix.
“Did you tell him what happened with you and Sam Evans?” Nix finally asked.
“No, not specifically,” I answered quickly.
“Have you told anyone what happened?”
“I, uh, no. Kids at school assume the accident was my fault. But everyone knows it was a drunk driving thing. There’s a…. a, uh, can at school for him,” my voice was a whisper, weak, tremulous and delicate.
“A can?” Nix asked in a gruff voice. He was impatient with me. I had failed him. I had failed him in lots of ways, but tonight he was frustrated with my weakness.
“They take donations for his recovery. He will be wheelchair bound for the rest of his life.” I sucked in a breath feeling as though my soul was being scraped across broken glass, the empty remains of my heart lay shattered on the floor and I continued to drag my fragile soul back and forth until I was left bleeding and desperate.
“Ivy, we’re not still here are we?” Nix suddenly demanded, standing abruptly from his chair. “Sam chose to drive after drinking. Hell, Sam chose to drink as much as he did. You cannot keep blaming yourself for his poor decisions. And when I think about what could have happened to you, how he could have hurt you….” His expression broke for just the briefest second and I saw actual emotion behind his perfect façade of control. My breath stuttered in my lungs at the thought he would actually care what happened to me. “It’s time to get over it. Grow up, Ivy. Be an adult for once and put the blame of this unfortunate situation where it belongs. No more sulking. I mean that, no more.” he finished on a growl and then stalked into the kitchen where he threw his still half-full glass into the sink. The glass shattered against the stainless steel, the sound of splintered shrapnel breaking up the shock he left behind.
My mother simply stared at me, unsure what to do with Nix’s show of emotion or my still obvious trauma.
“Ivy,” Nix’s voice was gravel and rocks when he returned and leaned against the wall. “The boy that was here tonight, he would be a good choice for you next. He will give you a bit of a challenge. You need that. How long have you been with the other one, the one you’re with now?”
“Not even two weeks,” I mumbled.
“Give it two more,” Nix commanded. “And then the other boy.”
“He has a girlfriend,” I pleaded desperately. “They are in love. I couldn’t…. I’m friends with her too.”
His eyes darkened with anger then until they were black orbs of fury, sucking the light of the room into their depths. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he hissed. “This isn’t a discussion. You know that. I have business in Greece for the next two weeks. When I return, my apartment will be ready. I’ve decided to stay until this group of legacies graduates. You have two weeks to find a way to deal with all of this. I don’t want to see any traces of this when I return. Am I understood?”
I could only look up at him for a few seconds, hating him with every fiber of my being, with every molecule and atom I was made with. “Yes, I understand,” I finally answered, meeting his stare at the same time my fingers traced along my ribs where a tattoo that meant more to me than anything else in this world was etched. “I’ll be better, Nix.”
“Ava, don’t disappoint me,” Nix turned his attention to my mother who audibly gasped at his words. “I’m leaving her in your hands. I want her perfect again. Do your job as her mother for once in your life.”
She nodded pathetically, barely able to meet his intense eyes.
“Good,” he finally growled and then pushed off the wall.
My mother and I sat perfectly still long after the door slammed behind him. Neither of us could meet the other’s eyes or get up to move around. He was everything in both of our lives. We both bent to his will, followed his commands.
The difference between us couldn’t be more obvious. My mother resigned herself to this life a long time ago. There was no other existence for her.
And for me? This was the only existence I refused to live. I would play my part. But Nix would not rule over me forever.
I decided to call Smith in that moment. He offered help and I would take it. Things could always get worse than they were now- but not by much. And that was a risk I had to take, because if I waited much longer I wouldn’t be able to leave. I wouldn’t be able to piece back together all of the broken pieces that ceased to make a whole person. There would only be the ghost of me that remained.
A ghost, just like my mother was.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Ivy,” Ryder called before I could even step foot inside the building.
Damn it. I hoped my whole plan to arrive late and leave early, avoid even eye contact with him and ignore all people completely would work out in my favor. Apparently, Ryder came prepared this morning, verbal guns blazing and all.
“What?” I grunted. I knew this was coming. Obviously he would have questions. But it didn’t make me any more excited to deal with them.
“You need to talk to me, Ivy.” He was leaning against one of front doors apparently waiting to attack me. His arms were crossed over his chest pulling his faded blue long sleeved t-shirt tight across his biceps, his jeans hung loose and torn at the knees and thighs. Hi
s black combat boots were untied and still damp from the constant fall drizzle outside. And his hair, oh good lord, his untamable hair. His wild, bed-head hair stood up haphazardly in every direction. The dark brown locks going straight up only to fall over at the tips and tell the story of a hand being dragged through them in frustration, or anger, or…. desire.
Energy rushed through me at the sound of my name on his lips. I paused in the doorway, without consciously deciding to stop. He had that kind of control over me. He called to me. Intoxicated me. He was becoming so much more to me than I should have ever let him. And yet my eyes were locked to his even while I screamed internally at my legs to move.
“About what?” I shrugged one shoulder and waited. I was hoping if I could pull of indifference maybe he would chicken out.
“Who is that guy?” his deep voice demanded, even while I watch his tongue wet his bottom lip and his jaw clench with some kind of raw emotion I couldn’t identify.
“What guy?” I whispered, forcing my eyes back to his.
“Stop it, Red. Just stop.” I winced against his harsh tone and his gray eyes immediately softened.
“I can’t,” I shook my head desperately and then glanced down the hallway nervously.
“You told me we were friends last night. You. You’re the one who told me we were friends. Let me be your friend,” he pleaded in the softest voice I had heard him use.
I tilted my head so that I could inspect my Tory Burch flats and the hot pink skinny jeans that were basically painted on my legs. I could kick myself right now. Keeping Ryder at a distance did not mean declaring a relationship with him even if it was of the platonic variety. And it certainly didn’t mean including him in all the twisted intricacies of my life.
“Ivy,” he breathed. He took a step forward and very gently slipped his fingers into the hand hanging limply at my side. “I’m not going to do or say anything that will get you into trouble. But I need to know that you’re alright.”
The warmth of his fingers spread through my body like liquid heat, infecting every inch of me. I felt every small connection of his skin to mine, the pads of his fingers, his joints that bent to curve around my hand, the heel of his hand as it pressed into mine. I closed my eyes against the sensation. The feeling was so profound, so all consuming that it intensified until my fingertips tingled and my toes curled. I closed my eyes and prayed this was all that Ryder was, just a rush of feeling, of sensation, that the only pull I felt to him was the rush.
The Rush (The Siren Series) Page 20
