Shit. I didn’t even think of it. “Yeah.”
“I have an extra room, so you can stay as long as you need.”
I appreciate his offer, but I won’t put him out. Sorin is going to die a bachelor and I know it. He has quite the reputation around Las Vegas for throwing the best parties. With his condo overlooking the Strip, he’s in the prime location.
“Just give me a couple of days. I’ll sort something out. Okay?” I only have one option, or one that is realistic at least.
“What’re you going to do, Crina?” Sorin knows me better than anyone else.
“Whatever I need to. I’m not going to live off his money or look to you. I’ll sort this out, okay? I know people.”
He grips the steering wheel a bit harder. “I don’t like the way you said that.”
“I’m sure you don’t, ‘cause it means I’m up to something and you hate it when I’m a mischievous little brat.” I smirk, trying to lighten up the situation.
“Fine, whatever, but if you get into trouble or need something . . . promise me you won’t be a stubborn, little, shitty, brat. Okay? I’m your big brother, kid. It’s my job to protect you.”
I nod my head like I’m agreeing, but I won’t vocalize it, because I’m an adult. It’s my job to take care of myself, and it certainly isn’t his, or our father’s for that matter.
I got myself into this mess, so I’ll get myself out.
Chapter One
Sometimes you need to give up on people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t
~ OurMindfulLife.com
Chaz
Christmas Day
“It’s snowing babies in Montana! Ah!” Raven screams in the middle of the clubhouse, jumping up and down like it’s damn near the happiest day of her life. Her two sisters, Danica and Bridget, are right by the tree. Meanwhile, Luna’s trying to crawl wherever she can right now. Shit, that lil’ one is growing like a weed.
“What’re you goin’ on about, woman?” Mouser chuckles from across the way, sitting beside his ol’ lady, Sakura.
“Word on the street is, Ashley and Natalie were talking about being pregnant and Grim overheard them both, Blackjack too.”
“I must be missing something. Who’s Natalie?”
Everyone looks at me like I’ve damn near lost my mind. “Um, Grim’s girl. How did you not know about her?” Raven replies, rolling her eyes.
“He’s too busy makin’ sure his pickle’s wet.” Mouser chuckles, careful not to say anything inappropriate in front of her sisters. There’s been a couple of times where he’s blabbed away without thinking and Hawk has gone off on him.
“Why can’t you be more like Dixon? At least he got his life figured out.” Raven mutters, always being the one to chastise me for my choices.
“I told you this already, I’m not ready for that shit. Don’t know if I ever will.”
“Well, I hope you don’t die alone.” Raven smugly replies, trying to be a bit of a bitch.
Her and I get into it every now and again, but we don’t hate each other. We just get into spats. Pretty sure it’s because we’re both determined individuals. Know what I mean? “Sakura, you on the baby train next?” Raven giggles.
I watch as Sakura’s face goes ghost white and she quickly recovers with a soft smile. “Who knows.”
Mouser shifts his head to look at her and I notice the way his expression shifts to a somber one. A group of our newest prospects comes rolling in through the front with presents in tow for the kids. Sakura rises from where she’s sitting on the couch and heads outside. Mouser starts to rise, but I wave him off, thinking she just might need a friend right about now and not her ol’ man.
I follow her out the door and shut it securely behind me. Sakura’s already got her hands wrapped around herself, almost in a soothing manner. “Wanna talk about it, or are you gonna tell me to go fuck myself?” I ask.
“You tell me.”
“A bit of both. You’re usually a dynamite like that.” I say, getting a bit closer. “What’s goin’ on, Sak’?” I call her the nickname I’ve dubbed her. Since being here, we’ve become pretty good friends. She confides in me and vice versa.
She leans her head back so her dark hair falls behind her. Rubbing a hand over her lips, I know she’s debating on whether or not she’s going to say anything. “You know you can trust me.” I tell her.
Sakura turns to face me, “I know that, Chaz. I just don’t wanna lose my shit. Okay? ‘Cause I’ve been having a really hard time holding all this in.”
Within a moment I feel the heaviness this conversation is bound to bring. “You can talk to me about anything, Sak’. Don’t ever forget it.”
She gnaws on her bottom lip, still debating.
“It’s what Raven said, isn’t it?”
“How perceptive.” She lets out a sigh, rubbing her hand under her eyes, I realize she’s crying.
Fuck me. I’m not the type of man for this shit, dealin’ with women all up in their feelings and whatever. I’d do it for Sak’ and Cheyenne, though. Without those two by my side I don’t know if I ever would’ve made it through my reconstruction surgeries. They both were there for me, every fuckin’ day while I felt like I was losing grip of everything. Shit, the scars on my hands are still clear as day, but they’re simply a reminder of everything I pulled myself through.
I walk closer until I’m directly next to her, wrap an arm around her, and pull her against me. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved a woman like this, not in the sexual way, but love her like a sister. I don’t have much family, but Sak’ and Cheyenne are the closest thing I have.
“I was pregnant last month.”
She said was.
“We lost it, just like we lost the last one and . . . Chaz . . . I’ve never felt more helpless. Even with all the problems with my mother, at least I was able to do something then, but this . . . I can’t do anything about this. It’s all about science and biology and shit, and I know this happens. I know it’s normal, but that doesn’t mean it makes me feel any better. Even all those years of schooling . . . I was never prepared for how the agony will fester, feeling like it’s slowly eating away at your soul.” She does pretty good not bursting into tears, but I pull her closer against me and turn so I’m facing the door and she’s sobbing into my chest. The harder she cries, the tighter I hold her.
“Let it out, Sak’.” I urge her, knowing just how this woman is the rock for so many people here, but she has no one besides Mouser being a rock for her. I can’t ever imagine the horrible way she’s feeling, but I don’t ever wish to. Not again. There’s so much about me the club doesn’t know. Fuck, I don’t even think Roman, who was my old Prez at the Brotherhood MC and also Damon’s father, ever knew about my wife and son. At least they both went together. That’s the only peace I can find, that they’re not alone.
The door opens to the clubhouse and I see Mouser peering out, staring at me holding his girl. Fuck, even he feels helpless as shit. It’s written across his face. I mouth ‘I got her’ to him and he nods, his eyes drifting to the woman he loves more than anything else. ‘Go, have fun.’ I mouth again as his eyes come back to me. I don’t even know why I choose these words, but I’m trying to give him somewhat of a break. He needs to distract himself too, ‘cause fuck . . . I know how he feels. He ends up shutting the door, going back into the club. He knows he can trust me.
Tires turning cause me to look up the driveway and I spot Rebel’s signature decked out SUV. Rebel is Widow’s ex-girlfriend/baby momma. They have a lil’ girl named Zoe, who’s about eleven now.
Rebel stops the vehicle and parks it, hops out alongside her husband, Nikolai, and he fetches Zoe from the back. “Where’s Daddy?” Zoe questions rather loudly.
Sak’ tears herself out of my grip, wiping under her eyes and goes around to the other side of the porch. I have no doubt about it that she doesn’t want Zoe to see her upset. Kids are perceptive like that. “He’s inside munchkin,” I smir
k, getting a giggle in response from this lil’ diva.
The door to the club comes bursting open and Widow comes through, kneeling on the ground so Zoe can come crashing into him like always. “How’s my favorite baby girl?!” He chuckles.
“I’m great! Papa Nikolai just got me ice cream. Wanna see?” Zoe asks.
Widow’s smile turns into a scowl really quick. “Papa what, honey?” He’s trying to be nice, but the anger is evident.
Rebel’s smirking from behind Zoe, standing beside her husband, who’s also smirking in a devilish manner.
Zoe busts out into a hilarious giggle. “See! I told you both he’d get like this!”
Widow’s expression goes to Nikolai and Rebel before it shifts back to his daughter. “Ah, how funny.”
“Nikolai didn’t think you’d find it funny, but I told him you would!” Zoe smiles, wrapping her arms around her father. She pulls away quickly and goes rushing inside, surely to see what Santa left here for her.
“Thanks for bringing her, I really appreciate it, considering it’s not my day and all.” Widow says, rising.
Shit, he and Rebel have come a long way. In the beginning, they were some of the two most toxic people I ever saw. I’m just so glad they put their differences aside to give their daughter the best life possible.
“No need for thanks. Just promise me you won’t let her eat an entire bag of frosted animal crackers on the way back to the house. Shit, I think I still smell her vomit on the carpet.”
“Drama queen,” Nikolai mutters underneath his breath, getting a chuckle from Widow.
I’m not trying to eavesdrop, but it’s kinda hard to avoid it. Rebel’s phone starts to ring in the SUV, so she goes to open the door and taps something inside. Suddenly, a voice comes over her Bluetooth speaker system. “Rebel, I need a favor.” A woman’s voice says on the other end.
“Sure, babe. What’s up?”
“You think Gia would still be game for me becoming a OneEye ambassador? Things have changed, and I . . . I need a place to live and all that.”
“Why wouldn’t she?” Rebel laughs.
“You know why. Exes. Stuff gets messy sometimes.” The woman tells her.
“Pfft, whatever. It’s water under the bridge. I’ll text her now. Everything okay?”
“Blow up with my family. I’m at Sorin’s right now, but . . . I don’t wanna put him out for too long. You know? Gia have room at the building?”
“Of course, she does. We have plenty of room.” Rebel tells her.
“Chaz,” Sakura says, pulling my attention away.
I turn back to face her. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for being my best friend.”
“Don’t thank me for that shit. Without you, I don’t know if I would’ve made it through.” I say, genuinely speaking from the bottom of my heart.
Sak’ grabs my hands, tracing my scars and looks directly into my eyes. “You would’ve, because you’re resilient.”
Chapter Two
Resilience is not about overcoming, but becoming
~ Sherri Madell
Crina
Inhaling deeply through my nose, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing . . . or why I’m here. God. This is a mistake. I could’ve gotten a job anywhere, but instead I chose to call in a favor to my good friend, Rebel. I just had to see if there was an opening here at Crave, LLC . . . and in doing so I re-opened the can of worms I barely shut in the first place.
It wouldn’t be such an issue if my ex-girlfriend, Gia, wasn’t one of the owners. I’m sitting in her office wearing a high waisted pencil skirt with a deep sapphire blue blouse. Gold bracelets adorn my wrists and a matching gold chain necklace is around my neck.
Thinking about my outfit I probably chose gold because it’s one of Gia’s favorite colors and I need this job. I’d rather work for my ex than be a puppet in my father’s show, that’s for damn sure. I look across her white marble desk where her Apple desktop sits and then past it through her floor to ceiling windows, showing me one of the most beautiful views on the Strip.
Her chair is pleated with gold buttons and it has a deep purple velvet like finish. Everything about this room is simple, yet loud. Just like Gia.
The clicking of heels coming up from the hallway signals to me that someone is coming in this direction. It feels so odd, to be here. I glance over to the makeshift bar Gia had installed when we were together. The matte black bar causes the gold to pop as it’s pressed right up against it. She has tequila on the top no doubt, while scotch and other hard liquors sit on the bottom shelf with the glasses.
The door pushes open with a light creak and the clicking of heels grows louder. “I thought this was a joke when Rebel asked if I’d meet with you today.” Gia states in her thick accent.
Shutting my eyes for just a moment, I gather myself and turn to face her. As I do, I see she’s perfect, just like she always fucking is. The woman embodies power and that’s what kills me. Even in her worst moments, she’s far better than me. “I need a job, Gia.” I push down my ego and tell her what I need, the sole reason I’m here and keep our personal shit buried.
I was the first relationship she had after she broke up with her boyfriend a couple years ago. His family found out what she did for a living, and then they reconciled. Add in his parents figuring out who exactly Gia was, and who her family is and well, they weren’t accepting of the criminal affiliations. We sort of fell for each other on a whim, something that shouldn’t have happened, but did. It was fast, hot, and we both fell hard.
Unlike Gia, I don’t do everything my father asks of me. Ultimately, it caused the two of us to have intense fights, resulting in our demise.
Gia crosses her arms over her chest in her bright cherry jumpsuit and smirks. “This is almost as good as seeing you beg.”
I roll my eyes. “If you’re not even going to entertain the idea, I’ll leave right now. I’m not here to waste time.” I growl, rising from the chair I turn my body toward hers and keep the distance between us.
She slides her hands into the pockets of her jumpsuit, smirking like the devil. “What would you suggest you do here, be part of the girlfriend experience, OneEye? We have many different platforms these days. Many different . . . options for women like you.”
Women like me, blah, blah, bullshit. “OneEye would be preferred.” I state, trying to keep the emotion in my voice at bay. OneEye is an adult subscription service where women take exposed photos of themselves and get an astronomical amount of money. Essentially, it’s not only nudes, but you can get tokens for typical photos as well. Lingerie, dresses, it doesn’t matter. The people who pay for this service just want to see you dress up, or dress down. Luckily for them, I love to do both.
“I see,” Gia murmurs, keeping her eyes on me.
“I need a place to stay.” I state, making sure she understands what I need.
Crave, LLC has always given their girls a safe place to stay. They own the top four floors to this skyscraper. The top floor is the club, and below it is an extension of the club . . . for darker tastes, and if people prefer to dive in the world of BDSM, group sex, or a variety of other options. The floor below that is the apartments for the Crave girls, and the apartments go down to this level, split fifty-fifty with their offices and some business ventures.
“What happened to your apartment?” She questions.
“I don’t think that’s an appropriate question for a potential employer to be asking a potential employee,” I state, wanting to keep this strictly professional.
Gia snickers, “If you wanted a clean slate, baby, you shouldn’t have come here. You and I will always be more than . . . this. We have too much history.”
“Funny you say that now, when you were so ready to throw it out the window for your father.” I quip, getting angrier as I think about it. Shit. I didn’t want her to see me get emotional.
“I’ve made mistakes in the past. I won’t lie about it. Fuck, I won’t even deny it. I made the wro
ng choice that day and I’ve regretted it ever since. Look, I don’t know what you want from me, Crina. Is it really a job, or is it something else?” Gia asks with wide eyes.
“I only want a job. I can assure you, I don’t want whatever it is you think I do.” I snip, glaring at her.
She chose her precious family over my love for her. That is something I will never forget.
“Fine. You know that only specific Crave girls live here. Either the girlfriend experience, some of our staff that work at night for the club, or a couple of the girls who work for the offices, doing admin work and whatnot. I have those girls sharing apartments, splitting up rooms.”
“Alright.”
“So, you want to work for OneEye, fine. But, none of my OneEye girls live here. I know you’re aware of that. So, you have a couple of options. You can work at the club tonight and we can see where things go and if you don’t like that . . . we can find another fit for you. I’m willing to help you get out of whatever mess you’re in, but I’m making a . . . special arrangement for you. Is that understood?”
“Yes. Do you have to clear it with Briar, Diem, Emma, or Kiera?” Briar, Emma, and Diem are typically in the Los Angeles office of Crave, while Kiera is the one who heads up their D.C. operation. Hell, Gia only comes out here every other weekend I believe. Unless she’s made the permanent move here to Las Vegas.
“No, they’ll stand behind my decision. We’re short staffed to begin with.”
“Okay. What do you need me to do tonight?” I ask her.
Gia struts directly by me and goes behind her desk, opens the top drawer and pulls out a series of black lace chokers with different colored pearls dangling from each. “Pick a color.”
I stare at the chokers, knowing exactly what she’s asking me to do. On paper, my job will be classified to be there as a go-go dancer, a sort of entertainer. However, there are many things that aren’t on paper when it comes to Crave, and this is one of them.
Chaz (Reapers MC Book 14) Page 2
