by Emma Renshaw
“How do you know?”
“Unless Avery Sanders is seventy-five instead of twenty-five, it’s not her.”
I closed my eyes, taking in a slow breath through my nose. When I’d started searching for my sister, I’d known it was a long shot. I hadn’t seen her since she was five and she was adopted while I wasn’t. They could’ve changed her last name; she could be married by now. The records from the agency hadn’t been any help, and I didn’t qualify to unseal them.
I didn’t want her to know I was looking for her. I only wanted to know if she’d had a good life. To make sure she was okay. I had no intention of coming in and destroying it.
“There’s not any more information you can give me?” I squeezed the back of my neck.
“No, I’ve told you everything I know about her. Let’s go over everything again and see if something new pops up.”
I knew Bobby was humoring me. Finding her was a longshot. I knew it and he definitely knew it, but I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I needed to know that she’d had a good life and had been treated well. I wasn’t sure if she even remembered that she had a biological brother or if that little fact had faded with other childhood memories.
Maybe it was better that she didn’t remember me or where we came from. I didn’t know which I wanted to be true.
“Our parents were alcoholics and drug addicts. I’m not actually sure what all they were on, but I know they both died of a meth overdose some time ago. We were removed from their home when Avery was five and I was eight.”
“You were removed because they started a fire, correct?”
“Yes.” That incident had set Avery and me on new paths. Her to finding a family and me to becoming a firefighter. Our parents were passed out on the couch drunk or high, maybe both. All I knew, at eight, was I couldn’t wake them and I was going to need to feed Avery with our paltry selection of food. Usually there was only enough for her, and I’d wait for the state-mandated breakfast and lunch my family qualified for. I made sure we had clean clothes. We didn’t have a working washer and dryer, so I washed the clothes in the bathtub with bodywash. Avery was playing on the floor while I washed our clothes when I smelled something burning.
One of their cigarettes had started a small fire in the carpet. I still couldn’t wake them, so I did what I’d learned in school: I called 9-1-1. It was the first time in my life that I’d asked for help and someone actually showed up. Those firefighters saved us that day. Saved us from a house fire that could’ve turned bad and saved us from our useless parents.
From that day forward, every decision I made was with one day becoming a firefighter in mind.
“We were placed in foster care,” I said to Bobby. “We were placed in the same house, and they were interested in adopting both of us. Their last name was Smith. I can’t remember their first names. I’ve tried and tried, but I can’t recall it. Before the adoption could happen, the wife became pregnant and having both of us was too hard. Avery was young enough that they still wanted her, and I was shipped off to the next foster home. After that, I never heard anything about Avery again. None of my questions were answered, so I really have no other information.”
“I’m going to run more searches past my normal on Avery Smith and any names that can be derived from Avery. Ava. Ave. Anything. We’ll find something. I’ll call next week with an update.”
I hung up the phone, not having a whole lot of hope that he would be able to find anything. It’d been a couple of months, and none of his searches had yielded much. I went back inside, itching to get the sledgehammer back in my hands to keep tearing apart the house.
7
Zoe
The warm spring breeze brushed over my overheated skin as I nervously stared across the street at Sweet Stems, the local florist shop. Owned by Makenna’s mom. It was one thing to see her again and an entirely different thing to see anyone else in her family. The few people from my past that I’d seen felt safe. But walking into Sweet Stems—where Makenna, Allison, Macy, and I had spent our afternoons doing homework, surrounded by the sweet scent of flowers and the constant sound of stems being clipped—that was another thing entirely.
Until I heard from my parents and we made a new plan, I was here for Makenna, just as much as I was here for Georgia. I’d been in Hawk Valley for two weeks, mostly spent inside my cabin or on the back patio. And Makenna was the only reason I was going to Gunner’s baseball game today. She was dragging me out of the comfort of avoiding downtown or anyone that wasn’t her or Delilah. Delilah only felt safe because she wasn’t from here.
I glanced at my phone, checking the time. I was supposed to meet her five minutes ago, but nerves swarmed through my stomach and gripped my heart. Would Roxanne, Makenna’s mom, scorn me for staying away for so long? For abandoning her daughter in the dust? She should. I knew I wouldn’t be getting the warm hugs she used to dole out like prized candy.
I blew out a breath, checking my messages, missed calls, and emails before I ventured across the street and into Sweet Stems. There still wasn’t anything from my parents. If they didn’t do this often, and forget they even had a daughter most of the year, I would have been worried instead of frustrated. But they fell off the face of the Earth whenever it suited them and came back into my life whenever they pleased.
My stomach flipped with each step as I crossed the street, and my throat closed as I swung open the door. The chime above the door rang through the space. Makenna and her mom were arranging a pot of hydrangeas and turned to greet me.
“Zoe,” Roxanne said, placing her shears on the counter and walking toward me. She hadn’t smiled, only said my name. I opened my mouth to start on the litany of apologies I owed her, but the words were cut off in my throat as she wrapped her arms around me, rocking me back and forth in a fierce squeeze.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I hugged her back. It’d been a long time since I’d had a hug from any sort of maternal figure in my life. Georgia had lost of the use of her arms and hands. An image of my aunt’s smirking face popped into my mind with a whispered I told you so.
She’d known I feared coming back here, but she’d always reassured me that I would be welcomed with open arms.
It was far more than I deserved.
“I was so sorry to hear about Georgia’s passing,” Roxanne whispered, still hugging me and rubbing a soothing hand up and down my back. I pulled away, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“It’s me who should be apologizing.”
“For what, dear?”
“I wasn’t here. I wasn’t here for Mak. For you. I should’ve been.”
Roxanne cupped my cheeks. It was something she’d done as far back as I could remember. I’d loved these moments with her even though she wasn’t my mom. She was one of the women in my life who’d taken the mantle my mom had so carelessly dropped. She’d taken it and carried it and cherished it. She’d cherished me.
“We all had to heal in our own way.”
I nodded, but the dark secret raged inside me. I wasn’t healing. I was running.
All my classmates were dead because of me, and the desperate fuck you I’d shoved in my parents’ faces by throwing a heavy framed photo of us into the bonfire. I heard the snaps of the branches followed by the tumble of logs in my mind.
I swallowed, forcing those thoughts away, and focused on the woman standing in front of me. She was an older Makenna. They looked so much alike, but Roxanne had wrinkles now. She had streaks of gray through her blond hair, something I’d never thought she would willingly allow. She’d always tried to look as young as she possibly could. She was beautiful and it was good to see her.
I stepped from her and turned toward Makenna. “It’s pretty crazy to be back in this shop.”
“Drinks are still in the same place if you want one,” Mak said, stabbing another stem into the pot she was working on.
The chime rang and I looked toward the door. A tingle raced up my spine as Ridge sauntered into the shop
followed by a few others, and my gaze never strayed from Ridge. The Rattlers T-shirt he wore stretched across the expanse of his toned chest and shoulders. His skin was tan, and his forearm pulsed as he flexed one of his hands. Dark jeans hung on his hips. I hadn’t been pining for him for the past eleven years. I’d thought of him and wondered about him, but I hadn’t been hung up on the fact that a cute firefighter had flirted with me while I was in the hospital for two weeks. I had dated. I’d had relationships. I’d had one-night stands. I had gone to bars and flirted with men.
But I had never been unable to look away from any of those men. I couldn’t rip my gaze away from Ridge as he walked toward me. I wasn’t sure if I was breathing, but I knew my heart was racing and my belly was flipping.
The dark stubble on his jaw framed his lips and drew my attention. One side of his mouth hitched up and formed a word, but I didn’t hear it. I met his eyes.
“Huh?”
His crooked smile grew into a grin. “Zoe.”
“Ridge.”
I finally looked past him. “Hey, Foster.”
He lifted his chin in reply and pointed over his shoulder at another man. He was tall and burly and wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to me. His focus was on the person just behind me. I glanced over my shoulder at Mak. She was looking anywhere but at this man. “This is Colt, Delilah’s brother.”
“Nice to meet you, Colt. Is Delilah here?”
“Delilah is meeting us there,” Ridge said. Colt tore his eyes away from Makenna and tipped his head toward me in greeting. “I didn’t know you were coming. Glad you are.”
I shrugged. “Makenna didn’t give me much choice. She said I was to meet her here or she’d kidnap me but, either way, today I was going to a baseball game.”
My phone started ringing. I scrambled to pull it from my pocket, and a surge of disappointment soared through me at the name. I stepped away a few paces for a little privacy and slid my thumb across the screen.
“Hey, Jesse.”
Jesse Freeman was one of those rare exceptions in a small town. I’d gone to school with him since elementary school, but I’d never spoken to him until I moved to Colorado and ran into him. I didn’t even remember who he was when he helped admit his grandmother into the nursing home where I worked. Through the past few years, we’d become friends. He’d tried to push those boundaries a time or two, but I’d turned him down each time. He was a friend I trusted and the only one to know about my guilt over the fire. He wasn’t in the field that night, but of course he knew what had happened.
“Where are you?”
“I’m still in Hawk Valley. My trip was extended.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” I could hear the underlying annoyance in his voice. I raised a brow. He was usually even-tempered, but occasionally a different side of him came out.
“Did I forget that we had plans or something?”
“No. I stopped by your place to check on you after you’d left that hellhole you’re stuck in.”
“It’s not so bad,” I said with a humorless laugh.
“If I never step foot in that place again, it’ll be too soon. Don’t let them brainwash you. Come home to me.”
I grimaced. “I’m not sure how long I’m staying. My parents haven’t arrived.”
He stayed silent for a moment. “You’re staying there?”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “For now.”
“Zoe, we’re leaving,” Mak called. I glanced over my shoulder, surprised to find Ridge standing a few feet away. There was a slight frown on his face as he stared at me.
“I’m driving. You can finish your call, I won’t leave without you.” He winked as I grinned.
“Was that Makenna Clarke?”
“Yes,” I said, still smiling at Ridge’s retreating form. I started to follow him, intent on hanging up. “I need to go.”
“I can’t believe you’re with her. Come home, Zoe. Spread the ashes and come home. I want to see you.”
I rolled my eyes, uninterested in having this discussion with Jesse. The fact of the matter was that even if I left Hawk Valley, I wasn’t sure I was returning to Colorado. There was nothing there for me anymore. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back, Jesse. If I’ll be back. I gotta run.”
I hung up the phone and walked through the door Ridge was holding open for me. He walked with me to his truck. “Saved you the front seat,” he said as he opened the passenger-side door. I blushed as I climbed into his truck and watched him walk around the hood to the driver’s side and slide behind the wheel.
8
Ridge
“Ice-cold beer,” the vendor shouted from the bottom of the stairs. Colt, Foster, and I raised a finger in the air. The sun was beating down on our seats, but the view of the field was worth it. Gunner had secured us the entire row behind the dugout. The scents of hot dogs, beer, and freshly cut grass filled the air, and the stadium buzzed with excitement. It was early in the season, but the Rattlers were currently leading the league.
I was sitting on the end of the row, and Zoe was next to me. Makenna was on her other side. Delilah and Makenna were in deep discussion about Delilah and Gunner’s upcoming housewarming party. Zoe’s gaze was fixed on the field, watching the players. I was alternating between watching her and forcing myself to watch the game I’d come here to see.
“Want a beer?” I asked Zoe. She turned toward me, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand. Even under the shadow her hand cast, I could see the vibrant green of her eyes.
“Sure,” she said. I held up two fingers to the vendor and passed money down the line as our beers came closer to us. She leaned toward me as she pulled cash from her front pocket. My hand wrapped around her wrist.
“I’ve got it.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. The beers were handed to her, and she gave one to me. Her delicate fingers were wrapped around the neck of the bottle, and she tipped it toward mine. “Cheers. Thank you.”
“I didn’t mean to listen in on your phone call, but it sounds like your plans are up in the air at the moment.”
She blew out a breath before taking a long drink from the ice-cold beer. “They are. I’m still waiting on my parents to arrive in town, but I haven’t been able to get in touch with them lately.”
My brows drew together. “Is everything okay?”
She shrugged. “It’s normal for them to be out of touch. I’m here to spread my aunt’s ashes. After that, I might stay to spend more time with Mak, but then I’m not sure. A new adventure.”
“Still planning to leave at some point then?”
“Yes,” she said. “This place isn’t home anymore. It never will be again.”
I nodded. I needed to keep reminding myself that she was leaving, but each time I saw her, even in passing, I knew I wanted to see her just one more time.
She leaned against my shoulder and turned her head until her lips were close to my ear. My body reacted like I was a damn schoolboy with his first crush. My body was even hotter than it should have been under the Texas sun. “Which one is Gunner?” Her whisper was a soft caress against my ear, and I had to bite my tongue to hold back the groan from the images that evoked.
I arched a brow and snorted. “You don’t recognize him?”
“No,” she said. “It’s been so long, and I can’t tell which one he is out there. I’m supposed to go to their housewarming party this week, since I guess he has an off day? I’m not really sure how baseball seasons work. I haven’t seen him since that night. He could look like a completely different person for all I know. They all look the same!”
I chuckled. “That could be because they’re in their uniforms. That’s Gunner.” I pointed to Gunner in the outfield. The game was already underway. He was crouched with his hands on his knees, waiting for the batter to get ready and possibly send the ball soaring in his direction. Zoe squinted and sighed.
“I’ll need you to point him out when he’s
coming back. I still won’t know who he is from all the way out there. I don’t want to wave to the wrong guy.”
Her lips were still close to my face as the last batter of the inning struck out and the players jogged back to the dugout to get ready to bat. We watched Gunner come closer as music started playing around the stadium and there was more movement in the stands.
“That’s him,” I said as he jogged down the steps of the dugout. He popped his head up, winking at Delilah.
“He still looks the same, just older and much bigger.”
“Zo! Zo! You’re on the camera,” Makenna shouted and pointed toward the Jumbotron. Our gazes turned toward the screen. We were in the middle of a pink heart with blazing red letters at the bottom reading KISS CAM.
I watched Zoe’s eyes widen on the screen and a deep crimson blush spread up her neck and fill her cheeks. I waved off the camera, but it stayed on us. She was still in the same position, leaning toward me with her lips close to my ear. From an outside perspective, we could’ve been a couple. She bit her lip and her eyes zipped back and forth before she leaned in, planting a quick kiss on my cheek. Her lips were gone from my skin as quickly as they’d appeared.
I chuckled as the camera finally left us, and I turned my face toward Zoe. She was so close. I grinned. “Thanks for the kiss.” My grin grew wider as her cheeks flamed even hotter, almost matching the vibrant color of her hair.
“I panicked. I hope that was okay. Oh, God, you don’t have a girlfriend, do you? Some woman isn’t going to come find me at my cabin and chase me through the woods like Jason?”
I laughed. “No girlfriend. No woods chasing.”
The corner of her mouth hitched up in a smile. “That’s good. That’d be a dreadful way to go.”
“I didn’t mind the kiss.” I wouldn’t have minded if she’d planted one on me right then. I would’ve gladly welcomed her lips on me. I wanted her lips on me. I focused on her mouth. Her lips parted slightly, and her breathing picked up a hitch.
