Sweet Wild of Mine

by Laurel Kerr

  “Happy to be of service,” June said, but she knew the truth. She was the one who really needed the escape.

  After June said goodbye to Bowie, she walked through the deserted zoo. One prairie dog sentry gave a cry of alarm as she strolled past. Not many of the little guys were awake, but those who were hustled back into their burrows. As she watched them scurry to safety, a bittersweetness filled her. It was here she made her first breakthrough with Magnus when he’d offered to talk to her nan in exchange for help with his vlog.

  June sighed as she kept walking. Frida was snoring when she passed by her enclosure. The silly bear was resting her chin on her favorite rock. June had no earthly idea how a stony pillow would be comfortable, but the old girl apparently loved it. She swore the animal even had a slight grin teasing the corners of her mouth.

  June pushed open the door to the main facility. Although Sorcha’s permanent exhibit beside Frida’s was complete, Bowie was still in the process of getting the cub comfortable with her new home, so the little fur ball spent her nights in the nursery.

  June smiled when Sorcha lifted her head at June’s entrance and immediately scrambled in her direction. She’d grown bigger in the last month, looking more and more like a miniature polar bear rather than a cub. She’d packed on muscle, giving a hint of how powerful she’d become when full grown. Despite her increased brawn, the little girl still retained her playfulness.

  Sorcha missed Magnus, though. According to Katie, the cub had moped for two days after his departure. The only time she’d perked up was when she’d played with Frida. Luckily, her natural energy hadn’t let her stay glum for long. By the third day, she’d been back tussling with her toys. More than one stuffed animal had met its untimely demise between her sharp teeth.

  June put on the long, tough gloves that protected her when the bear pawed and chewed at her arms. She wasn’t as good as Magnus at cub wrestling, but Sorcha appeared to enjoy it. Her black eyes shone as they played tug-of-war with a rope. Her hind legs splayed out behind her as she pulled. June knew that the bear could easily rip the toy from her hands, but the imp wanted to prolong the game.

  Sorcha had just begun to lose interest when June heard the door scrape behind her. She turned to see Katie standing there, her hand on her lower back. Although her friend claimed she looked like a blimp, she actually had a very cute baby bump. The hormones had given her a glow, and with her naturally red hair, she looked as bright and fresh as a Johnny-jump-up in the spring.

  “You look good,” June said.

  Katie responded with a groan. “I must be hiding the constant heartburn well.”

  June frowned. “Do you need some more of my apple-ginger jam? I was meaning to make a batch, but—”

  Katie waved away June’s concerns. “Don’t worry about it. I have my trusty bottle of Tums.”

  “Are you sure you’re up to shopping?” June asked. “We can stay here if you want.”

  Katie shook her head. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week. I’ll be fine.”

  June had a feeling Katie was mostly just saying that. Her friend didn’t mind picking out clothes, but it wasn’t her passion like June’s. June started to protest again, but Katie turned and began to waddle away. June had no choice but to follow. Once Katie started walking in a direction, she didn’t like to stop until she arrived at her destination.

  As they climbed into June’s SUV, Katie sighed as she settled in. “I’m so glad the seat was already pushed back. I’m getting tired of having to adjust every one.”

  “I can imagine,” June said, forcing her voice to sound bright and casual. The seat had been moved back to accommodate Magnus’s massive frame, and she’d never changed it. Evidently, June didn’t modulate her voice just right because Katie shot her a confused look that quickly drifted into concern.

  “Oh crap,” Katie said. “Magnus sat here last.”

  “Yep,” June said in the same overly cheerful tone. She really could not turn it off.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Katie asked softly.

  “No.”

  Katie studied her. “June, you always want to talk.”

  “Not about this.”

  Katie gave a long and heavy sigh. “We’re all worried about you.”

  “Well, don’t be,” June said, and she knew her voice sounded waspish. She couldn’t help it. After years of always knowing the right thing to say and do, she felt adrift. It was like a compass inside her had been smashed, leaving her with an uncontrolled arrow spinning in every direction.

  “June, you’re so used to fixing other people’s problems, I don’t think you know how to let your friends help you.”

  June pulled over to the curb and turned off the engine to swivel in the direction of her friend. She was not going to drive while emotional, especially with a pregnant passenger. “That’s just about the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Is it?” Katie asked gently. “Who is always giving people advice?”

  “I don’t do that anymore,” June said. “Why, just the other day Clay Stevens asked me to help him improve his reputation, and I turned him down flat. I’m done being an armchair psychologist.”

  “Clay Stevens came to you…” Katie straightened with interest before she cut herself off with a shake of her head. “No. I’m not going to let you distract me. This is about you.”

  “Yes. And I would like to change the subject.”

  “If the roles were reversed, would you let me do that?”

  “Yes.”

  The look Katie gave was as dry as an overbaked, three-day-old biscuit. June crossed her arms. “Well, the new me would.”

  A single red eyebrow arched. June shifted uncomfortably. She wasn’t accustomed to this much scrutiny from Katie. Impending motherhood must have gifted her friend with better interrogation techniques. Maybe June could even learn a trick or two…if she was still in the business of ferreting out personal information.

  “Fine,” June huffed. “I wouldn’t let you distract me.”

  Katie reached forward and laid her hand on June’s shoulder. “And I won’t either. You need to unload. You’ve just had so much to deal with. Your grandmother. Magnus. Your two businesses.”

  To June’s horror, big, fat tears began to roll down her face, and not the type a lady might shed. No. This crying fit was going to be uglier than a hog’s backside, and June couldn’t stop it.

  “Oh, June,” Katie said and rubbed her shoulder. “I know it’s been hard.”

  “It’s my fault,” June blubbered.

  “That’s not entirely true,” Katie said. “You shouldn’t have tracked down Magnus’s mother, but he shouldn’t have left like he did.”

  “I’m a fraud, Katie,” June said. “I go around taking care of other people’s problems so I don’t have to worry about my own.”

  “You’re not a fraud, June,” Katie said earnestly. “You truly do have a big heart, and you want to help people. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “I’m pushy.”

  Katie smiled softly. “Well, maybe there are times you should dial back the helpfulness, but that doesn’t mean you should stop altogether.”

  June sniffed, trying to hold back the torrent of tears. “Are you saying I should reach out to Clay Stevens?”

  Katie gave a fond chuckle. “No. I think you have too much going on. This is the time for you to ask for help, not to give it.”

  “I’m handling everything fine,” June said. She tried to force a smile, but it turned into a truncated sob. Katie responded with a knowing look.

  “Oh, I’m just weepy today.”

  “Juuune,” Katie said, stretching out her name.

  June sighed. “All right. I’m a mess.”

  Katie’s expression turned solemn. “June, about your grandmother—”

  “I know
,” June admitted in a small voice. “I’m not managing everything.”

  Katie patted her arm. “We’re all here to help, whatever you decide. You’ve let my mom watch Nan a couple times, but she would do it more often. Me too. Even Buck and Stanley have volunteered. Lean on us. Let us help. Okay? It’s what you’ve always said you love about small towns.”

  June nodded with a sniff. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

  Katie’s face softened. “Oh, June, you and your grandmother could never be that. You’re both institutions in Sagebrush Flats.”

  Pleased amusement shot through June’s misery. “An institution?”

  Katie grinned good-naturedly. “Just as much as tumbleweeds, hot summers, and dust devils.”

  June blinked away her tears. “Even with me being a southern belle and my grandma being an English rose?”

  “Absolutely,” Katie said without hesitation. “Joking aside, it wouldn’t be Sagebrush without the two of you and the tea shop.”

  June smiled. It was a watery smile, but it was real. “I needed to hear that.”

  “Good,” Katie said emphatically. “Now, are you ready to shop up a storm?”

  “Why, yes,” June said, wiping the corner of her eyes with her knuckles. “I think I am.”

  “How about you let me drive?” Katie asked.

  “But you’re pregnant with twins, darlin’!”

  “Hey,” Katie protested as she scooted from her seat, “I’m not so big I can’t fit behind a wheel.”

  June gave her friend a head start before she unbuckled her seat belt and climbed into the passenger side. Even with Katie driving, it took June half an hour before her stress began to unfurl. Settling further into the leather upholstery, she laughed at Katie’s stories as the scenery passed by.

  Katie had been right. June was glad she’d let her take the wheel. She needed the chance just to sit…no obligations, no demands, no juggling multiple tasks. There was something healing about leaning back and watching the wide expanse of land rush by. With a twinge of pain, June thought back to a passage in Magnus’s book.

  When I stood on the edge of the rig and stared out into the expanse of flawless snow and ice, I did not flinch at the vastness. Instead, recognition flickered inside me…perhaps even a sense of homecoming. In the emptiness, I found my peace.

  June exhaled, trying to relieve the pressure once again building inside her chest. Katie glanced over in concern. “Thinking of Magnus again?”

  “Yes,” June admitted.

  “Over time, it’ll get better,” Katie said.

  June nodded. She’d truly loved Magnus, and losing him was a grief all in its own. But she was strong. She’d get through this. All of this.

  Maybe it was time to rely on folks. Stanley and Buck could entertain Nan in the mornings, and Katie’s mother wasn’t the only one who’d offered to sit with her grandmother while June ran errands.

  Sometimes, June realized, it was okay to let a friend climb into the driver’s seat as long as she knew the way home.

  Chapter 18

  Magnus paused at the door of the Primrose, Magnolia & Thistle. Through the glass, he could spy June. It was closing time, and the tea shop was empty. She had her head bent as she cleaned the counter, and he knew from experience she was humming softly.

  He’d imagined her like this, even when he’d tried to shove her from his consciousness. At night when he lay abed, he’d think of her working on her latest jam. She’d be blethering happily as she chopped a piece of fruit or stirred the pot on the hob.

  And he’d thought of her as he wrote. Her joy and spirit had bled into the pages, just as they’d bled into him. He could travel back to the Arctic Circle, and he’d still never manage to freeze this woman from his heart. She’d become a part of him, and he’d been an utter bampot to leave her.

  He pushed the door open. At the tinkle of the bell, June glanced up. Her green gaze caught his, and her entire body stiffened. The washrag dropped from her fingers, and her bonny, pink lips parted ever so slightly. She’d never looked more braw to him, and he wanted to cross through the tea shop and kiss her.

  But he didn’t. If things went as he’d hoped, there’d be plenty of time for snogging later. Now, as much as he hated to admit it, was about talking.

  He flipped her sign to Closed and locked the door. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t move otherwise as he strolled forward. He didn’t stop until they stood opposite each other with only the counter between them.

  During the four plane rides and the long drive to Sagebrush, he’d crafted an entire speech, tweaking it each time he replayed it in his head. Despite the long journey, he hadn’t slept much. Over and over, he’d gone through what he planned to say. He wanted to make this right. Make this perfect.

  But when he opened his mouth, he said the first damn words that popped into his head, like a newly hatched gull. At least this time he didn’t blurt out he’d drunk-dialed a bear…although that might have been a wee bit less dramatic.

  * * *

  Over the past month, June had imagined Magnus walking into her tea shop countless times. Sometimes, he’d stroll right over, sweep her off her feet, and kiss her long and deep. Other times, he’d apologize for leaving. Most often, he said he understood why she’d contacted his mother and that he forgave her. Even she, however, had not possessed sufficient foresight to envision his actual words.

  “My da hit me upside the head with a shovel when I told him I was leaving the croft,” Magnus announced without a single disfluency, even though he normally stuttered when he mentioned his father.

  Ice sluiced through June’s veins. “What?”

  An angry look crossed Magnus’s face, but June knew it wasn’t directed at her. “Fuck. That wasn’t how I planned to tell you. I’m m-m-making a m-m-manky steer of it.”

  June stared into Magnus’s blue eyes, and she could tell he was hurting something fierce. His beard had grown woolly again, obscuring most of his features. In contrast to his dark hair, his skin looked pale and drawn. Purple pooled under his eyes, making him look like he’d just lost a bar brawl.

  June moved around the counter and gently took his arm. It warmed her heart when he didn’t pull away. “Let’s go upstairs. Nan’s resting and won’t hear us.”

  “I’m sorry I left like I did,” Magnus said as he followed her. “That’s what I was trying to say. I shouldn’t go b-b-b-blurting things out like that.”

  “It’s okay,” June assured him.

  When they reached her bedroom, Magnus took the chair, so June perched on the edge of the bed. He looked so miserable she wanted to reach for him. But she didn’t. This time, she would let him go at his own pace. No more pushing for June Winters.

  He sighed heavily and shoved back his unruly hair with his hands. “I’ve never t-t-talked about it.”

  June nodded. “Don’t worry about it, darlin’. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He jerked his head stiffly. When he finally did speak, he kept his voice low, his eyes trained on the throw rug her brother had brought back for her when he was stationed in Jordan. “I was taught not to speak m-m-m-much by him.”

  June didn’t need to ask who the “him” was. She knew instantly he was talking about his father. The man who’d hit him with a shovel.

  “He didn’t like m-m-m-m-m-my s-s-s-s-s-stuttering,” Magnus said, his disfluency worse than normal. June couldn’t help it. She leaned forward and rested her hand on his knee. Magnus swallowed. Hard. When he spoke again, he seemed more in control of his voice. “But that wasn’t all. He never stopped the insults. I was a pleeping b-bampot, a lazy nyaff, a m-m-manky b-bawbag. I never could do anything right, and I had to live by his schedule. If I didn’t rise from bed at exactly the time he wanted, he’d wake me with a b-bucket of water to the face. He did it even if I was late by half a minute.”

&nb
sp; June involuntarily squeezed Magnus’s knee. He glanced at her, and the torment in his eyes nearly slayed her. He’d suffered more than she’d imagined. His beautiful, caring spirit had been nearly pulverized under the hands of a tyrannical bully.

  “I had no quarter. He controlled everything, June. What I ate. The order I did my chores. When I went to b-bed. He left every d-day in his trawler, but he’d interrogate me about what I’d done. He terrified m-me as a lad. I’d answer him by nods and shakes because he couldn’t stand my s-s-stuttering. When I didn’t respond fast enough—or how he wanted—he’d hit me.”

  “I’m so sorry, Magnus,” June whispered as a crushing pain settled on her heart.

  “I escaped,” he said thickly and then repeated the words in a steadier voice. “I escaped, June, and I swore I’d never let another person tell me what to do.”

  June felt her mouth twist into a self-effacing smile. “And then I came barreling along with all my poking and prodding.”

  To her surprise, a fond grin broke over Magnus’s solemn face, momentarily chasing away his gruffness. He reached for her and cupped her face. “Och, lass, you’re good for m-me. I need your b-brightness like the Scottish p-p-primrose needs the sun to grow.”

  June’s heart—already malleable from hearing about his childhood—turned into a puddle of goo. She turned her head and kissed his palm. At the contact, his eyes fluttered closed as if savoring her touch. When he opened them, his cobalt gaze had turned electric. June smiled. “That’s just about the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

  Little flags of color appeared above Magnus’s beard. June kissed each spot and then sank back to address him. “But,” she continued, “I need to watch that I don’t shine too brightly and give you sunburn.”

  Her statement surprised a bark of laughter from Magnus. Rising from the armchair, he lifted her into his arms and then settled them both on the bed. “Aye, you can be a wee bit intense, lass.”

  “I’m trying to work on that, cross my heart and hope to die,” June said as she settled against his chest. He tucked her head under his chin, and she could feel the sigh of contentment rumbling through him. She snuggled closer and felt her own tension ebb away. My, my, she could get used to this sense of homecoming.