Clara just watched her grandmother, shocked, holding her stinging hand to her chest. It hadn't exactly hurt to get a tiny slap on the back of her hand, but that her grandmother would…
Usually, when she forgot things and got confused, Clara could talk her down and remind her, or at least appease her for the moment. Her grandmother was sweet, and the times she was confused, she had only ever shown curiosity. Clara watched her obvious agitation and distrust and knew this was nothing like all the previous times. Viola looked like she didn’t even want Clara to get near her as if Clara was dangerous. And it hurt.
Clara couldn’t help it. She felt the tears in her eyes, and in the next second, she was sobbing uncontrollably. It wasn’t quiet either, but she couldn’t bring herself to regulate the noise, even knowing Cooper and her sister were still sleeping, and they would both wake up freaking out if they heard her.
But there was just no way Clara could not cry. Her grandmother had been slowly getting worse over the years, but Clara could only worry silently because she didn’t want to worry Viola. Now, all she could do was give into her grief. Because it was bad now, but she could easily imagine having to live with this for days and it hurt, so much. Because the woman before her reminded her of Viola back when their mother was still alive and the two didn’t get along all that well. They had never been this openly hostile in front of them, but sometimes Clara would see it, and wonder why they still met their grandmother when her mom acted like she couldn’t stand her half the time.
Did Viola even remember she had grandchildren? Did she remember the accident? Just how far had her memory regressed.
Not long after, there was some noise from the floor above them, and Clara turned in time to see Cooper rushing down the stairs. Viola turned as she did and caught sight of him, too, bringing her arms up to clutch at the neckline of her nightgown, looking even more distressed.
"Another one!" Viola exclaimed. "Are there more of you? What are you people doing in my house?"
Technically it wasn't Viola's house. It was all she could think as she watched her grandmother through her tears. The house had been her parents', but how could Viola remember the house and forget about them? How far had she regressed, and would she be coming back from it? If she did, then when? Just like Tessa, her grandmother was deteriorating.
How could she have forgotten that?
Cooper looked confused between the two of them. His look lingered more on Clara, and she knew his first instinct was to offer her comfort, but there was clearly something wrong with her grandmother, and he knew Clara would want him to see to her first. He took in the situation in a moment and jumped in to help Clara out.
"Hey, Viola. You probably don’t remember me, but I'm a friend of the family's."
She still looked suspicious, but there was an edge of curiosity there. Probably because Cooper used her name and she hadn't forgotten who she was, even though she had forgotten Clara. She didn’t react the same way to him approaching her as she had Clara. She was still cautious, but not as openly hostile.
"Oh?"
"Yes, I am. It's late, though, and we all need to get back to sleep, so if you'd like I can tell you all about it tomorrow when I help you out in your garden. Can I get you something? Is there something, in particular, you came down here for?"
Viola sniffed. "No, but thank you. Such a nice young man. I'm sure you could teach my daughter's husband some manners." She huffed, adjusting the shawl she had around her shoulders.
Clara made a wounded sound at the casual mention of her parents. Viola didn’t even remember they were dead, and that had been ten years ago. Clara wondered if, in her mind, she and Tessa were children, or didn’t even exist yet. It hurt too much to think about, but the thought wouldn’t go away. She fisted her hands, clenching her fingers to her palms until she felt the sting of her nails and her body trembling.
Cooper noticed her reaction and moved closer to Viola, cautiously. Her grandmother still eyed him sideways, but she let him get near and take her elbow to guide her upstairs.
"Of course, Viola," he murmured as he led her away. "Whatever you say."
Clara watched them go up, and then covered her mouth with her hands to try and muffle her crying. She'd quieted down, but it came back full force. She had babysat Tessa nearly the whole day, taking care of her through her agitation. She didn’t want to wake her up now, after how long it had taken her to go to sleep. She squeezed her eyes closed to hold in the tears, breathing harshly through her nose.
When was the last time she'd had a proper conversation with her grandmother? She hadn't noticed, with everything else going on, how long ago it had been. Since before she left for the trip; the day she came back from the police station once they released her was the last time she could remember. It had been her grandmother telling her to speak to Tessa. Their last conversation, she was pretty sure, was also about Tessa, before Clara came up with the idea to make a deal with Alice to look after her grandmother and her sister, but the emphasis had always been on Tessa.
Cooper came back down once Viola was seen to. Clara only noticed he was there when he placed a hand on the small of her back. She moved at his urging, and the candle he held in his free hand moved with them. He took them to the kitchen, set the candle down and had Clara sit.
She watched him, curious, as he rushed around the room, wiping at her eyes and cheeks. He heated up some water on the cooker and got a mug from the cupboard, then he went on to make Clara a hot chocolate, likely to cheer her up.
It was a futile effort, nothing could cheer her up this time, but having him worried about her did help her get ahold of herself. A few minutes later, the mug was set in front of her as he took a seat beside her. She watched the cup for a moment before reaching for it. She curled her hands around the hot cup but didn’t drink from it yet.
"I've been so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn’t notice how bad Viola's condition was." And when she wasn’t focusing internally, she was looking for ways to fix Tessa and forgetting her grandmother also needed help.
"It's not your fault, Clara. Nothing can stop what she has. Viola will have good days as well as bad, nothing you could do would change that."
She shook her head, but he just patted her shoulder, and then slid his hand lower to rub up and down her back. It calmed her down further until she was slumped against the table. She could have told him she knew there was nothing she could do. Clara wasn’t expecting miracles. But she had to give equal attention to Tessa and Viola. They both needed her. She took in a deep breath, then a sip of the hot chocolate, closing her eyes as the sweet, hot drink warmed her from the inside out.
"Even if I can't stop her condition, Cooper, I could at least look after her. I've barely seen her since we went for the trip. I assumed she was fine and I didn’t even check up on her. She deserves more than that."
"I'm sure she knows you're doing your best," he soothed. "You're stretching yourself thin as it is, any more and you could break, Clara. She wouldn’t blame you, would she? So, why would you blame yourself?"
Clara just shrugged her shoulders. She knew Viola wouldn’t blame her, and that just made her feel worse.
"It's not your fault you've been busy, all right? Kept going even though the going is tough," he encouraged.
Clara gave a weak huff of laughter. Putting the mug down and pulling his hand from her back so she could clutch it in both of hers.
"I couldn’t have survived the last few weeks without your support. I never did thank you for that, Cooper."
He opened his mouth to reply, probably something along the lines of 'you're the one that invited me to stay,' and she knew it was the best idea she had ever had because his presence had become invaluable. But he was interrupted.
There was a knock on the door, and it froze them both until they heard it again.
"I wonder who it could possibly be," she wondered out loud, "wanting to see us so late at night."
She couldn’t think of anyone tha
t would be at their doorstep this late, and by the look of surprise on Cooper's face, neither did he.
Cooper was frowning towards the front door. "Whoever it is, we ought to be careful."
He got up and moved around, and Clara watched as he grabbed a knife. She scrambled after him as he left the kitchen. When he opened the door, Clara was standing off to the side so she could see around his body blocking the doorway.
Dante was there. She had wondered where he'd gone off to after she got arrested, but she pretty much pushed him out of her thoughts, because there were other things of more importance. Looking at him then, she felt a gasp break through her when she noticed his face. He looked rough, and in the same clothes he had been in the last time she saw him. He heard her and turned to her. He noticed the look she aimed at him and shuffled his feet awkwardly.
"I've been sleeping in the streets," he explained, looking sheepish. "I have nowhere else to go."
So, Michelle hadn't forgiven him. Or he hadn't tried to talk to her yet. It was three days since she had left her cell, so he must have been sleeping outside for over a week, and it showed. Taking pity on him, she shooed Cooper away from the door so he could come in.
"You can stay on the couch," she allowed. They didn’t have room anywhere else, anyway.
Chapter Twenty
Clara went to visit Viola's room in the morning. She paused outside the door for a few minutes, leaning against the wall with her head tilted back and just breathing.
After the eventful night they'd had, she'd had an awful time trying to fall back to sleep. Cooper was a little miffed with her for letting Dante stay, even though he hadn't given any verbal word of protest. He'd been the one to take a blanket down for Dante, and when he slid back in the bed beside her, he kept his distance. It hadn't lasted long. He moved in his sleep and held her through the night. Any other time it would have been enough, but it wasn’t.
She wasn’t even sure how many hours of sleep she got. Not a lot, because she kept waking up only to cry and fall asleep again, and when she woke up that morning, she felt groggy and so tired, but without a desire to make another attempt at sleep. When she noticed the room was a little lighter, she had given up on going back to sleep and slipped out of bed.
Now she stood just outside her grandmother's room, scared to go in because she wasn’t sure how she would be received.
But she had to check on Viola. If she was awake if she needed anything… Clara had been neglecting her grandmother. It was the least she could do. So, she straightened away from the wall, took a last deep, calming breath that she released in a gust, and knocked on the door before she could change her mind.
"Come in."
Well, at least she sounded welcoming. She opened the door to find Viola sitting up in bed, the covers around her and her pillows arranged behind her, propping her upper body. She smiled genuinely when she noticed Clara, and Clara felt like she wanted to cry again.
"Good morning, Clara. I'm surprised you're up this early," she greeted amicably.
She, quite obviously, had no recollection of the events of the night before. Clara couldn’t decide what she should feel—happy that her grandmother was over the episode, or grief that it had happened at all. Seeing that Clara was upset, Viola's face rearranged into a look of concern.
"Honey, what happened?"
Clara swallowed back the lump in her throat as she moved, slowly, until she sat beside her grandmother on the bed. She reached for the older woman's hands and held them tightly as she explained, blinking back her tears.
"You were awake last night, late. I don’t know what woke you, but I heard you and I came to try and help you, but…" her voice faltered, and she lost the battle with her tears, letting go of her control as they flowed freely. "Grandma, you forgot who I was," she finished, her voice cracking on the last word.
Viola opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it. She looked confused for a second, before what Clara had said really hit her, and then she looked upset. Clara could barely see her through the wash of tears, but she felt the familiar wrinkled hands squeezing hers right back.
"Clara, I am so sorry. So, sorry that I can't control this because I can see it's worrying you. You just have to know… have to remember that even if I forget you, I still love you."
Clara knew that, of course. When Viola could remember, she said it all the time. It didn’t make it any less hard in the moments that she forgot, but then it wasn’t exactly her grandmother's fault, either. She didn’t ask to get sick and had the right to be upset the most about what was happening to her. She could see, through her tears, that her grandmother had given into her own urge to cry.
Clara and Viola hugged and cried together, Clara clinging tightly to her grandmother. She hadn't gone anyway, but it felt like she was slowly losing her grandmother, and Clara wasn’t sure how much more she could take. Once the tears slowed down, she stayed longer so they could finally talk, about nothing and everything, keeping mostly to the inconsequential things.
Not long after, there was a knock on the door. Clara rushed to answer it, remembering only one person she had been expecting, and eager for the visit. It was Barbara at the door, and Clara's eyes instantly zeroed in on the bag she carried in her hands that she didn’t have the day before.
"Would you like to come in?" she offered, but Barbara just shook her head.
"I think it would be better if we just discussed this outside, rather than risk your sister listening in."
Clara nodded and closed the door behind her, her eyes straying back to the bag.
"I got you the prescription," she confirmed, holding the brown paper bag up. "I can't be certain, but I think Tessa may suffer from bipolar disorder. Her 'predictions' are due to a sense of grandiosity, and the clozapine I've prescribed, even though not approved by the FDA for bipolar disorder, should still help her with that and with her manic episodes. It was the best I could do on such short notice. She'll have to take these, and I can come by in a few weeks to see how she's doing and if she can continue the prescription or if I can find her something else."
Clara nodded along as Barbara spoke, though she didn’t understand everything that the other woman said, taking the bag when it was held out to her. She glanced inside and saw a labeled prescription bottle.
"Does Tessa have high blood pressure?" Barbara asked. "Or diabetes, or any physical health problems that I should know about?"
Clara shook her head. "She doesn’t. She's always been healthy, well, up until the accident but everything from that time is just… neglect."
Clara didn’t know how to help when her sister couldn't sleep, couldn’t eat. It made her feel inadequate, and a couple of times she had sought out a professional opinion behind her sister's back, since she refused to leave the house to go to a hospital, even for a regular checkup. She had been told there wasn’t anything she could do herself if Tessa didn’t want to seek help, but Clara had always hated it.
"In that case, the drugs should be safe for Tessa to use but may cause some side effects such as nausea, blurry vision, and dizziness. Just keep an eye on her for the first few days she's taking it and take note of how it's affecting her. If you think it's dangerous, stop immediately and find some way to get word out to me. You can contact me if you have any problems."
She would just have to have Felicia do that for her. She wasn’t sure where either one lived, but she was confident she would be able to find Felicia at the hospital, she was there so often.
"Keep a close eye on Tessa," she instructed, "and see if you can find any change in her behavior. You need to monitor her closely the second she starts taking the drugs. I talked to Felicia, and she said to tell you you're excused from work for today also. But you'll need to go back eventually so after a while, have someone else look after her for you."
Clara nodded. She had forgotten all about the community work. Technically, she was slacking. She wasn’t sure if the police officers would be keeping track of her, but just in case, sh
e couldn’t take too long away. Besides, she had a valid reason that was even backed by professional opinion. Surely, they wouldn’t hold it against her.
"Thank you so much, for your help," she told Barbara fervently, reaching for the other woman's hand. "You and your sister both. You’ve both helped more than I can say, but maybe I could pay you with some food. I have more than enough to last my family a while. None of us really eat that much."
Well, except for Cooper, seeing as he was pretty much the only one in the house both mentally and physically sound, but he had been learning to reduce his intake.
"I'm okay for now, thank you, though. But if you want to continue the prescription after this one runs out, we may need to form a negotiation."
"Absolutely," Clara agreed. Then an idea occurred to her, and she lowered her voice. "Actually, can you help me with something else? My grandmother has been having some… troubles. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and sometimes she forgets so much. She was awake in the middle of the night last night and when I approached her, she was almost… hostile because she saw me as a stranger. But then this morning she was back to herself, only she had no recollection of last night. Do you have anything that can help her?"
Clara was aware of the hopeful note in her voice when she asked, and Barbara must have noticed it too.
"There's not much we can do for her at that stage," she answered sadly. "It's not anything that can be helped. Drugs only push it back, but if she's already this far, nothing can help her now, and it will only get worse. The best you can do for her at this point is to keep an eye on her and try not to lose patience. It's going to be confusing for her and she is going to need your support."
Clara, upset, just gave a nod as she blinked back another rush of tears. Clara squeezed Barbara's hand, and she squeezed back, and then made herself release.
"Bye, Barbara. Again, thank you, and tell Felicia the same from me."
"Of course."
Clara went back inside as the other woman left. She clutched the bag in her hand as she rushed through the house, not bothering to look up and see if anyone was up and moving around. She rushed to her room, and she was glad to see Cooper wasn’t there. She put the bag down on the nightstand, laid in the bed and cried. Already, she had done too much of it, and it hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet. And it would only get worse.
Zero Power (Book 2): Trying To Survive Page 16
