A sense of foreboding prickled the back of his neck, a dog’s hackles rising. His scalp contracted and he could feel the fear rising in his gorge as the full import of what it actually meant for him registered.
If he quit the series, he could lose the farm.
Lose his home.
Lose the only place he’d ever felt like he belonged.
He’d be a failure; the cover of confidence and capability he’d worked so hard to build, blown to pieces. He’d be revealed for the shameful loser he’d always known himself to be.
An image slid into place. Unsought. Unwelcome. A dark-eyed child cringing, pleading, ‘No, Daddy’. The pain brought him up short and he grimaced before he could stop himself. Striving for calm to force the nightmare back, he inhaled a deep breath, then another, thankful for the numbness gradually taking over his brain and deadening all feeling.
‘Look, I can see that hit you hard.’ Neil’s voice broke in, his tone a return to conciliatory mode. ‘But you need to be realistic. This show is a big deal and, like it or not, you’re one of the major players.’
‘Major player,’ he repeated woodenly. ‘I don’t even want a bit part.’
The other man shrugged. ‘You’ve got no choice. Sorry to throw the facts in your face, but you need to be aware of the way things are. For your own sake.’
When Adam made no reply, the editor pulled a face like he’d discovered something on the bottom of his shoe that Bitzer had left behind. ‘Let’s forget this conversation ever took place, okay, buddy?’ There was a steely note in his voice. ‘You have to look ahead.’
Not wanting to give Blake the satisfaction of hearing him admit defeat, Adam didn’t even attempt a response. The reality of court costs he couldn’t afford, and court time that he could afford even less, loomed large and frighteningly distinct. If everything he’d just been told was even close to the truth, he had no choice but to suck it up and try to look to the future.
Damn the man if he was right.
Whichever way he looked at it, the next few weeks would be difficult but, that being acknowledged, anything had to be easier than looking back. Adam shut his mind to the throb of pain stirred up earlier, straightened his shoulders and grunted his reluctant agreement.
Neil tapped at his Rolex before swivelling his chair back to face the computer screen. Adam understood dismissal. Patronising prick.
He turned and strode from the room, mind whirring with too many concerns. There was only one person he could trust to give him the straight answers he needed.
* * *
Evie lay on her bed, staring at the fan revolving slowly overhead, the day’s events playing around and around in her head in time with the blades. Every scene starred Adam. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms; just thinking about him was enough to raise goosebumps. The problem was she couldn’t stop thinking about him, although God knows she wanted to.
More to the point, she had to. For her own emotional wellbeing.
It made no difference how short a time they’d known one another. It felt like forever. Living in each other’s pockets and daily interviews that involved so many personal questions had made short work of the get-to-know-each-other phase of their relationship. And as he’d revealed small pieces of himself to her, she’d come to realise what an incredibly decent man Adam was. Probably the first truly decent man she’d met in a long while.
But nothing could ever happen between them. She ticked off the reasons in her mind. One, it would be ethically wrong. Chrissy and Meg had arrived here in Paradise in good faith, believing they were being given a chance to find love. What made her think, even for one minute, her life and her desires should take precedence over theirs?
Two, Neil had made no bones about how vulnerable her position here was. If she couldn’t rise to his expectations, he’d replace her. She couldn’t afford to let that happen. This was her chance to prove herself. To show her father, her big-shot TV-producer father, that she could be a success in this business, too.
She might not be the pretty daughter with the burgeoning on-air career like Lulu, might not be the one her father adored, but she could certainly show him she was the clever one. The one who came into her own behind the scenes where looks played no part in determining success. Here, she had one up on her sister. Beauty had a use-by date. Smarts didn’t.
She let out a sigh as her thoughts returned, inescapably it seemed, to Adam. To the hurt look on his face when she’d defended Cam. She hated having to do it but there’d been no choice. The incident had to be put into proper perspective. Adam needed to understand what he’d signed up for.
A rap at the door made her jump.
‘Evie?’ The velvet voice sent a thrill up her spine.
‘In here.’ She swung her legs together over the side of the single bed and sat up.
Adam pushed open the door and stood there, broad shoulders tense as steel cable, the look on his face one of … anger? Hurt? Too close to call. But his agitation was palpable.
All senses alert for trouble, she beckoned him in with a hand. ‘What’s happened?’
He closed the door behind him, his towering presence making the room feel too small to contain them both. And way too warm all of a sudden. She tugged at the neck of her T-shirt in a useless effort to loosen it.
‘I’ve been talking to your boss and he told me …’ His voice trailed off but his eyes continued to speak. Bleak pools of almost-black, about to swallow her up.
‘What? What is it?’ she demanded in growing alarm, motioning him towards the armchair.
She perched on the edge of the bed while he slid his body down onto the cushions, long legs stretched out in front, the weight of the world on his slumped shoulders.
Then he spoke in a voice so low she had to lean forward to catch what he was saying. ‘You know I’ve had doubts about this thing from the beginning.’
Tendrils of trepidation turned in her stomach. She nodded slowly, dreading whatever it was he was about to tell her.
‘Today’s events brought it home. I should never have got involved in this. I’m not the right sort of person for your program.’
Working hard to control her features, she nodded again, intuitively not interrupting his thoughts, although she had to bite her lip to keep from disagreeing with him.
‘It needs someone who’s prepared to put up with all the crap. That’s not me. I feel like an absolute fake, re-doing stuff over and over so it can be shot from five different angles.’ His hands, balled into fists, jerked in a gesture of utter frustration. ‘And today, Chrissy’s accident being filmed for so-called entertainment. I can’t tell you how much I resented that whole thing.’ The hardness around his usually smiling mouth testified to his anger.
He jumped to his feet, sat down, then stood up again. He started prowling the room, every line in his powerful body tight with tension.
‘I don’t blame Cam. You were right, it’s not his fault. Or yours. Or anybody’s. It’s clearly a requirement of the job. But having to dispense with basic human caring in order to get the job done—that’s what I have issues with.’
His reasoning was fair enough, but he was disparaging the project in which she played a part. The job that would make or break her future. Unsure how to respond, she stayed silent.
‘I told Neil I want out.’
Adam’s words hit her with the force of a punch to the stomach. No! It couldn’t happen. She wouldn’t let it.
‘You can’t.’ She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible. ‘There’s too much at stake.’
‘So I’ve been told. Advertisers. Ratings. Station executives. He threw all the buzz words at me.’
Forcing a calm into her voice she didn’t feel, she aimed for the personal touch. ‘I meant for you. You went into this to find a partner. We’re going to help you, so you don’t have to be alone anymore. Or have you had second thoughts about that, too?’
Adam held her stare for a moment before wearily shaking his head. Bu
t the hesitancy was still there, lending further shadows to the dark of his eyes. He needed more convincing.
She rose from the bed and crossed to where he now stood, staring out the French doors onto the veranda, his back towards her. This close she could smell the spicy aftershave clinging to his skin. She could have breathed in the scent forever, letting it fill her completely.
Except her sense of appropriate behaviour kept interfering.
She hesitated, once again unsure of what to say or how to say it. And in that second, he turned his brown-eyed gaze on her, studying her intently. Flashes of heat sparked up and down her spine and she found it difficult to breathe for a moment, before common sense made its reappearance, kicking those damn pheromones back where they belonged.
She owed it to everyone involved here, herself included, to keep her feelings private. Taking a step away from him to let her head clear, she tried to regroup.
‘Adam, you live in one of the most inaccessible places in Australia. As you’ve said yourself, the prospect of meeting eligible women is pretty slim. But because of our show, you’ve got two women in your home territory, falling over themselves to win your heart.’
Three women, if only you knew. If only it wasn’t totally impossible.
‘All you have to do,’ she continued, ‘is put up with what you call a bit of crap for another few weeks. In return you’ll have a chance at a happy-ever-after ending. Surely it’s worth it?’
It amazed her she could sound even vaguely professional when all she wanted to do right now was to throw herself into his arms; when all she wanted to say was Pick me! Pick me!
The silence dragged out for several heartbeats before Adam finally offered a weary smile. Just a lift of the corners of his delicious mouth, but it would do for now. She’d got through to him.
‘Happy ever after?’ he said. ‘Doesn’t that only happen in fairy tales?’
‘Here’s your chance to disprove the theory,’ she said, cajoling now. ‘You can help write, and star in, your very own RTV romance.’
His eyes clouded over again. ‘Turns out, I have no choice. If I opt out of the show I’ll be sued for breach of contract. Blake spelled it out,’ he said with barely veiled bitterness.
‘He threatened you?’
‘In not so many words.’
That didn’t sound like the Neil she knew. What on earth was going on with the man? She really needed to speak with him.
‘What did you say?’
‘What could I say? My only asset is half the farm. My mother still has part ownership. I won’t … risk … losing … it.’ He spoke the last words as if they’d been forced, one by one, from between his lips.
‘It means a lot to you.’
‘Not just a lot.’ His jaw clenched tight. ‘I don’t have many things to be proud of. This farm means everything to me.’
The anguish in his voice was tangible. Something profound was being revealed here, she realised, something that until now Adam had never spoken of. He always kept his guard up over personal matters. This was about so much more than finding he had no choice but to continue filming the program.
Evie had no control over the quiet thrill of pleasure that trickled through her as understanding dawned: he was beginning to put his trust in her. This was a major breakthrough. It would require delicate handling on her part.
She dared a question, to keep him talking, to help him to get it all out now he’d started. ‘Because your dad left it in your hands?’
‘That’s part of it.’ He turned to gaze out through the glass doors. ‘This is Larry’s legacy and I have a duty to preserve it in his memory. That’s why I plough any money I make back into it. But I also have to continue making it a success for Mum’s sake.’ He sucked in a deep breath, his strong shoulders broadening as he pulled himself up straight. ‘And for me. I refuse to be a failure.’
His words touched her somewhere deep inside. Being branded a failure was her worst nightmare—worse even than being made a fool of. It was crazy to think of this handsome, self-assured man as having any of the weaknesses of an ordinary person. Like her.
What had happened to him to make him feel that way?
‘You’re not a failure, Adam. I can’t see how you ever could be.’
‘I wish I had as much faith in me as you seem to.’
He stood with one arm leaning against the door frame, head bent towards the floor. The uncharacteristic defeat in his stance, in his words, sparked an overpowering urge to soothe. To take away the pain. His unexpected show of vulnerability aroused every protective instinct inside her.
Like a magnet, he drew her ever closer. Physical contact was so easy to justify—he needed the comfort of a simple human touch; she needed him to know that she was there for him.
Or was it just an excuse to touch him? To feel the warmth of his skin against hers. To know for certain, instead of only dreaming about it, just how good their bodies would feel pressed together.
He stood within arm’s reach, his back turned as if ashamed to face her.
Every sense was full of him. She could almost hear the hot blood racing through her veins. Her heart pounded erratically. She felt dizzy, and had to struggle to calm her breathing. Then she drank in the spicy scent of him and her eyes slid closed.
The final act—touching him—was dangerous. She knew that. But all intelligent thought had been nullified by a body with a mind of its own. A body intending to do exactly as it wanted.
Her arm reached out. Her hand was shaking. Knees too. She willed them to stop but they wouldn’t.
It was draining, being so close to him, wanting so desperately to be in those arms. She’d seen him at work today on the pontoon, knew how strong he was, how firm that body would be beneath her touch. She shivered at the promise of his touch. It wasn’t difficult to imagine every inch of her skin tingling under his caress.
Nervous anticipation tightened her chest. A hand flew to her heart. She halted. The lack of control over her body’s reactions totally unnerved her.
And …
What the hell are you doing?
Reality crashed back in. She had no right to these feelings. Her relationship with this man was supposed to be business only.
She pulled her hand back at the last moment.
As she did so, Adam turned. She looked up to find him gazing at her with such an intensity of longing on his handsome face that her heart almost leaped from her chest. They stared at each other for long seconds. Way too long.
She heard him swallow. ‘I should … probably go,’ he said, his voice low and gravelled.
But he made no move to leave. Instead, he leaned towards her. Time slowed as she found herself caught in his dark, dark eyes. With her every sense unbearably acute, she leaned towards him.
‘Yoo-hoo. You there, Evie?’
They leaped apart.
Meg pushed open the door tentatively. ‘Hi.’ She took in Adam’s presence with a wide smile.
Cam’s face appeared over her shoulder. ‘We’re looking for Chrissy. I need her for location shots.’
Adam shook his head. ‘Sorry, haven’t seen her.’
Forcing herself to act normally proved harder than Evie thought. ‘I, um, I haven’t seen her since the, er, interview when we got back from the pontoon. She said she wasn’t feeling well and wanted a lie down.’
‘She’s not in our room.’ Meg sounded mystified.
‘So what’s going on here, then?’ Cam demanded.
Evie’s heart almost stopped. She didn’t dare look at Adam.
‘How come you’re slacking and I’m doing all the hard yards?’ The good-natured grin on the cameraman’s face gave away the comment as a joke.
‘I wish.’ She snatched up the transcripts she’d been reading through earlier and waved them at him. ‘I’m preparing these for Neil. Want to swap jobs?’
Cam pulled back. ‘Nope. You’ve got that on your own.’
Without looking her way, Adam headed for the door. ‘
Let’s go. I’ll help you guys look for Chrissy.’
As the door closed behind them, Evie collapsed into the armchair, heart still racing and her brain in emotional overload. Passions she’d kept repressed for too long threatened to overwhelm her. She fanned her face with the transcript pages. This unexpected re-awakening of her sensual awareness was so thrilling. So frightening.
So wrong!
There was simply no defence for her actions. Everything about the situation was hopeless. Absolutely no good could come of it.
Refusing to think any more about what had almost happened between them, she pulled herself out of the chair. Paperwork in hand, she headed for the editing room, focusing her mind on what needed to be said to Neil.
Outside the room she paused for a confidence-building breath then knocked. A girlish giggle came from inside. No need to ask who that might be. But what was she doing in there?
Chrissy opened the door to breeze past. ‘You can go in now.’
The way she made it sound, as if it was her prerogative to give the okay to enter, set Evie’s teeth on edge. Nothing to be gained by showing animosity, she reminded herself. ‘I’m glad to see you’re well enough to be up and about. The others are looking for you.’
Chrissy raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. ‘Are you the message girl now?’
Evie forced a tight smile. ‘Messenger, general dogsbody, gofer. That’s me in a nutshell.’
‘Uh huh,’ Chrissy replied dismissively. She sashayed off down the corridor, seeming inordinately pleased with herself.
What game was she playing?
‘Come and have a look at the teaser I’ve put together.’ Her boss’s call from inside the editing room interrupted Evie’s thoughts. Neil sat at the computer monitor, rubbing his hands together excitedly.
‘There are a couple of things I need to talk to you about, Boss.’
Only a slight sideways flicker of the eyes indicated he’d heard her. ‘Check this out. It’s brilliant, even if I do say so myself.’
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