‘I’m still angry with you over what happened this morning, but I need to explain a few things. And to ask you something imp—’ Her words were knocked out of her as Bitzer’s front legs punched her chest in an overenthusiastic greeting. She staggered backwards under the embrace and lost her footing, falling to the ground with the dog on top of her, licking delightedly at her face. Lying flat on her back, not even attempting to push him away, she laughed with complete abandon. It was a sound Adam could have listened to forever.
He reached out a hand. She grabbed it and he pulled her to her feet, her other hand coming up to steady herself against his chest. Her touch raised every hair on his body and his heartbeat pumped like a piston at the contact. Overwhelmed by their closeness, he stared at her for several wordless moments, her questioning eyes making it impossible for him to pull his gaze away. Not knowing whether to do the right thing and let her go, or follow his instincts and pull her closer, he stood there struggling for control.
Then the pheromones kicked in. He’d managed to beat down the natural stirrings of his body with Chrissy last night, much to her displeasure, but what he was feeling for Evie right now couldn’t be suppressed. The subtle sexiness of her flowery fragrance filled his senses and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss those sweetly curving lips.
Touch-starved, he needed—badly—to be held by her. They stood so close that just a tilt of his head and he could brush her mouth with his. The feel of her slim body leaning into his swept such a fierce longing through him that he felt control slipping. He was caught up in something unstoppable. Slowly he lowered his face. The anticipation of this first kiss was more than he could bear, and a low, guttural moan escaped his lips.
Her body stiffened beneath his hands. Then her fingers moved up to gently cover his mouth. ‘Stop. I can’t do this,’ she whispered against his ear. ‘It’s wrong.’
The last thing he wanted was to let her go, but what choice did he have? She was right. He forced his arms to loosen from around her and she backed away, avoiding his eyes. He ran his hands roughly over his face as he tried to control his emotions and banish the arousal from his body. Easier said than done.
There was so much he should say to her. So many things he had bottled up inside. But one look at her and the words evaporated. The misery on her face told him what he needed to know. His feelings were not unrequited. This beautiful woman wanted what he wanted, and just as much.
But there was nothing either of them could do about it.
A thundering surge of frustration roared through him. He stuffed both hands back into his pockets, wanting desperately to take her back into his arms, knowing that he couldn’t.
The push of Bitzer’s snout against his leg was an almost welcome distraction. The dog sat on his haunches, looking up with his head slightly tilted, complete devotion in his eyes. He yipped a sympathetic whimper, seeming to sense the mood of the situation, sitting patiently between them without his usual forceful demand for attention. Adam crouched to absently scratch his ears.
Then he stood and looked at Evie. ‘We’d better head back,’ he managed, breaking the difficult silence.
She turned to face him, but it took an inordinately long time for her green-brown eyes to reach his. When they did, it was clear the professional mask was back in place.
‘Yes. But first, I have a query from Neil.’
He covered the disappointment that knifed through him at her emotional retreat with a slow, measured nod of acknowledgement. ‘Go ahead.’
‘He thinks Chrissy may have had something to do with this morning’s debacle. Is he right?’
For several seconds Adam kicked at the sand with the toe of his boot, wondering how to respond. ‘I don’t see how that’s any of his business.’
‘Look, I agree, but he seemed—I don’t know—perturbed by the idea.’ Evie appeared a little perturbed herself; her face was flushed and her lips pursed. ‘So did she?’ Her tone was on the edge of insistent.
What was going through that gorgeous head of hers? Was she jealous? If only he could tell her how ridiculous it was for her to feel that way, that she was in a league of her own as far as he was concerned. The question had to be asked. ‘Is it your boss who wants to know … or is it you?’
So much hinged on her reply. He didn’t want to answer her question—didn’t want responsibility for his actions to be on anyone’s shoulders but his own—but if Evie could bring herself to be completely honest with him, it would be the closest she’d come to admitting aloud that she had feelings for him. He waited in silence, watching her lovely face as she struggled with a response.
‘It’s me. I want to know,’ she confessed finally in her husky voice.
Adam’s elation at the acknowledgement was tempered by her obvious reluctance to admit to it. And by the fact that he really didn’t want to answer her question, knowing her feelings about Chrissy. Another lecture warning him about the other woman was so far from what he needed right now.
But there was no choice. Reciprocal honesty was required. ‘Chrissy made the initial suggestion.’
The look she gave him was one of grim self-satisfaction. ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ She sounded exasperated.
‘Because I’m the one who ran with it. No excuses. I … lost it. And if it’s had repercussions for you, I can’t apologise enough. Haven’t you ever done anything in the heat of the moment? Something you’ve later regretted?’
Her eyes clouded over. ‘Yeah, I have.’
‘So you must have some understanding of what I was going through.’
With unsettling perception she gazed intently into his eyes. ‘I do. It’s much easier to run away than to deal with difficult situations, isn’t it?’ From the matter-of-fact tone it was a rhetorical question so he remained silent while she voiced her thoughts, even though he wasn’t sure he agreed with her. ‘But I don’t make a habit of it, like you, Adam.’
The accusation startled him. ‘What do you mean?’ he demanded, stunned by her soft-voiced censure. He’d never thought of himself that way.
‘We’ve covered this any number of times. Every interview, when I get to asking you about your feelings, you distract me or change the subject. You never give a straight answer.’
‘It’s not because I’m avoiding the questions, it’s because I don’t know how I feel,’ he said indignantly.
‘But it’s not the only thing. Even when we’re just talking, you and I, any mention of your past—your childhood, your fostering, your father—and you close up completely. I’ve confided personal stuff to you, and I hoped things were easy enough between us for you to feel comfortable confiding in me, too.’ Her face softened into sadness. ‘I guess I’m disappointed, that you can’t. Or won’t.’
He turned away, stared out to sea to hide from her view the muscles threatening to contort his face. ‘I just … can’t.’
* * *
The bleakness in his voice cut Evie to the heart. Although God knows he needed honesty from her if he was ever to get over this problem of dealing with his past, her directness had hurt.
She fixed her gaze on him, willing him to turn and face her, to witness the pain it caused her to see him like this. A terrible ache started up inside; she wished she could take her words back, wished she could tell him how much he’d come to mean to her. Wished everything was different. She reached for him, but hesitated at the last moment before contact, unable to take the step that would inevitably lead to a kiss.
And as much as she’d dreamed and wished and hoped for exactly that to happen, if she allowed it to, she’d be lost. There would be no going back from there. She had to be strong. For both of them. Dreaming and wishing and hoping weren’t enough to make anything happen. Their situation was impossible.
She cleared her throat, pulled together her fragile composure. ‘I’m sorry if I was too blunt. I get your issues with privacy and, please believe me, I did my best to talk Neil into giving you a bit of space. Unfortunat
ely, he wasn’t in a mood to listen, so both Cam and I will be going on your overnight date with Meg on Thursday. I’ll make sure we’re as unobtrusive as possible.’
‘You will, huh?’ With a brief, derisive grunt, he turned to face her. ‘And where does that leave us?’ He gestured back and forth between them with a finger.
She felt his words as much as heard them; her heart somersaulted and goosebumps erupted over every inch of her flesh. Her mind had space for one thing and one thing only—the astonishing fact that this gorgeous man had just as good as admitted he returned her feelings.
But intense joy was quickly replaced by nameless panic. No! This was not what she was here for. Her job was her life. There was no choice; clear boundaries had to be re-established.
Panic-stricken on the inside but unable to let him see it, she corrected him. ‘There is no us, Adam.’ Her voice emerged harsher than she meant it to.
The hurt that flashed through his dark-brown eyes was very nearly her undoing. A knot of emotion stuck in her throat as she watched him swallow the information.
‘I see,’ he said at last. ‘Fair enough. Stupid of me to even have considered it possible.’
A wave of guilt swept over her, drowning her in the shame of her dishonesty. She gazed up at him, wanting to kiss him more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. And suddenly self-possession deserted her. ‘Don’t say that. Maybe when all this is over I could—’
‘Do what?’ he asked. ‘Give up your career and move up here to live with me on the farm? Yeah, right. Never gonna happen, Evie.’
His words left her scrambling for a response. What could she say? She hadn’t stopped to think before blurting out the thought. And, truth be known, she was beginning to love this place, even though it was so different to what she was used to. But professional success meant too much to her. She had too much to prove to too many people.
Adam was right. It could never happen.
‘You’re ambitious, and rightly so,’ he continued. ‘You’re a natural at your job and you deserve every opportunity that’ll come knocking as a result of this show. So don’t try and soften the blow with promises you won’t be able to keep. It’ll just make us both look like idiots for believing it.’
He picked up a stick and threw it along the shore for Bitzer to chase. Then, without a backwards glance, he started heading for the homestead. ‘Just leave me alone for a while, okay? I’m not in a good headspace at the moment.’
Evie stared after him, her emotions a dense tangle of confusion. She wanted to run after him and throw herself into his arms. Either that or pick up one of the nearby rocks and throw it at his head, in the hope it’d knock some sense into him, make him see that the feelings she had for him were there, even if she couldn’t act on them. Or maybe she should just hightail it back to Perth, run away with her tail between her legs because she had no right to be falling for him.
As if she could help herself.
He was everything she’d always dreamed of. Strong and honest and kind. A man with old-fashioned values. Integrity. Dedication.
‘I love you!’ she wanted desperately to call after him. She didn’t. She couldn’t. Irrational, impulsive behaviour like that was why she had ended up here in the first place. She wasn’t about to repeat that mistake.
But the knowledge that she did love Adam was an insight she could no longer hide from herself. And by letting him walk away, setting him free by not revealing the truth of her feelings to him, she was loving him the only possible way she could.
She sank onto the sand, hugging her arms close to her body and holding back a rush of tears as a terrifying feeling of desolation swept through her. The price of personal success was growing harder and harder to pay.
CHAPTER
18
March 28
Transcript: Interview with Adam Armstrong
Location: Veranda
(Start interview)
Evie: Remind me again what you’re looking for in a woman.
Adam: I’m looking for someone who values family. Someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously. Someone who likes dogs. And above all, I want honesty.
Evie: Do you think either Meg or Chrissy fits the bill?
Adam: They’re both … great.
Evie: That’s not what I asked.
Adam: (Shrugs)
Evie: Okay, I’ll be more specific. What do you like about Chrissy? Would you say you two have chemistry?
Adam: Maybe.
Evie: Come on, Adam.
Adam: (Pensive) Chrissy’s … intriguing. So many contradictions.
Evie: Uh huh. Do you think she’s your perfect mate?
Adam: It amazes me how much we’re alike. We share the same favourite foods, favourite music, favourite movie.
Evie: Really? Sounds almost too good to be true. So what are your thoughts on Meg?
Adam: (Laughs) Meg is so easy to hang out with. Everything’s fun when she’s around. I’m looking forward to our overnight date in a couple of days.
Evie: Where are we off to?
Adam: A helicopter ride then a hike up to some Aboriginal rock paintings, followed by dinner and a night at the seaside cabins in Derby.
Evie: Sounds sensational.
Adam: I hope so. I’d like to show Meg some more of this fantastic part of the west.
Evie: How does Meg make you feel?
Adam: (Thoughtful) She makes me feel like I’m the funniest bloke she’s ever met. Laughs at all my jokes. Even the bad ones.
Evie: Could she be your perfect mate?
Adam: She’s got Personality with a capital P. I’m more the quiet type. So Meg might not be my perfect mate but that doesn’t mean I won’t be choosing her. Her exuberance could be exactly what I need in my life.
Evie: So you’re keeping your options open?
Adam: (Hesitation) For the moment.
Evie: If you had one piece of advice for each girl, what would it be?
Adam: Hmmm. My advice for Chrissy would be to ditch the stilettos. High heels and farm living are mutually exclusive. My advice for Meg? Try not to be so shy. (Chuckles) Just kidding.
Evie: One more question. What’s the thing you fear most?
Adam: Growing old alone.
(End interview)
CHAPTER
19
Derby
March 30
Leaning forward in the chair, elbows on knees, Adam dropped his head into his hands. The quiet inside the small country hospital was almost deathly, with the only sound coming from the ancient fan whirring overhead and the now-steady breathing of the figure asleep in the bed. He resisted closing his eyes; even the slightest hint to his body that he was not fully in control and exhaustion might claim him. It had been a long day.
If anything else could possibly have gone wrong on the overnight date with Meg, for the life of him Adam couldn’t think what it could be.
To begin with, Evie had accompanied them, along with Cam. She’d warned him that would be the case but her presence continued to disturb and confound him. Over the last few weeks he’d come to rely on her friendship and emotional support and when that was withdrawn it hurt. Hurt a lot.
He covered his face with his hands, silently castigating himself; even now, when he should be thinking only of Meg, thoughts of Evie sabotaged his mind. What the hell was it about her that made common sense desert him? He closed his eyes against the guilt and forced himself to face facts. She didn’t feel for him what he felt for her. And that knowledge came pretty damn close to breaking his heart.
‘She’s going to be all right.’ Evie’s husky voice cut through the silence.
He knew her eyes were on him but he didn’t look up. Deciding on silence as the best course, he didn’t respond, instead reaching out to take Meg’s hand. It felt soft but very cold.
‘It wasn’t your fault, Adam.’
Realistically he knew that, but he still felt responsible. The idea of flying his neighbour’s helicopter out to
Windjana Gorge, then hiking up to the Aboriginal rock-painting site had been his. He should’ve taken more notice at Meg’s first mention of leg pain rather than accepting her airy dismissal of it as nothing to worry about.
If only he hadn’t stopped at that particular place. If only Meg hadn’t sat on that particular rock to take a drink from her water bottle. If only he’d taken the time to examine her leg beneath the long pants, he would have recognised the marks immediately. Snakebites in this isolated area had proved fatal in the past.
A shiver ran through his body, the cold finger of fear raking his spine at the thought of what might have been. There was no way of knowing what sort of snake had bitten her, but thankfully it hadn’t been poisonous. They hadn’t known that at the time though, and Meg’s nausea, blurred vision and dizziness had caused all of them considerable distress on the forty-minute flight back to the small town in which they were staying. Thankfully it was the centre for the only hospital within hundreds of kilometres. Her symptoms, as it turned out, were an allergic reaction to the snake’s saliva.
‘Still here? You two need to go get some rest. You’ve been here all afternoon.’ A cheery-faced nurse dressed in green scrubs paused in the doorway. ‘Your friend will need to stay till tomorrow morning for observation. Just a precautionary measure.’
Evie glanced at her wrist. ‘It’s five o’clock now. Our other friend will be back any minute to take over our watch. Is it okay for someone to stay here with her overnight?’
‘Not a problem.’ The nurse gestured around the empty four-bed ward. ‘Feel free to make yourself at home.’
At that moment, Cam arrived at the door. ‘How is she?’ His concern was evident in the strained tone and the worry tightening his eyes as he gazed towards the bed.
‘Doctor says she’ll be fine to go home tomorrow,’ the nurse confirmed as she turned to go.
Cam gave a relieved smile before checking Meg over for himself. Then he pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed. ‘I’ll bunk down here tonight. You both look totally exhausted.’
The Farmer's Perfect Match Page 18
