Andrea wondered if he could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. Nausea inched up her throat and she grabbed the porch rail for support. Once more her gaze scanned the corn for Silas. She couldn't see him.
Jesse! Where are you?
"Now, let's be civil, Andrea," Mitch began.
"You may be able to fool every other feather-headed woman in this town with your civility, Mitch, but you'll never again be able to fool me. I know exactly who and what you are. And if you think I believe for a minute that you've changed—"
He came up the first step.
"Don't—" she warned.
He lifted his hands as if to prove he meant her no harm. "All right, I'll talk from here."
"Say what you have to say and then get off my land."
"I want to make things right between us, Andrea."
"Things will never be right after what you did. Never."
"I've thought about you all this time. All the time I was away, it was your face I pictured. I wrote you letters, you never answered them."
"I burned them."
Surprise showed clearly on his face. "Y-you burned them? Without reading them?"
"Yes," she snapped.
His gaze drifted to the floor where he searched for some kind of understanding. "I knew you were angry with me..."
"Angry? Angry?" She laughed a harsh, bitter laugh. "You were always the master of understatement. I thought you got the point when I married Zach."
"I know, but you only married him on the rebound from you and me."
She stared at him, dumbfounded. "There never was a 'you and me.'"
"You don't have to pretend with me about Zach. I knew why you married him."
"You haven't a clue about things like that."
"Ah, you're wrong, so wrong. I thought about you all these years. At Harvard, in the military,when I was shot in the war—"
"You probably shot yourself, you coward," she mumbled.
His face went dangerously dark. "What did you say?"
She gulped and took a step backward, knowing instantly she'd gone too far. Mahkwi growled again, baring her teeth.
Mitch's chest rose and fell in shaky anger. His mouth narrowed to a grim line. Something changed in his eyes.
"I can see you're an unforgiving woman, Andrea. A man can make few mistakes with a woman like you. Isn't that right?"
"Mitch—"
"A man could try and try to please you, couldn't he? But he'd be wasting his time with a woman as cold as you. Why he could beat his head against the wall until it was bloody"—his open palm slapped the wall hard in tempo to his words—"and it would never be enough, would it?"
Her breath froze in her throat. Inside, she heard the baby start to cry.
"Even time hasn't healed your bitterness toward me, has it? What's a man to do?" He took the next step up, reaching her level.
"Please—"
"Please? Please what, Andrea?"
"Please... g-go."
Mahkwi snarled openly now, but Mitch seemed not to notice.
"But I haven't finished," he said. "I have to make you understand. You think you're the only one? You think I've been alone since you? Well, you're wrong. There have been lots of women. Does that bother you?" Flecks of spittle gathered at the corners of his mouth.
She slammed her eyes shut trying not to be sick. "No."
He laughed. "I think it does. They want me, Andrea. They fall at my feet. They think I'm handsome, capable. But not you. You... you're just like my—" He broke off the thought, his glazed stare returning to her.
"I brought you a present," he said.
"Wh-what?"
"A present." From his coat pocket, he fished a small glass bottle of perfume and held it out to her. "For you, Andrea."
"Please—"
"Take it."
"I don't—"
"Take it!"
Her hand shot out and he smiled, pressing the vial into her palm. His fingers stroked the flat of her hand before she could snatch it away. Dizziness made her take a step back.
"That's better. What do you say?"
She gritted her teeth. "Th-thank you."
"Say my name, Andrea. I've longed to hear you say it."
"Thank you... Mitch."
He gave a small shuddering sigh. "You see? Things can be pleasant between us."
"Jesse will be back any minute, you should go now."
"Ah, Jesse." He laughed. "Are you still waiting for him, Andrea? That loser? I've got news for you. Jesse Winslow doesn't mind that I'm here. He saw me buy the perfume for you. In fact, he encouraged me to come."
She felt the blood drain from her face. "What?"
"Me and half of Adams County." His laugh was a breath of derision. "Didn't you know he was trying to find you a man? Surely you knew he's been talking you up around the county trying to pawn you off on some man so he could run back to Montana and his Indian squaws?"
The bottle slipped from her fingers and it shattered on the floor. She gripped the porch rail harder. "Wh-what? I don't believe you. You're lying!"
A satisfied grin settled on Mitch's sculpted features. "That was rather underhanded of him, I must say, not to even confide his plan to you. But you needn't take my word for it. Ask Sam Eakin. Ask Calvin Weeks, or Elias Mudrow or any of the others who've taken a sudden interest in you. They'll all tell you the same thing."
No, her mind screamed. He's lying! Lying! But deep in her heart, some small part in her couldn't deny it. All those visits by men—'friends of Jesse.' My God how could I have been so blind? Something inside her tore. She looked up at Mitch Lodray, the man who nearly three years ago had almost ruined her life. Now he'd done it again. She felt brittle, like ash; one small touch and she would disintegrate.
"He's betrayed you, Andrea, just like all the others will betray you. I tried to tell you when you married Zach—"
"Don't you even speak his name," Andrea demanded in a voice she hardly recognized. "Don't you..." A sob tore from her throat.
Mitch's features went blurry for a moment and she blinked her eyes to clear them. He was watching her like a bird of prey watches for its supper, waiting for her to run into his arms so he could be victorious at last. He actually thought she would.
"Get... off... my... land!" Her whole body shook with the effort to keep control.
Real shock spread across his features. "But Andrea, don't you see—?"
"Get off my land! Or so help me God, I'll let this wolf kill you."
Hearing her name, Mahkwi made a snapping growl and lunged in his direction.
He opened his mouth as if to say something else but snapped it shut again, giving Mahkwi an assessing glance. He walked to down the steps to his horse and mounted. Gathering up his reins he turned to her and smiled. It was the kind of smile he'd smiled for her that day... that day he'd changed her life. It sent shivers down to her toes.
"You're ungrateful, Andrea. Ungrateful for devotion. You pick the wrong men and wonder why your life is in a shambles. Someday soon, you'll realize it was me all along. I was the one. I hope it's not too late."
Reining his horse around hard, he took off across the yard at a lope and disappeared down the road.
Her knees gave way and she collapsed to the porch. She didn't feel the glass slice into her hand or the spilled perfume soak into the hem of her gown. It was all she could do to lean over the railing and retch over and over.
Inside she heard the baby crying, but there was nothing she could do. She didn't have the strength to get up. She wasn't sure she had the strength to go on.
Chapter 18
Jesse gave the team's traces a slap as they jolted down the road toward home. Threads of a feeling akin to fear spun through him, making the hair rise on the back of his neck. Something wasn't right. At first he'd put it off to simple jealousy, but the closer he got to home, the more he questioned that rationale. Instinct alone should have made him leave that order at Biddle's behind and follow Mitch Lodray out to Willow Banks.
There seemed to be more than simple competition behind their exchange back at the store. He'd sensed a real malevolence buried under Mitch's smooth words, but it hadn't struck Jesse until he'd started on the road home that he should be worried. Now, suddenly, he was.
As if his thoughts of the man made him appear, Lodray cantered around a curve in the road.
He slowed his horse a fraction, then spurred him on again, merely touching the brim of his hat to Jesse as he passed.
With a frown, Jesse watched Lodray disappear in the churning dust. He had a bad feeling about that. Swallowing hard, he slapped the traces across the team's backs and tore the rest of the way home. When he pulled into the yard, nothing looked out of place, but that didn't diminish the awful feeling rising in his throat. Even from here, he could hear the baby crying and crying. He jumped from the wagon without even setting the brake and ran toward the house. Mahkwi intercepted him, riled up and whining.
That's when he saw her lying on the porch floor.
"Andi!" By God if he hurt her... He ran to her and dropped down beside her. With her head hanging over the edge of the porch, she was crying... or sick, he couldn't be sure which. The cloyingly sweet smell of violet water stung his nostrils. His hands hovered a few inches above her trembling back, afraid to touch her. Afraid she might break.
"Andi, my God, are... are you hurt?" His gaze went to her hand and blood that covered her cuff. "Jesus. What did he do to you?" He reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.
"Don't... touch me."
Stunned, he sat back. "You're bleeding."
She fired an icy look at him. "Don't!"
"Okay. Okay, I won't. Talk to me Andi, did he do this to you? If he did, I'll—"
"You'll what?" she asked on a harsh sob. "Find another man better suited? One not quite so verbose, perhaps?"
Jesse felt the blood leave his face. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't insult me any more by lying about it, Jesse! How could you do that to me?"
His jaw tightened. "Do what? What did he tell you?"
Her shoulders trembled and she shook her head.
"What did he tell you?"
"What you should have told me long ago. Oh, damn you, Jesse, why did you come back here? Why didn't you just stay out in your precious Montana with... with your Indian s-squaws and your beautiful mountains?"
He felt the blow as if she'd struck him. And he deserved it. Every bitter ounce of her hatred. He reached out for her and she slapped his hand away.
"And him," she moaned. "Sending... him... out to me." She looked as if she were going to be sick again.
Beside him, Mahkwi yawned and let out a wolf-like sound.
Jesse took her by the arms and forced her to look at him. "I didn't send Lodray here, I swear it, Andi. I saw him in town, that's all. He said he was—dammit, tell me what he did to you?" He held up her wrist. "Did he do this? Did he cut you this way?"
She winced. "Let me go."
"Not until you tell me."
"Zachary's crying."
"Let him cry for—"
She slapped his face hard with her free hand, but he didn't release her.
"Go on," he said, "hit me again if it will make you feel better. Hit me as much as you want. I probably deserve it. But I'm not letting you go until you tell me what happened."
Andrea hung her head. Her dark hair, pulled from its moorings, fell in a curtain around her face. "I feel sick."
"Give me your hand," he demanded, pulling a bandanna from his pocket. She resisted, but he captured her, pulling her closer. "Stop fighting me, dammit."
She did finally, allowing him to wrap the cloth around it to stanch the flow of blood. "Why, Jesse? Why?"
He stared at her hand. "You haven't told me what he said."
"I think you know." Her eyes flashed to his. "That you were talking me up around town, like—like a used piece of horseflesh, trying to—" she closed her eyes in humiliation, "trying to find someone who would marry me. Sam Eakin, C-Calvin Weeks..."
"Oh, Jesus, Andi." Jesse raked a hand through his hair.
"Is it true?"
His eyes searched hers and he saw that she didn't want to believe it. "It wasn't the way he made it sound—"
"I knew it." She dropped her face into her hands. "Oh, God, what a fool I've been."
"Wait a minute," he said, shaking her. "Listen to me. At first... God, I didn't want to stay. All I could think of was going back to Montana. I wanted nothing to do with this farm or... or anything else. I just wanted to get the hell out. But I couldn't just leave you here, alone. I decided—stupidly maybe—the only solution was to find a man for you. A man who could give you everything you needed and wanted."
"You bastard."
"That's right. I was. I knew you wouldn't look for a man on your own and I was desperate. But I forgot to think of one side of that equation—you." His fingers dug into her shoulders. "That was my problem, Andi. I didn't want to think of you, because I knew if I did I'd end up right here for the rest of my life."
"Let me go," she demanded.
"Listen to me, Andi—"
"Why should I?" She jerked out of his hands.
"You've made plain your intentions. How many times do I have to let myself be taken by you before I get it? How many times do you have to abandon me before I stop letting it hurt?"
"I asked you to marry me, Andrea. You turned me down flat."
She slid her eyes shut. "You wouldn't understand why."
"No, I wouldn't, so why don't you explain it to me."
She looked up at him fiercely. "I won't marry again for anything but love."
Her words hit him like a fist. "But... you and Zach—you said you loved him."
"Let me go, damn you!"
"No."
"It's none of your business—"
"Maybe not, but we're going to clear the air between us here if it's the last thing we do." He was nearly shouting now. "I want to know, if you didn't marry him for love, why did you marry him?"
"Protection!" she blurted.
Jesse blinked. "What?"
Tears streaked down her cheeks. "That's why Zach married me. To protect me. All right? Are you satisfied?"
"Protect you from... what?"
She lowered her head.
"From what, Andi?" he demanded with a little shake.
"Him. From him."
Jesse frowned, confused. "Him?"
"M-Mitch Lodray."
Jesse felt his heart sink and his body go tense all over. No! Dear God..."What... what did he do to you, Andrea? Tell me. Please."
"Two-and-a-half years ago, he... he tried to rape me."
Jesse slammed his eyes shut. Her admission was like a gut-punch. He swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat. His curse was low and foul. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I never told anyone but Zach. You're the only other one who knows now."
"What happened?"
She hesitated and he could see how painful it was for her to dredge it all up. Inside, Zachary had stopped crying. Perhaps he had fallen back asleep. The cicadas hummed in the trees with the soaring heat. Jesse stared at Andi, waiting for her to speak and felt sweat inch between his shoulder blades.
She began haltingly. "Mitch came home from Harvard determined to spark me. I wasn't interested. He spoke with my father, who worked for Deke Lodray, and convinced him that it wouldn't be a bad thing for his daughter to be courted by the boss's son. Pa encouraged me. Mitch was considered a catch. Handsome, charming... and he wanted me." She blushed. "Still, I wasn't interested. I hadn't dated anyone since..." Her eyes flashed to his briefly. "But for Pa's sake, I went. We saw each other several times, at a dance, after church."
Her voice shook as she continued. "Then on a Sunday afternoon, we went for a buggy ride to Green Lakes, alone. It began innocently enough. Mitch brought a picnic. We spread a blanket and ate lunch. Then, Mitch started talking strangely about us. About how he had been thinking about me for a long t
ime, how we belonged together, and that he believed our coming together was destined. He'd known it since we were in school together, but I was always... with you."
Jesse lowered his head, knowing if he'd stayed, none of this would have happened to her.
Andi went on. "I started to become alarmed when he put his hands on me. I told him to stop, but he didn't. He... started to kiss me and... touch me. He scared me." She stopped and shook her head.
"Go on, Andi."
"I got up and started to run away, but he caught me. He was angry that I'd run. He... he pinned me down beneath him with my hands over my head, and he pushed... my... skirts up. He... hurt... me." She squeezed her eyes shut. "He said I didn't understand about us. But I would and I'd know how right for each other we were. And then he... undid his pants and put his—" Her words fell off and she shook her head. Jesse tried to take her hand, but she pulled away. "I can't."
"Andi, you said he tried to rape you." He nearly choked on the word. "He didn't succeed?"
She swiped at the tears coursing down her cheeks. "Almost. I kicked him. Hard. When he rolled off me, I ran. As fast and as far as I could. By the time he'd recovered, he couldn't find me."
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
She shook her head. "I was too—"
"Not even your father?"
"My father! No, I couldn't go to him. He was the one who encouraged me to go out with Mitch. I saw Mitch in town a few days later. I was so frightened, I didn't know what to do. He warned me not to go spreading any lies about him to my father or anyone else because after all who would believe me? After all, I had led him on, teased him. And a man like my father could lose his precious job easily if some kind of misunderstanding came to light."
"Sonofabitch," Jesse muttered. "How did Zach find out?"
"Mitch didn't give up. I was terrified, so I went to the shop with Pa every day. Mitch would come by and talk as if nothing had happened between us. He was so normal, so I started to wonder if it hadn't been my fault, if I'd done something to make him think..." She shook her head.
"Anyway, Zach found me at home one day, crying. He forced me to tell him."
"And?"
"And he married me. To keep me safe."
A heavy silence slid between them. "I would have killed the bastard," he said in a voice thick with fury. "In fact—" he added getting to hrs feet.
Renegade's Kiss Page 25
