by Len Webster
He shouldn’t be so sad.
He was about to win the World Series.
A plea consumed his eyes.
It hit her.
As though she’d been swept off her feet and thrown onto her back.
“Evan?” she whispered.
It didn’t make sense.
Evan didn’t play for the Red Sox.
Her chest heaved as searing pain barreled through her, and a ringing screamed in her ears.
It wouldn’t stop.
The ringing.
It wouldn’t stop.
“Do you hear that?” Alex asked.
“Hear what?”
“That ringing.”
“Evan! Evan! Evan!” people chanted behind her, but the ringing wouldn’t stop as she closed her eyes, trying to silence it.
“The ringing. Make it stop. Evan—”
Alex opened her eyes to find a glowing light in front of her. She let out a groan as she realized her phone had woke her. Her eyelids slowly fell once the ringing ceased. But it didn’t last long as her phone rang once again. Throwing her hand out, she picked up the phone, pressed her thumb against the green color on her screen, and let her eyes finally close.
“Hello?” she said in a sleepy voice.
Silence.
“Hello?” Alex repeated.
Finally, she heard, “AJ?”
Her eyes popped open.
No one called her AJ but him.
Shock had her pulling the phone from her ear to see his name on her screen.
Evan.
An eruption of forgotten pain painted her heart’s walls with aches and memories.
Her heart sang a song of deep regret.
Her throat tightened with sobs that almost burst free.
Her head pounded with words that tainted her.
How they ended ran circles, leaving impressions that could never be removed the way the ocean left the sand so pure after each kiss from a wave.
How easy it could be if she were water and he were sand.
But that was the problem with sand.
Sand was everywhere.
A thousand grains in a single palm.
With you long after you left the shore.
He’s my sand.
With me long after he left me.
Holding back her tears, she decided that door would remain locked.
Her heart would not continue to grieve.
Her memories would never be moments.
There would never be a them.
Not again.
Never again.
Courage and cowardice slammed together to describe her at that very moment.
It was time to lie to save her soul.
To save herself.
Because that was what she learned from unrequited.
That only she could save herself.
Alex let her eyes close tight. “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number,” she said and then pressed on her screen to hang up. She extended her arm and set her phone on the nightstand, ready for sleep to take everything she felt and remembered away. She prayed that this was nothing more than a dream she would forget.
A hard chest pressed against her back as an arm wrapped around her.
“Who was calling so late?” he asked, his voice heavy with sleep.
She opened her eyes to stare into the darkness. “Wrong number,” she replied.
Landon hugged her a little tighter, Alex feeling a little safer in his embrace. “Hmm,” he mumbled. “I love you, Alex.”
And that gave her heart a pardon.
To start new.
To forget the pain she’d felt only seconds ago.
Sleep slowly wrapped around her as her eyes fell closed, and she whispered, “I love you, too, Landon.”
His side of the bed was empty.
Alex rolled onto her back and stared at the white ceiling.
She had planned to wake up earlier than him so she could say goodbye before his flight to New Haven. Landon was returning home to spend the day with his family and celebrate his birthday before he flew to Pennsylvania for his game against Pittsburg. Like most of his away games, she’d be watching it on TV. Rolling onto her side, she picked up her phone from the nightstand and then sat up, pressing her back to the headboard.
The moment she was greeted to the message her boyfriend sent before his flight, a smile crossed her lips, and she unlocked her phone to read his text.
Landon: Morning, beautiful. I didn’t want to wake you. I made you breakfast. Though, I’m not sure what time you’re reading this because there’s a good chance it’s either a) cold or b) my roommates ate it. I’ll see you on Sunday. Don’t forget I’m cooking dinner. Love you!
Alex: You’re probably just landing. I slept in. I am so sorry I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you before you left. You should have woken me. You know you don’t have to make my parents dinner, right? They already love you. And what’s important is that I love you.
Just as Alex sent her reply, she noticed he was typing back to her.
Landon: I just landed and turned on my phone.
Alex: Glad you made it to New Haven safely. Again, don’t stress about dinner. Knowing my mother, she’ll probably take over and cook.
Landon: If your mother so much as touches the counter in my kitchen, she’s in for it. A promise is a promise. I’ve just hailed a cab and will be at my parents’ soon. I’ll call you after?
Alex: Okay. Have fun! And please, whatever you do, don’t pressure your parents to like me. It’s only going to make things worse.
Landon: I just hate that I can’t bring my girlfriend home to Connecticut with me. My mother is being ridiculous and petty. Don’t worry about my father, Alex. He loves you. I promise you that my mother will approve of you soon.
“So long as I’m a science major, she won’t,” Alex muttered as she set her phone on Landon’s pillow and got out of bed, hungry for the breakfast he made for her. Running her fingers through her messy brunette curls, she made her way to Landon’s bedroom door and pulled it open. Hearing his roommates’ voices travel from the kitchen, she stepped out of his room and into the living room. The voices came to a stop, and she walked into the kitchen to find Chase and Walt at the table, smiling at her.
“And she wears his jersey to bed … Alex, you’re making me jealous of my best friend,” Walt said with a glimmer in his gray eyes.
She rolled her eyes and approached the chair at the end of the table. Walt had named it her throne as she was the only one allowed to sit on it. It was childish, but she had learned to deal with him. When she sat down, she scanned the table to find that the breakfast her boyfriend had made was almost all gone.
“Don’t worry,” Chase said as he got up and went to the kitchen. He returned moments later with an oven mitt on, holding a plate. He set the plate in front of her and then sat on his seat. “I’ve kept yours in the oven to keep warm.”
“Thanks, Chase,” Alex said as she reached over and picked up the knife and fork from the plate.
“So why aren’t you in New Haven with Lan?” Walt asked between mouthfuls of waffles.
“Dude,” Chase hissed across from him.
She set down her utensils and smiled her appreciation to Chase. “It’s complicated.”
“What’s so complicated? You’re hot, rich, and smart. Why does his mom hate you?”
Alex glanced down at her bacon and eggs and was instantly turned off by her food. She hated to talk about her boyfriend’s parents—especially since they weren’t so welcoming of her. Knowing why his parents disliked her caused her stomach to roil, her appetite vanishing with a single question. “I’m not Carmichael material.”
Walt’s eyes scanned from her face to her chest and then back to her eyes. “Ba
be, with your tits and those eyes, Landon won the fucking lottery with you. I’d wife you.”
In his own way, that was his way of complimenting her. Alex gave him a tight smile. “His mother just doesn’t like me. She never expected Landon to date someone like me. Someone who can essentially think for herself. I wouldn’t make the perfect housewife, and I wouldn’t keep Landon satisfied for the rest of his life.”
Chase and Walt exchanged glances before they burst out laughing.
“Seriously, Alex, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Lan being satisfied,” Chase informed.
Walt nodded in agreement. “We don’t have to hear to know how satisfied you make him. He doesn’t talk about sex the way he used to. We used to know specifics. Now we don’t. So yeah, it’s proof that he loves you and shit.”
“Wow, Walt. That was very sweet.”
“Yeah, I can be a heartfelt bastard at times.” He grinned at her as he got out of his seat. “Now if you’ll both ’scuse me. I have a hot blonde waiting for my co—”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Chase warned. “We promised Lan we’d be better so Alex stays more. Remember?”
Walt sighed. His broad shoulders sagging. He was the more masculine player on the Duke basketball team. Somehow, he defied the laws of physics and was able to throw himself up in the air to compete for jump balls. “Fine. Alex, I’m going to go pleasure that attractive woman in my bed. How was that, Chase?”
“An improvement,” Chase said as he picked up his glass of orange juice.
Her phone ringing from her boyfriend’s bedroom was her cue to leave. After she set her knife and fork on the plate, she picked it up. Alex got out of her chair and walked over to Walt. His smoldering gray eyes were stunning. His jet black hair against his fair skin was a sight. The guy was attractive, and he knew it. “Well, offer her breakfast. As sweet as you try, Walt, I’m definitely not hungry after today’s encounter with you.”
He glanced down at the eggs and bacon and then back at her. “She’s gonna think I want more than late-night hookups.”
Alex rolled her eyes as she handed him the plate, aware that her phone was still ringing. “Tell her the truth. Your roommate’s girlfriend thinks she needs something to eat after what she heard last night. She’s gonna need some strength.”
His grin deepened. “Aww, babe, were you listening?”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I was worried your bed would go through the wall. Seriously, Walt, the banging is intense.”
“The sex was intense.”
“So I heard. Though I am disappointed.”
His brows furrowed. “You were?”
Alex nodded, ready to tease him. “Yeah, you don’t last very long, do you?”
His face paled.
Behind her, Chase was laughing.
Satisfied she had annoyed Walt, Alex turned and headed to her boyfriend’s bedroom. When she reached the door, she spun around to find Walt assuring Chase that he could last all night. “Oh, and Walt?”
He shifted his gaze from Chase to her. “If you tell me you and Lan listen just to make fun of me, I promise to make sure you drive all the girls I bring over back to campus.”
“No, I was just gonna say that you haven’t brought a new girl home for weeks. This blonde of yours? I think you’re starting to like her. And the talks you two have when you don’t think anyone is awake are sweet.” She smiled at Walt’s wide eyes before she let herself in Landon’s bedroom, ready to shower and get ready for lunch with her parents.
When she closed the door behind her, she walked over to Landon’s bed and picked up her phone from the pillow. She sat down on the edge of the mattress and pressed the home button to illuminate her phone.
Then she saw his name.
Evan.
He called her.
Twice.
Her heart dipped in her chest.
It hadn’t worked.
The silent prayers she said last night for her dreams to take him away hadn’t worked.
Suddenly, his name consumed her screen, and her phone vibrated in her hands.
He was calling her.
It had been months since he’d sabotaged them.
Evan Gilmore had her heart.
Until he threw it away for someone else’s.
Molly.
Remember Molly.
Remember what he did to you and Landon.
Remember Thanksgiving.
Remember Christmas.
Remember Stanford.
Alex watched as his name vanished from her screen.
Seconds later, she was alerted to a new message on her voicemail.
Need clawed at her heart.
Need to hear his voice.
Need to hear him beg.
Need to hear a hint of her old best friend.
But he was gone—along with her heart.
Temptation was a sin that had been preached by so many.
And as she sat on her boyfriend’s bed, she knew what it felt like to be drowned by temptation. She wanted to hear Evan Gilmore beg for her. To hear the pain in his voice. For him to know that he had finally pushed her to the very point of collapse.
That he had lost her for good.
Forever.
Evan Gilmore was her arsenic.
Her heart’s poison.
But she had found her antidote to survive without him in her veins.
She found it in time, giving her the opportunity to heal and move on.
She had truly found it in Landon Carmichael’s arms and in his eyes.
And felt it in his heartbeats.
Taking a deep breath, Alex opened her call history and stared at his name one last time before she deleted her call history. She made her choice a long time ago. A choice that made her happy.
She would not let Evan own her heart.
Not anymore.
And certainly never again.
Because not once in the months since she last saw him did she ever go out of her way to keep tabs on him.
Her happiness meant more.
She would achieve all that she wanted without him.
Even if it hurt a little inside when she watched his name disappear from her screen.
It still hurt.
That she still cared about him in some ways.
That she wanted him to be content with a life without her.
Just as she was without him.
Because deep down, the remaining pieces of AJ Parker still begged to be put back together and save him.
Love him.
Show him that it was supposed to be her.
But that AJ was gone.
Just as the winter snow had made way for spring.
All that remained were memories.
And the memories of him were the very worst.
Because Evan Gilmore could marry Molly O’Shea, and Alex would be happy for him in the way he refused to be happy for her.
After Alex showered and changed, she said goodbye to Landon’s roommates—who were getting ready to leave for Pittsburg after Walt’s no-named blonde left—and met her parents downstairs. Normally, she’d tell them to come upstairs, but she didn’t like the way Walt and Chase stared at her mother. It was awkward for Alex. She knew her mother was beautiful but watching her boyfriend’s roommates lust over her was a little gross. They took a cab to a small restaurant uptown for lunch. The car ride was quiet as Alex tried to get a grip on her emotions.
Evan’s unexpected calls were not what she needed.
She was finally happy and had her life on track.
It wasn’t fair that he sought her out.
Not after all this time.
Not after everything he had done to her.
“Danny misses you,” her mother said acros
s the table from Alex. Danny was her mother’s head chef at her restaurant back in Massachusetts. “Everyone misses you. They barely saw you last summer.”
“I know,” Alex said with a hint of sadness in her voice. She barely spent any time back home. It was too hard for her to be in Brookline after last winter. Landon staying with them for a week made being home bearable, but that didn’t mean it was easy. She spent a lot of the summer visiting her cousins in New York, her best friend in Vermont, and the end of summer with her boyfriend in New Haven.
“Spring break’s a couple of months away. Will you be coming home? Or are you staying in Connecticut with Landon?” her mother asked as her father gave Alex a reassuring nod to answer.
Alex wanted to ask them if he would be home. She knew they’d kept in contact with him over the past year. But she was homesick. Brookline was as much her home as it was his. He wanted to escape Massachusetts, and Alex had been stupid to want to as well. Little did she know that everything she had wanted was back home. She hadn’t made plans for spring break, and she knew it was fast approaching. To Alex, it felt as if her sophomore year at Duke was flying by.
“I haven’t spoken to Landon about our plans yet. But we’ll see. I was kind of hoping to go back to Melbourne for a few weeks in the summer to see everyone.”
“Melbourne?” her father asked, sounding intrigued.
Alex smiled at his piqued interest. “It’s Elise’s last year of high school, so I’d like to be part of that. Plus, Uncle Rob has Nationals coming up. I mean, I know a two-time Olympic gold medalist, and I haven’t seen him coach in forever. And well, Uncle Julian won’t stop messaging me about when I’ll visit my favorite real uncle. He knows that Uncle Alex and Uncle George are my real uncles, right?”
Her mother laughed. “He knows. He just loves you. You know he wanted us to call you Juliana?”
“Juliana is a pretty name,” Alex said as she stabbed a fry with her fork.
“Your uncle Alex said the same thing about that name,” her father said as he leaned forward, his smile stretching wider. “But if I was going to name my kid after one of my best friends, it was not going to be after Julian. I love you, Alexandra, but I wouldn’t let him torture you for the rest of your life.”
