by Len Webster
holmium
EVAN
Now
Over a year ago, Evan Gilmore would never imagine he’d be standing outside Alexandra Parker’s door. He always had this belief that the dream he had of them being together, having the life he’d denied them of, would someday happen. But for almost a year, he imagined her having that dream with her boyfriend.
Her now ex-boyfriend.
They were over.
For so long, he wanted it to happen, but now that it had, he was torn.
She was heartbroken.
Alexandra was so in love with her ex-boyfriend. She had wanted to grow with him and not Evan. But they were flawed in their relationship from what he gathered. Evan didn’t have the whole story, but he had heard enough to put it together.
Her ex-boyfriend had chosen his career over Alexandra.
Evan had chosen her image over him, but she didn’t know that. No one did. But his brother. Evan knew when he made that deal with the devil that he’d lose her. And he had.
For almost a year, she was someone else’s. But he kept her safe, and that was all that mattered.
His plan worked until he saw her at Christmas. Saw what protecting her had done to them. He tried to move on, and it was clear that he couldn’t. He broke up with Molly the next day, and she returned to California. They remained friends, supporting each other’s sporting careers. Molly understood that he wasn’t ready and knew that it was because of Alexandra. She said it was clear when Alexandra greeted them at the door that it was uncomfortable for her. So they became friends because he couldn’t give Molly a heart that had Alexandra’s name written all over it.
Evan didn’t think he’d ever see her again, but fate collided them together. And even though he was still completely in love with her, he couldn’t act on it because she was lost.
She needed his friendship. The friendship that left them. The friendship they both needed to rediscover. Find and bask themselves in their old memories. He wouldn’t stop trying until he brought her back.
Brought back the AJ he loved and then ruined.
She might never love him ever again, but he’d continue to love her even when she didn’t believe him. Because this time, it had to be about her. Alexandra needed to be taken care of.
Taking a deep breath, Evan knocked on the front door of the Parker family home and waited. Yesterday, she gave him the Christmas present she had gotten him two years ago. He had spent the night staring at it. The need to tear the paper away was great because he wanted to know what she got him. To see what everything meant to her. But he made a promise, and he was done breaking his promises to her. She trusted him to wait, and he would. But that didn’t stop him from staring at it. From letting his fingers trace the Stanford colored ribbon. He had found what looked like the remains of a tag. She had ripped it off. He was tempted to ask her for it, but it must have been too personal for her. Too personal for him to read.
Especially since she had written it when she had loved him.
He knew somewhere deep down, her love for him remained. She might still be in love with her ex-boyfriend, but there might be a chance that the love she had for Evan remained. It might be a glimmer, but given enough time, he hoped it would explode.
He just had to be patient and wait for her the way she waited for him. But Evan wasn’t stupid and knew it could all backfire. There was a good chance she would deliver on her promise and never love him again. It was what he deserved, after all.
Suddenly, the door opened, and Evan froze at the sight of Alexandra’s father.
All his life, he had respected Nolan Parker. The man was his hero.
But right now, the way Mr. Parker’s nostrils flared and his green eyes flashed with rage had him wanting to shrivel up. Mr. Parker might be in his forties, but he still had some strength. And there was no way Evan would ever harm the very man who raised him and Alexandra. He wouldn’t fight back. Evan would take whatever Mr. Parker inflicted. He deserved more than being pinned against a wall and being threatened to stay away.
He deserved more.
For the past year, Mr. Parker had been hostile toward Evan. And he had every right. Evan broke his daughter’s heart. Mrs. Parker, however, had continued to treat him like family. Whenever Evan was home from Stanford, Mr. Parker would say hello and ask him how his classes and baseball were going before retreating to his office. He would leave Evan with Alexandra’s mother who would apologize for her husband’s behavior.
“Hello, Mr. Parker,” he greeted in a leveled voice.
“Evan.”
“Is Alexandra home?”
Her father’s jaw clenched. “My daughter is with my wife. They’re shopping in the city.”
Evan had planned to speak to Alexandra’s father a little later, but now seemed like the right time. It was time he told Mr. Parker the truth. “Mr. Parker, can we please talk? I know I’m the last person you want in your home, but please.”
“Okay,” Mr. Parker said before he stepped away from the door and gestured for Evan to enter his home. Besides bringing Alexandra home the other night, it had been some time since he’d been inside the Parker home. Evan hadn’t been home for months. During most breaks, he would stay at Stanford or visit his best friend, Hunter, at UCLA.
Once he stepped inside and closed the door behind him, he followed Mr. Parker into the living room. Evan stood by the couch and watched as Alexandra’s father walked to the fireplace and picked up a picture frame.
It was of Alexandra and her father when she was a baby.
“She was three months old here,” Mr. Parker said as he spun around, still staring at the frame. “She was such a happy baby. She would smile at the little things in life, and I was already so in awe of her.” He set the frame back on the mantle behind him. “She’s my daughter, Evan. She’s my only daughter. Besides my wife, there is no one I love more than my daughter. I would die for my daughter. So knowing she’s home because she’s heartbroken is the worst kind of pain imaginable.”
Evan’s hands made tight fists, hating that his best friend was heartbroken. “I know, sir.”
Mr. Parker let out a short laugh. “You don’t, Evan. Because this isn’t the worst. The worst she’s ever been was because of you. Because she loved you the most.”
Me.
Because she loved me the most.
“I’m sorry I let you, Mrs. Parker, and Alexandra down. I understand that I hurt you,” Evan acknowledged.
“You don’t understand what it’s like to have a daughter with your eyes and the smile of the woman who brought her into this world. That’s my daughter, Evan. And someday, when you have your own child, you’ll understand why I helped raise you. I didn’t do it just for you or my wife. I did it for her. I’d do anything for her. I just wish you had done the same because I thought you were it, Evan.” Mr. Parker nodded his head, and his eyes gleamed as if he were about to cry.
Evan had never seen Alexandra’s father cry before.
“You thought I was it?”
“I thought Landon was, too,” he added, causing Evan to cringe at his honesty.
He stepped closer and straightened his spine. His shoulders squared to emphasize his seriousness. “Mr. Parker, for a long time, I never thought I was good enough for your daughter. I didn’t think anyone was good enough for her. Then I thought he was good enough for her. You told me she was happy. Mrs. Parker told me she was happy. So I stayed away because I just wanted her to be happy. That’s why I never went back to North Carolina for her. And you’re right to be cautious of me with her. You were right to push me against the wall and threaten me. She might not realize it, but as her father, you did the right thing. If I had a daughter, I’d do the same.
“But I’m done hurting your daughter. She doesn’t deserve that. She never did. I lied to you and Mrs. Parker. I lied when I said I loved Molly. I lied w
hen I said I chose her because I saw a future together. I’m sorry I lied to your daughter and made her believe for a year that I was with Molly. I’m sorry I never lived up to your expectations.”
“I appreciate that, Evan.” The rage in Mr. Parker’s eyes dwindled into sadness. It was time he told Alexandra’s father the truth as to why he broke his daughter’s heart.
“I’d like to tell you the truth.”
Alexandra’s father’s eyes widened, but then he nodded. “Only if you plan on telling my daughter, you may.”
“I plan on telling Alexandra the truth.”
“Good,” he said as he made his way to the armchair and sat down. He gestured at the couch, and Evan shook his head, opting to stand in front of Alexandra’s father like the man he should have been a long time ago.
“I made a choice, Mr. Parker. And not the choice you believe I made. When I returned to Stanford, I met with my coach. I was already in trouble for leaving to go to Duke, and Alexandra didn’t want me to risk losing my spot on the team and my scholarship. There was a rape scandal. A player on my team got drunk and raped a girl at a party. Some players got arrested, and I was with your daughter in North Carolina when it happened. They all knew I didn’t do it, but the media and blame went to the entire team,” Evan said as Mr. Parker pressed his lips into a tight line. He was concerned. Evan heard it in the hum he made.
“I knew about the rape case. I also knew you weren’t part of it.”
Evan relaxed, knowing that Mr. Parker believed him. “So I saw my coach. He knew I was innocent but told me to prepare myself. That the whole team would suffer because our teammate raped an innocent girl. Coach said that even though I was out of state when it happened, my name and image would be at the mercy of the media and the public. He warned me to tell my family and anyone who I was dating to be prepared to also have their names subjected to the public and media. He told me it wouldn’t go away for a long time, and he was right. It took months—even after the court case—for the baseball team to clear its name and mine.”
“I don’t understand,” Mr. Parker said, confused.
He let out a slow exhale, ready to tell him the truth. “I was ready to call your daughter and tell her, but I called Kyle first, so he was prepared. And then the next day, I wasn’t. I couldn’t call Alexandra and tell her to prepare herself for a media storm to hit. While she was at Duke, she let her guard down, and she was free. No one knew her or called her by Little Miss Red Sox. She was just another freshman. When we were in Philly, she was recognized, and she was uncomfortable with taking pictures. I realized she got to be normal at Duke, and that’s all I ever wanted for her. The next day, I was in the locker room and one of my teammates lost it. His girlfriend’s pictures had been found by the media and articles were written about how she loved a rapist. It was sick. My teammates’ girlfriends were followed, and some were attacked. Disgusting things were spray painted on their cars and their windows smashed. The paparazzi followed one of the girls down the freeway, and when she tried to outrun them, she got into an accident and was in the hospital for weeks. I didn’t want that for your daughter. I couldn’t expose her to that.”
Evan paused as the realization swept across Mr. Parker’s eyes.
“Alexandra had already suffered enough after that article about her went viral. I didn’t want her to suffer through another one because of my team. Because this time it wasn’t about Kyle. It would have been about me and exposing her to the media once again. I know your daughter would have supported me. She would have said it didn’t matter. But I couldn’t take that risk and have them say horrible and disgusting things about her. I couldn’t let them affect her future. I want her to succeed. I want her to have everything. I love your daughter, Mr. Parker. I’m pretty sure I’ve loved her my whole life. But I would never forgive myself if I destroyed her image by being linked to me. The rape case would have put her back in the spotlight, and that normality she had at Duke would have been unfairly ripped from her.”
“You did that all for my daughter?”
“Yes. I made sure that no one, and I mean no one, put her name in articles. I made sure people knew I was with Molly. They saw Molly, the golden girl of the US women’s soccer team, and forgot that Alexandra was my best friend. I promise, I was only keeping her safe. I know I broke her heart, but I just wanted her to feel normal and free and live her life without looking over her shoulder. I wanted her to experience college without being in trashy magazines. I wanted it to be about her brilliance and her love of science. So I started dating Molly because I knew it was the only way to keep Alexandra away until after the court case. But then she fell in love with someone else, and I was too late. If I had called her, someone would have found her and sold her out to the media. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t put her life in danger like that. I wasn’t the best thing for her, and I knew that. I was a danger to your daughter. I had to protect her, and it was the only way I knew how.”
Mr. Parker pressed his palms to the arms of the chair and pushed himself up from the armchair. Evan prepared himself for Alexandra’s father to finally hurt him the way he promised to for hurting his daughter. The man who raised him took a short breath before his arms wrapped around Evan.
Evan went rigid as he felt Mr. Parker sob.
It was the first time Alexandra’s father had cried in front of him. When he pulled back, tears were rolling down his face.
“Thank you,” Mr. Parker said, his voice full of appreciation. “I understand, Evan. You have to tell Alexandra so she can understand, too. I know she would have supported you, but I don’t think she would have coped with another scandal like The Daily Sportstourage article. You shielded my daughter from harm. You kept her safe. You made a sacrifice I now understand. Thank you. You were right about her being able to be normal at Duke. Thank you for letting her have that. I’m sorry I’ve spent the past year resenting you, but my daughter was hurt, and she loved you. I didn’t want to believe that the boy I help raised could really hurt her that way. I beg of you, please tell her. Keep shielding her from pain by freeing her from the one you caused.”
Evan nodded. “I promise. I’ll tell her. I’m still very much in love with Alexandra, Mr. Parker.”
“I know.” A sad smile appeared. “I’ve known you’ve loved my daughter since you were a kid, Evan. You hurt her, and I can only hope that if she ever gave you the chance at her heart, you’d ensure you never broke it again. I understand why you pushed her way. You were protecting her. But right now, my daughter needs her best friend back. I need you to be that best friend. It’s what she’s been without since you left.”
“I know, and that’s why I can’t go back to Stanford tonight.”
“Evan, you have to go back. You have baseball.”
He inhaled a deep breath. “I told my coach. He isn’t happy, but he understands. Our first game against Cal State Fullerton isn’t for two weeks. I have to be here for her—”
“Dad!” Alexandra shouted, causing Evan to shut his mouth.
Mr. Parker’s hands fell away from Evan’s shoulders and wiped at his cheeks, removing the effect of Evan’s confession. “I’m in the living room, my love.”
“Evan?”
He turned at the sound of his name from her lips. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and she wore an emerald sweater and black skinny jeans with her dark brown knee-high boots.
She was a vision of AJ. And she was beautiful. He knew at that moment that her heart was off-limits and she needed her best friend back.
“Hey, Alexandra,” he said just as her mother walked into the living room with shopping bags in her hands. “Hello, Mrs. Parker.”
Mrs. Parker glanced over at her husband, and her brows furrowed in concern. Then she focused on Evan. “Hello, Evan. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
“I’ll get your bags, Clara,” Mr. Parker said, walking toward his wife.
“I was just stopping by to see Alexandra, actually.” He smiled at Mrs. Parker.
“You were?” Alexandra asked, getting his attention.
He nodded. “Yeah. If you don’t have anything planned with your parents, I was wondering if we could maybe spend some time together?”
She appeared hesitant as she mulled over his question, but then she nodded. “I’m free right now.”
Four words that gave him too much hope.
“Why was my dad crying?” Alexandra asked. They had been driving for over an hour and a half. It was the first thing she had said since they left her parents’ house. For most of the drive, she sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window. Her silence louder than the soft hum of the radio.
Evan tightened his grip on the steering wheel, refusing to glance over and see her big green eyes. He was still raw from confessing to her father. He wasn’t quite ready to tell Alexandra why he tore out her heart and dated Molly.
“Evan, I know what I saw. Please tell me why he was crying.” He heard the crack in her voice and then a sniffle. “Is he okay? Is he … Is he sick—”
“God, no,” he blurted out as he quickly glanced over and shook his head at her. “Your dad is fine, Alexandra. We were just talking.”
Relief flashed in her emerald eyes, and he focused back on the road. “I haven’t seen him cry in a long time, and I was worried. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I understand your concern. But trust me, we were just talking. Your dad is okay.”
“You’d tell me if he wasn’t, right?”
He inhaled a deep breath and nodded with an exhale. “Of course, I would. Okay. We’re here. I’ll just park, and we’ll get out.” From the corner of his eye, he noticed that she was taking in the beach.
Minutes later, Evan parked his BMW, turned off the ignition, and unbuckled his belt. Then he twisted in his seat, and asked, “You ready?”
Alexandra’s eyes were fixated on the beach. “You brought me back here?”
“I did,” he said in a small voice.
