by Piper Rayne
“Stop being bullheaded and stubborn. What you went through, Chelsea, it’s horrible and I was all for you punishing Dean, but now you’re just punishing yourself, too.”
“No, I’m not.”
He stops, pausing for dramatic effect and urges the phone back at me. “You are. You’re miserable. Just apologize to him. Tell him that you still love him. Be honest with him. Open your heart to him. Let him in.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“There’s a reason I’m single…the way you look at him and the way he looks at you...I haven’t found that yet. And I’ll make you a promise. If I ever do find it, I’m not going to lose it. I’ll protect it. Whatever the cost.”
I reach over and squeeze my little cousin’s hand. “Look at you, talking so grown up.”
“You can deny it all you want, but you never stopped loving him. I know it’s scary, but if you’re going to make this work, you have to be vulnerable. You have to risk getting hurt.” He pauses for a moment to let me take in his words. “When I ran into him a few years ago, I punched him because I was still protecting you. I wanted to make sure he knew what an asshole he’d been. But right now, he’s looking like an angel and you’re looking like the one who should be punched.”
I scoff, and he knocks his shoulder against mine, smiling.
“You’re supposed to have my back,” I complain.
“I do, which is why I’m keeping it real with you. And now Dean’s going to be the father of my newest cousin.”
He taps the phone in my lap, stands and walks away. “Make it snappy. We’re on in ten.”
I stare at the phone. How Mikey got my phone, I have no idea, but the guy’s sneaky. I remember when we were little, and he tried selling mine and his sister’s bras and underwear to his friends. What a perv.
I click to see there’s no new text messages or calls. I laid awake last night, guilt and shame gnawing at me knowing that as much as I’ve let him in, I also kept him arm’s length away. He’s nothing like the guy who broke me.
Without debating any further, I pick up the phone and dial his number.
It rings and rings, but he doesn’t answer.
“This is Dean Bennett, please leave your name and phone number and I’ll get back to you.” It’s his professional voice. It beeps and my own voice catches in my throat.
I clear it. “Dean. It’s Chelsea. I’m sorry…you’re right. I’ve been keeping a wall between you and my heart. That doesn’t mean that I lied when I said I love you. I do. So fiercely that it scares me because I know how much it hurt last time things didn’t work. And now I love you more…I don’t know if I’d survive it if it didn’t work again. I don’t want to compare you to five years ago and I don’t want to rehash what happened to us. I don’t want to recount our horrible past. Because we had good in that past, too. And I don’t want to forget our first kiss. Our first date. I don’t want to forget how your eyes watered when you first bit into that chicken wing as I sat across from you. I want to remember our wedding night and how I never felt more wanted and more loved, and how you still make me feel that way. I’m sorry for not telling you about the baby. Being scared isn’t an excuse. I know that. You know where I am today, and I’d love for you to come and join me. If not, I understand. Maybe we can sit down for coffee and talk about the baby. I guess I’ll be having herbal tea…anyway…I won’t have my phone with me, but I’ll check it periodically. Please just call me back. Just know that I love you, Dean and that includes the past, present and hopefully the future.”
I click end call. Zoe peeks her head out of the bride’s door. “You just about ready?” she asks with a smile.
I get up and move toward her.
“Everything okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. You know Mikey’s a lot smarter than we give him credit for.”
She laughs as I step through the door. Putting her wrist on my forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
We laugh, she might not realize how great her brother is, but I do. He’s going to make some woman very happy someday.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Skylar and Beckett kiss after their vows and the entire church claps. I smile at my cousin for getting her happily ever after. Beckett and I may bicker like step-siblings, but there’s no doubt that he’s the one for her.
They walk down the stairs, Beckett unable to stop staring at her. As practiced we all follow as the guests smile on at us.
Once we’re through the doors, everyone takes turns hugging Skylar and Beckett.
“We have the receiving line now,” Skylar reminds Beckett and we all take our places.
All of my relatives walk through the line, kissing both my cheeks and telling me how beautiful I am. How I’ve grown. No one says congratulations which means my close family has been able to keep the news to themselves. Just like my first marriage, the perceived bad news has a way of staying on the DL.
Once it’s over, we take pictures. I smile on as best I can. I’m happy for my cousin, but my head still turns with every person who enters through the doors and I wonder if Dean’s called.
Finally, with sore cheeks, I make it back to the bride’s room and I pull out my phone.
No text messages.
No phone calls.
I climb into the limo, my smile fading steadily the more time that goes by.
We get to Buckingham Fountain and the bridal party takes more pictures. The night that Dean took me here after the game comes to mind. My heart tugs because that was the first night I thought maybe there’s more to him than the Dean of five years ago. Maybe Dean had changed. Hope bloomed inside me that night, but right now I feel as if my hope is fading.
I smile some more, growing irritated that I can’t drink out of the flasks Mikey and the groomsmen have tucked in their tuxes. No champagne or wine with the girls. Zoe thought she was funny when she handed me one of her kid’s apple juice boxes in the limo.
Throughout the day, I smile and make small talk with the other bridesmaids. Not that I have much in common with two women who ski professionally, but they seem like fun girls. Demi and Dax practically have sex on a park bench. No fear of PDA there. Mia and Grady don’t stop kissing and going off on their own. Sky and Beck are lost in themselves as they should be on their big day. And Zoe and Vin are constantly wrangling their kids. Caiden almost fell into the fountain head first and it caused a small tiff over who was supposed to be watching him. Vin lost that one.
Mikey’s been on his phone practically the entire time, texting numerous women no doubt.
Me, I get to sit and reflect in between shots. It’s as though karma is shining down on me once again and saying I told you not to fuck with me.
“Party time!” Dax wiggles his ass like he’s a Chippendale dancer on his way back to the limo.
I try not to roll my eyes. Polite and nice is always the best.
I really hope Dean is just holding out on me to make sure I realize he’s the catch he is.
I climb into the limo unladylike and plop down next to a window. The sun is shining down on the lake and families are enjoying the early summer day.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Mikey knocks his shoulder with mine, staring out the window with me.
“How much I love Chicago.”
“Bullshit. Don’t doubt him, Chels. I see you checking your phone. Have some faith.”
I face him, my eyebrows furrowed. “Where the hell did Mike Walsh disappear to? Has someone taken over his body?”
He pulls out the flask, unscrews it and downs a hefty-sized gulp. “I’m a closet romantic you know.”
His whiskey breath hits me. “What are you drinking?” I can’t keep the envy from my voice.
“Rock Hard Whiskey. My friend said it’s the best. I picked up a few bottles at Miska’s. Wish you could try some but since you’re knocked up.” He smiles to say he’s joking.
“Haha.” My face contorts into a disgusted expression.
“You probably would�
��ve had half the bottle already if you weren’t.” He glances over in my mother’s direction.
“Whatever.” I cross my hands over my chest.
Mikey’s perma-smile dips and he leans in, his alcohol breath making me nauseous. “You know she’ll come around. Especially after the baby is born. Babies bring families together, not tear them apart.”
“That’s it.” I push him with my hand and he falls into Vin’s shoulder. “A romantic life coach has taken over Mikey’s body.”
Zoe laughs, staring at her little brother as she tries to open a string cheese for Caiden. Is that what my life will become? I can only hope.
“Get the f…get off me,” Vin catches himself.
“Close Daddy,” Molly says.
I laugh at the girl who knows way too much for her age. I’d be lucky to have a kid like either of them. I can only hope I make it that far.
For the zillionth time, my hand touches my stomach as though the small bean can sense me thinking about him or her.
“No dollar for you.” Vin points to his daughter. She smiles like he’s her hero. I love that look.
We arrive at the reception venue twenty minutes later and I have to pee so bad I thought I was going to have to go in a champagne glass when we got stuck in traffic.
“I’ll see you guys in there.” I open the door, head in, weaving through the drones of extra guests Aunt Liz invited.
Lucky for me, all wedding receptions are held at the same place in our family, so I make it to the bathroom in record time, knowing the lay of the land.
I close my eyes as I pull my dress up and my underwear down. Narrowly peeking out of one eye, I check my panties to see if there’s any blood. Once I see it’s clear my shoulders relax and I exhale in relief.
I do my business, thankful for another moment. Although if it’s like last time, the cramping will be what brings me to the hospital.
After I wash my hands and reapply some lipstick, I check my phone.
Still nothing.
It’s not like Dean not to get back to me.
Well, it’s not like the new and improved Dean.
How badly did I piss him off?
I open the bathroom door and step out to see most people are still enjoying cocktail hour and the doors to the actual dining hall haven’t opened yet.
Sliding by a bunch of mingling groups, I say brief hellos and let a few older relatives hug me, pinch me and tell me how old they feel seeing me grown up.
Caiden and Molly are scanning the place cards on the table.
“Aunt Chelsea, do you see us?”
I help them, finding each of them their placecards. “You’re table nine.”
“Nine?” Caiden asks.
“Yep.”
Molly looks over the cards again. “All the kids are at table nine. I don’t want to be at a kid’s table.”
“Sweetie you are a kid.”
“Hey!” she exclaims picking up a card. “What’s Dean’s last name?” Molly asks, staring at a card.
“Bennett.”
Molly’s eyes widen and she shows the card to Caiden whose eyes bulge out. “What did he do to be put at the kid’s table?”
Molly shrugs.
I grab the card, clearly seeing that a seven has been made into a nine. I’m pretty sure Zoe or Sky had something to do with this.
“Do you think he’ll dance with me?” Molly asks.
I start to fix one of her curls that’s gone array from the wind by the fountain, taking out a bobby pin and repositioning her hair. “I don’t think he’s coming.”
“Wrong,” Caiden says.
“I know it’s disappointing, but you’ll still have fun without Dean.”
“You’re wrong, he’s here,” Caiden says with a tone that suggests I’m an idiot.
My hands freeze, the bobby pin falling from my mouth and it’s all I can do to keep Molly’s hair between my fingers until I can secure it again.
Dean stands at the entrance doors, his eyes searching through the crowd. Lucky for him, his height is an advantage. He meets my eyes and a small, shy smile crosses his lips.
Someone bends down next to me, and then hip checks me. “Go.” Zoe nudges, taking her daughter’s hair from my hands.
I walk toward him, and he walks to me. Our eyes don’t waver from each other.
“I know you might not want me here,” he says. “But I couldn’t leave you alone here tonight.”
“What?”
“I get that you want your space and I know we have a ton to talk about…”
“Did you not get my message?” I ask.
A confused look crosses his face and he digs out his phone. Scanning through his missed calls, his eyes light up. “I have no idea how I missed it.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here.” I step forward and he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. “I’m sorry. That’s all the message says. I’m sorry for everything. You’re right I was still holding you at arm’s length.”
“I can’t expect you to shift gears so fast. It’s me.” He steps out of our embrace, his palm sliding down my arm until he has my hand in his. Guiding us outside, the stifling Chicago summer heat feels like walking into an oven.
“We really need to think about moving.” He doesn’t stop us until we’re on the side of the building where no one can see us.
He cages me in with my back against the brick wall. “I can’t spend another night without you beside me. Please don’t make me.” He gently places a chaste kiss on my forehead.
“Okay. I questioned how much you’d fight for us and I was wrong to do that when I wasn’t even willing to fight myself. So, Dean.” I hold his face in my hands. “I’m in this. One hundred percent whether it ends in I do, or I want a divorce.”
“We already did the I do part.” He smirks.
“We did the divorce part, too.”
He laughs, stepping in so we’re chest to chest. “So, we’re all good again?”
“Yup.”
“Man, we’re so mature now. Not even a dish broken.” I laugh remembering the crazy fights we used to have when we were younger. I guess that’s the good part of sharing a past. They see you change for the better.
“We should go in, cocktail hour is going to end soon.”
“We need to talk about the baby, but for now I’ll take a kiss.” He leans in, capturing my lips, his tongue moving at a slow and easy pace.
“You call that a kiss?” I question when he closes it.
“Oh, my little freak is back in full effect I see.” He grabs the back of my neck, tilting it to the side and slams his lips to mine, displaying how bad he wants me from the way our tongues fall in line, fighting for dominance.
When he pulls away, he reaches for my hand and starts to lead me inside.
“I can’t wait to see what pregnancy is going to do to your hormones,” he says.
Rather than smack him on the chest, I laugh because I can’t wait to see either.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“You’re actually supposed to be at table seven.”
Dean glances away from the kid’s table and over to the table full of Beckett and Skylar’s friends from skiing. People we’ve seen on commercials and who have impressive careers in the limelight.
“I’m surprised I get to sit with the cool kids.” He kisses my cheek. “Although I wish I was next to you.”
“Dean! Dean!” Molly runs over, grabbing onto his suit jacket sleeve.
“What’s up, Molly?” Dean asks, holding his hand up for a high five.
She goes to hit it and he moves it away. “I hope you can do better than that?” she asks.
“Whoa, did I just get dissed by a little kid?” he looks back at me baffled.
“I’m not little.” Molly puts on the attitude that matches her mother’s.
“Sorry, big kid.” Dean puts his hands up in front of him.
“Come on.” She pulls on his jacket.
“Where am I going?” he
asks as he pretends to fight back.
“Your card says table nine,” Molly says.
Dean pretends to put an arm out to me as though he needs saving.
“What do I tell the cool kids?” I ask with a laugh.
“Tell them I found cooler kids to hang out with.” He winks. “Save me a dance.”
Then he turns around and goes with Molly, pulling out the chair for her and then takes the other. A minute later, I can see that Molly introducing him and he’s leaned over the table asking for high fives from all the kids.
“I’m still not sure, but I suppose he does seem different.” My mom comes to stand alongside me.
“Don’t be too apologetic there, Mother.”
An older image of myself stands beside me looking elegant and sophisticated. Everything she wants people to think she is. So worried about outside appearances rather than the inside. If our relationship had been different, I would’ve told her about what the doctor said after my first miscarriage. Maybe she would’ve done more research than I did at the time and we would’ve found out some people have successful pregnancies. Maybe she would’ve taught me what it was like to be a mother, rather than showing me the type of mother I don’t want to be.
“Well.” She straightens the shoulder of my dress. “It is nice to tell my friends my daughter’s boyfriend is a lawyer.”
“Even though she’s pregnant out of wedlock?”
Her face morphs into stone. “I assumed there’d be a wedding. I mean the two of you went off and got married in a rush when there was no baby. Surely my grandchild won’t be born with me not knowing which name to ask for at the hospital, his or her mother’s or father’s.”
“I don’t know, Mom, I like to keep you on your toes.” I pat her on the shoulder. “There’s no ring on this finger yet.” I hold up my left hand.
“Chelsea,” she warns.
My eyes go wide, stepping farther and farther away from her. She’ll never raise her voice.
“Have a great night, Mom.” I find my seat at the head table.
“I see I was right.” Mikey pretends to straighten his collar like he’s the shit.
“He’s here, yes.”
