by Amy Clipston
“Ya.” She turned toward the counter. “I was just thinking about everything I need to do before Grischtdaag. I must get to the market. I’ll need to see if Nina Janitz can take me shopping.” She rooted around in a drawer in search of a notepad and a pencil. “I have to make a list.”
“Katie.” David took her hands in his. “Look at me.”
She met his gaze, her heart pounding with a mixture of guilt and anxiety. “Ya?”
He traced her face, from forehead to chin, with his fingertip. “Was iss letz, mei liewe?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said, her voice quavering.
His brown eyes continued to probe hers, and her mouth dried. How was it that he could read her so well? She searched for something to say to change the subject.
“I wonder what’s taking the kinner so long,” she said. “Should you go check on them? Amanda and Lizzie are upstairs working on a sewing project. I’ll go call them again.” She started for the stairs, and he took her arm and pulled her back.
“Wait,” he said, looking concerned. “If something is bothering you, you can tell me. There should be no secrets between a man and his fraa.”
She sighed. She had to tell him the truth, and now was the appropriate time. “David, I just wish you would reconsider your thoughts on Anna Mae’s visit.”
His concerned look transformed to a grimace. “I told you that this subject was closed. We’ll go visit her in the spring. Now, please drop it.”
She scowled. “Why can’t we discuss it? Why must you tell me when the subject is closed without my input?”
He raised his hand to his temple, pinching his forehead. “I’m tired of having this argument, Kathryn.”
She jammed her hands on her hips. “I am too. I want you to listen to me. I think it’s a gut idea. Christmas is the best time for a family reunion. Why can’t you even consider it?”
He gritted his teeth. “Because I know how painful it will be for my parents, and I don’t want to ruin Christmas for them. It would be more appropriate if we waited until spring to visit Anna Mae and Kellan. Once we visit with them, then we can pave the way for my parents to see them. I know what’s best for my family, Kathryn.”
“You do?”
“Mamm? Daed?” a little voice asked. “Why are you fighting?”
Kathryn turned to find Lizzie standing in the doorway, her brown eyes wide with fear. Amanda moved up behind her and placed her hand on Lizzie’s shoulder, and Kathryn’s heart sank. She’d managed to scare her daughter by arguing with David.
“Everything’s fine,” Kathryn said. “Dinner is ready.”
The back door opened and slammed with a bang, and David Jr., Manny, and Ruthie marched into the kitchen, chattering away about Christmas and what toys they hoped to receive while hanging their wraps and coats on the pegs.
“Wash up, please,” Kathryn said, feeling David’s eyes boring into her. Ignoring his stare, she brought a pitcher of water to the table. “Did you and Lizzie finish that dress you were working on?” she asked Amanda.
“We’re almost done,” Amanda said, placing cups at each table setting while Lizzie distributed the plates and bowls. “Lizzie is doing a wunderbaar job. She’ll be making her own dresses soon.”
David glared up at Kathryn while she poured water into his cup and she averted her eyes by concentrating on not spilling. Once the table was set, Kathryn sat between Amanda and Lizzie while the rest of the children took their spot at the table. David gave her one last hard look before bowing his head in silent prayer. A chill of worry coursed through her.
Kathryn bowed her head. She thanked God for the wonderful blessings of her family and home and then she asked Him to guide Anna Mae’s visit. She prayed the Lord would open her father-in-law’s heart so he would welcome Anna Mae and Kellan home to Lancaster County.
But most of all, she prayed that David would forgive her and understand why she defied his wishes and helped plan Anna Mae’s trip.
CHAPTER 6
The days before Christmas flew by in a blur of shopping, baking, and chores, so Kathryn rarely had a spare moment to think about Anna Mae’s visit. The week of Christmas finally arrived, and Kathryn rushed around the kitchen Monday evening preparing supper. While a ham loaf baked in the oven, she placed a pot of mixed vegetables on the stove and then turned to Amanda, who was busy peeling potatoes. “Are the boys outside doing their chores?”
“Ya. Lizzie and Ruthie are upstairs cleaning our room,” Amanda said, her pretty face scowling. “Mamm, I wanted to speak with you about something in private.”
Kathryn raised her eyebrows with curiosity while wiping her hands on a towel. “What’s on your mind?”
Amanda glanced across the kitchen. “I don’t want anyone to hear us.”
“You just said that the boys were outside and your sisters are upstairs, so I’m certain we’re alone.” Kathryn leaned against the counter. “Was iss letz?”
Amanda glanced back toward the door. “Let’s go into the schtupp.”
Kathryn followed her into the family room and stood near the doorway. “What’s bothering you?”
Amanda lowered her slight body onto the sofa.
“I’m worried about what’s going to happen this week.” Amanda wrung her hands. “Daed might get really angry that Aenti Anna Mae is coming.”
Kathryn smiled. “Everything will be fine once he sees his sister. Trust me.” A door closed, and Kathryn assumed the boys had come in from the barn.
“But he should know the truth.” Amanda’s eyes were full of determination.
“Ya, you’re right.” Kathryn nodded. “He’ll know the truth soon enough. It’s going to be a surprise.”
“I think you’re wrong not to tell him. I feel like I’m holding in a horrible lie by not telling Daed, and lying is a sin.” Amanda shook her head. “I think Daed has a right to know that Aenti Anna Mae is coming—” She stopped speaking and her eyes grew wide while her cheeks flushed a deep rose.
“What did you say, Amanda Joy?” David’s gruff voice rumbled from behind Kathryn, causing her to jump.
Kathryn spun around and her mouth dried. David was glowering at her from the doorway.
“What did Amanda say about mei schweschder?” he asked, his brown eyes slicing through her with indignation.
Kathryn inwardly shuddered. Feigning indifference, she kept her expression serene. “She was discussing when our company would arrive,” she said, standing up straighter and mustering all of the courage she could find inside herself. “Amanda was telling me that she thinks you have a right to know that Anna Mae and Kellan are going to join us for Christmas this year.” The truth was now out in the open. She felt a mixture of relief and anxiety at the opportunity to finally say the words out loud.
David’s expression hardened. “Kathryn, how many times do we have to discuss this?” His voice was low and full of frustration and fury. “I’ve already told you that I am against this visit. I can’t think of how I could make it more clear to you.”
“You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. However, the plans have been made.” She looked at Amanda, who was studying her hands in her lap. “Amanda, our company will arrive sometime Wednesday afternoon.”
Amanda met her gaze with a worried expression, and Kathryn smiled, hoping to calm her. Ruthie and Lizzie entered the family room with wide smiles on their faces.
“Company?” Ruthie asked.
“Who’s coming?” Lizzie chimed in.
“Your Aenti Anna Mae and Onkel Kellan from Baltimore are coming to spend Christmas with us,” Kathryn said, ignoring the feel of David’s angry stare boring into her. “Aenti Anna Mae is your dat’s youngest schweschder.”
“The one who was shunned?” Ruthie asked.
“Ya.” Kathryn nodded. “That’s right.”
“Are they staying here?” Lizzie asked while sinking down onto the sofa next to Amanda.
“They can sleep in my bed with me,” Ruthie said, walking over to Kathryn.
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Kathryn smiled. “That’s very thoughtful, Ruthie, but they’re staying at a bed and breakfast in Paradise.”
“But we’ll see them, ya?” Ruthie asked.
“Ya, we will see them,” Kathryn said. She pushed a lock of hair back from where it had fallen from beneath her prayer kapp while avoiding David’s eyes. “They’ll be visiting for a few days.”
“Kathryn,” David said, his calmness forced. “Kathryn, please look at me.”
“Ya.” She turned to him, finding disappointment and hurt reflecting in his eyes. Guilt and determination battled inside her. While she knew keeping the information from him was wrong, she was certain she was doing God’s will. God was using her to heal the family, and David needed to understand that.
His frown deepened. “We will discuss this later at length.” Kathryn nodded while forcing a smile. “I’m certain we will.”
“Call me when supper is ready,” David said, stomping through the family room toward the stairs.
Kathryn glanced at Lizzie. “Would you and Ruthie please set the table?” While her two younger daughters headed for the kitchen, she turned to Amanda. “Now he knows.”
Amanda nodded, her cheeks still glowing red. “He was very angry. I made it worse, didn’t I?”
Kathryn shook her head. “No, you didn’t make it worse, but this wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out.”
Amanda’s lower lip quivered, and her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Mamm.”
Kathryn touched Amanda’s arm. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were right to talk to me about it if it bothered you.”
“I didn’t know he was standing there until it was too late,” Amanda said with a sniff. “He must’ve come in quietly and heard us talking.”
“I’m certain he did.” Kathryn gestured toward the door. “Come help me make the dumplings. The ham loaf smells like it’s almost done.”
Amanda stood and walked with her toward the kitchen. Kathryn was certain that David would be quiet during supper and leave the discussion of Anna Mae’s visit for bedtime. Dread filled Kathryn at the thought of facing him. She hoped David would understand why she’d gone against his wishes.
Kathryn ran a brush through her waist-length hair and studied her reflection. Clad in her nightgown, she glanced toward the door for the fourth time. The clock on the wall told her it was nearly nine, David’s daily bedtime.
He’d barely spoken to her during supper and had only given terse answers to her lame attempts at fostering a conversation. Instead of conversing with her, he’d spoken to the children about their day. After supper, David had disappeared outside with Junior, which they often did in the evenings. However, she’d heard Junior come back into the house and disappear into his room awhile ago, but she’d not seen David.
Stepping over to the window, she moved the dark green shade and peeked outside. The barn and backfield were dark with no sign of a lantern.
The bedroom door squeaked open and banged shut, and Kathryn jumped with a start.
“Sorry,” David mumbled, scowling. “I didn’t mean to slam it.” He stepped over to his bureau and pulled off his suspenders.
Her heart pounded as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Where were you?”
“In the barn,” he muttered, shucking off his shirt.
She pushed an errant lock of golden blonde hair behind her shoulder. “What were you doing in the barn?”
“Thinking.” He changed into his pajama pants. “Actually, trying to figure something out.”
The tension between them was suffocating her. She had to apologize to him and make things right. She took a deep breath. “David, I —”
“Would you like to know what I was trying to figure out?”
“David, please —”
He stood before her and held a hand up to keep her from talking. “Let me finish.”
Knowing she wasn’t going to earn a chance to speak her mind, Kathryn crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Go on.”
“I was trying to figure out why you would go behind my back and do something I’d asked you not to do, especially after we’d discussed it several times.” Still glowering, he pulled up a chair and sat before her. “I’d asked you not to invite Anna Mae. I told you, no I promised you, that we would visit her this spring. I also said that once we visited her and Kellan, we would make plans for her to come back to the community to visit the family. From what I remember, you said that would be a gut plan.”
Kathryn opened her mouth to defend herself, and he again held up his hand to stop her.
“Please let me finish.” He sat up straight. “What I’ve been trying to figure out is why you went against my wishes. What makes it even worse is that you not only broke a promise and went behind my back, but you involved our kinner in your lies.” He shook his head, disappointment clouding his handsome face. “What hurts the most is that you lied. In our fifteen years of marriage, I never once lied to you or went behind your back. You’ve always been the one person I’ve trusted most, the one I knew I could count on.”
Shaking his head, he paused. “Now, I’m trying to figure out who you are. The maedel I married would have never lied to me, not like this. You knew how serious I was about this and how much I was against inviting Anna Mae home during the holidays. This is going to cause a huge blowup with my daed, and I’m not prepared to deal with that.”
The knot forming in her throat choked off her words for a moment. She cleared her throat before she tried to speak again. “David, I’ve never lied to you before,” she began, her voice trembling with guilt. “You’re the most important person in my life, aside from our kinner. You know that and you know me.” She pointed to her chest. “You know my heart.”
“But we talked about it over and over again. I told you more than once that it was not a gut plan. We decided that we would wait until spring. Why did you go back on your word?”
“I never agreed to spring.” She reached for him, and he stood, backing away from her touch. “David, will you let me explain?”
Folding his arms, he leaned back against the wall and scowled. “I’m listening.”
She stood in front of him. “I know in my heart that what I’m doing is right. It’s God’s will that Anna Mae and Kellan are coming here.” She took his hand in hers. “God spoke to me.”
He raised an eyebrow with curiosity. “What do you mean?”
“I prayed about it and asked Him to give me a sign.” Hot tears spilled from her eyes. “The very next day, your mamm came to the bakery and told me she’s been thinking of Anna Mae and Kellan and wondering how they’re doing. She was near tears and said she longed to see Anna Mae again. She said she had to know if Anna Mae was happy with her life with Kellan.” She squeezed his hand. “That was the sign from God I needed. That was how I knew what I was doing was right.”
He considered her words and his frown deepened. “A sign from God?” He snorted with disbelief. “I don’t know about that, Kathryn. God has a plan, and it’s His plan. He doesn’t need to send us signs.”
“Ya, He does! You have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you and I don’t want to ever lose your trust in me.” More tears splattered her cheeks. “Can’t you see that? Can’t you see I did this for you and our family? This is what God wants me to do.”
“I don’t believe God has to send us signs for us to do His work. His rules for how we should live our lives are contained in the Bible. Whether you believe He sent a sign or not doesn’t matter. You deliberately went against my wishes, and I’m angry and hurt.” His expression remained hard as stone. “Why did you keep your secret from me?”
“I followed my heart because I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. I wanted to do it, no matter what you said.” She cleared her throat. “I wanted to do it for Mary Rose. I can’t imagine how I would feel if one of our kinner had moved away and left the community. I would worry about her too. Your mamm has a right to meet her future grandchild.”
He s
hook his head. “That’s not for you to decide. Now Christmas is going to be a disaster.”
“That’s not true.” Kathryn wiped her tears. “Vera agrees that this visit is a good idea too. She thinks it’ll be good for your parents.”
His eyes widened. “You told Vera?” He frowned. “Who else have you told?”
“My mother knows too,” she whispered.
He threw his hands up. “Why don’t you just paint a sign on the side of the barn so that the whole district knows!”
“David,” she hissed. “You’re going to wake the kinner!”
“Why not tell them too?” he continued, his voice booming off the walls. “The rest of the district already knows.” He started toward the door. “I’ll go tell my father now.”
“David!” Kathryn rushed after him and pulled him back. “Now you’re acting narrisch!”
“I’m narrisch?” He snorted with sarcasm. “I’m not seeing signs from God involving everyone but my spouse in secret plans.” He shook his head. “I especially don’t like that you involved Amanda. I don’t want you to teach our dochdern to defy their future husbands.”
Kathryn shook her head. He didn’t comprehend her motive, and she couldn’t think of anything else to say to try to get through to him. “You don’t understand why I did this at all, do you?”
“No, I don’t.” He folded his arms across his wide chest. “What will this visit entail? I know she’s arriving Wednesday and staying in Paradise. What else have you planned without my knowledge?”
“We’re hosting them for supper Wednesday. Thursday night we’ll also invite your parents.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure your mother supports all of this.”
“She also believes it’s God’s will for our family to heal.” She reached for his arm, but he stepped away from her touch. “I truly believe that, David. That’s why I did it. My best intentions were for our family. I didn’t want to cause you to be upset with me.”
“You know my daed.” He frowned. “He won’t be as eiferich as the rest of the Beilers.”
“We can all pray for his heart to be opened and warmed by the sight of his youngest dochder and his future grandchild.”
