by Heidi Swain
‘But I want to go in the garden and play! Why can’t I go outside? You can see me from the window!’
‘I said no!’
I popped my head around the door and took in the unusually chaotic scene that met my eyes. The kitchen, always so meticulously tidy, was in total disarray. Jemma’s hair was flecked with flour and her frown was equally matched by Ella’s.
‘Need a hand?’ I offered. ‘Where’s Angela?’
‘She’s not starting until we open today,’ Jemma said, sounding tearful. ‘Tom was supposed to be looking after Ella so I could make an early start, but he’s had to go into the office and his mum’s gone away for a couple of days.’
She stopped for a second and took a deep breath. Something was obviously troubling her and it wasn’t just Ella playing up that had got her in such a muddle.
‘What is it, Jemma?’ I asked. ‘What’s wrong? You look shattered.’
She shook her head and took another shuddering breath.
‘I’ve got this huge order for cupcakes,’ she said eventually, ‘and there’s no way I can get it done with Ella messing about. I can’t blame her for wanting to be outside but I can’t be in two places at once, can I?’
I knew whatever it was that had upset her had nothing to do with cupcakes and I also knew I wasn’t going to be any use in the kitchen so I suggested the only thing that I could think of that would help save my friend’s sanity.
‘How about I take Ella to the park and leave you to get on in peace for a while?’
‘Oh, would you really?’ she gasped. ‘Oh, Lizzie, that would be such a help. If I can just get a couple of uninterrupted hours to complete this order then I’m sure I’ll feel much better.’
‘Come on, madam,’ I smiled, holding out my hand to Ella, ‘let’s go and find your water bottle, it’s getting warmer out there.’
It was peaceful in the park. I sat on a bench and watched Ella tearing around burning off some of her seemingly endless energy. I envied her a little and found myself wishing that I was as full of exuberance and as carefree as she was, my major preoccupation in life whether to go on the swings or the slide first. The whole ‘where to set up my dream business’ situation was playing havoc with my sleeping pattern and I felt exhausted by the mental mind games I couldn’t fathom out how to win.
If I was being brutally honest, I knew that had Ben not buggered off to Spain then I wouldn’t have been even considering the idea of moving again because we would have ‘had it out’ (as my mum would have put it) face to face, and moved on.
Obviously I could appreciate that he had painful relationship stuff to work through but running away hadn’t actually solved anything. I ignored the little voice in my head that told me that that was exactly what I had done when Giles dumped me, but I’d run home, hadn’t I?
I’d chosen to come back to the people who could help me heal and isn’t that what Ben had initially done as well? Deep down I did feel unsatisfied that I didn’t know all the details of the whole love slash hate saga but I was still hell-bent on convincing myself that I didn’t care. The fact that I had, in quieter moments, actually considered knocking on Alison Fletcher’s door and demanding an explanation was most telling, but there was no guarantee that she would have been willing to tell me the truth.
‘Mind if I sit down?’
‘Jesus,’ I swore under my breath, the colour flooding my face as my feet left the path.
‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have crept up on you like that.’
It was Jay. He was trying not to laugh so I must have looked ridiculous.
‘It’s fine,’ I lied, resenting his intrusion, ‘I was miles away. Probably wouldn’t have heard a bomb go off to be honest.’
‘You’ve obviously got something on your mind,’ he said, ‘I’ll leave you to it. I hope your friend’s visit was a success?’
‘No, honestly it’s fine,’ I relented, my manners getting the better of me, ‘and yes, thanks, her visit was a complete success.’
‘Brilliant,’ he beamed, sitting down; ‘I didn’t manage to get back to the Café to ask. I’m sorry.’
He looked at me intently, his blue eyes staring blatantly into mine.
‘You probably think I make a habit of breaking promises, don’t you?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, every time I say I’ll see you later I never seem to manage to and you still haven’t given me your mobile number so I can’t even text or ring and explain why.’
To be honest I hadn’t realised. My interest in him wasn’t that piqued, hence the fact that I still hadn’t given him my number.
‘It’s my work,’ he explained when I didn’t rush to get my phone out; ‘I never know where I’m going to be from one hour to the next. Today for example I wasn’t supposed to be working for the paper at all, but I got a call asking me to photograph the park graffiti and so here I am. Thought I’d better turn up early, though,’ he added. ‘It doesn’t really look good, does it? A grown bloke running round a kiddie’s park taking photos.’
He’d got a point.
‘So what would you have been doing today instead then?’ I asked politely.
‘I have a couple of framing commissions to complete,’ he said proudly, ‘I was hoping to get them finished. I’m a bit like you really, Lizzie.’
‘You are?’ I asked, turning my attention from Ella to focus on him. ‘In what way?’
‘My little framing side-line,’ he explained. ‘I want to set it up as a proper business. I want to make a go of it, but I can’t quite muster the courage to take the plunge and go full time.’
‘You mean set up a business framing things like the Cherry Tree pieces you created for me?’
Jay nodded. The picture was exquisite and not a day had gone by when I hadn’t stopped and looked at it. It was perfect. The way he had mounted the design and cleverly displayed the photographs and little pieces of sewing paraphernalia around the outside made it more than just a picture; it was like a memory box, a wall-mounted memory box. I was sure, given the current interest in crafts and anything handmade, that Jay would make a success of it. Weddings alone could make up a huge part of his business.
‘Can’t you do both?’ I asked. ‘Work for the newspaper and carry on framing whilst you build up the business a bit? If you’re freelance at the paper and part-time I can’t see that they’d have any objection.’
‘Maybe,’ he nodded again, ‘but what I really need is an injection of capital,’ he sighed. ‘I’m sure if I had some financial backing then I could make it all happen so much faster.’
‘It’ll be worth the wait,’ I told him. ‘Look at me! I’ve waited almost half a lifetime.’
‘And yet you still have doubts, don’t you?’ he reminded me with a nudge. ‘You’re still dithering about. I thought Jemma said it’d be all systems go if this friend of yours gave you the thumbs up and yet here you sit looking as miserable as sin!’
‘Yes well,’ I sighed, ‘something else has come up now.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
I did want to talk about it, but not particularly with him. My parents had been far too practical and level-headed and I didn’t know Jay well enough to confide in him, did I? It was Jemma I really needed, vested interest or not.
‘Drink please!’ Ella gasped as she collapsed on the bench between us. ‘I’m dying.’
‘You are not dying, Ellie belly!’ I told her. ‘But you do need to slow up a bit.’
I smoothed her curls away from her face and felt the heat coming off her rosy cheeks.
‘Just sit here for a bit,’ I told her, ‘until you get your breath back.’
She was too out of breath to object and slurped away contentedly at her water bottle.
‘I’d better get on,’ Jay smiled, ‘let me know if you want to talk, OK? A problem shared and all that.’
‘What problem?’ Ella pounced. ‘Who’s got a problem?’
I shook my head and gave her a quick tickle to try to dist
ract her.
‘It’s just a saying,’ I told her, but she wouldn’t leave it. Ella was like a dog with a flea when she sensed intrigue.
‘Perhaps you could talk about it over dinner,’ she suggested innocently, ‘that’s what grown-ups do, isn’t it? Mummy and Daddy are always sending me to bed so they can talk.’
She looked from one of us to the other, waiting for either of us to say something. Jay caved first.
‘Well, would you like to have dinner, Lizzie? I’m free tonight as it happens.’
‘OK, if you like,’ I agreed reluctantly, ‘dinner it is.’
‘Hadn’t you better swap numbers or something,’ Ella jumped in, ‘otherwise you won’t know where and when.’
She rolled her eyes and shook her head pityingly. I took out my phone and Jay did the same. While we exchanged numbers and arranged to meet in the pub, Ella tore off for one final lap of the playground.
‘She’s quite the little matchmaker, isn’t she?’ Jay laughed.
‘Oh yes,’ I smiled, remembering how she had tried to push me and Ben together. ‘She’s a regular little cupid. Not that I’m suggesting that this is a dinner date in the romantic sense,’
I laughed, then seeing the hurt expression on Jay’s face blurted, ‘or perhaps it is.’
He looked at me quizzically and I realised I couldn’t have made more of a fool of myself if I tried.
‘I’ll see you in the pub at seven then,’ he teased, ‘just look out for the roses and champagne!’
On the way back to the Café we called in to see Mum and Dad.
‘Nanny Pam!’ Ella gushed, leaping into mum’s arms and planting a kiss on her cheek. ‘I haven’t seen you for so long!’
Mum looked quite tearful as she carried Ella through the hall and into the kitchen. Perhaps her relationship with my goddaughter wasn’t one to nurture after all. The last thing I needed was the pressure to procreate on top of anything else. Besides first I’d need a suitable sperm donor and, despite Ella’s meddling, I couldn’t imagine Jay and I as a bona fide couple somehow. Now Ben on the other hand; his eyes and my hair combo would be precious.
‘So,’ Dad smiled as mum unceremoniously plonked Ella next to him, ‘what have you two been up to?’
‘We’ve been to the park,’ Ella announced whilst methodically picking the raisins out of the snack bowl, ‘and Lizzie has a date.’
‘Does she now?’ Dad asked, turning his attention to me.
‘She wouldn’t have if I hadn’t helped her get it, though. Between you and me, she’s pretty useless when it comes to men.’
‘Oh?’ I said, torn between outrage and amusement. ‘Am I really?’
‘Yes you are,’ she said sternly, ‘I heard Mummy saying so to Daddy.’
Dad shot me a glance and Mum left the drinks to join him and Ella at the table.
‘Mummy said that if you didn’t pull your finger out with Jay then he’d move onto someone else and then you’d be left with no one.’
I swallowed hard, but couldn’t think what to say in response.
‘Daddy told her off for that,’ Ella continued conspiratorially, ‘but I think he’s just disappointed about what happened with Ben.’
‘Nothing happened with Ben,’ I snapped defensively.
‘Exactly,’ Ella nodded, her mouth now crammed with raisins, ‘because of all the baggage.’
‘What baggage?’
‘Oh I don’t know; something about it all being too complicated and the pair of you sharing too much stuff. It’s all mixed up or something. Don’t ask me!’ she added indignantly. ‘I’m only little.’
I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was furious that my love life had been up for discussion and the rest was just downright confused. What did Jemma and Tom mean by ‘shared baggage’? Did they think that because Ben and I were both such complete emotional screw-ups that we couldn’t make a relationship together work or was there more to it than that? And what about the dinner date I’d just set up with Jay? I didn’t want Jemma looking all smug and congratulatory because she thought I’d finally ‘pulled my finger out’.
I dropped Ella back at the Café, grateful that Mum hadn’t for once chipped in to the conversation. Whatever had happened to her since Dad’s stroke, I liked it. This toned down version of my mother was an absolute joy compared to the old model.
Back inside the Café kitchen I couldn’t look at Jemma. I didn’t trust myself to keep my mouth shut.
‘They look great,’ I told her, glancing over at the much tidier counter and boxes of sugary delights. ‘Really great, you got them all finished then?’
‘Yes!’ Jemma smiled, looking heaps better than she had earlier, ‘I knew I could do it; I just needed the time. Thanks, Lizzie, I really appreciate your help this morning. I hope she didn’t play you up too much?’
She threw an accusatory glance in her daughter’s direction.
‘No, she was fine,’ I said lightly.
There was no way I was going to tell her what Ella had said. If my goddaughter got in trouble for spilling the beans she might not want to tell me anything again and she was one channel of communication that I was determined to keep open.
‘She did exactly as she was told and we had a great time, didn’t we, Ella?’
Ella nodded and carried on with her colouring, clearly not sure whether she was in trouble or not.
‘Now if you’ll excuse me,’ I said, ‘I have to make a phone call.’
Chapter 23
That afternoon I called Jay’s mobile number at least a dozen times, but to no avail. He didn’t answer and he didn’t reply to any of my text messages either. As the time wore on I realised I was lumbered with a dinner date I hadn’t wanted in the first place and which would doubtless be scrutinised in minute detail by my so-called ‘best friend’.
I had no option but to walk down to the Mermaid with some lame excuse in tow and tell Jay that the evening was off. For a few minutes I toyed with the idea of calling the pub and asking Jim or Evelyn to do the dirty deed for me but that would mean involving more people and it was hardly fair on Jay who was completely oblivious of the scheming that was underway to make sure our one and only date culminated in a brisk walk down the aisle.
I didn’t bother getting changed or fixing my hair or makeup. I was going to be five minutes max, so what was the point? I grabbed my jacket and then ran back for my purse. The least I could do was offer to buy him a consolation pint.
‘Straight through to the restaurant, Lizzie,’ Evelyn commanded the moment my face appeared around the door. ‘He’s already got you a drink.’
‘Shit,’ I muttered under my breath.
I had been hoping, as I was a good few minutes early, that Jay would still be sitting at the bar. It would have been far easier to duck out after a quick drink and chat but now, with him already sitting at a table, it was going to look like a proper stand-up job.
‘Thanks,’ I mumbled, heading into the restaurant.
Jay was sitting all alone at a table tucked away in the furthermost corner from the bar. He was reading something, the menu I guessed, and I was surprised to see he was wearing glasses. Suddenly his face took on a new perspective and his personality a wholly different slant. I imagined him working away in his framing workshop, meticulous and focused. It was a kind of Superman revelation but in reverse. I’d been aware of his rough and rugged exterior first but now his softer side had come to the fore.
Sensing my presence, he looked up and smiled then quickly whipped off his glasses and hurriedly stuffed them in his shirt pocket.
‘Lizzie,’ he croaked, ‘sorry, I didn’t see you.’
He jumped up, his knees colliding with the underside of the table and almost upsetting the drinks as he rushed round to pull out a chair for me. I didn’t sit down.
‘Look, Jay,’ I began shamefacedly, ‘I’m ever so sorry but something’s come up. Can we do this another night?’
‘Oh,’ he looked crestfallen, ‘OK.’
‘I really am sorry,’ I said again, my resolve weakened by his disappointment.
‘Have you at least got time for a quick drink?’ he asked, all puppy-dog eyes that were filled with hope. ‘Evelyn said you were rather partial to cider.’
He pointed at the glass already on the table and I knew I had no choice. It would be churlish to turn down a drink he had already bought and paid for.
‘Of course,’ I nodded, ‘thanks.’
I hung my jacket over the back of the chair and sat poised on the very edge of my seat ready to make a quick getaway before anyone saw us and reported back to Jemma, the town’s resident relationship expert.
‘I hope it isn’t anything to do with your dad?’ Jay asked.
‘No god no,’ I said, shaking my head and feeling more guilty by the second, ‘nothing like that.’
I didn’t offer any further explanation because I didn’t have one to give. I didn’t go in for lying as a rule and in my haste to get to the pub early I hadn’t had a chance to dream up a credible excuse for cancelling. I took a long sip of my cider to buy me a few seconds and did all I could to avoid Jay’s piercing gaze. My eyes fell on the papers he had been reading.
‘What have you got there?’ I asked.
‘Oh it’s nothing,’ he blushed, ‘it’ll keep.’
‘No, come on,’ I pleaded, ‘I’ve got a few minutes and it’s obviously something you wanted to show me.’
We sat together and pored over the beautiful photographs and outline business plan that Jay had been getting together in preparation for launching his bespoke framing business. He explained that he had attended evening classes to get the basics right but the artistic flair and idea of adapting the frames had been all his own work. He was obviously proud of his idea and his passion and enthusiasm made him look like a far more appealing romantic prospect than when he was just a local ‘journo’ looking for a lead.
‘Like I said this afternoon,’ he concluded with a shuddering sigh, ‘it all comes down to funding, or lack of it.’
