by Nhys Glover
'Yes, Fidelia is fine. Her maid says she and Phil are having a good old natter up there in the bedroom. Phil wanted to check her over, of course. To make sure you had not broken the skin.'
'What difference would that make? The damage had been done already.'
‘Actually, no it had not. You jumped to a rather rash conclusion. Understandable, given that we were not expecting a visit from Lady Fidelia Montgomery, Phil's best friend. But still a mistake. We do not know what has happened to Rebecca Thomlinson, but Fidelia is certainly not she, nor is she one of you.'
Jasper tried to digest this fresh atrocity. Now that he thought about it, Phil had told him something of the sort when she was getting him to release the woman. But at that time, all he could think about was the fact that he was hurting a woman, any woman. That’s what devastated him.
But now he realised how much worse his crime had been. Not only had he attacked a woman, she wasn't even a guilty woman. She was an innocent friend of Phil's. And a grieving widow on top of that. It was times like this he wished his father had put a bullet in his brain when he found out what he was. But he hadn't been willing to do that. His love had been too great to ever willingly end Jasper’s life.
So, he condemned Jasper to a half-life. A monstrous life no one should ever be forced to endure. If he had been a more honourable man he would have ended it himself. He’d thought of it often enough. But survival was instinctual and, no matter how unbearable it was, he could not willingly give up his life.
'Leave me alone, 'Ron. I need to be alone. Send Jamey down for me later.' Jasper was suddenly so tired; all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and slip into unconsciousness again. He wanted to leave the nightmare behind, if only for a little while.
'All right. But no wallowing. There has been enough of that going on around here already.' Byron tried to sound upbeat, but failed. With a shrug, he gave in and left his friend to his misery.
Jasper cradled his head in his arms and tried to sink into oblivion. But the subtle scent of woman was still in the air and it rasped against his senses like sand across skin. His need to see her again, to claim her, was overpowering. And his need made him hate himself even more. This poor delicate widow didn’t deserve these thoughts, these urges. They were not the thoughts of a gentleman. For the first time since he killed his housekeeper, Jasper was appalled by his monstrous behaviour. And even though the beast should be well and truly under control by this time, instead, it seemed to be getting worse.
‘So tell me, Dee, what really brings you all the way up here?’ Phil asked again as she sipped at her tea and stared into the fire.
‘I am being silly. Maybe my mother-in-law was right. I am young and silly,’ Fidelia started, but found it impossible to go on.
‘Never silly. You would not have come here without a very good reason. Your politeness would have stopped you. Do remember I know you very well, my friend. You would no more call on someone, unannounced, than you would …’ Phil searched around for something to compare such a gross breach of etiquette with. ‘… go to a man’s room unchaperoned.’
Fidelia blushed at the very thought. Phil was right. She would never have considered doing anything of the sort. Nor would she really have come all this way, uninvited, had there not been something serious on her mind. She had to confide it to her friend. It did no good to hold on to her fears.
‘Just after you left, a man came to the house. He said he was a friend of Howard’s. But I had never met him, and Haversham did not know him either. Right from the start, I felt something was not right. I cannot explain it. But it felt like he was being melodramatic, like a player on the stage.
‘He seemed to know too much about me. When I mentioned you had just left, he knew your name and that you lived up here in Yorkshire. When I queried him, he said it was the talk of the town. But I put out feelers after he left and no one even knew you had been visiting me. In fact, no one really knew much about Victor Rathgart. He certainly was not a close friend of Howard’s, as he suggested.’ Fidelia took several deep breaths to calm her racing heart and pulled the dressing gown Phil had given her more tightly around her. This was more difficult than she had imagined
‘Go on,’ Phil encouraged, turning to face her. Those golden eyes drilled into her, trying to read the truth before she got it out.
‘I told him to come back in a week, but then I told Haversham I was not at home to the man at any time. But a week later he came back and Haversham let him in. My position was tenuous by then, what with the new Duke moving in shortly, so I assume Haversham’s natural distain for me finally took the upper hand. He delivered Rathgart into the morning room where I was having coffee.
‘I won’t go through the whole conversation, but I quickly started to suspect that Rathgart was infatuated with me and that he had something to do with Howard’s death.’
‘His death? But he died in a hunting accident,’ Phil exclaimed, rattling her china cup against its saucer in her agitation.
‘So we were led to believe. But the way he hinted that I deserved better than Howard and that it was a gentleman’s duty to free me from such unwanted attentions… He did not come right out and say he was responsible for the accident, but he implied it. And was very smug about it, too.’ She put her tea aside because she feared she’d upturn it in her distress.
‘Oh, Dee, that is terrible. What did Maude say about all this?’
‘That was the problem. Haversham let him in when Maude was in the kitchen discussing lunch with Cook. I was alone with him.’ She couldn’t hold back the little sob that broke free.
‘What did he do?’ Phil demanded, her voice steely.
‘He tried to force himself on me. He…He said we were meant to be together and…And that… now we could be! His hands were everywhere at once and his slobbery mouth was…’ She couldn’t go on. Talking about it brought all the memories back too vividly.
‘He didn’t…’
‘No. I managed to scream. I have never screamed in my life. I did not think I could. But I was terrified. He was a small man, but still much stronger than me.’ She paused to draw breath before going on. ‘Maude found out what Haversham had done and came to find me. She dashed in when I screamed, and she hit him over the head with the silver tea service tray. It was enough to stop him.
‘He was furious. He swore he would be back to get his reward for freeing me. He made it sound like I hired him to kill Howard!’ Unable to control the tears any longer, she let them free, burying her face in her hands. She had come so close to being defiled. If Maude hadn’t taken such an outrageous step, he would certainly have ravished her. Never had she felt so helpless, so vulnerable.
‘You did the right thing getting away. Does anyone know where you have come?’ Phil asked, all fierce protector.
‘No. I… I just packed up what I could, and Maude and I caught the first train north. I did not trust any of the staff with my destination. Obviously, someone was in league with that man, other than Haversham, otherwise, how would he have known about your visit.
‘Could he have killed Howard, Phil? The idea has been like a nightmare to me, ever since I heard it. If he killed him to get to me… I think he is quite mad.’
‘He sounds that way. But you are safe now. He cannot find you up here. We will need to discuss this with Byron…’
‘Oh no, please. I would feel so…compromised…if a man knew what he tried to do to me.’
‘You are no such thing, and Byron will think nothing of the sort. When you meet him, you will understand. He is quite the most honourable and protective of men. I will call him now.’
‘Phil!’ Fidelia wailed, mortified that a man was to hear of her disgrace.
‘No, Dee, trust me in this. This is not the sort of thing we can solve on our own. We need the wisdom of a man, though it pains me to say so.’ She tried to make the last sentence light, but failed.
Before Fidelia could say another word to stop her, Phil stormed out of the room, leav
ing her alone with her fears.
Had she made it worse by confiding everything to her friend? Maybe she would have been better to just forget it ever happened and just stayed away from the madman. Might it have been wiser to go to her parents on the continent?
CHAPTER FIVE
Phil was back before she had properly considered that thought. With her came a towering giant of a man with features as stark and roughly hewn as the Keep itself. And he looked worried and very tired. For the first time, Fidelia noticed that Phil also looked exhausted. What selfishness had made her inflict her problems on her obviously over-stretched friend? She should have known that Phil would have invited her to stay if it had been at all possible. Coming here had been a mistake.
‘Fidelia, I would like to introduce my husband, Lord Byron Carstairs. Byron, this is my dearest friend, Lady Fidelia Montgomery.’
Byron made a polite but hasty bow to her before he began to pace. Fidelia drew the dressing gown more tightly around her. It felt strange to be in such a state of undress before a stranger, and yet he seemed to be unaware of her dishabille.
‘You were right to come to us, Lady Montgomery. No woman should be left alone to deal with a man’s unwanted attentions. This bounder needs to be punished.’
It was the last thing she expected to hear from this harsh man, but it was so welcome she felt the tears stinging her eyes again. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to punish that awful man for her. She didn’t have to be alone and afraid anymore.
‘What do you know of this man?’ he demanded as he paced in front of the fireplace like a trapped beast.
‘Very little. He is no one of importance, although he suggested he was and calls himself Sir Victor Rathgart. He is a second cousin of the Fitchleys. Not of the Ton, but on its periphery. He aspires to position and makes himself indispensable to those in power. He was part of the hunting party that day. But no one believes he knew Howard, no less was a close friend to him. What money he has comes from the favours he does. I could not find out what those favours were.’
Byron came to a halt and frowned. ‘How long has he been part of society?’
‘I… I am not sure. I did not ask. A few years, I assume. He is not very old. If he has come down from University, he has only done so recently.’
‘I have been away from society too long to know much. Jasper may have a better idea. Would you mind terribly if I asked his opinion? I know he has given you quite a scare this morning, but I assure you that he is a most honourable gentleman. He was just…not himself.’ Byron pulled at his stiff collar distractedly.
Fidelia considered his suggestion. Strangely, for all the man had behaved like a madman, she no longer felt afraid of this Jasper. She assumed it was because he had appeared so horrified by his behaviour when he realised his mistake. Whatever the reason, if this Jasper could help her, then she would let him, even if it meant revealing her dishonour. Or it might be possible to leave that part out?
‘Does he have to know about…what he did?’
Byron looked at her in stunned surprise. ‘Of course. This bounder must be punished!’
‘Dee feels humiliated having people know,’ Phil pointed out.
Again Byron looked shocked. ‘What have you to be humiliated about? The man took advantage of you in the privacy of your own home. He needs horse-whipping, at the very least. So does that butler for placing you in such a position.’
‘People will talk,’ Fidelia managed to get out. Her shyness with this big man was starting to ease a little, the more she realised he was on her side.
‘Not here. Not that you have anything to be ashamed of. But there will be no gossip here.’ Byron was emphatic, and as she met his dark gaze, she believed him.
‘Very well.’
And as swiftly as he had arrived, Phil’s husband was gone.
‘You have to excuse him. He is not always so brusque,’ Phil said as she resumed her seat beside the fire.
‘There is nothing to excuse. I am just grateful for his concern. I… I did not expect it. He seems very…’ She floundered, trying to think of a word that best described the rather overwhelming man. Everything she thought of saying sounded like criticism, and yet to call him pleasant would be untruthful, and Phil would simply laugh at her.
‘Sturdy?’ Phil provided, impishly.
Where the laugh came from, she didn’t know. It certainly wasn’t the time or place for it. But suddenly Fidelia was laughing, more loudly than was lady-like.
‘Formidable?’ Phil said again, beginning to grin. ‘Daunting, intimidating?’
‘Big?’ Fidelia supplied.
‘That he is! In more ways than one.’
Fidelia nearly choked on her laughter, so stunned by what Phil was hinting at. ‘You do not mean…?’
‘I do mean. We are both married women. These things can be discussed.’
‘But Phil, how do you know? I mean, I know it feels big when…When…’
Phil lifted her eyebrows in amazement. ‘I have seen my husband naked, Dee.’
‘You have?’
‘Of course, has not every wife?’
‘No. Most definitely not. Howard would never let me see him in such a state. I never even touched It.’ She knew she was blushing now because her face felt very hot. How unusual. She never blushed.
‘You two didn’t take your clothes off when you…carried out your marital intimacies?’
‘No. We wore nightdresses and the lamps were dimmed. Howard would pull up the bottom of my night gown and do It, and then pull it down again before he went back to his own bed.’
Phil stared at her in stupefaction for several long, painful moments before grunting in a most unladylike manner.
‘That is not what happens with you and Byron?’ Fidelia had assumed that side of marriage was always the same. After all, the whispered secrets women shared had never hinted at anything other than embarrassment and discomfort. It was seen as a necessary evil to produce offspring.
‘No. Byron likes to see me, and I like to see him. He has a beautiful body. And he likes me to touch him everywhere, and I enjoy it when he does the same to me. Such intimacies drive one a little wild…and I still get embarrassed when I think about what we do. But at the time it seems…natural. And it feels wonderful. Quite incredible.’ Phil’s face had taken on a soft, awed expression, as if she was reliving one such moment.
‘It was never like that with Howard,’ Fidelia admitted. It was obviously because of her. Howard had hinted that she was not very responsive. Maybe he would have done more of what Phil described if she had been more receptive. But to her it had all seemed too embarrassing for words. And she was grateful that it was too dark to see anything. It was bad enough feeling that thing pressing into her body, hurting her, for the few moments that it lasted.
‘Well, Howard was Howard. Not all men are that reserved, I am sure. I have never thought to ask Byron. I just assumed what we did was what every married couple did.’
‘Please do not mention this to him. I would not be able to look him in the eye again. Please, Phil…’ she pleaded.
‘I would not tell him the details, of course. But I could find out what he knows. Men talk about such thing, just like women do…’
At that moment, the door opened again and Byron returned with the blond gentleman who had attacked her at his heels. This Jasper looked to have calmed down a great deal since she’d seen him last, and had even taken time to shave.
‘Lady Montgomery, may I introduce Lord Jasper Horton,’ Byron said without preamble.
Jasper’s cheeks were red with embarrassment as he bowed and avoided eye-contact. ‘I am charmed, madam,’ he said politely.
‘You were not so charmed earlier,’ she found herself saying before she realised it. She wasn’t sure who was more shocked by her outrageous comment, him, Phil or herself.
‘I… I do apologise for my earlier behaviour. I was…’
‘Not yourself, yes, so I have been already informed.’<
br />
He lifted his head then, and met her gaze. The wildness she saw in those blue depths had her gasping. This was no gentleman, no matter what his place in society.
‘Jasper needs more details about this man. He has heard the name, but he cannot place him. I thought if you described him?’ Byron said into the uncomfortable moment.
Fidelia swallowed several times, trying to moisten her suddenly dry mouth. Her heart had begun to beat over-fast and her palms were moist. Uncertainly, she nodded.
‘I know the Fitchelys,’ Jasper said. ‘But I was not aware of any second cousins. John Fitchley was at Cambridge with me.’
‘I met John at my coming out. He actually offered for me.’
Jasper’s nostril flared, as if he was suddenly angry. His body stiffened. ‘He was a wastrel. You did well not to choose him.’
‘It was my mother who chose my husband. John seemed very nice…Very attentive.’
‘Because you are beautiful and well-dowered. His attentions would have wandered. He would not have made you a good match. Your mother was wise.’
Fidelia didn’t know whether to be insulted or complimented. He said she was beautiful, but also suggested that she would have been unable to keep the attentions of a young, attractive man.
‘Many wild young men settle down when they find the right woman,’ Phil said with more aggression than necessary.
Jasper looked at Phil as if seeing her for the first time. He shook his head and his demeanour changed dramatically. ‘Of course, I did not mean to suggest…’
‘Let us stick to the point,’ Byron interrupted, frowning.
Jasper shook his head again, as if shaking good sense back into it. ‘Of course. Can you describe this Rathgart to me, Lady Montgomery? Was he a tall man? Was he older or younger than me?’
Fidelia studied him for a moment. What was he, twenty-five years old? At some moments he looked like a very old man. At others, he looked little more than a boy.
‘He was short. Only a few inches taller than myself. So the top of his head would be at your eye level, I would estimate. Younger than you by several years. But he is over twenty. He has lank brown hair, dresses like a popinjay, and has long sidelevers and exaggerated walrus moustaches. Waxed,’ she grimaced at the memory of that brush-like hair rubbing over her face as he forced slobbery kisses on her.
