by Lisa DeVore
“Nice to meet you, Jena Shea. Folks around here call me Big John. I’ll bet you can’t figure out why.”
His chuckle was infectious and the distraction that Jena needed. “I’m pleased to meet you. My niece thinks the world of you and your friend.” She looked toward Andrea running through the sand with the dog. She loved seeing her niece so happy.
“Bo loves when that girl comes to play.” Big John turned his attention to Chase. “I have to ask, boy, when are you going to ask this girl to marry you?”
“I’m working on that.”
“Ahhh, I get it,” he joked, “this one has standards.”
Jena laughed and leaned her head back to rest against Chase’s chest. There was no embarrassment, no overwhelming need to run, no need to set Big John straight. There was only contentment. Realizing her muscles weren’t tense, but relaxed further amazed her.
A short while later, Andrea approached her with droopy eyes and a yawn. “I’m sleepy. Can we go home?”
It was time for the awkward moment. “We’re staying here tonight. If you show me to your room, I’ll tuck you in.” Jena made her best attempt to rush through an uncomfortable conversation in front of the neighbor.
“You can sleep in my room,” Andrea offered, rubbing her eyes.
Jena’s heart skipped a beat as she heard Big John’s chuckles in the background.
“Aunt Jen will be in the bedroom right next to yours,” Chase commented. His eyes watched her as she stood. “Andy can show you where her things are. I’ll be up in a couple minutes.”
Thank God it was dark. She was sure her face was ten shades of red.
“There’s no hurry,” she said hastily. “It was nice meeting you, John.”
“Welcome to the neighborhood, Jena.”
Did Big John just wink at her? Great. He thinks we’re sleeping together. Jena groaned inwardly and headed silently to the house with Andrea’s hand in hers.
****
“Are you going to let this one get away?” Big John challenged.
“No, John, I’m not.” Chase sipped his beer.
“You care to elaborate?”
“It’s a long story.”
“The good ones usually are. Let me buy you a beer.” Big John leaned over to his cooler and pulled out a cold one and handed it to Chase. “Okay, you can begin your tale.”
Chase grinned. “What makes you think I’m going to tell you?”
“Because when you’re in love you wanna tell the whole world about it. For now, you got my ear.”
Chase took a swig and caved. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Of course, I’m right. Get to it. It’s almost my bedtime.”
John was one of the most trustworthy guys Chase had ever met. He had no problem confiding in him, but decided on the condensed version.
Big John scratched his head. “Explain to me why you’re waiting to put a ring on her finger?”
Chase took the last drink and sat the bottle at his feet. “She’s not sure about my way of life.”
“I’m not sure about your way of life.”
“Well, that’s not a problem since I don’t want to marry you.”
“Ahhh, quit dragging your feet already.” Big John threw his empty beer bottle in the cooler. “Well, gotta be getting home. New season of Dancing with the Stars.” Big John maneuvered himself to an upright position, grabbed his cooler, and whistled for his dog. “Chase, buy a damn ring and ask her yesterday. You young people think too much. Come on, Bo.”
Chase shook his head as he replayed Big John’s words. His friend certainly simplified things. Maybe he should take his advice. He exhaled a nervous breath. No time like the present.
****
Chase was waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a silly grin.
“What are you up to?” she asked, unable to contain her own smile.
“Why must I be up to something?”
“I don’t know. You look…guilty.”
“Tomorrow’s the concert,” he announced.
“I know.” She eyed him suspiciously. “You’re acting odd. Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong.”
“Are we going to stand here?” She lifted her brows and crossed her arms. “Or are you going to let me finish cleaning the kitchen?”
“I’ll clean the kitchen tomorrow. I’ve waited long enough. There’s something I need to take care of before the concert.”
He was distracted and talking in circles. She frowned. “Maybe you should tell me what’s on your mind.”
“Come with me. I’ll show you.”
“Chase, I don’t think…”
“Geez, Jen, lighten up. The bedroom’s upstairs. Come on.” He took her hand and led her through the house. “Okay, stop here. Close your eyes.”
“I’m not the surprise kind of person.”
“So you’ve said. Humor me. No peeking.”
She sighed and closed her eyes. She could hear the door opening as he led her out. “Can I open my eyes? I really don’t want to fall down the steps.”
He placed his hands on her hips and positioned her. “Okay. Open them.”
She gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. “What’s this?”
“I wanted to do something special,” he replied as he led her down the steps.
From the roof of the gazebo hung icicle lights she commonly saw in Ohio at Christmas. In this setting, she had no thoughts of the holiday. Candlelight surrounded the glass table casting a glow across two flutes that sparkled like diamonds. The glasses sat on either side of champagne on ice. He filled her glass without uttering a word and handed it to her. He seemed nervous.
“Don’t drink. I want to make a toast.” He filled his glass.
“Can I sit?” She was amused by Chase’s case of the nerves. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him like this. What in the world was on his mind?
Chapter Twenty-Six
He held his glass casually, but he was acting strangely.
“I have something I’d like to say. I’m a little nervous, so hear me out.” He sat the glass aside.
Jena grinned. “You’re nervous? I don’t believe I’ve ever saw you squirm.” She couldn’t help feeling a little smug at the idea.
“I’m being serious,” he complained.
“Okay. I’m sorry.” She put on a serious face.
“John and I had a good talk tonight. He made me see life a little differently. I’ve been putting some things off for the right moment. There are no guarantees or perfect moments. All we have is now. I’m not going to waste it.”
Pulling her eyebrows together, she asked, “Chase, what are you talking about?” Her focus went to his hand as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small box. He wouldn’t. Please, God, let me be imagining this.
He kneeled before her as his eyes captured her tear-filled ones. The sound of the box opening filled her ears. Dare she look?
“I’ve made no secret of wanting to marry you.”
She took in a sharp breath, a weak attempt to keep the tears at bay. No, please. You’ll ruin everything.
“I’ve been waiting for the right time. What John made me realize tonight is this moment is the right time. You are the reason I breathe. Those years without you…” he paused and shook his head at the memory. “Nothing mattered. I existed. I have another chance and I don’t want to waste a second of it. I want to start our life together. Jena Shea, will you marry me?”
The air left Jena’s lungs. She lifted her shaking hand to her mouth. She was in danger of dropping her glass and mindlessly set it next to his. She gazed at the ring he held in disbelief and slowly met his eyes once more. The tears were falling freely now. She wanted to run.
“I know you weren’t expecting this.” He smiled softly.
Why would you do this? I’m not ready! Please, stop!
Jena knew she couldn’t say the words he wanted to hear. How could she explain the fear?
“What are you think
ing?” he asked.
“I’m scared,” she replied honestly. She didn’t recognize her own voice.
“Of what I do for a living?”
She nodded and swallowed nervously. “Among other things.”
“I’ll give it up then. I won’t spend my life without you.”
“No!” she gasped, shocked he would suggest such a thing. “You can’t. It’s who you are. Besides, that won’t fix everything.”
“Your love is the biggest part of me. Give me a chance to fix everything.”
“It’s not right, Chase. It won’t work. I’ll be forcing emotions I’m not ready for.” She choked back a sob.
“You’re not going to tell me you don’t love me.”
“I’m going to tell you I don’t know what I feel. I think I’m in love with you, but what do I know about love? I’ve only one relationship in my past and we both know how that went.” She knew by the look on his face she’d hurt him. Why did he have to corner her? Jena was sure this was the end. “I can’t, not now. I have too much to work through…too much baggage to make a commitment like that. I can’t promise you anything. I’m sorry.”
He took the ring box and snapped it shut, placing it in his pocket. Jena flinched as the sound bounced around in her brain. She paused for a moment, attempting to collect her thoughts. She was ever so close to sobbing. “Chase, I…”
“Don’t, Jen.”
“Please understand.” She was desperate to find the right words. “I’m not ready for this. It’s not you. The issues are mine.” The look she saw pass his face resembled a punch to the gut. She didn’t want to be responsible for his pain, but she couldn’t say yes. “We agreed to give our relationship a month. I have to give myself time… and time is the only thing I can give you.”
“You love me. I see it in your eyes. Take a chance, Jen.”
She shook her head wiping the tears away with her palms. “If we rush this we’re certain to fail. We have Andrea to consider. Failure isn’t an option. And there’s the band.” She rushed through the words before the protest past his lips. “It’s a part of you and I need time to adjust to that. I don’t want you quitting. If I can’t be a part of your entire life then it’s best I’m not part of any of it.”
“Jen, you don’t mean that.”
“I do. Chase, I’m not walking away.” His disappointment made her want to console him. “I’m asking for time. Time to trust, time to adjust to being Andrea’s guardian, time to adjust to living here, working here…time to understand what I’m feeling for you. This isn’t a refusal, but more of a ‘not right now.’ Do you understand?”
He sighed heavily. “No guy likes to get turned down on a marriage proposal, but yeah, I get it. You’re wrong, though. Your issues are my issues. I created them and it’s up to me to fix it.” He was quiet for a minute. “It’s all Big John’s fault. His pep talk went a little too far.”
He was attempting to hide his disappointment with humor. She wished she could have given him the answer he hoped for, but she was doing the right thing. She wasn’t marriage material. She prayed one day that view of herself would change. Jena closed the gap between them and embraced him. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry I can’t say the words you want to hear. I want to, please believe that.”
He nodded and squeezed her tightly. “I’m going to do everything in my power to hear those words. I’m not giving up…just so you understand that.” He held her face in his hands, looking through her eyes to her soul.
“I don’t want you to give up,” she answered honestly.
“So, I guess I’ll change the toast.”
“Please do. I could use a drink.”
She thought she heard him chuckle as he handed her the glass, holding his up in front of him. “This evening may not have gone as I had hoped, but I’m sure of one thing…I love you.”
The clank of their glasses echoed loudly in the moonlight. Jena wished she could echo the sentiment, but she couldn’t form the words. If only she had something eloquent to say, but she was speechless and took a sip to cover the awkward moment.
She turned from him, clutching her wine glass, concentrating on the waves crashing to shore. Closing her eyes she listened to the music of the surf, praying for calm.
“What are you thinking?” Chase’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“I wish I would have gone home tonight,” she answered candidly.
“Getting the hang of the whole honesty thing?” He chuckled. “It’s over, Jen. I understand it’s too soon. Let it go.”
“It’s difficult to quit reliving the moment.”
“You could always change your answer.” His eyes smiled at her as she turned to face him.
Was she crazy? He was her everything. She sighed, and then heard herself saying, “This is what’s right for now.”
Chase lightly brushed the back of his hand along her cheek. “For now. For now I will continue to show you why we belong together.”
The sound of a barking dog broke into their moment. Jena stepped back and Chase tightened his grip around her waist. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I was thinking…”
“Must be losing my touch,” he responded lightly.
She shook her head urgently. “You’re touch is just fine. You have to promise me…you can’t quit the band.”
“It would be no sacrifice. I’m wealthy. Hey, I could get a nine-to-five job and contribute to the vacation fund,” he joked.
But she wasn’t laughing. “Jen?”
“Your music is a part of who you are. I might not be familiar with that part, but I want to be.” She responded to the look of doubt on his face. “Really.” Jena took his hand and held it tightly, looking down at the connection. “It’s time I meet your passion.” She knew if she didn’t become a part of his music life, she’d eventually lose him. And if there was one thing she knew for sure….she wanted him, always.
He took their entwined hands and held them to his heart. “You are my passion. I don’t need anything else to make me whole.”
Her head tilted stubbornly. “I would never forgive myself if I took that away from you. And I’m afraid you would eventually resent me. I have to do this, Chase.” In her mind she saw women throwing themselves at him, late night parties, touring that would keep them apart… Fear bubbled up, closely followed by doubt, but she replaced it with a smile.
“My life isn’t what you think. My priority is your happiness. If that happiness includes me having a more conventional job…well, I have no problem with that.”
“Let’s give this a try first, okay?”
He turned serious again, lifting her chin so she couldn’t escape his gaze. “If, at any time, you can’t deal with this…say the word. I’ll quit. You have my promise. Nothing matters if I can’t share it with you.”
Jena was touched by his devotion to her. He believed he could live happily without his music, but she knew better. If she ever wanted a future with Chase Reiss, she was going to have to deal with this side of him too. The first step was going to this concert and seeing what really happens. If she didn’t fit in she knew what she’d have to do.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly.
She stepped back massaging her forehead. She needed to be honest. “I’m…” She couldn’t find the words.
“You can tell me anything.”
“Really, it’s nothing. I’m just tired.” She wouldn’t speak of her doubts tonight and the thoughts running through her head.
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. It’s been a long day. I’m going to…um…head up to bed.”
Chase stood there looking more handsome than a man had a right and her mind went immediately to that. She knew he wanted to take their relationship to a more intimate level. God, she couldn’t even say the word. Her face flushed with embarrassment.
“What aren’t you telling me?” He pushed.
She bit down on her lip. �
�I want to…”
“You want to what?” He was looking at her like she was speaking another language.
“Sex,” she blurted.
“You want sex?” His eyebrows rose as he asked the question.
“Yes. No!” She covered her face hoping she would disappear.
He took her hands from her face. “Tell me what it is you’re thinking. It’s me. There’s no reason for hiding.”
“I know you want to…um…but…I…uh…” Now, she was really getting angry with herself. “I’m not ready for that step and I wanted to be honest.”
“It’s okay. When the time comes, and it will,” he promised, “there won’t be any thinking about it.”
She could only nod before escaping to the house and to Chase’s guest room. Well, tonight had been a total disaster. How many ways could she be a disappointment to him?
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jena awoke and groaned at the memories of the night before. She had to let them go. Her eyes floated around the room, desperate for a distraction. This bedroom was twice the size of hers back home. She shook her head with disbelief. Never in a million years would she have guessed Chase would have this kind of success with music. Jasmine had tried to tell her through the years, but she wouldn’t listen; always changing the subject. Bits and pieces came back to Jena—talk of Chase on tour, Chase’s new album, Chase won an award. Jasmine thought she was stubborn. No, she was blocking the pain.
She threw her legs over the side of the bed and went to the adjoining bathroom and flipped on the light. Wow. Marble and stone surrounded her in warm earth tones. A garden tub loomed in front of a ceiling to floor window where the first streams of sunshine were beginning to filter in. A separate shower was in the corner. This was the guest bathroom? Her nerves were rattling again.
“Stop it!” she hissed to herself. Glancing toward the sink, she found a packaged toothbrush and toothpaste. When had he done that? More importantly, why would he have spare toothbrushes lying around? She wouldn’t allow her mind to come up with an answer, because she knew the direction it would go—female visitors.
