“What? Sorry do I know you….”
“That depends.” James looked painfully at her face.
“You seem vaguely familiar.”
“Glad to know.” Taking a drink of the water canteen, James seemed more confused by the riddles.
“How’s your head? Did they tell you what he had given you?” James still looking deeply at her was vacant.
“I don’t understand.”
“Ok I’ll help I’m the soldier that found you. You where pickled on something and I just wondered if they knew what they gave you?” As her words clicked into the puzzle Jeanie took off her jacket, the unmistakeable scars which run around Jeanie’s collar bone and shoulder jolted James like a bolt of lighting.
“What’s you name?”
“Sergeant Jack Rutherford of the Engineering division at you service.”
“How did you get that scar?”
“This one well not that long ago some crazed psychopath tried to kill me and doctor I knew saved my life. I suppose would have been dead if it wasn’t for him.”
Dropping the flannel to the floor James stood up. “Can you follow me please? I just need to look at something.” Jeanie jumped to attention catching her jacket and followed implicitly.
“I have heard that name before and I can’t remember where. You see I know of a woman who had that scar and everything is just so…would you mind me taking a look.”
“I’ve heard about your kind are you one of those doctors…” James taken aback and still confused on medication hesitated at her sarcasm
“You winked…Why?”
“Because I’ve been looking for you for nearly twelve months and I was told you where missing presumed dead but now I know it was all a lie.” James startled by the response shook his head in disbelief.
“It can’t be she’s…” Jeanie undid her shirt, revealing the bandages and bindings she had worn to keep herself hidden and as James ran his fingers over her scars his disbelief continued.
“It is you it can’t be.” wiping away the tears Jeanie placed her hand on his cheek. “I came all this way for you for us because I was told you where dead and I didn’t believe it” James wrapped his arms around her pulling her tightly around him.
“I can’t say I like your hair cut.” feeling James near her lifted the weight which had been sat on her shoulders.
John’s words on the other hand still played over and over in the back of her mind. Closing her eyes she tried to enjoy James’s embrace and as the affects of the drugs wore off his legs seemed to buckle beneath him. “Come on sit down.”
“I’ve dreamed about being close to you. I’ve dreamed about what I’d say and I can’t remember a single word.” Jeanie grabbed her shirt still conscious of her surroundings.
“I have too but not here. We’re still at war and I’m still Sergeant Jack Rutherford Engineering division. I’m just glad that you’re alive.” Jeanie started to put her shirt back on as James caught her arm.
“You have sores under your arms and they need sorting Jeanie.” placing her hand over his mouth Jeanie frantically looked around to see if he had heard. “Jack remember to call me Jack. At the moment they aren’t important but when we are away from this war and safe at home we will sort all this out. I have to go I love you.” James breathed deeply unable to comprehend that she was there with him.
“I’m going to feel like this is a dream in the morning I love you…..” Grabbing her hand he kissed her unable for her to disappear without proof. “I needed to steal one just to make sure.”
“I really have to go. I love you...” Disappearing from sight she stood outside trying to pull back to Jack, she also knew that her evening infirmary trips were not over.
Jeanie sat on the chair at Fred’s bedside all that night, knowing they needed blood Jeanie sat and gave what she could knowing he wasn’t just a casualty of war but another victim. He had served his country and fought for freedom and the person to try to kill him was on the same side. Thinking of a logical explanation had become difficult; the fucked up nature of what had happened due to two American soldiers had devastated too many lives.
Sat in the darkened infirmary she watched the laboured breaths of her responsibility and she realised why Mike had wanted her to come to war. She now understood that death was so much easier to comprehend when it’s your day job. She had killed, Mike had seen her do it but, what he hadn’t seen was the guilt and anguish it caused and the tears she had cried the first time it happened. Death was inevitable everyday; happiness was hard to celebrate especially when you had blood on your conscious.
The blackened room with Fred befitted Jeanie’s thoughts.
“You still here you know he’s got to do it on his own now.” Jeanie smiled and scratched her head pulling at her collar as she stretched.
“Doesn’t matter Sir I owe it to him to be here.” Clutching a clipboard the doctor bowed his head.
“You’re the lad that brought the other doctor back as well” Jeanie
“Yes Sir.” Trying to discourage the conversation she looked at the floor just wanting to be left alone.
“Your not supposed to be in here you know…” The doctor could see the anguish on Jeanie’s face; she just wanted to be their regardless of the outcome. “I suppose a few moments more won’t do any harm.” As the doctor left Jeanie sighed heavily resting her head on the bar on the bed feeling her sense of duty.
As the skyline filled black and red, the rains fell heavier and the winds howled around the camp. When Jeanie emerged from the medical wing another day was looming. Sitting on the embankment Jeanie clutched at Fred’s tags.
“Tough night soldier?”
“Yes Sir.” Jeanie didn’t lift her head
“How’s James.” again Jeanie didn’t raise her head
“James is ok still dopey but ok.”
“You know it looks like you are disobeying an officer from where you are sat so I think you might want to jump to attention...” Brushing down her clothes she stood and saluted, “Sergeant Jack Rutherford reporting for duty Sir.”
John threw away his cigarette and buried them in the sodden ground.
“Ok Sergeant at ease walk this way…” Jeanie dragged her feet, over everything that had happened she should have been elated that Frank Signthorpe and Mike Kowalski where out of the picture for good. All Jeanie felt was emptiness and alone in the feeling that she had let her men down and Fred had died with it.
“I need to get you out of here.”
“John we’ve been over this before.”
“Look at you…your men are dead. I’m sorry Je.Jack but that’s war you look as if you’ve been shot yourself you need to rain this in and pull your shit together.” Jeanie didn’t raise an eyebrow she could because again he was right and after everything she didn’t want to give him that satisfaction as well.
“What you can see John is disappointment. I kept a unit together and alive without food or radio communication for six months and yesterday I just feel like I let those boys down but your right I do need to pull my shit together. Sir.”
“I need you out of here…Fuck did you just agree with me...”
“There’s a first time for everything.” John pulled the chair in front of her and as he took hold of her blackened hands he knew Jeanie had learnt the art of survival
“I was ready for our own war you’ve caught me off guard.”
“All I want to do is go home.” placing his hand over hers he clasped them together.
“I’ve …I’ve done nothing but think about you and its drove me crazy. Matt said I’ve been obsessed but even now I know your safe but I don’t want to have to be the one to put you back in danger.”
“I don’t know what you’ve been through and I’m sorry I didn’t realise…I don’t see any other choice we have I’m not injured and I was part of the last group to come over. You don’t have any choice…” As the door way opened Jeanie dropped her fingers and the awkward silence increased the
tension.
“Yes…what is it..” the private embarrassed awkwardly stepped towards him,” Sorry….sir this came through….” And as the private left Jeanie stood and buttoned her jacket.
“Please don’t go we can sort this out.” Facing the doorway Jeanie opened the slat really hoping he could.
“Let me know if you figure something out.”
Jeanie ran her hands over her head and as the rain berated the earth like an angry parent she felt tired, frustrated and disappointed as she headed back into camp.
The last 24 hours had been a living nightmare and John’s determination to find her had touched her deeply. Confused and alone she concentrated on the reason she had come to war in the first place.
James.
Jeanie headed for the showers looking out for other personnel she contemplated her next move. Walking slowly through the showers she noticed the James on his own in a bottom stall. Checking again she tapped him on the shoulder.
“Can I talk…? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Jeanie I thought… it doesn’t matter.”
“Can you watch whilst I take a quick shower I’m covered.” James saw the blood stained uniform and how tired and forlorn she looked.
With James guarding the door Jeanie stood inside the cubicle trying to wash away the dirt and grime which Signthorpe and Mike had created. Jeanie shivered and hurriedly dressed back into her dirty clothes.
“You can’t where that it’s full of blood let me get you some spare clothes stay here….” On his return James brought spare shirt and trousers for Jeanie, seeing the sores he also brought with him spare dressings
“Before your shirt I need to look at those sores,”
“I’m…it’s been so long I’m scared James.” Placing his hand on her cheek he tried to reassure her.
“I love you your always beautiful to me and I can’t continue to see you in pain with these.” Wincing Jeanie turned around and took off the shirt, her pale milk like skin showed the scars of her ordeal. Cupping her hands and arm around her breast she turned around.
“I needed the bandages to be tight.” James looked at the blisters and swabbed them with iodine. “I’ve got most of them the one under your left arm is the worst. Jeanie why?”
“Can you help me with the bandages...?” Seeing her desperation he didn’t force any more questions, feeling his hands smooth around her back Jeanie closed her eyes.
“I used I used to dream about you touching me not like this though…not like this at all….” As he pinned her into the bind, James run his hands over her shoulders.
“Let me get you that shirt...”
“I love you very much and I don’t understand what brought you here and I may never know but I’m glad you are.” Jeanie kissed the back of his hand.
“I don’t think I deserve you I don’t think I deserve anything at the moment.” Pulling her close, he kissed her forehead.
“John’s here…isn’t he?” She didn’t have to confirm because he felt it. John couldn’t leave her on her own and he would never have expected him to.
“I can remember seeing you last night, when you showed me the scars I knew it was you. I thought I dreamt it but days and nights blur so easy here…you should know that now.”
“I’m not injured and I can’t go home James I only knew John was here when I found you Mike Kowalski was working with Signthorpe…I shot him dead last night and brought you here with John.
I lost five men….because of some sick elaborate plot to kill all of us and now…now I don’t feel like a whole person anymore. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat…I’m sick to fucking death of being called a degenerate…but I did it all for you…I thought you where dead or dying but I couldn’t contemplate loosing you…so I left our home, caught a boat and enlisted. Does that make me a fool or a hero James… cause at this very moment in time…I feel like a murderer.” James swallowed deep, her words remorseful and sallow made him understand her actions
“I don’t know any other person in this situation who would be as strong and determined as you are to see this through. I went to war thinking you where safe….and now your hear because someone wanted all of us gone…but I can’t help but rejoice in the fact that you are the only person I have ever known who would give up her life for me and Jeanie I feel it.. I would give you anything and everything for you I want you….I want to love you forever just let me.” Jeanie smiled as his words comforted her and before exiting the showers James kissed the palm of her hand.
“Let me love you.” Looking into his eyes she felt the sincerity of his kiss, “James I’m broken in more ways than you could fix…loving you will never be the problem. My whole existence is the problem.” Letting go of her hand he placed he watched her walk across the camp, heading back to his own quarters he turned around to gather another glimpse.
“Let’s mend each other...”
Watching the other soldiers play cards Jeanie lay on her bed thinking about James’s words, let me love you rung through every pore. They had been apart for twelve months but some of the men had been away from home for years, Jeanie plucked at her bandages deep in thought. Not able to settle she walked around the camp trying to make sense of this complicated situation.
“Hey stranger. You not fucking left this place yet?” Merle was sat in an old wheelchair taking a drag if his cigarette.
“Jesus Christ Merle….how the fuck are you?” Jeanie surprised to see how well he looked revelled in the fact that he was alive.
“Lost my leg but there are worse things that could have happened at least it means I get a free trip home…” Jeanie looked under the tatty blanket inquisitive at the sight of his stump.
“It’s good to see you it really is.” Merle offered Jeanie a cigarette and knowing her refusal he looked at her distant gaze.
“Eh Sarge come on you look like you’ve lost a dollar and found a penny.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“I heard about what happened I’m sorry. You know Pete’s saying tough. It’s all SNAFU in here…” Jeanie smiled nervously knowing the details of the encounter where sketchy enough, rumours just made her feel worse. “So what did you hear...?” Merle took another drag of his cigarette and looked out at the rain.
“That it was fucked up you had no chance just stuff like that
“You don’t know what you’re walking into in this place. So how long till the trip home?” Diverting the conversation Merle perked up
“Yep two maybe three weeks back to old Blighty first then off to Milwaukee. Virginia will be waiting for me back home just can’t wait to see them all again you know. What about your family got anybody special waiting for you?” Merle hung onto every word intrigued to know about Jeanie’s life even the six months that they had spent together she had been a mystery.
“I mean Sarge you practically know everything about us. Jesus Christ even down to the fact of how many nights Eugene had to piss.” Jeanie dragged a chair up to the side of him.
“I know. I suppose I have been a little guarded. I do have someone special just hope I live up to expectations.”
“Maybe it’s your baby face do you think…”
“Or maybe looking at the bets you all had against me that it’s because I’m a woman. Which odds where they again...” Merle flipped open his notebook counting through the pages the small element of light relief felt right.
“35/1 odds on that one Sarge. Let’s face it though your not?” Jeanie smiled again not answering his question either way. These men had become part of her family and knowing they had started a book made Jeanie feel even more mysterious.
“So any plans set in stone for you Sarge….” Jeanie picked up a piece of twine and rolled it around her fingers.
“Not yet I believe the Japs are retreating out of China so probably be sent up there. But only time will tell Merle. For now all that I have is in this camp so that’s got to be good enough for now.”
Chapter 33
/> The preparations had already started in the cottage and Jeanie was finally coming home. John had been the first to be sent home and knowing her family would be waiting in anticipation he brought them the news that Jeanie would be home mid October 1945 and James would follow in early November.
Trying to hide her whereabouts had become a challenge to all of them and in the end Eric had to be told. As Irene ordered the banners to be raised, the rest of them congregated at the window.
“Mum the taxi is here what we do…”
“Just let’s be as calm as we can be.”
Jeanie had been instructed to burn her uniform and in that moment Jack Rutherford had officially died on the crossing back from Burma. In his place Jeanie Rutherford Watson was reborn.
John had left her a pale blue flowered dress and Jacket, not knowing what to do with her hair Jeanie wrapped her head in a scarf and bought a matching hat.
She didn’t bare any physical scars from her experience however; deep inside everything about her had changed. Not knowing how her family would be able to cope made the journey home more apprehensive than exciting.
Stepping through the front door Eric was the first to grab hold of her. “You’re braver lass than I give you credit for. Don’t worry you mum let me know and I promised to keep a secret.” Eric kissed her on the cheek and shook her hand as if she had been welcomed home a hero.
There was nothing heroic about her actions. Just death.
Nothing more.
“Welcome home pet.” The brigade of girls clattered around Irene and as Jeanie flooded through the crowd and as her watery gaze met Irene she froze to the spot.
“I’m home Mum.” The array of kisses and hugs overwhelmed Jeanie to the point that they barged her back into the hallway, revelling in the noise Jeanie clung to them. As they all gathered together in the living room, Jeanie forgot the feeling of security that only home could give. Listening to the buzz of conversation and the delight that home comfort could bring Jeanie fell asleep.
Everything about coming home had been stressful, reinventing herself had been worse, at least as Jack she knew her job her role and her purpose, now as Jeanie everything was back to chaos.
In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1) Page 32
