by Carlyn Cade
“Thanks for forgiving me,” Ryan said.
♥♥
“Before you leave on your cruise, Mother, I want you to understand I plan on asking Stacia to marry me,” Clay said. “We have some things to work out between us first.”
“Is one of those things a prenuptial agreement?” the queen asked.
“You had me fooled, Mother. I thought after you got to know Stacia, you’d grow to love her and welcome her into our family. She’s done so much for both of us since my father died. Are you still opposed to our marriage because she doesn’t have royal blueblood lines?” He hoped there wasn’t too much bitterness and disgust in his words, because he didn’t mean to hurt his mother. He was tired of the same old argument, and now it seemed, she’d found something else to question and hold against Stacia.
“Clayton Alexander,” his mother said in that commanding tone he knew so well. “You’ve lived with me all these years, and you still don’t believe I know what’s best for you.”
Damn, here it comes. “And what is that, Mother? A prenup?”
“Well, there is a lot of money involved…”
Clay was ready to explode. “Did father ask you to sign one? Or did he love you enough to know you weren’t marrying him for his money? Because that’s how much I love Stacia. And with that love comes my trust.”
“I think things are getting way out of hand here, Clayton. Since your father died, I’ve realized how unimportant royalty blood lines are. The only thing that sustained our marriage was our love for each other. That’s what I want to remember about him. Don’t you know all I want for you is to find someone you love, and she loves you back, no matter what happens in your lifetimes? That’s what’s best for you. I didn’t mean for the prenuptial agreement to become an issue. You are a grown man, and any mother would be proud of you as a son, the way I am. You have also been raised to be king, and you are in your own way. Therefore, you are extremely capable of deciding whether you need a prenup, as you call it, or not. And furthermore–”
No more words were needed for Clay. He gathered up his mother in his arms and hugged her tightly. “Thanks for your blessing,” he said. “I love you.”
“And Clayton, there’s one more thing,” his mother said. “I love Stacia too.”
♥♥
The day of departures arrived. Stacia and Clay had said good-bye to Josie and Ryan. Now it was time to do the same with Helen, Sam and Clay’s mother. They were standing at the entry to the palace waiting for the queen to come downstairs.
“Sam,” Stacia said, “I’ve been meaning to tell you thanks for sending me those tickets to the Caviar-On-Ice Extravaganza. Without them, I’d never have met Clay.” She smiled appreciatively. “And also, for choosing me to play Audra’s part in London Affair.” She wondered what he’d say if she also told him he might be her brother from a previous lifetime.
“There’s something about you, Stacia. You remind me of Audra a great deal. The first time I saw you on the screen, I got a déjà vu feeling. I can’t describe it exactly, but I felt as if I was watching my sister act. Later, when I heard Sterling and Keyes were going to remake London Affair, I knew I had to finance it, and you had to play Audra’s role. With you in the lead, it would become a fitting memorial for Audra, the one final thing I could do for her and for the closure I needed.”
There, he’d opened the door, just tell him...No, I can’t...Instead, she played it safe by continuing on with the already established conversation. “But why the secrecy about not revealing who you were until after London Affair was finished?” she asked.
“Can you imagine what people would say if they found out some rich old geezer backed a movie for some young chick to star in? Don’t laugh...that’s what they’d call us. After all, you are the only actress in the movie. Gossip like that would destroy my intention and the beautiful memory I have of my sister. Later, when Clay became involved with you, he talked me into telling you who I was, but I agreed to reveal my identity only after the movie was completed.”
“Did Clay tell you I have Mark’s journal?”
”Briefly.”
“If you ever want to read it, let me know. It’ll always be available for you.”
“I don’t know, Stacia. I’ll have to think on that option. When I asked Helen, she filled me in about Audra’s death, all the parts I didn’t know. I’m still wrestling with that.” He rubbed his eyes with his balled-up fists.
Stacia understood how he still had grief and anger clutched in his hands. She didn’t think now or probably ever would be the right time to tell him that he’d also lost a niece or nephew. Even Helen didn’t know about that. Stacia reached up and hugged him. I love you, brother, she whispered silently in her mind.
“I’m ready to go,” the queen announced as she descended the last step into the entryway.
After their goodbyes, the trio left in the limo for Sam’s jet and a luxurious cruise wherever the healing waters flowed.
“Did you hear Sam say he had a déjà vu feeling about me when he first saw me?” Stacia asked Clay when they were alone. “I so wanted to tell him I might be Audra.”
“I’m glad you didn’t at this time,” Clay said. “Maybe someday he’ll be ready to believe you’re his sister reincarnated. The world is certainly spinning in that direction. From what’s presented on television, in movies, and in books, it seems more believers are born every second.” He took Stacia in his arms. “And this is one change I’m definitely in favor of...us being together and all alone.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
“Come sit closer to me,” Clay said a few days later when they finished meditating at the waterfall. He patted the space next to him on the blanket. “I want to talk to you. We need to get some things settled.”
“Like what?” she asked as she moved over next to him.
“I’m assuming you haven’t changed your mind, and you’re still afraid to marry me.”
“I don’t recall you ever proposed to me, so how could I change my mind?”
“That’s a fair enough question, but you knew I intended to, or at least, wanted to.”
She looked down, wishing he hadn’t brought up the subject. “Can’t we continue as we are now? Except for your father’s death, I’m happy just being with you.”
“We’ve been over this before. I feel as if we’re back in California, the night I left you because you couldn’t make a commitment. It doesn’t seem as if we’ve gained any ground since then as far as deepening our relationship. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving only you. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I want to reach out and find you next to me. I want to kiss you whenever I feel the urge, not hold back because of some restrictions you’ve set up. I want it all, and I want you. Stacia, will you marry me?”
I’d love to...I want to…but I can’t... she thought, before speaking out loud. “How can I, feeling as I do?”
“No. That’s no good. The time has come when I need an answer, not a question. Stacia, you have to get over this idea you can’t marry. If you don’t love me, then say so now, and we’ll end our relationship and move on. But if you do, be brave enough to take a chance.”
“Loving you has never been the obstacle. I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t know how it would feel not to love you.” She reached up and placed her hand on his face. I want you to kiss me all the time. I want to know how it feels to make love with you. I want everything you want. Your children. Your love. Forever. She wished she had enough courage to tell him her thoughts.
“You’ll lose me quicker if we don’t move on in our relationship, than if we would get married and your prophecy came true. Does that make sense to you?”
She nodded, her fatalistic feelings ready to rain down on her. “So, I lose either way. Is that what you’re telling me?” She pulled her hand away.
“In a way, you’re probably right. It seems you’re stuck with picking the lesser of two evils, as th
e old saying goes.”
“The last time I was at SwissDen, I left with every intention of solving this problem with Josie’s help. And she did help me, but then everything started happening, and we didn’t get a chance to finish what we started.”
“Then your answer is still no? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I’m saying I can’t give you a yes or no answer now. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do from this point on. I love you, Clay. I don’t want to lose you, but...”
He stood up. Stacia thought he was going to walk away from her, but instead he knelt down on one knee in front of her. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box and flipped the cover open. A huge diamond sparkled in the sunlight. “I’d like to make a new proposal,” he said. “I’d like you to accept this ring in case you decide to marry me.”
She was afraid she might burst from the love swelling up inside her. How could such an amazing man exist, and how could she be lucky enough to have him love her? “Clay, if I say yes, would that be fair to you, knowing it could turn out to be no in the end?”
“I have to give you every chance possible to say you’ll marry me. If I don’t, I know I’ll regret it as long as I live. I believe you and I were meant to be together. There can never be anyone else for me. I’m so filled with love and passion for you, there’s no room for anyone else to take your place in my heart.”
She threw her arms around his neck, almost knocking him off balance. “Oh Clay, I love you so very much, and even though it’s only a tentative yes, this is still the happiest moment of my life.”
“And mine.” He lifted her face to his and kissed her. When the kiss ended, he took the ring out of its box and slipped it on her finger. “Here’s to happily ever after,” he said and kissed her again.
♥♥
“I’ve been thinking,” Stacia said to Clay the next morning as they sat in the atrium alone eating breakfast. “Josie said if I wanted to go deeper than what she could take me, we’d call in the ‘big guns’ – meaning her mom. I think I’d like to try hypnotherapy. I’d want Josie there with us, of course.”
“Do you want them to come here?” Clay asked.
She shook her head. “No, it’s better if I go home. It’s time to fulfill my new movie commitment, and I’d like it if you’d go back with me.”
“Will it be the same way as London Affair, and you won’t have any time for me in your life?” He cut a piece of his French toast and ate it.
“Not at all,” she said. “It may get rather intense at times, but I’m not going to be the only one in this movie, so I’m not needed on the set all the time.” She couldn’t resist giving him a quick kiss. “Besides,” she teased, “there’s some pretty good love scenes in the script. Maybe you can help me rehearse them.”
“With an offer like that, how can I refuse? Give me a couple days to put some things in order here, and we’ll leave.”
“Great. I’ll call Josie and arrange everything.”
“Stacia, can we talk about our future?”
“You mean whether or not the if turns into a when?” She took a bite of her croissant. ‘I’m really going to miss all these delicious foods at SwissDen.”
Clay laid his fork down. He moved his plate away, steepled his fingers in front of him, and placed his elbows on the table. “I prefer to take a positive spin on the when. When we get married, where do you want to live?” he asked.
“With you, wherever you are. Where we live doesn’t matter to me. With you does,” she said simply.
“In SwissDen or somewhere else?”
“In SwissDen,” she replied.
“And what about your movie career after we’re married?”
“I told you before I can only have one career at a time. The movies wouldn’t miss me. Fame, after all, is very fickle. It bounces around until it finds someone else to cast its spotlight on. But I’d miss you every second we weren’t together. All I’d want would be to concentrate on you for the rest of my life. Remember I told you I couldn’t do both at the same time. You would always be my top priority…unless we have a…baby. Then you might move down on my list.” She gave him a small kiss.
“I’m glad you want babies.”
“Well, not too many.” Her eyes captured his. “I don’t think we need to talk about that now, okay.”
“And our wedding. Do you want to be married in Wisconsin, California or here?”
“Whoa! This is beginning to sound like Twenty Questions or The Newlywed Game.” She smiled at him.
He smiled too. “Do you mind?”
“No. Not if I get to ask you questions too.” She pushed her plate back, deciding all this wedding talk was affecting her appetite. It was gone. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you? These questions are so hypothetical...” She didn’t know what else to say, so she stood up and walked slowly around the area of the atrium they were in, stopping to touch a pink hibiscus bloom and admire its beauty. Then she went back to Clay again and sat down next to him. “We have some hurdles to get over before we can think seriously about getting married.”
“As I said, I prefer to concentrate on the when and not think about us never getting married. I love you, Stacia, and I don’t know how I can give you everything you want, if I don’t know what you want? Thus, the questions. There are no deal breakers here. It’s all about planning for our future.”
She cocked her head and looked at him. She loved everything he said and was. And she knew exactly what she wanted. “All I want is you…and to be able to marry you with a chance of living a long life together. Can you give me your promise on that?”
“Come on, Stacia, you know that’s not possible for anyone to do, unless we stay engaged forever.”
“Without the benefits?”
“With you, it is what it is, and what it has to be. I love you with or without benefits.”
Lighten up, Stacia. Here we are two people desperately in love, and I mess it up by not believing love can conquer all. What I need to do is take a chance on him and on the life we could have together. And forget this self-imposed curse and just concentrate on the benefits. She really liked the sound of that last idea. Following part of her advice to herself, she decided to lighten up. “When do I get to ask you something?”
“Anytime you want.”
“I’ll finish answering your questions first. You asked where I wanted to get married. Well, Wisconsin was my home when I was a child. Now I’m a woman, and I can’t think of any better place to start our new life together than SwissDen, that is, if that’s where you want to live.”
“You know my mother would make our wedding into a huge affair with all the pomp and circumstances she could muster up,” he said. “Would you be ready for that?”
“It would be private, right? I mean, outside of the invited guests. There wouldn’t be any helicopters filled with the paparazzi buzzing around above the domes, would there?”
Clay laughed. “You don’t need to worry about anything with the security we have around the palace. Besides I thought you’d want to be married in the chapel, and then we’d be inside anyway.”
“I’m not so sure,” Stacia said. “The bridge, the forest and the waterfall all have special meaning to me.”
“Yes, me too,” he said huskily and grinned. “Especially the waterfall and a certain little green outfit.”
When he kissed her, convincing her of his love and passion for her, and before Stacia sank into the depth of the kiss and responded the same way, she knew only one thing – she had no questions to ask.
♥♥
“The main problem,” Claire said when Stacia and Clay had returned to California and were seated in her office, “as I understand it from everything Josie has told me, is that because of what you have dreamed, you think you can never marry, or if you do, it won’t last.”
Stacia nodded.
“I notice you have a diamond on your finger. Surely, you must have marriage on you
r mind to have accepted it.”
“It’s only tentative, based on whether we resolve my problem.”
“I see,” Claire said. She turned toward Josie. “You believe Stacia and Clay have shared two past lives together and were lovers and soulmates in them, is that correct?”
“Right,” Josie replied. “So, Mom, what are we going to do to help them?”
“How do you feel about this, Clay?”
“That life’s a risk, but if we love each other, we should be married and take our chances.”
“So, if you could see into the future, Stacia, and everything was fine, then you’d believe it and marry Clay?” Claire asked.
“If that were possible...”
“Has Josie explained future projection to you?”
“No, Mom, I haven’t,” Josie said.
“Since hypnotherapy works with meditation to go deeper into your subconscious, it’s possible under the right conditions to see into the future.”
Clay smiled. “You just used Stacia’s favorite word, Claire. Right. Everything has to be right for her to make a decision. That’s the main reason we’re here.”
“Has your life always been so structured, Stacia?” Claire questioned.
“I don’t think anything in my life has been at all like what Clay and I have been through since we met.”
“So, besides the usual fireworks between two people in love, there’s been some turmoil happening also?” Claire stood up from her desk, stuck her hands into her jacket pockets and walked slowly around the room.
“Turmoil?” Stacia asked. “I’d say it was more like a tornado whirling around inside a hurricane. We both have nightmares. Scenes from what Josie calls our past lives appear in our dreams and even in our meditations. Clay ended up being so depressed he pulled away from me. And I’m afraid to marry the man I love.” The more she talked, the angrier she got. “Who needs all that? And why did this happen to us? Why would we even want it?” Along with her anger, she could feel bitterness rising up inside her. “Why would anyone want to go through what’s happened to us? And what should we do with all this information now that we have it? What good is it?”
