by Alice Ward
Still, I couldn’t ignore the things he said. No matter how much I wanted to believe he felt something for me, his words proved otherwise. He made it abundantly clear that he was only in this for his business and nothing more. I didn’t mean anything to him. I was just a means to an end. That knowledge broke my heart, but I knew I’d been through worse. I knew I had no choice but to accept the facts and move on. Soon, Talen would be out of my life, and all the confusing feelings would go with him.
“I should go,” I said into the phone. “Thanks for talking to me, Madison. I don’t say it enough, but you really are my best friend.”
“I know.” Her voice was so soft and understanding I wanted to cry. “And you’re mine. Everything will be okay. I promise.”
“Thanks. Talk soon.”
“Talk soon,” she said.
We hung up, and I tossed my phone onto my couch. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I had to return to Talen’s place, but I just wasn’t ready yet. After our trip, I couldn’t bring myself to face him yet. If I had been confused before, it was nothing compared to how I felt now.
Just as I was about to sit down and wallow in my emotions, there was a soft knock on my door. I frowned. I wasn’t expecting anyone but couldn’t help but wonder if it was Talen. My heart beat faster at the thought. Taking a deep breath as I put my hand on the doorknob, I told myself it would be okay. I just had to open the door and face him.
When I did, it wasn’t Talen who stood in front of me. It was Perry.
At first, I was sure that I was seeing things. I wasn’t. Perry was indeed standing in my doorway, wearing the shirt I bought him for his last birthday and looking at me with his deep brown eyes. I blinked, trying to think. I could barely breathe, and I had no idea what to say to him. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t. He just shifted his weight from one foot to the other and stared at me.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I finally asked. My voice was soft, weaker than I wanted it to be.
“Can I come in?” he asked sheepishly. I could tell he was nervous, but I didn’t care. The second I saw him, all the pain and anger he caused me came flooding back. I wanted nothing more than to slam the door in his face.
“No,” I said, stepping outside and closing the door behind me. “You can’t.”
“Dani, please. I just want to talk to you.”
“We can talk out here,” I said firmly and leaned against the doorjamb, crossing my arms over my chest.
He cleared his throat a few times and played with his hands. He kept moving his feet as if he didn’t know how to stand. His eyes flickered from my face to the ground and back again. A sick, twisted part of me enjoyed watching him squirm. I loved the fact that he was nervous and scared to be standing in front of me. I knew I could have said something to ease the tension, but I refused. He dumped me. If he wanted to talk, he needed to find the balls to start the conversation.
“Dani,” he finally said and took a step toward me. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I repeated. My voice was flat. My eyes were locked on his, trying to read his emotions.
“I am,” he said earnestly. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through. I know how much I hurt you and I just, I hate myself for it.”
“What happened to your new girlfriend?” I asked, my voice cutting through the air like a knife. Perry winced, but he soon recovered.
“I know I made a mistake, but, I don’t want my mistake to ruin our entire future. You and I have been through so much together, Dani. I don’t want to throw everything away just because of one stupid mistake.”
“What you did was bigger than a mistake.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.”
His apologies started wearing on me. The more he said the word “sorry,” the more I wanted to slap him across the face and make him leave me alone for good. Just standing there talking to him was more than I could take. I wanted to disappear inside and shut the door between us, but I couldn’t make my feet move. I couldn’t tear myself away.
“Perry, what are you doing here? Really.”
“I’m here to get you back,” he said bluntly. “I want to be with you, Dani. I want to make up for everything I did wrong. I want to fix our relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship,” I reminded him.
“Don’t say that,” he said softly. For the first time, he actually looked hurt. My stomach clenched at the pain in his voice. I hated myself for still caring, but I did. Perry and I had been together for so long that I couldn’t just turn my feelings off overnight. Seeing him in pain hurt me too.
I sighed. “What do you want from me?” I could feel the tears threatening to pour from my eyes, but I blinked them away. I couldn’t let him see me cry.
“I just want you,” he said. “I want to give us another try. Dani, we have a history together, and I would hate for that history to just disappear. I want to be with you again. Whatever you want, we can do. If you want me to stay in town more often, I can. If you want to get married, then that’s what we’ll do. Whatever you want, okay?”
I lifted an eyebrow. “Whatever I want? Too late for that.” I lifted my left hand and wiggled my fingers at him, knowing the huge diamond couldn’t be missed.
Instead of looking surprised, his jaw tightened. “I thought that was surely some tabloid-made-up lie.”
He did know about my marriage, yet he came here anyway. Was it just jealousy that drove him back in my direction?
“It doesn’t have to be too late.”
I wiggled my fingers again, letting that be my answer.
Perry looked around. “If you’re so happy with your rich husband, then why aren’t you living with him? Why are you still in this crappy place?”
Shit. I raised my chin. “I’m not living here. I’m going through my things. You just got lucky by catching me here.”
His eyes narrowed, and I could tell he was trying to read me. “So, you’re happy with him?”
“Yes. Very.”
“I don’t believe you.”
My stomach unclenched, and I flushed with rage. His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I immediately felt every ounce of my anger come flooding back. I stared at his pleading, desperate face, and I hated him. I hated him for wasting five years of my life. I hated him for cheating on me. And I hated him for showing up now, begging me to take him back.
“You’re an idiot,” I snapped. “You’re seriously here, begging me to take you back? After everything you did?”
“I apologized.” He had the nerve to look offended. “I said I was sorry.”
“And that’s just supposed to magically make it all better? You think that offering to marry me if I want to is enough? What about you? Two people shouldn’t get married just because one of them wants to. It should be because they both want to, but you’ve never wanted that. You’ve never wanted me. Not really.”
“That’s not true,” he argued. “Dani, I—”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said, cutting him off. “Because now, I don’t want you.”
With that, I turned and stepped back inside my apartment. I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it with a furious twist of my wrist. I was so angry that I could barely breathe as I paced around my small space. It was a few minutes before I finally heard Perry’s footsteps as he walked away. I peered out the window and watched as his car pulled out of the parking lot, and he disappeared down the street. I was happy to see him leave, but my anger was still growing.
I couldn’t believe he would show up at my door like that. I’d been so focused on my feelings for Talen that I hadn’t given Perry a second thought in days. Even when my mother asked about him, I barely felt a thing. Perry was my past, and I wanted him to stay that way. I couldn’t believe he offered to marry me just because he thought that’s what I wanted. He didn’t even bother to say he wanted to marry me.
As I sat down on the couch and tried to calm myself, I realized that I didn’t hat
e my ex. Not really. He was just a sad, pathetic man who was better left alone. Our relationship was over, and it had been for a long time. My future didn’t lie with him. It lay somewhere else, with someone different.
At least I wished it did.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Talen
I missed Dani.
Following the Grand Canyon trip, I didn’t see her for a few days. She was staying at her place, and my nerves were starting to get the best of me. Not only was I concerned about our image, but I was also worried about her. After I tried to call her twice, I knew I needed to get out of the house. Sitting around and worrying wasn’t good for me. I knew I would just keep calling her and that it would only drive her crazy. I couldn’t let that happen.
With everything going on with Dani and at work, I’d postponed the Big Brother training until after the investment meeting. I wished I hadn’t, because it would have been a good distraction. Instead, I called Brandon and asked him to meet me at the lake. He had a boat that we took out sometimes when we wanted a relaxing day on the water. I hadn’t seen my best friend in a long time, and I was desperate to catch up with him. More than anybody, Brandon would be able to distract me from thoughts of Dani, and that was exactly what I needed.
“What time?” Brandon asked. “I’ll get provisions and meet you there.”
“Now,” I said. “I’ll head over there as soon as I get dressed. We should get there about the same time.”
“Perfect. A day of drinking on the water. Exactly what I need, man.”
“You and me both,” I said under my breath. “See you in a bit.”
“See ya,” Brandon said and hung up.
I hurried to my room and changed. Shoving my phone and keys in my pocket, I rushed out the door and to my car. I couldn’t wait to get as far away from my life as possible. I didn’t have the time or the luxury to embark on an actual vacation, but a day on the lake was the next best thing. As I slid behind the wheel, my mind turned again to thoughts of Dani. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t control myself. I wondered if she would’ve wanted to come with me. After the Grand Canyon trip, things were tense between us. She was avoiding my calls, and I knew I needed to back off and give her space, but I still wanted to see her. I wondered if a lake trip would be incentive enough for her to see me.
Shaking my head, I forced the thought away. I shoved the key into the ignition and fired up the engine. It took an hour for me to reach the lake, but it was worth the trip. I sped and didn’t stop for anything. With every mile I put between myself and Dani, I felt better. I felt freer and more like myself again. Lately, I didn’t feel like me. I felt like a shadow of my former self, and I hated it.
“Talen!” Brandon yelled when I finally reached the lake and climbed out of my car. He was already on the water, standing in the boat. He held two beers over his head and gestured for me to hurry up. I laughed and jogged down to the dock.
“Man,” I said as I hopped onto the boat. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“Works for me.” Brandon tossed me a beer and drove away from the dock. I shoved the beer back in the cooler and grabbed a water instead. With the investor meeting coming up, I couldn’t risk screwing up. If I got drunk, something bad was bound to happen. I’d come this far, I couldn’t let myself fail now.
We drove over the water in silence. As we got to the middle of the lake, the land around us was barely visible. I leaned against my seat and stared out at the water, letting myself relax. Every muscle in my body had been tight for weeks. Sitting here on the water, I could finally let them loosen up again. I breathed slowly, a smile crossing my face.
The sun beat down on us, and we continued to sit quietly. There was so much I wanted to tell Brandon, but I wasn’t ready to break the silence just yet. Being out here was so peaceful. Except for the occasional pop of Brandon’s beer caps, there wasn’t a human sound around. I listened to the birds sing and the bugs chirp, letting the sun warm me and the fresh air revive my spirit.
With a sigh, I sat up and took a sip of my water. It was cold and felt great sliding down my throat. I closed my eyes and drank more. When I opened my eyes again, Brandon was staring at me with a disapproving look.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m on my fourth beer,” he said. “And you’re over there drinking water, man. What the hell? Grab a beer!”
“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “You know I have to watch myself during this whole investor thing. It’s almost over. Just a little while longer, and I’m home free.”
“When’s the meeting?” Brandon asked.
“Next Monday. I’m almost done. Trust me, man, the second this shit is behind me, I’m going to have more than a few drinks.”
“We’ll make it epic,” Brandon promised. “I’m thinking L.A. or maybe Atlantic City. Somewhere far away where we can tear some shit up.”
“Works for me.” I laughed. “I’m going to be so ready to get out of here.”
“Your dad still think I’m the Antichrist?” Brandon asked with an amused grin.
“Of course,” I said. “He’d flip if he knew I was with you right now.”
“You know, I’m oddly flattered by that. It’s a compliment in a way.”
“Only you would take it that way.”
“I have my priorities in order.” He shrugged. “Your father doesn’t understand priorities. At all.”
“I’m with you there.” Brandon was right. My father had one priority and one only. The business.
“How’s it going with the hooker?” Brandon asked abruptly, pulling me away from thoughts of my father. My stomach clenched with rage at his words.
“Don’t call her that,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Why?” Brandon laughed. “It’s what she is.”
“She’s not a hooker!” I said, the anger growing.
“Come on,” Brandon said. “You’re paying her to stay married to you. She’s giving you a service, and you’re giving her money in return. Where I come from, that’s basically the definition of a hooker.”
“Our situation is more complicated than that,” I insisted. “You know that, man. You were there the night we got married.”
“I know. Which is why I feel justified passing judgment on the whole thing.”
“Well, don’t,” I barked. “And don’t say anything else about my wife. You don’t know what you’re talking about, okay? You don’t know anything about her.”
I took another drink of my water and looked away from Brandon, but I could feel his eyes on my face the whole time. I could feel him watching me, analyzing my reaction. Part of me knew I shouldn’t have gone off on him, but I couldn’t help it. When he called Dani a hooker, I was ready to kill him. For the first time in our friendship, I found myself wishing I could punch him in the face. I was ready to feel his jaw snap beneath my knuckles. I’d never felt that much rage before in my life. As I sat there, trying to calm myself down, Brandon continued to stare at me in shock.
“Shit,” he said softly. “You’re in love with her.”
“What?” I jerked my head around to look at Brandon again. His eyes were on me, but he didn’t look angry or judgmental. If anything, he looked sad, almost like he pitied me. The sight made me even angrier. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Ease up, man.” His hands rose up in a defensive position. “I’m just calling it like I see it.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” I snapped.
“Am I?” His hands were still up, holding the distance between us. “Because you have never jumped on me like that before. No girl has ever made you act like this. What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.” I pressed the heel of my hand into my eye. “Nothing is going on. I just don’t want you calling her that, okay? She’s a nice girl, and she’s doing me a favor. She doesn’t deserve for you to say those things about her. She just doesn’t.”
“You’re sleeping with her.” It wasn’t a question.<
br />
I hesitated. He was right and wrong, but I didn’t want to admit or explain. From the look on Brandon’s face, I didn’t have to. He already knew the truth.
“Why does that matter? I sleep with everyone. So do you.”
“This is different,” Brandon said, shaking his head. “She’s your wife.”
“Five seconds ago, she was a hooker,” I reminded him. “Which is it?”
“You tell me.” He gave me a hard look. “Look, man, I just want you to be careful.”
“Careful? Of what?”
“Her,” he said simply. “Be careful of her.”
I stared at him. My anger was gone, but now I was more confused than ever. I knew I had feelings for Dani. I’d known it for a while, but to say I was in love with her was taking it too far. She was important to me, more important than she should have been, but I didn’t love her. I couldn’t love her. I’d never loved anyone besides my mother. Ever.
“I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine.”
“Good.” Brandon nodded. “Because your arrangement with her is almost over, and when it is, she’ll be gone. She’s not going to stick around and be your girlfriend or your wife, Talen. She’s doing this for the money, remember? You blackmailed her into this. This entire thing was because you needed something from her. Don’t expect her to be here when it’s all said and done because she won’t be. The second she gets that money, she’s out the door.”
I shook my head and looked out over the water. Brandon didn’t know what he was talking about. Dani was a good person. She wasn’t the kind of girl to just write someone off, especially not after she slept with them. I didn’t expect us to be together after the investor meeting, but I hoped we would stay friends. Or that we would keep in touch. As I sat on the boat, I wondered if that was all just wishful thinking. My feelings for Dani were so confusing that I didn’t know what to think about them.
“You don’t know her,” I said.
