Or at least that’s what I was telling myself.
One night, about a week after our little run-in outside of UG, I was heading home. As I passed her shop, I saw her struggling with that damn gate. It didn’t cross my mind for a second to keep walking, even though I doubted she would appreciate my help. Still, I sat my laptop bag on the ground beside hers, and without a word, I pulled the gate down for her, holding it firm while she locked it. When the padlock snapped into place, I grabbed my bag and went on my way.
“Hey!” I looked back to see Simone jogging a little to catch up to me, her hair blowing away from her face. Why the hell did she have to be so pretty? “Um… thanks.” Her voice was shaky, almost choked, and she cleared her throat to try again. “Thank you, Roman, for helping me with that.”
I shrugged, and did my best to look bored even though my heart was racing with adrenaline. “It’s nothing. I wasn’t gonna walk past you like I didn’t see you struggling. I’m not that kinda dude, believe it or not.”
Simone’s chest rose and fell as she gave an inaudible sigh, then dropped her eyes to the ground. “Well… again, thanks.” She gave me a faint smile, then adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder as she started down the street.
“Simone… wait up a second.”
I’m not sure what made me call out to her, but I felt a little relieved when she stopped and turned around.
“Yeah?”
“Let me walk you home.”
Her eyebrows shot up, then crept back down into a slight scowl. “Roman, I’m not—”
“I should rephrase that,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean to say, ‘Simone, I’m walking you home’.” The look on her face said she wanted to argue, but I smiled at her. She softened almost immediately, then rolled her eyes and began sauntering down the sidewalk, not waiting for me to catch up.
Guess it was just a matter of time.
When I reached her side, we walked in silence, until we passed my building. Glancing up, I could see the light on in the front room of my own apartment, and I knew Leah was probably giving Zahra dinner while she listened to her usual five-year-old ramblings. I shook my head as I realized how used to Leah’s constant presence I was getting.
“It’s only temporary,” I said, breaking the silence between Simone and me as we reached her building.
She lifted an eyebrow at me as she started up the stairs. “What?”
“The living arrangement, with my ex.” I caught her hand, stopping her from ascending any further.
“Roman…”
With her on the stairs, we were at eye level, so I stepped a little closer, meeting her gaze. “It’s temporary,” I repeated, keeping her hand tucked in mine. “She lost her job and couldn’t afford to keep her apartment. I wasn’t about to let her be homeless or struggling with my daughter, so Leah is with me until she gets back on her feet. That’s all. It hasn’t been sexual or anything close between us since before my daughter was born, and she’s five years old now.”
Simone averted her eyes, shaking her head before she returned her gaze to mine. “You could be lying to my face. Why should I believe that, Roman?”
“Because I’m not a liar. I mean… I get it, Simone. You don’t know me well enough to know if that’s the case or not, but I didn’t have to tell the truth when I did. If I was trying to play you, I could have come up with any number of reasons I couldn’t take you back to my place yet. Instead, I gave you the truth. Why shouldn’t you believe me?”
She scoffed. “Because for a lot of men, that’s the norm. Looking you right in the eyes and lying to you, for the sake of stringing you along until they get what they want.”
“You’re right,” I said, nodding for emphasis. “You are absolutely right, a lot of men get off on that shit. But Simone, you’re not about to group me with liars and dummies, because that’s not who I am. And… I would appreciate the chance to show you that.” Again, Simone diverted her gaze, but I cupped her chin, pointing her face back at mine. “Come on, Beautiful. I know you felt the same thing I did, and you wanna throw it away over nothing? Leah is already looking at new apartments, this won’t even be an issue in a few months.”
“Okay, well talk to me in a few months.” Her voice dripped with attitude, but her eyes were bright and hopeful, telling a different story.
I laughed, brushing my thumbs along her chin before dropping my hands. “Stop playing.”
“I’m not playing,” she insisted, even though a hint of a smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Good night.”
“Good night,” I called after her, watching the sway of her hips as she climbed the rest of the stairs and disappeared into her building. As unwilling as I thought I was to chase her, I now saw a light at the end of the tunnel, and I was going for it.
I gave her space, but the next time I saw her struggling with her gate, I helped her, then walked her home again. The next time, she held my hand as we strolled along, talking and laughing until we reached her building. We repeated the process the next night, and she gave me a little hug before she rushed up the steps. We were actually working toward becoming friends, and I was cool with that. Carter may have been opening her gate in the mornings, but I made sure I was there an hour later, surprising her with coffee, or a muffin, or the chocolates she liked from Vivienne’s shop.
A few nights later, she paused before she ascended the stairs. She stared at me, for so long it made me feel uneasy, but then she pushed herself up on her toes and pressed her lips against my cheek. Impulsively, I looped my arm around her waist, holding her close as the kiss lingered, until finally she stepped back, looking flustered as she pulled her lip between her teeth.
“Umm… I’ll see you later,” she said, then turned to rush inside.
When I walked through the door of my own apartment that night, Leah took one look at me and broke into a huge grin. She wouldn’t tell me why, but later, after I’d given Zahra her bath and put her to bed, she came and stood at the door to my bedroom.
“I’m gonna take a wild guess that things are back on track with you and your girl Simone.”
I shrugged as I turned away from the open laptop on my desk to look at her. “Can’t say quite yet… but I think we’re getting there. How do you always know this shit?”
“Because I know you, Roman. Your whole aura is just… different again, like it was when you first met her. Happier, more relaxed… it’s good for you. She’s good for you.” With a last teasing smile, Leah disappeared again, leaving me to finish up the new menu design for Urban Grind before I closed my laptop and went to take a shower, then climbed into bed. Before I closed my eyes, I checked my phone, grinning when I saw I had a text from Simone.
“Don’t read anything into that little kiss. - Simone”
I laughed that off, shaking my head at the illuminated screen as I tapped out a reply. “Whatever. I’m reading EVERYTHING into it. You know you want me.”
“*rolls eyes* Yeah, yeah. It was a peck on the cheek. The same way I kiss my granddad. - Simone”
“You let your lips linger, and sigh a little when you kiss your grandpa? That’s incest, Simone, and it’s nasty.”
“!!! HATE YOU! - Simone”
“Stop fronting, Beautiful.”
“Stop calling me Beautiful. - Simone”
“Stop BEING beautiful then.”
“Can’t help it. - Simone.”
“You’re conceited.”
“If I’m conceited, you’re arrogant. -Simone”
“You like it though.”
“And vice-versa… so what’s your point? - Simone”
“Don’t have one, just highlighting the obvious.”
“Whatever Roman. Goodnight. -Simone”
“And seriously… the kiss was nothing. - Simone.”
“Okay. If you say so. Goodnight.”
It was kind of scandalous.
I couldn’t help feeling a teensy bit guilty as I looked down at my hand, fingers entwined with Carter’s
as he walked me home from dinner. I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong, because I was a single woman. I could accept an invitation to dinner, and have a great time, and think about letting my date kiss me goodnight.
I could.
Truthfully, another man had been on my mind the whole night, even though Carter was great company. The after-dinner coffee sealed the deal. But damn, Carter was… pretty awesome. That’s why I didn’t mind him taking it upon himself to place a warm kiss more on the corner of my mouth than my cheek when we reached the door to my apartment. I did, however, have to press my hands against his chest to push him back when he aimed the next one right for my lips.
“I didn’t realize this was that kind of date, Carter,” I said, trying to lighten the mood with a joke as he stepped back, running a thumb over his lips.
“I didn’t realize it wasn’t.” He pushed his hands into his pockets. “I mean… it’s not that I feel like you owe me a kiss, but that’s kinda what usually happens at the end when you have a good time on a date. Did you not have a good time?”
I shook my head. “I had a wonderful time. I just….” I paused, taking a deep breath while I tried to find the right words to portray what I was feeling. “I thought I could do this, and I can’t.”
“This?”
“Yes, this,” I nodded. “It seems so easy for men to juggle multiple women, but I feel… I don’t know, it feels a little icky for me to let you kiss me when…” I trailed off with a heavy sigh, opting to leave the end of the statement up in the air.
Carter chuckled a little. “This is about Roman, isn’t it?” When the only response I gave was a shrug, he smirked, shaking his head. “I should have known,” he said, more to himself than me. “So… what, this is your way of trying to make him jealous or something?”
“What? No. I’m keeping my options open.”
“That’s not how it seems to me,” Carter replied, laughing. “When you can go out without thinking about the other guy, that’s keeping your options open. So… how about we try this again when that happens?”
Carter kissed the back of my hand, then we exchanged friendly goodbyes and he went on his way. It left me feeling a little guilty, because maybe I was using Carter. Not to make Roman jealous, but certainly with the intention of diminishing his presence in my mind.
Not that it was actually working.
Despite my hesitations over the “live-in baby mama” situation, Roman was still very much at the forefront of my thoughts, and it didn’t escape me that he was working very hard to remain there. I enjoyed our nightly walks home way more than I probably should, and I could feel the already flimsy wall I’d put up being steadily broken down. I wanted to chalk it up to my ill-timed epiphany about wanting a family, and wanting someone to love, but… it was more than that.
Roman made it absolutely clear, no question that he wanted me, from the little morning treats, to the smile he gave me when we joined hands, to the way he looked at me when I spoke — intent, focused, actually listening. Whether or not he was being truthful about the situation with his daughter’s mom, I couldn’t deny that it felt beautiful, to be desired by such a man. It was the kind of thing that made you willing to overlook a lot of flaws, but… I didn’t want to be silly. Never did I want to be wrapped up in a man who I thought was all about me, only to later realize he simply wasn’t.
Before I climbed into bed that night, I called India and got her voicemail. I thought about hanging up, but decided to leave a message instead.
“I really need to talk to you, sister-friend. I wanna fall in love, but this other stuff… the complicated stuff… I don’t know what to do! I really, really like Roman, but… I don’t know if I can trust him. I just… I need your help, Di. I could use your words of wisdom right now. Um… yeah. Anyway. I’m gonna hang up now. Bye.”
— & —
So much for not being silly.
Silly is precisely how I felt, standing in front of Roman’s building like an idiot while I waited for him to come back down. We were about to pass it when his cell rang, and after answering it, he said his daughter needed him for something. He’d offered — almost insisted— that I come up with him, but I declined. I’m not quite sure what my hesitation was, but something about going up to the apartment he shared with his daughter and her mom felt… weird.
So, I waited, because he said he would only be a minute, but it was turning into closer to five, and I was about to go. I didn’t mind him interrupting “our” time to see about his child. It actually relieved me to know that if nothing else, Roman wasn’t a scumbag of a dad. With me living right around the corner, he could easily just spend the rest of that time where he was instead of escorting me home. I was pulling out my phone to send him a message that said precisely that when the door to the building opened, and my heart stopped beating.
Of course, it didn’t really stop, but it definitely felt like a few beats were skipped at the sight of the woman headed toward me with a smile. Somehow, I knew this was Leah before she even reached me. She was wearing ripped jeans, and an oversized tee-shirt bearing the name and logo of a college I recognized as Roman’s alma mater. Wait… was she wearing his shirt? My heart rate tripled as she approached, extending her hand.
“I’m Leah, Roman’s um… co-parent, I guess is the … proper name to call it.” Up close, her coppery brown skin glowed, and even with her thick black-rimmed glasses, and hair pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head, this woman was freaking pretty.
Too damned pretty.
I accepted her extended hand anyway, returning her greeting by introducing myself as Roman’s… friend. Why was she so freaking pretty? Why was I surprised she was so pretty? I mean, why wouldn’t a guy who looked like Roman want a girl with a face like a model and a body that could have been the prototype for the coveted “skinny-thick” body type?
“I’m glad you decided to give him a chance,” she said, tucking her hands into her back pockets. “Roman is top-notch, for real.”
Hmmm. Then why aren’t you and he…
“Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself. I kinda figured as a woman, you’d probably feel a little more comfortable about the whole ‘living together’ thing if we met. And I can tell you, unequivocally, there is nothing romantic happening between Roman and I.”
Or, your ass is a liar too.
“Of course you have no reason to believe me, but I hope you do. He’s just doing me a favor, really, and I would hate for that to interfere with whatever you two have going.” Leah smiled, then glanced back toward the door of the building before stepping closer. She dropped her voice a little lower, leaning toward me. “Rome really likes you. Please don’t hold this against him.”
Her eyes were sincere, and her tone was genuine enough that I actually believed her. I smiled back as I nodded, hoping I wasn’t getting played. Her cell phone went off. “This is him. I guess Zahra is releasing him,” she said, laughing as she glanced at the screen. Leah bid me goodbye as she headed back up to his apartment.
A few moments later, Roman came through the door, smiling as he joined me on the sidewalk. “So… what were y’all talking about?” he asked, taking my laptop bag from me and looping it over his shoulder with his own as we began walking again.
“Well… Leah did most of the talking, really.”
Roman laughed. “Per usual, for Leah. I hope she didn’t say anything off the wall, but she insisted she wanted to formally meet you. You know… since we’re spending more time together, she figured I’d probably want to introduce you to Zahra eventually, so…”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “She seems nice. And… she’s beautiful.”
He shrugged. “Leah’s aiight.”
“Oh whatever!” I bumped him with my shoulder as I laughed, and he gave me a sheepish grin.
“What do you want me to say, Simone?”
I sighed, then glanced up at him as we continued down the street. “I don’t know…I mean… I’m not insecure about my looks at
all, but I really could have gone without seeing that the woman who lives with you looks like that.”
“Why does it matter though? I’m telling you I don’t even see Leah like that.”
“But at some point, you did. So… what happened? Why didn’t it work out?”
Roman shook his head as we rounded the corner to my building. “Me and Leah just… romantically, we don’t work. We’re great as homies, but put a relationship on top of it, and we fall apart. We don’t get along, at all. Our personalities don’t mesh well for “love”. Not that kind, at least. ”
“Hmm. How long did it take to figure out?”
“Not very long,” Roman replied with a laugh. “Leah and I have known each other since… shit, since junior high school. We even went to the same college, but we didn’t hook up until we were grown. We dated for maybe two months.”
“But there was something there… I mean… you have a child.”
“Yeah, there was. Five years ago, there was a lot of something between us, but there’s been nothing since. Not even once. Simone, seriously… if you’re worried about me and Leah… don’t.”
He stopped walking, and grabbed my hand to keep me from continuing without him. The look on his face — mellow but serious— said it was decision time. Either I trusted him, or I didn’t. We were moving forward… or we weren’t. Was my skepticism because I was actually doubtful, or because my common sense was telling me I should be suspicious?
Ummm…
“Okay.”
Roman lifted an eyebrow. “Okay?”
With a slight nod of my head, I repeated it. “Okay.”
His face spread into a smile as he wrapped me in his arms, pulling me into a hug against his strong body. I took a deep inhale of his wonderfully unique scent for the first time in nearly a month, since the night he’d dropped that “family” bomb on me. Roman’s embrace felt natural, and comfortable, and… safe.
A Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Serendipitous Love Book 1) Page 8
