“He’s a treat!” said the girl draped all over my brother.
“I understand completely,” Megan said, but by the horrified look on her face, it was clear she couldn’t possibly understand how someone would call the stuff that came out of Bryan’s mouth either a treat or witty discourse.
“I’m Marie,” said the girl, giving us a little wave with her fingers. “Do you like cats?” she asked the table in general. “I do. That’s why I like Bryan here. He’s like my big tom cat.”
“Marie?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“When were you born?” I had a hunch.
“It’s rude to ask a lady that question, but I don’t mind. In fifty- two.”
“So, I hear there were a lot of drugs back in the sixties.” Lacey had picked up my reasoning and took over the line of questioning.
“In the sixties? Oh! Yeah. Sure, I guess. Well, that I can remember. Most of those years are hazy, you know?”
“I kind of figured,” I said.
The head guy held out his hand palm down, leaning over so Megan could reach it.
“Nocturne,” he uttered with a completely straight face.
“Megan Grant,” she said, quickly bending forward to gently kiss the back of his hand and hide the grimace she couldn’t contain at hearing his name.
The lightning-quick sideways glance she shot me before straightening back up let me know she was having the same doubts I was about the master vampire of Central Texas. He certainly didn’t look much like a Casanova, though a gothic vampire would definitely attract a lot of a certain type.
“Nocturne? You’re not serious?” Lacey outright laughed, and I wondered if she was going to be any better than Bryan in this encounter.
Megan’s look told me she was thinking the same thing. She tried to kick Lacey under the table, and I winced when most of it landed on my shin. Lacey got the idea, though, and did her best to compose herself. She succeeded for the most part after a final snicker escaped her.
Nocturne made a show of ignoring Lacey’s question and continued to address Megan. “Now then, if you would excuse yourself from your companions, we can retire to somewhere more private. I understand you had a favor you wanted to ask of us.”
“I’m coming with you,” I said, before Megan could get a word out. She squeezed my thigh in annoyance with a strength that made me go cross- eyed.
“Me, too, Lord Nocturne, sir,” said Lacey, using the side of her finger to scrape the last of the chili from my basket before sticking it in her mouth.
He ignored us, looking at Megan expectantly.
“Would you mind terribly if they came along?” Megan asked in a defeated tone.
He sighed. “I suppose not. Very well, then. If you have all finished eating, you may follow me.” A small smile cracked his lips as he held out his hand to Megan.
I have to note here that it’s impossible to look cool while climbing out of a restaurant booth. I tried to look as imposing as possible in front of this group of vampires, but something about the sideways scoot- and-lunge seriously detracted from any posturing I might have tried.
We had no sooner risen than a short round guy and his tall thin counterpart immediately occupied our former table.
Megan took Nocturne’s proffered hand, and the rest of us followed behind them. The waitress passed us before we had taken five steps, somehow sensing that a new set of thirsty patrons had taken the table.
During our journey through the throng of dark clothes and pale skin, we lost most of the entourage that Nocturne had showed up with. They peeled off in ones and pairs. Apparently whatever question Donovan had sent someone to Texas to ask wasn’t high on their list of excitement. The only holdout was the girl Marie, who was still inexplicably clinging to my brother like a pretty barnacle.
At last we broke through the crowd and arrived at a door next to the back bar marked Employees Only. Nocturne effortlessly produced a very un- goth-like beige key card from his lace-accented sleeve and swiped it across the electronic reader. I wondered if the man had been a riverboat card sharp when he was alive.
A few turns, another key-card-accessed door, and a staircase later, we found ourselves in a basement, a rarity in Central Texas due to the combination of the vertisol and solid rock everything is built on. Basements were too expensive to dig out of the rock, and if you did, the shifting soil caused cracking which led to flooding. Most structures were built on concrete slabs.
Once in the basement, we were led through a pair of double doors into a room that stopped us in our tracks. It was what could only be described as a bordello, spawned from the tragic pairing of bad romantic fiction and Liberace.
Tapestries that graphically depicted depraved sexual acts hung from the walls. Giant silken throw pillows were piled in heaps on the thick shag carpet. Awash among the gaudy sea, a couple of vampires were intertwined with a half a dozen humans, all in various states of copulation. At the far end of the room was an honest-to-goodness golden throne. It rose up to oversee what must be some truly exceptional orgies. Behind the throne, hentai was being projected on a giant movie screen.
“Um…” Megan searched in vain for the right words as her eyes fought between being drawn against their will to the animated Japanese tentacle porn that was playing on the screen and the real-life orgy going on around them.
Nocturne misinterpreted her pause. “No need to worry. The vampires here can of course be trusted with anything you have to say; as always, the humans will be made to forget everything except for the wonderful time they had in our company, as I assume will yours.”
Nocturne sauntered to the far end of the room and was about to sink into the throne with a flourish. That is, until he noticed the small black cat curled up in its center. He paused, picked up the cat, and set it down by the throne. Nocturne positioned himself sideways, one arm resting on his knee, a calf draped over one of the throne’s ornate arms, like he must have seen Nero do on a PBS special—or maybe in real life, if he was that old.
The rest of us picked our way through the tangle of sex and slurping until we stood in a semicircle before him. At this distance, I could see the throne was made of actual gold, or at least gold plate. It was covered from top to bottom in intricate carvings of sexual positions. Apparently you really could buy anything online.
I resisted a perverse urge to kneel as we waited for him to speak. I was sure we were supposed to be following some type of theatrical protocol, but I had no idea what it was. I waited for Bryan to say something stupid, but my brother was somehow containing himself. I assumed he was in too much awe of the room. Like a kid in the world’s biggest candy shop, my brother had been rendered speechless by the endless possibilities.
Lacey almost let something loose, but managed to contain it at the last moment, taming it to only the faintest of giggles.
My attention was torn between fascination at the spectacle on the throne and the nagging distant alarm bells going off at being trapped in an underground vampire nest behind electronically locked doors. Add being relatively unarmed in the presence of someone who clearly thought of humans as little more than cattle, and the ringing was growing louder and louder.
Lacey broke the silence. “Nice throne. Is that the Kama Sutra?”
“Yes! It depicts all seventy-seven positions,” Nocturne said proudly. “I had it commissioned back in 1894. Isn’t it fabulous?”
Megan recovered from the shock of the room in time to stop Lacey’s next comment, and said in a measured tone, “We wanted to formally announce our presence in your area.”
“We? Are there more visiting from California than yourself?”
“No. Myself, and my friends here.”
“Oh, well, they hardly count, do they?”
“They do to me.” That’s my girl—sticking up for us humans!
“Hmmm, how quaint. Thank you, my dear; your presence, as well as that of your companions—” He waved some fingers at us, insinuating that even that gesture was
more effort than it was worth, “is both acknowledged and warmly welcomed.” He adjusted in his throne a little.
It was my turn to ask an inappropriate question. I couldn’t help myself. Sometimes my mouth is a bit faster than my brain. I couldn’t get over that throne.
“Wait, so this is the seat of power for Texas?”
Nocturne’s annoyance was evident. “For Central Texas, yes. This state is far too big for one person to hold sway over all of it. I take it our home is not what you were expecting? Not grand enough for you? Or were you looking forward to flickering torches and a tribunal of hooded figures? I’m afraid you’re several centuries too late for that. If you want pomp and circumstance brimming with pretentious formality, I suggest Louisiana. If it’s Armani suits and executive boardrooms you’re looking for, that would be New York or Chicago. If you want a tacky lack of taste, that would be California. Sorry—Southern California. Frankly, I’m not sure how you do things in Northern California….Do you all sit around in a commune, vampires and humans holding hands together, wearing Birkenstocks and singing ‘Kumbayah?’”
I thought about Donovan, with his surfer looks, huge Victorian mansion, and mishmash of vampire sidekicks, and decided to keep my mouth shut.
Clearly done with me, Nocturne directed his attention back to Megan. “I am most looking forward to your visit. Later, after our business here is conducted, we should find some time to get to know each other better. Perhaps I’ll have the good fortune of finding out why you hold your companions in such high regard.” He said the last sentence in a way that let us all know he highly doubted it.
“Thank you,” Megan said. “The blonde girl especially is a joy that must be experienced to be believed.”
Perking up, Nocturne replied before Lacey could erupt. “Excellent! I must admit that we found it interesting to hear from Donovan after so many years of silence. I take it this little visit is not entirely a social call?”
“Unfortunately, no. We’re looking for someone who might also be in your area, but may not have participated in formal introductions.”
“Oh? Someone here in Austin without our knowledge? And who might this be?” His neatly plucked eyebrows rose in genuine interest.
“His name is Christian.”
Nocturne’s bitter laugh was robust for such a small frame. “Oh, him. We know all about him.”
“You do?”
“Of course we do. Do you really think we would be ignorant of an elder wandering around our area?”
“He’s causing problems. He’s being reckless.”
“Is that so? What exactly is he doing, might I ask?”
“Creating vampires. Allowing them to go feral and kill humans.”
“That’s quite an accusation. And exactly why would he be doing that?”
“We’re not entirely sure.”
“I see. And so, somehow learning of these supposed indiscretions from back in California, Donovan sent you all this way to help us, out of the kindness of his heart?” He paused for effect. “We are quite capable of dealing with Christian ourselves, should we decide to do so.”
“You don’t care that he’s killing people? Leaving a trail?” asked Megan, genuinely astonished that Nocturne wasn’t upset with Christian.
“I would care if I believed it were true. Rest assured I’ll look into these allegations of yours, and if I find any substance to them, we will handle Christian via the appropriate channels. While I appreciate your master’s concern for our well-being, unlike you in California, we here in Texas are perfectly capable of dealing with problems ourselves.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh come, my dear. Do you really think we wouldn’t have heard about the little dustup back in your home state? Working with werewolves and witches? And even rumors of aligning with a rogue vampire hunter? Please, that simply screams desperation. Tell Donovan to get his own house in order before offering to help us with ours.”
“Can you at least tell me where Christian is?” asked Megan, fidgeting uncomfortably at the confirmation that news of their previous exploits had already traveled halfway across the country.
“To be honest, Christian pretty much goes where he pleases. I get the feeling that our lair is not his scene.” Yes, he actually called it a lair. I wasn’t sure if it was the lair comment, or the idea of anyone being “into” this scene, but it elicited another snicker from Lacey.
“Is there a problem, my dear? Do you find something amusing?” The humans’ insubordination was finally getting to Nocturne.
“Sorry, but I have to ask. Are you just playing vampire? I mean, look at this place—your outfit. Are you for real? It’s like you’re living some LARPer’s wet dream. What are you, fifteen?”
I was positive Bryan would chime in with some of his inane commentary, but when nothing emerged this time, I looked around. What I found made me wish I hadn’t.
My brother was in the arms of the waif. They were both naked and frolicking on the gaudy floor. It was an image I didn’t need with me for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, it was too late. And all the eye bleach in the world wouldn’t remove it.
Meanwhile, Nocturne was not a happy camper. He actually managed to appear flushed, a state I didn’t know vampires could achieve. He had half risen out of his throne, sending the black cat hunkering down and slinking off into the shadows as Megan rushed in to repair the damage caused by Lacey’s comment.
Giving Bryan more credit than was warranted, I figured the vampire probably pushed him into the unwise coupling. With Bryan’s simple mind it would have been easy.
I took the opportunity offered by Lacey’s accurate yet inappropriate comment to approach the copulating couple and tap the girl on her shoulder. “Excuse me, but could you please not screw my brother while we’ re all standing here? Or really, at all?”
In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to do. She was a vampire, inherently capable of great violence, and I was attempting to take her plaything and possibly her food away from her. Fortunately, she didn’t seem particularly bothered by the interruption. Or self-conscious, as she parted from my brother to lay on her back in all her glory.
“Why? He seems to be rather enjoying it,” Marie smiled, blinking lazily up at me.
“Dude, what the hell! Back off—can’t you see I’m busy?”
“Bryan, she’s a vampire.” And an old one. Now that I was standing next to her I could tell that, along with Nocturne, she accounted for the other powerful aura I had been feeling since the group approached us upstairs.
“I know that. Do you think I’m stupid?”
I tastefully categorized the question as rhetorical and declined to answer it. “She’s mind-controlled you, Bryan.”
Marie looked up at me with doe eyes and a seductive smile and shook her head. Apparently Bryan really was that stupid. Then she put her arms above her and gave a catlike stretch, which made me bump up the evaluation of my brother’s intelligence a smidge.
“The hell she did! Are you on crack? Look at her! Do you seriously think she’d have to mind-control me to get me to sleep with her?”
“And you were going to do her. Of your own free will. Here. Now. In front of everyone?”
“Hell, yeah! Why? Worried your girl will see me naked and drop your scrawny ass for The Bryan?”
“Not as worried as I am that Lacey and I might lose our dinners. Besides, I’m not scrawny, thank you very much. Oh, and lastly, please stop referring to yourself in the third person. It’s one small step away from calling yourself by some ridiculous nickname like Nocturne.”
“I can hear you, you know. When you’re half a dozen centuries old you develop a knack for multi-tasking.” Nocturne paused in his heated exchange with Lacey, which Megan was desperately trying to referee, in order to launch the aside my way. Its tone carried a promise that I would regret my insolence.
“Man, I don’t need no lame nickname to get the girls. Now back off while I get down to business. Why don’t you make yourse
lf useful and see if you can get her to join in.” He nodded to where a naked girl sporting several vampire bites lounged among the cushions nearby. “If you’re lucky I’ll toss you my sloppy seconds.”
“Bryan, you’re disgusting!” Lacey said from where she stood by the throne. She had finally stopped berating Nocturne long enough to take in what Bryan was doing. I caught a glimpse of something more than disgust. She was hurt.
Oh, God. She actually might like him. When this was all over, I was going to go away, maybe in the desert somewhere, and reflect on what had gone wrong with the world.
“No, she’s all used up,” Marie said of the blood donor Bryan had suggested. “Maybe your brother and his blond friend want to join us? We could make it a foursome?” Her tone was purposefully benign, but I sensed something hungry and predatory in her.
“Oh, hell, no,” I said, and with that, I left them to stand next to Megan and Lacey. It seemed their conversation with Nocturne had wound down. My last comment about his name had caused the gothic vampire to dig in his heels. He was furious, obviously not used to being challenged and certainly not to being openly mocked. Though, really, given his name you would have thought he’d be used to it.
For her part, seeing Bryan in the arms of Marie had taken all of the steam out of Lacey. Or, maybe more accurately, had buried it. I had a feeling it was now building up below the surface, ready to explode at some later point when it would be really inconvenient.
“You may go. All of you.” The volume of Nocturne’s voice was out of proportion to his size. There was no doubt that the last bit was directed at Bryan. It was clear the master vampire was on the verge of a temper tantrum.
Bryan cursed and started tugging up his pants. Marie got up with him, and I marveled one last time at her figure before she slipped back into her dress. She scooped Bryan’s shirt off the carpet and handed it to him. He grabbed it out of her hand, not bothering to put it on.
“Nice look, Bryan. Taking the ‘shirt and shoes optional’ sign to heart, huh?” At Lacey’s words, he unfolded his shirt a little for us to see. Wrapped up in the middle of it was the stainless-steel .44 Magnum revolver and sharpened stake he had tucked into his pants.
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