“Alright, you know if you cry I’m going to cry, so suck it up, buttercup.”
“Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say,” Dorrie responded as she hugged her friend. Once home, Dorrie quickly showered and changed into some yoga pants and a tank top before she headed into the kitchen with Maisie on her heels and the cats, Harry, Libby and Chloe, winding their way through her legs. She got the puppies out, amazed at how much they had already grown, and let the three dogs out while she got their dinner ready and put together a salad for herself. With the boys gone, the house had stayed cleaner than normal, and she had caught up on projects that she had put aside. Tonight, after calling her mom, she planned to read. Catching a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye, she saw a vase with flowers in it and an envelope with “Dorrie-girl” on it. Knowing it was from Frank, she decided to wait to see what the envelope held and called the dogs in to eat. Since it was cooling off and they had their dog houses in the backyard, she would get the fountain started and let them back out for a while. So far, the training was going well, only a few accidents, and she was thankful that her dad and Frank had put in the doggy door. The cats had no interest, not even Harry, which was good.
Sitting down with the envelope and her salad, she took a sip of her water and then carefully opened the envelope. A beautiful card fell out, with the most gorgeous picture on the front. Opening it, she saw it was blank until Frank put pen to paper.
“Dorrie-girl, I wanted you to know just what you mean to me. I know I tell you all the time, but sometimes, things need to be written down. I think Habakkuk says something about making sure to write what you want down. So, here it goes – since before I saw you, I’ve known you were the one. God spoke to my spirit and told me I would need patience with you. I didn’t know why but knew if He spoke, I was going to listen. I know more than you think sweetheart, about how you were treated before. You see, my sister was that woman at one time. I watched how the light in her eyes went out to be replaced with defeat and despair. Only, unlike you, she didn’t get out in time. The last time I saw her, she was on life support and she’s now in a permanently vegetative state at a nursing home near my parents. Sweetheart, I know you think you failed the first time. I am here to tell you that the failure was his, not yours. We are called to cherish and love the women in our lives. To build them up and be alongside during good times and bad. I know you know what happened with my wife and I am here to say that through it all, I was faithful. I knew what she was doing and knew that even though we would never share a marriage bed again, I would remain faithful until the end. I know from some of your actions that you have some insecurities about us and a physical relationship. Please don’t worry about that sweetheart. While I definitely want you physically, whether that’s now, on our wedding night, or two months after that, whatever time you need, I will give you. That I can promise. Thank you for what you did with and for the girls today. I know that we have a unique situation with young adults and children, but I know with my whole heart that we can work through anything as long as we do it together. Since you’re going out with the girls on Friday, I wanted to see if you were free to eat take-out and watch a movie or two on Thursday night. I know we said we would behave, but I have the feeling and it’s pretty strong that we need to be able to relax like that with one another. And I have the need to cuddle you so that you know just how much you are wanted and desired. I love you, sweetheart, with everything I am and cannot wait until the day you are fully mine. You may have to take a week or two off. The jury is still out, but I’ll make sure you know! Always, forever and a day, Frank
Oh my God. How on earth had he known her fears? She hadn’t even articulated them yet. But somehow, he had figured it out. She was pretty sure the conversations they were going to have were going to keep her revved up, but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that red-faced or not, she was going to have them with him. Because she could see them together, sharing life, loving one another, sleeping curled into each other, and knew that the feelings she had whenever he did kiss her were more than she had ever had with Drew. Making a decision, she cleaned up the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, taking the bottle and her glass and her phone out to her screened-in porch. First things first, she had to call her mom about Saturday. Then? She was calling her girls.
“Hey mom, how’s it going? Have the boys worn you out yet?” Laughing, Margie simply said “Absolutely not! We’ve had the best time with them. I know it’s been hard not to call too much. We went to the aquarium today and they’re coming home with new stuffed babies.”
Rolling her eyes at her mother’s news, she said “Do I need to get them bigger beds before Saturday? They both already have full-sized beds and half is taken up with their night crew!”
“Hahahhaha. No, Tony got a stuffed penguin and DJ got a stuffed turtle. I think you’re good. So, what’s going on sweetheart?”
“Oh! Frank wanted me to ask if you guys wanted to go back to Buckner’s Saturday night once you got in and settled. His girls are finally here and he thought that would be a good way to introduce everyone to one another. What do you think, mom?”
“I think that’s a great idea! Your father hasn’t stopped talking about that place and if I’m not careful, he’s going to be a restaurant owner because he wants one up here!”
“Well, have him ask them if they franchise. Could be a nice thing to keep him from driving you too crazy with all the projects he gets into! Speaking of, what did they build this time?”
“You know your father too well! He and the boys built a koi pond in the back yard, along with a wishing well, and he has the plans for a pergola.”
“Good grief. Does he grasp the word relax?” “No, he doesn’t. But he and the boys have gone fishing every day, and we’ve been to the local carnival and somehow, I now have some kittens. They are ‘the boys’ kitties, but they’ll stay here. Seems they missed the zoo crew you have going on at your place. Those kittens sleep with them even! It’s the cutest thing and I’ve taken a bunch of pictures and have printed them out for their ‘vacation’ books.”
“Mom, I love how you love those boys. They have some of the best memories with you two and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Speaking of, are they available to say hello to? I’ve missed their voices.”
“Yes they are. Boys! Your Momma is on the phone; do you want to talk to her?” She could hear the excited voices as they each picked up an extension. “Momma! Guess what? We got kitties here for when we visit! Grandma said they could live here with her so she could remember all the fun we have whenever we aren’t here, but they are ours when we’re here and we take care of them and scoop the litter boxes, but Grandma makes us wear gloves which is funny on DJ because they go all the way up his arms. My kitty is all black and I named him Boris, and I’ll let DJ tell you about his kitty, okay? I miss you Momma and love you a lot. How is Mr. Frank? How are Chief and Miracle? How is Maisie? How are Libby, Chloe and Harry? Have you been relaxing?”
Shew. Her oldest son was a major chatterbox when he got going. Let’s see, where to start. “Hey sweetie, I miss and love you guys too and I’m so glad you are both having fun at grandma and grandpa’s house! Your kitty sounds nice, Tony. Mr. Frank is good, really good. His daughters have come for the summer and they are looking forward to meeting you boys. The puppies are doing good on their potty training. I try to come home during the day to make sure they aren’t crated all day long. Maisie is a sweet dog, she follows me and sleeps on the bed with me, I had to get those stairs so she could get up because she was whining at the bed all the time. The cats are all good and they and the puppies are all getting along. I’m trying to relax, but you boys know how I am when you’re gone, I try to do those hard projects. Now, DJ? How about you? Tell me about your kitty.”
“Oh Momma. He’s orange and white and really fuzzy. Grandma said he’s going to have long hair, so I brush him all the time and his name is Kibbles. I miss you Momma and love you. Did Grandma tell
you we went to the aquarium today? We got a new stuffed animal, I got a turtle and his name is Mr. Winks.”
Silently laughing at how serious her youngest sounded when he told her the names of both his kitty and the stuffed turtle, she answered “Yes, she told me you guys went. Did you have fun at the fair? I always liked going when I was little, especially for the funnel cakes!”
“Grandma told us how you would want the food before the rides. I liked the food okay, but had the bestest time on the rides Momma!”
“Well, I’m glad you’re both having fun. I love you both so very much. Remember to say your prayers. Be good for Grandma and Grandpa and I will see you guys on Saturday, okay?”
“Yes Momma.”
“Yes, Momma.”
Waiting while the boys hung up, she heard her mom take the phone back and said “Mom, I still need to call my girls about something, but I wanted to ask about Saturday and talk to the boys for a few. I cannot believe you let them get kitties that you will end up caring for when they’re not there!”
“You know how it is, sweetie. If we can’t spoil them a little bit, what’s the use in being grandparents? Oh, and we have done the school clothes shopping for the most part. Even some of the basic supplies. Now, before you say anything, know that your young man gave your dad money to make that happen. We also chipped in because honey, we know you’ve not said anything, but you’ve been struggling. Last year’s storms hurt that region and your business wasn’t as good as you wanted it to be. Plus, we know you put the bulk of the life insurance policy into college funds for the boys. So, before you say anything, know that we did it because we love you and if we can’t spend money on you and the boys while we are still living and breathing, what’s the point in having it at all?”
Shaking her head, she said “Mom, I’m not sure what to say here. I’ll never deny anyone wanting to love my boys and I appreciate all that you’ve done. I guess Frank is taking care of me, huh? Renee and I did his daughters’ hair this week and I gave him the MC discount for them and he gave us double what I told him! So I have that tucked away, as well as my other tips, to make sure they have all they’ll need for school. Now I’ll start saving for Christmas, I guess.”
“Honey, I think your Christmas may be different this year. Got that feeling inside, and I honestly don’t think your man is going to wait too long to fully claim you as his.”
Now blushing, she wasn’t sure what to say except “Mom! I’m not talking to you about this. Now, I have to run because I have another call to make. Love you both and will see you on Saturday, okay?”
“Okay, my sweet girl, I’ll let you go. We love you too and will call when we’re on our way, okay?” “That works mom. See you Saturday!”
Hanging up, she went to take another drink and realized her glass was empty. Good thing she brought the bottle out! Pouring another glass, she called Renee first and quickly got Nancy in on a three-way call.
“Hey you two! Listen, while I have an empty house and a semi-full bottle of wine, I figured we could have ‘the talk’ you both wanted to have with me. No one can see me turn whore red.”
Renee piped up “Hang on, this requires some refreshment on my end as well.”
Laughing, Nancy chimed in “Yeah, me too. Good thing the guys are busy tonight, eh?” “Okay, so you both know some of how Drew was, but I’m gonna share how our normal ‘thing’ went, so you know where I’m coming from. I’m scared spitless but I trust you both. Alright, the first time was our wedding night, and it hurt and wasn’t any fun. You both know what we all read and all those stories had me thinking there would be excitement and fun and all that, but that’s not what happened. At.all. He fumbled around a bit, barely made sure I was ready and then bam, it was over. No foreplay, no nothing. After that time, every time we did it, he would kiss me a little bit and feel me up, sometimes ask for me to, you know, go down on him, and then we would do it. The few times I tried for more, he put me off, saying he didn’t do that, ‘good girls’ didn’t want to be on top or have their husbands behind them when they had sex. Honestly? It’s a freaking miracle I have two kids. Then after I had DJ, when he was always sick, Drew started pulling away from me. When I would reach out for him because I wanted some connection, he started pushing me away. He had already started putting me down long before that, stupid shit, you know, like I was trashy for riding a bike, I shouldn’t change my hair color which is why I was blonde for so long, then he started saying I wasn’t sexy, I didn’t dress sexy for him, he wasn’t physically attracted to me, I wasn’t physically attractive with my scars and slight pooch from having his kids.” By now, the wine was taking affect and she couldn’t stop the words if she wanted to, even though she was near to tears “He told me I was a slut for wanting oral sex or anything other than missionary, he didn’t care that I never had an orgasm with him and when I asked if maybe we could get a toy or two? Holy hell, he went off and said if I bought one of those, I would be sorry. So, there it is. I’ve never had an orgasm during sex, never had oral sex performed on me, only ever done it missionary style and well, my body image? It sucks. How in the hell do I bring that to the relationship with Frank? Because from his few kisses? How he treats me? And how it feels like I light up inside? I’m out of my league. What in the hell am I going to do???”
There was silence on the other end of the line, save for the sniffling she could hear from them both. “Renee? Nancy? Are you two okay?”
“Oh my sweet friend, you’ve been missing out on so so much in the marriage bed! Can I ask you something and you’ll promise to answer, no matter how uncomfortable you get?” Nancy asked.
“Um yeah, I mean I just laid it all out there so to speak. Not sure there’s much else I can possibly be embarrassed about,” Dorrie said.
“Have you…um…have you ever touched yourself? Either with your hands or a toy?” Nancy said quietly.
“No. After all of that, I was afraid to, quite honestly.” “Well, first things first. You’ve gotta know what feels good to you. The first thing you’re going to do is buy some sexy lingerie. Not for Frank, but for you. That’s going to go a long way toward making you feel good about how you look. Next, we are going uptown tomorrow to a little shop Renee and I know about and we are getting you something so you know what it feels like to fall apart. Because I’m confident that Frank will eventually rock your world.”
“Dorrie, if we had known. I’m so so sorry. I was a virgin with Cory and while we didn’t wait until we were married, I’ve always enjoyed myself with him. Always. Even that first time, because he made it good. He got me so worked up, it hurt but not enough to stop. And we’ve explored a lot of ways to love one another, and let me tell you, if I had known you were missing out, we would have gone shopping years ago,” Renee finally sniffled out.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I honestly thought everyone was like that and was like, no wonder my books are fiction, because this shit doesn’t happen!”
“Oh honey, it can and does happen! Okay, so we’re shopping tomorrow. Tomorrow night, you’re going to figure out what you like. And then? You need to talk to Frank. He needs to know that your experience is lacking so he knows what he needs to do.”
“Ack! Do I have to tell him? Really? Not looking forward to that conversation.” “Bahahahaha…yes, you have to. There needs to be no ghosts in that bed when you two finally get to that point. None. Otherwise, you’ll set yourself up.”
Sighing, Dorrie poured another glass of wine while she processed what her friends were telling her. At this rate, she was going to finish the bottle. “Does that make me weird? That I’ve never orgasmed? Never done much of anything, but I have two kids?”
“Nope. Not at all. It makes that douchebag you were married to an even bigger louse than he already was in my opinion!” “Lordy, how much have you had to drink Nance? Because I know I’ve been tossing curse words around, but you’re letting it all hang out!”
“Ha! I’m about a half a bottle of wine down. Ho
w about you, Renee?”
“Same here. Not to mention the Kleenex. Sex is such a beautiful thing, but intimacy is more important in the big picture. You want your guy to be so in tune with you that he knows, by how you’re reacting, whether or not you’re into it or you’re going through the motions. I don’t want you thinking you have to go through the motions with him because I’m with Nancy, he’s the one for you. You had to go through shit to get to clean and good and that man? He’s going to rock your world. Guarantee it.”
With a now-empty bottle of wine staring at her and only a few sips left in her glass, she realized that they had covered a lot and she had much to think about before their shopping trip the next day. “Renee? We only have the senior center ladies in the morning, right? If so, we can take off after that and go ‘shopping’ if you two want?”
“I’m in. Joey can cover for me at the pizza shop,” Nancy declared.
“Absolutely. We’re going to get you straightened out, my friend,” replied Renee. “Okay, then I’m going to go so I can settle for the night. Love you both and thank you. For listening and being here for me. You’ve both always had my back since we were kids.”
“Love you too. Good night,” Renee said.
“Ditto to you both. Text me when we’re ready to leave,” replied Nancy. Hanging up, Dorrie picked up her empty wine bottle and glass, going into the kitchen and washing the glass and putting the bottle in the recycling bin after rinsing it out. Calling the dogs in, she gave them bones and put the puppies in their crates for the night, then made sure everything was locked up and the alarm was set for the night. Hopping into the shower, she closed her eyes and allowed her hands to travel her body. Always before, she had just washed herself, but tonight, she was paying attention to how her breasts felt when touched, and how her body was feeling. Continuing on, she explored herself and found that certain places felt better than others and one spot in particular had her heart rate speeding up. With one hand against the shower wall, the other hand continued, moving faster even as she started breathing harder. Several minutes (hours? days? months?) later, she felt as though a rocket had gone off in her body, leaving her weak-kneed and leaning against the wall completely. Holy shit! Was that what she had been missing? Ay yi yi, if that jackass wasn’t already dead, she would have cheerfully killed him. Finally able to get out of the shower, she dried off and got ready for bed. Looking at herself in the mirror, she could see the flush across her chest and she wondered if she would do that with Frank or not.
Bountiful Harvest Page 9
