by Marian Wells
The long morning and afternoon ride gave her plenty of time to review the past week. She was nearly to the Coopers’ home when one inescapable fact pressed against her mind. Rather than Alex’s arrest pushing her away from him and his activities, it was binding her closer. With dismay, she regarded the situation and the words burst from her, “God, I don’t want to be bound to him. I want freedom.”
Freedom from what? She slumped on the horse and contemplated obedience. God, obedience, and Alex seem to be all mixed up together. Does love have no freedom?
After supper, while Olivia dried dishes, she asked Sadie, “If you hadn’t married Amos, Sadie, would you have thought yourself in rebellion—toward God?”
Sadie eyebrows arched. “Rebellion! My, no.” She frowned, “But then, I never considered doing otherwise. Since we were thirteen, neither one of us could see anyone else.”
Olivia sighed and saw Sadie’s sharp questioning glance. “He’s a wonderful lad. Guess the Lord does concern himself with our marriage partners, but Amos and I didn’t need urging.” She paused. “What I mean is, if the good Lord directs our paths, isn’t it natural He leads us to the right mate? What disturbs me about thee is that I know the good Lord gives love as a guideline. I’d have thought thee two were in love with each other.”
****
Olivia awakened that night to find her face drenched with tears. She took her shawl and tiptoed out of the room she and Amelia shared. Sitting in the rocking chair in the alcove, she looked at the stars and let the dream fill her mind again. It was just one scene, but it had revealed a hidden layer of herself: a picture of Alex and Olivia, walking hand in hand. Gone were the dear scenes of home; there were only barren, unrecognizable hills. But with her hand held firmly in his, it seemed beauty surrounded them.
Olivia hugged her knees to her chin and the tears streamed down her face. Where there had been hardness, now there was a blooming softness in her heart.
She got up. Pulling the shawl around her shoulders, she wandered through the house to the one spot most likely to comfort. On her knees beside Alex’s bed, she whispered, “I can’t be a Christian the easy way, can I Lord? To be honest with You, I must face the hard questions You ask. You deserve—require—all of me. A complete me. That’s the only way Christianity really works, isn’t it? I see it now. Complete honesty. Not because You are a demanding God, but because you are a perfect God.” Finally her trembling and the tears eased and she could face Him, whispering out the confession. “Dear Father, how could I have denied love through my own selfishness? I acknowledge what I should have known all along. It was fear, not trust in You. Where You are, Alex and I will be wrapped in love. Where You lead, we will be safe and at home in Your love.” While Olivia sobbed, the desire for home and luxury and freedom from care dissipated.
Finally she was able to say, “Now I’ve faced myself as you see me, Lord, and it was ugliness. I dare to love and trust You, and that love leads me to him. Father, I give myself to You, all of me. I’ll be obedient to You always. I have something deep inside that tells me it won’t be easy, but I am determined to allow You to control my life. And I know the first step of obedience.”
She crawled onto the bed, and with her head on Alex’s pillow, she slept.
In the morning, after breakfast, Olivia came into the kitchen. Sadie looked at Matthew’s clothes, Amos’ hat, and her boots. Her eyebrows arched. “Where dost thou think thou art going?”
“To tell Alex I’ll marry him.”
A tiny smile touched Sadie’s eyes. “And thou thinkest to impress him in that outfit?”
“No, but that jailer wouldn’t let me see him the other day. Dressed as a boy, I’ll be certain of getting past him.”
“Then take him these tarts and meat pastries. He never seems to get enough to eat. When thou return, we need to have some cooking lessons. I doubt he will provide thee with a servant.”
Olivia smiled. “I doubt that also.” Impulsively, she kissed Sadie.
“Oh, my! I just recalled. Yesterday before thee returned, I thought I should have said something, since Matthew is thy brother.”
“What?”
“There is a letter from thy father. ’Tis addressed to Matthew, but perhaps, since he isn’t here—”
“Yes, I will need to open it,” Olivia said. “He would want me to. Oh, dear, I hope Matthew and Crystal come soon.”
Sadie carried the letter to Olivia, and sat at the table with a worried frown on her face as Olivia read, gasped and with shaking hands, spread the letter on the table. “Oh, my! Father is angry. Sadie, what shall I do? Father is coming to take me home.”
“I guess thee goes. Since thou art an unmarried girl, and under the care of thy father, thee must.”
Olivia looked at Sadie with a startled expression, glanced down at the letter and asked, “How long have you had the letter?”
“I believe—since June.”
Olivia said, “Father’s intentions were to take the next steamboat here. Sadie, I’m afraid he’ll be here any day.” She pushed her hands against her hot cheeks and murmured, “How I wish there was some place to hide.”
“Child! That isn’t honoring thy father. He will have every right obligation to carry you to home and safety. A daughter is too delicate to be running around the country. I would object also.”
“But if I were married he could not force me to go.”
“Well, that is correct, but thou art not even engaged.”
Olivia studied Sadie’s face with narrowed eyes. She said, “How do I contact your Pastor Jennings?”
“Olivia, what dost thou intend?”
“To be married before nightfall.”
“With a husband in prison?”
“But still my husband.”
“What makes thee think he will agree?”
Olivia took a deep breath. “Sadie, I don’t think he will refuse.”
Sadie got to her feet. Hands on hips, she said, “Thee can’t be married in Matthew’s breeches. Get dressed while Amos goes after Pastor Jennings.”
They were nearly to Hadenport when Sadie turned to Olivia with a worried frown. “I thought thee didn’t love Alex.”
“I do!” She hugged Sadie. “I do ever so much.”
Amos rode and quickly found Pastor Jennings, whose pale blue eyes sparkled with excitement when told of the situation. “I like a spot of the unexpected once in a while. To think this will help along the abolitionist movement is a joy.” The two men then rode into Hadenport and met up with Olivia and Sadie.
While Olivia wondered what conversation had taken place before the men arrived, she watched Amos settle into his collar. Sadie opened her mouth and then firmly closed it.
When all of them reached the jail, Olivia faced the three. She discovered she was trembling. Lifting her chin, she firmly said, “I will see Alex first. Will you please wait in the office for me?”
Her bravado carried her sailing into the office. “I want to see Alexander Duncan, please.”
It was the same man. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he blinked nearly colorless eyes. In a monotone he said, “Only one visitor is allowed. One of the men may go in.”
“I will go in.” She took a step closer, he retreated, and she followed.
“Regulations,” he said. She smiled, refusing to be denied, and started for the inner door. “Now, ma’am—” She smiled again, and he opened the door. Olivia hurried down the hall to the room with bars.
“Alex!”
“Olivia,” he said slowly, “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
“Oh, your poor face!” She caught her breath, glanced at the jailer, and said, “May we be alone?”
He shook his head. “Regulations.” Olivia took a deep breath and moved closer to the bars. “Stay back!” the man snapped.
“Alex,” Olivia said, “remember you said the next move must be mine? Well, I’m taking it now.” His eyes were remote, curious. She gulped. “I have Pastor Jennings and the Coopers outs
ide. Pastor Jennings has said he’ll perform the marriage ceremony for us now.”
Alex paled. “What’s the meaning of this?”
The jailer hastily interrupted. “There’s no such thing ever taken place here.”
“This shall be the first.” Olivia lifted her chin. “We must get married now, today.” The jailer glanced at her waistline and then at Alex. His jaw tightened and a strange gleam brightened his eyes.
“Don’t think much of the likes of fellows such as you. All right lady, I’ll go get the parson.”
She looked at his departing back and flew to the bars. “Alex, don’t say no! I love you. Father is coming to take me home. Please, just cooperate!”
Alex released his breath in an explosion of sound. “My dear! What did you say?”
“Father is—” That wasn’t what he meant. Quickly she thrust her hand through the bars and touched his face. “Alexander Duncan, I love you with all my heart, and I want you to marry me right now. Last night I decided I would marry you—before I saw the letter. Will you marry me now?”
He took her hand and held it to his cheek, his lips. “Most certainly, my darling. But I’m afraid I’ll wake up!” She heard the sound of footsteps approaching and watched him blink away tears as he thrust his hands through the bars to greet Sadie and Amos.
Parson Jennings held the black book to his chest and said, “In the sight of God and man, Alexander Duncan, do you take this woman to be your wife?”
And then Olivia promised, “In sickness and health, as long as we both shall live.”
Alex asked the jailer, “Do I get to kiss my wife?”
The jailer shook his head, nearly regretfully. “Regulations. In six months, when you’re out of here.”
The following morning, Sadie opened the door to Olivia’s father. “Mr. Thomas, come into the parlor. Olivia is washing dishes, but I’ll get her.”
Olivia hurried into the room and lifted her face to her father. He kissed her cheek, pulled her to a chair, and demanded, “Are you some kind of hired girl?”
“No, I help because I wish to do so. Father, unfortunately Matthew isn’t here right now. We’ve just returned from a trip; both he and his wife are with the boat. I don’t know when they will return.” She took a deep breath. “Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to inform you that I’m married, too.”
“Olivia,” he sighed. “Do you mean I’ve made this trip for nothing?”
“I’m sorry, Father, but of course I intend to stay with my husband.”
His chin dropped to his chest. “Well, I’d like to meet the fellow. I must say I don’t approve of my children rushing into marriage without our blessing. What is his name, and where is he?”
“His name is Alexander Duncan.” She paused, resisting the urge to impress him with Alex’s lineage. “Unfortunately, unless you feel up to another drive, you can’t meet him. He’s in jail.”
He met her statement with stunned silence. Watching his gray face, Olivia nearly regretted her hasty action. “Father, Alex was jailed for helping slaves escape.” Instantly she saw that statement made the matter worse.
“I will have this annulled,” he whispered.
“No, Father. I am adult; I love this man, and I intend to share my life with him. The life he has chosen.”
Wearily he got to his feet. “Let’s go see the young man.”
Chapter 41
This time Olivia discovered that occasionally the jailer didn’t say “Regulations.” He looked from Father’s gold-headed cane to his white hair and brought Alex into his office. Amused, Olivia watched the man move chairs.
“Sir,” Alex murmured, “I am pleased to make your acquaintance, although these circumstances aren’t most favorable. I realize it must be extremely difficult to welcome a jailbird into the family.” He paused, “I hope that someday both of the families can be together under better conditions.”
Within minutes, Olivia’s father rumbled, “I like you, son. Let’s get you out of this place right now.”
“The only way that would be possible, Sir, is to compromise all I stand for. You could easily buy my freedom, but to do so would force me to surrender to them.” He took a deep breath and added, “My father is also a plantation owner—in South Carolina and Louisiana. Olivia and I know we are working against the values both of you hold most dear. But this is a new era, and while you cling to the old traditions, we are recognizing the need for change. Our consciences can no longer bow to slavery.”
“You will destroy us all.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. My heart aches for you, just as it does for my own father. I don’t wish to see either of you suffer. But I can’t compromise with God in order to please you or my father.”
Cornelius Thomas got to his feet. “Sally Ann and I will be happy to welcome you as our son. But we will pray to God that you get your head on straight. Nevertheless—” he turned his head stiffly. “Daughter, we must go.”
Alex’s eyes were filled with misery. Olivia blinked to keep from crying. She touched his face. That wasn’t enough. For a moment they clung together, and she felt his lips against her hair.
As Cornelius turned away, he said, “Six months is a long time.”
“I know, Sir,” Alex’s voice was husky, “It seems like forever.”
Cornelius stayed only until the end of the week. “I can’t wait any longer,” he stated, carrying his valise down to the hall. “Matthew is likely to be gone for weeks.”
Amos brought the wagon around. Cornelius looked at Olivia and said, “I must tell you, a friend of Matthew’s requested his address. I gave him information. Since he seemed so eager to make contact with Matthew, you may keep the letter from him. His name is Lucas Tristram, an old classmate.”
****
At the first of the week, Matthew and Crystal returned. They arrived by hack, and Olivia could scarcely wait to get them in the door before she began her questions.
Matthew warded off the questions, saying, “Come sit down, all of you, and I’ll tell you what has happened on our end. The Awl has been run aground up a river flowing into the Ohio. The mouth of the river is just below the north curve on the Ohio. We didn’t dare stop before then.”
“You knew we had trouble?”
Matthew grinned down at Olivia, “We, you say! I didn’t know you had gone with Alex until Crystal checked the cabin later.” He shook his head. “One of these days you’ll get yourself into a situation we won’t be able to rectify.”
“I think I have.”
He glanced at her and added, “Back to my story. We’d figured that the Awl had taken us as far as possible, so Caleb took the slaves and headed for the station up north, pretty close to Erie. He had the name of a man who uses his boat to carry slaves across Lake Erie to Canada. That’s the last I’ve heard of him. Crystal and I had to wait for a ride into Pittsburgh and then for passage back down.”
He turned to Olivia. “Now what have you done?”
“Alex and I are married.”
He grinned slowly. “Well, that tops anything I can come up with. Why the hurry?”
“Father came after me. We managed to beat him by a day. Fortunately, he never thought to ask how long we had been married.”
“Where’s Alex?”
“In jail. Paddyrollers. He’s been arraigned, and unless there’s a miracle, he’ll be there for six months. He’s going to need money. A thousand dollars for each slave he’s stolen.”
“Stolen!”
“That’s their word for freed.”
“Guess I’d better go see him. Want to come with me, Olivia?”
“No. I was there early this morning. Besides, they usually let only one person in at a time—unless it’s someone like Father.”
Olivia watched Matthew and Crystal as they went up to their room, then with a sigh she turned down the hall. “Sadie, need some help?” she called as she entered the kitchen. She stopped. Sadie and Amelia looked up. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to
interrupt your conversation.”
Sadie stood up. “’Tis time to pick vegetables for dinner. My, I dread the winter months when there’s not a fresh vegetable outside of carrots and onions.” She took her pan and hurried out the door.
Olivia watched her go, saying, “Something is disturbing Sadie.”
“She has marriage fever,” Amelia drawled. “Had such good luck with you and Crystal, now she’s working on me. I had to tell her to back down.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember the fellow who’s wife died last winter? Well, she pinned me in the corner and wouldn’t let me go until I set her straight. To say the least, I disappointed her.”
“Oh. You don’t want a ready-made family.”
“I don’t want any family. Guess I had to get rough with her.” Amelia glanced at Olivia. “I’m married. That’s why I left home. For me marriage is just too confining.”
Olivia went to peek in the simmering kettle. “Sorry,” Amelia said. “Guess that’s not going to set too well with a newlywed.”
“You notice I’m not asking.”
“Thank you.” She stood up and left the room.
Olivia sighed and went to the door of Alex’s room. Her eyes caressed his old jacket, the neat stack of papers on the chest, and the pillow that bore the imprint of her head. “Dear Lord, please keep him safe and bring him home soon.”
Crystal came in. “I went looking for you, and Amelia said you’d moved down to Alex’s room.” She studied Olivia’s face and gave her a quick hug. “I’m glad for you,” she whispered. “Alex is a wonderful person. Only, it must be so sad—you haven’t had a honeymoon yet.”
Olivia smiled. “About the best we can hope for a honeymoon will be another trip in the Golden Awl.”
“Aren’t you getting tired of that?”
“I guess it isn’t my idea of luxury, but I keep thinking of the people.”
Crystal turned away. Olivia touched her arm. “Have you told Matthew about Joseph?”
“No.” Crystal shook her head and left the room.
I know what it is like, my dear sister-in-law. The rebellion against the God of the Universe. I pray you find a way to resolve your guilt before it tears you apart, or worse yet—both of you. Olivia sighed and went to help Sadie.
