The noise level in the restaurant slowly returned to normal. People were getting over the broadcast. I was glad, because I didn’t really want to hurt anyone or scare them too much. They were all idle threats anyway, except for the message at the end to Captain Awesome. Technically I’d already come for him several times in the past week. He didn’t know about my masturbatory habits, though. Not yet at least.
I finished my drink and checked my watch when I realized Gavin was taking an awfully long time. It’d been a half an hour since he excused himself. I didn’t want to be that guy, but I figured I should go check on him. I had to take a leak anyway.
When I pushed open the door I expected an awful stench or the sound of someone puking, maybe. I didn’t expect for there to be no one in there. Gavin wasn’t in the stalls or hiding under the sink or anything. He wasn’t trapped in the mirror. So either he’d left when I wasn’t looking, or he’d gone through the pipes to the goddamn chamber of secrets.
Thinking maybe we’d just missed each other, I went back to our table, but he wasn’t there. I sighed heavily and paid the bill, feeling shitty. What the hell was that? Had he been so terrified of my broadcast he felt he needed to ditch me? Did he know it was me?
I grunted at Jake in hello when I got home and went straight to my room. If Gavin thought he was getting a second date, he was nuts. I wasn’t going to text him either. He owed me an apology. Hell, we hadn’t even gotten a goodnight kiss. I was looking forward to that kiss.
Part of me was genuinely disappointed. I knew it would probably be for the best if Gavin and I didn’t pursue this dating thing, but I’d really wanted to see what it was like to kiss him. He didn’t even know if I was gonna put out. He might have gotten lucky. Now he’d never know.
***
My next plot was to start a small fire. I was going to call the fire station from a payphone nearby beforehand, and I’d do it in a public place so their insurance would cover it. The Carnal Robber was fading from people’s minds and the headlines, so I needed to bring it back.
For once in my brief life as a criminal, everything went well. No one caught me. The police showed up when I was a safe distance from the crime, and no one got hurt. I breathed a sigh of relief and continued to watch for Captain Awesome. The thing was…
He never showed.
The one time I didn’t balls things up, and he doesn’t show. Go figure.
I needed to go bigger.
***
“Aaron, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ditch you,” Gavin said earnestly.
If I had known Gavin was coming with Carolina to the bar, I wouldn’t have gone. Jake had convinced me to come with him and so here we were. It wasn’t fair to me, and it wasn’t fair to Gavin. Everything was going to be awkward now. I don’t know why C and Jake thought it would be a good idea to ambush me with Gavin.
“Really? You didn’t mean to slip out of the restaurant after telling me you were going to the bathroom?” I gave him a skeptical look. Gavin put his eyes down in shame.
“I’m really sorry. It was an emergency.”
“What kind?”
“I can’t tell you.” Gavin made an apologetic face at me. “Please, I wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t really, really important.”
I ran a hand through my hair, feeling kinda guilty. I liked Gavin, and I wanted to see him again, but I was jumping through a crazy amount of hoops to get the attention of Captain Awesome. I didn’t want to lead either of them on. Besides, Gavin did lie and abandon me in a restaurant while we were on a date.
“We can stay friends, but if you can’t tell me why you left, then you obviously don’t trust me enough to date me,” I babbled quickly, hoping he wouldn’t press the issue further.
Gavin and those big blue eyes were not a team to be messed with. He deflated and nodded slightly. “I guess you’re right.”
The rest of the night was strained. Carolina and Jake tried to keep the usual peppy atmosphere, but apparently Gavin wasn’t feeling it. Neither was I. So it wasn’t surprising when Gavin was the first to leave. Of course I got a bunch of flack from Jake and Carolina.
“He’s a really nice guy, Aaron. If he ditched you he must have had a good reason,” Carolina said with a huff. I think she wanted us to get together, which was surprising, because I thought Gavin was way too good for me. I had assumed she would agree.
“Why can’t he tell me his good reason?” I demanded, raising an eyebrow.
“Maybe he’s embarrassed.” Carolina crossed her arms. I could see there was no way I was going to win this argument. She was staunchly on his side. Maybe she knew more than I did about why he ditched me, but until I got a reason I deemed suitable, I couldn’t go on another date with him. That didn’t sound unreasonable to me.
“Whatever, I’ve got classes early, so I’ll see you next week.” I stood to leave. “You coming, Jake?”
He waved me on, so I left. I was glad he was gonna stay for a little while. It would give me more time to work on my secret projects without him interfering or asking too many questions. I had to make a super villain costume after all.
***
My costume did not turn out very well. It had a lot of red and black, because red was a sexual and threatening color, but I couldn’t come up with anything that wasn’t cheesy. Basically I was just gonna run around in black pants, a red shirt, and a red cape with a black heart. Gimme a break, it was all homemade.
I figured I would come up with something better in time. The first draft of a costume was always ridiculous, right? Look at Magneto’s outfit at the end of X-Men: First Class. It was in no way menacing. His costume in the second movie was a little bit better, but still, you could make the argument any super costume looked ridiculous in real life. I was an engineering major, not fashion design. I was proud the heart actually looked like a heart.
I had to figure out a crime to make my first appearance. It had to be something I couldn’t get in trouble for. My fire plan hadn’t really worked because there was no reason for Captain Awesome to show up. Though technically, because I was the Carnal Robber, all I needed to do was show up somewhere and look threatening, right? My appearance would get Captain Awesome to show up and then I could explain the situation.
And get an autograph. And his phone number.
***
The setting for my first appearance was difficult to choose. It had to have the right amount of people to pose a threat, but I had to have a legitimate reason to be there, other than “committing” a crime.
I chose a restaurant in downtown Boston. It was a fancy place. I was hoping maybe I could get Captain Awesome to sit down to dinner with me once we worked everything out. I packed my outfit in a small bag and went on my way. It was a great restaurant, lots of seafood and expensive dishes. They’d probably comp us because Captain Awesome saved the city like, every week.
The Maître’D smiled and put down my reservation for two at eight. I asked where the facilities were and he pointed me in the right direction. I pulled my Carnal Robber outfit out of my bag and put it on quickly. I was adjusting my mask in the mirror when I heard several screams from the dining room.
Startled, I looked around, but the room was empty. There was a different reason for the screaming besides me. What the hell? I hurried out to see what the commotion was and stopped when three leather jacket clad gangsters turned to face me. My heart plummeted. They had guns. God, what an idiot. Why did I try to get involved in this crap? I was just messing around, but of course I’d show up places where actual crimes were about to take place. My luck was the worst.
“Who the fuck are you?” one of the men barked, waving his gun at me. Several tables in the corner of the restaurant had been trapped when the men came in. There were only about fifteen people left in the restaurant. Hostages.
“I’m the Carnal Robber. Who the fuck are you?” I growled in reply, trying to keep my voice low and tough. Maybe if they thought I was a bad guy like them, they wouldn’t hurt me.
“You�
��re the Carnal Robber? You ordered this hit?” Gangster number two raised both eyebrows at me. “You’re kidding me.”
Seeing an opportunity to do some good, I nodded. “Yeah, I ordered the hit. I was in town, though, and decided I could do it myself. Gimme a gun.” I held out my hand, grateful I wasn’t shaking too noticeably.
There were three men with guns against fifteen civilians plus me. I didn’t have any tricks up my sleeve besides getting a weapon away from one of them. The man closest to me held out his revolver. I took it in my hand, surprised at how heavy it was. I’d never handled a firearm before.
It was like I was living in a comic book. Everything suddenly felt surreal. My senses felt heightened, colors and sounds standing out more starkly than before. I didn’t know who the target was supposed to be, but if I could get close to the criminals, maybe I could take them out. I could knock them unconscious and then threaten the third into submission, right? That’s how it worked in the movies.
I smiled at the criminal who’d handed me the gun and pointed it at the ceiling the way I’d seen them do in cop shows. I felt like I was moving in slow motion as I walked past the unarmed man. I stepped forward, getting closer to one of the two men still pointing their pistols at the crowd. The leader of the gangsters had his back to me, so he’d be the easiest to strike.
I took a deep breath and struck quickly, hitting him in the back of the head with my revolver. He turned in shock, and I panicked, kicking him in the balls. He went down with a gasp, and I grabbed his gun just as the other man whipped his arm around. I let out a shout and hit his arm up so the bullet hit the ceiling. I hit him in the nose with my gun and kicked his balls, too. It was a low blow, but I was saving lives, including my own.
The gangster who’d handed me his gun dove for his fallen friend’s firearm just as the Boston PD’s siren let out a wail. The man pointed his barrel at me, and I pointed two back at him.
“This is the Boston Police Department. Surrender your weapons and let the hostages go.”
The gangster and I exchanged a glance. This was how I was going to die. I could feel it. He’d shoot me and then claim the glory of saving the hostages from me. Fuck, I’d set myself up for this.
He did something remarkable, though. He smirked and threw down the gun, going to cower with the other hostages. I looked at the crowd and realized they had no idea what was going on. They thought I really was an orchestrator of this. Maybe they thought instead of being held captive by three gangsters, they were now the hostages of a super villain.
I deliberated for a moment and went to the man in the leather jacket. If he believed he was going to get away with this, he was an idiot. I put the gun to his head, my stomach flip flopping at the thought I could actually kill him.
“Everyone get out.” I gripped the man’s shoulder in case he thought he could move away. “Tell the police to send in Captain Awesome. He’s the only one I’ll talk to.”
The people stayed frozen for a moment before there was a mad scramble to get out. It was me, the gangster, and his two disarmed buddies. Would Captain Awesome believe my story?
He had to. Everyone would tell the same story, whether they knew the motivations behind these actions or not. My hand shook, so I pressed the gun harder to the guy’s head. God, how had I gotten here? This was going above and beyond my original plan.
I never meant for it to go this far. Really, I mean, I know I get carried away sometimes, but holding a gun to some guy’s head was not in my plans. I never wanted to hurt anyone. My only goal was to get Captain Awesome’s attention. This wasn’t really my fault, though. It was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just my luck.
“Captain Awesome is on his way in. Do not shoot,” The megaphone cop let me know. I swallowed nervously. This was not how I envisioned meeting Captain Awesome, but I suppose it was better than meeting him by setting a small fire. Technically speaking, I was the hero in this situation. I’d gotten all the innocent people out of the restaurant.
“Alright, Robber, let the man go.” Captain Awesome’s voice was not what I expected. It was a little deeper than I thought it would be, like he was putting on a fake voice to sound more authoritative.
“I’ll let him go if he goes straight into the arms of the police. This man and the two unconscious men on the floor were holding the hostages. I came out of the bathroom and took control of the situation,” I said quickly, not trying to disguise my voice. I didn’t want to sound ridiculous like Batman.
Captain Awesome’s eyes widened, and he looked around. “I’ll escort the man out. Thank you.” He sounded confused. This was going to end too quickly if he merely accepted my word. I wanted more time alone with him.
“Good, but I’ll need you to come back and help me with these perps.” I gestured to the men on the carpet. Captain Awesome nodded and grabbed the man who was still conscious, putting his hands behind his back and walking him out. I breathed a sigh of relief and threw the gun down, shivering. Today had not gone the way I planned.
Captain Awesome returned and moved as if to pick up one of the men, but he stopped when he saw me standing in the same place. I stumbled to a chair. I might have been going into shock or something.
“You okay?” Captain Awesome sat down at my table. When he wasn’t trying to put on a fake low voice, he sounded really familiar.
“I’m fine. I didn’t expect to take down some gangsters today,” I said with a small smile.
“What were you doing here? Is this a trap? I heard your message saying you were coming for me…” Captain Awesome looked around, as if expecting someone to jump out at him.
“What? No, I was, well, I was going to create a stir and have them call you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t actually committed any crimes,” I said with a frown. I wanted to take off my stupid mask, but I didn’t know if there were cameras or something.
Captain Awesome scowled at me. “Why would you do that?”
“I just wanted to meet you,” I mumbled, my cheeks turning red. God, this sounded even more stupid when said out loud. What was I thinking?
“Oh. Wow, I’m really flattered.” Captain Awesome looked away for a moment and then pulled off his cowl. The first thing I noticed was his blond hair. For some reason I’d pictured his darker. Then I recognized his face and let out a gasp.
“Gavin! What the hell!” I shouted and then clapped a hand over my mouth. I hoped no one had heard, because the results could be calamitous. Gavin’s eyes grew wide. I pulled off my mask and used a napkin to wipe off some of the dark eye makeup.
“Aaron? Seriously?” Gavin glared at me. “What are you doing? Are you an idiot? You almost got killed today.” Gavin grabbed me and kissed me hard. It was everything I’d wanted out of a kiss from Captain Awesome, hell, or out of a kiss with Gavin. I pressed closer, swaying into him.
He pulled away first, leaving my lips tingling. “That’s why you were at the bank when the stink-bombs went off!” Gavin said in surprise. I nodded sheepishly and froze in realization.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Is this why you ditched me at dinner? You heard my threats and had to rush off and find the explosion?” I gaped at him, both impressed and annoyed I hadn’t seen it before. I was supposed to have genius level intellect and yet one of my friends had slipped this past me.
Gavin rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I thought I could be back before you noticed. I wanted to get the police on tracing the broadcast.” He looked up at me with those big blue eyes. “I really am sorry.”
“God, it’s fine. You’re Captain Awesome!” I said, blushing lightly as my voice cracked with excitement. It was unreal. The guy I had been pushing away because I was too obsessed with Captain Awesome had turned out to be Captain Awesome.
Gavin smiled shyly. “Does this mean I get another chance?”
“God, yes.” I said and pulled him into another kiss. That would show me to push away real people because of celebrity crushes. Gavin’s
lips were warm and gentle against mine and so soft I wanted to compare them to pillows or something ridiculous.
A groan from the floor startled us apart. One of the gangsters was coming around. We shared a glance, knowing we had to face the police and get out.
“So what’s the story? Why did we take so long in here?” I asked, hoping Gavin knew how to spin the media so I wasn’t a villain anymore. Unfortunately, Gavin just gave me a deer in headlights look of fright.
“Great, okay, so you and I were talking about how I should become your sidekick.” I suggested with a shrug.
Gavin blinked at me and shook his head. “No… you go out the back, and I’ll take these two guys to the police. I’ll say you got away, and the reason it took so long was because I was chasing you. I don’t trust the media or the police. I don’t want your name dragged into this.” Gavin grabbed my hair and kissed me again with a soft moan. If we weren’t in the middle of a restaurant that had just been held up, I would have jumped his bones.
He pulled away again. I was breathless and frustrated. I wished we were in a place where we didn’t have to separate at all, but alas, he still had superhero stuff to do. Gavin saluted me with a rakish smirk which only made him look hotter. I grinned and gave a little wave before leaving through the kitchen door.
***
I made it home in time to catch the end of the media furor and coverage of what happened at the restaurant. They spun it that the Carnal Robber had actually disarmed the men and helped Captain Awesome, but the people they interviewed were dubious about my intentions and the extent of my involvement.
Jake was out with a girl, and I was glad for it, because he would not have stopped laughing if he saw me in my Carnal Robber outfit. I changed into sweats and a t-shirt and went back in the living room to watch more news about Captain Awesome, but the aforementioned man was sitting on my couch. I grinned and practically threw myself on the guy.
“I can’t believe how ridiculous you are,” Gavin said, pulling off the mask and wrapping his arms around me.
I kissed his gorgeously pink lips and shrugged. “You’re the one who put on a cape and decided to fight crime,” I teased him, running my hands over his strong arms and chest. Under his normal clothes it was hard to tell Gavin was so ripped. I wanted to worship him with my tongue. “You know, all of this could have been avoided if you’d just told me you were Captain Awesome. Jake and Carolina were always making fun of me for following the news of him.”
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