by Myra Johnson
Ben wanted things to be different. On so many levels. He wanted Mom to be alive. He wanted his old job back. He wanted to reclaim some semblance of security instead of wondering when the next major disappointment would hit.
On Thursday night, finding nothing to eat in his condo except a box of graham crackers and a nearly empty jar of peanut butter, Ben went to bed hungry. The next morning, he grabbed coffee and a stale cinnamon roll at a convenience store, then drove around until his annoyance with Houston traffic made him wonder why he ever thought he liked city life.
When his stomach told him it was lunchtime, he decided to check out a popular restaurant on Westheimer where the Home Tech managers often ate on Fridays. Couldn’t hurt to put out some feelers in case the company was hiring again. But when he glimpsed a former underling in deep conversation with the media mogul Ben had courted for months, he quietly slipped out to his car.
Did he need further convincing he hadn’t been indispensable?
The idea of hanging out in his lonely condo didn’t appeal, so Ben drove over to his brother’s and spent the afternoon entertaining Aidan’s twin toddlers, freeing Aidan’s wife, Renée, to run some errands.
By the time Aidan arrived home from work, Ben had turned the twins over to their mom and was chilling out on the patio with a cold drink. Aidan loosened his tie as he plopped down in the chair next to Ben’s. “Couldn’t believe it when Renée called to say you were back in town. Does this mean you got a job?”
“I wish.” Ben swirled the melting ice slowly diluting his soda. “Nope, just needed to get out of Alpine.”
“But you love it out there with Uncle Steve and Aunt Jane.” Aidan shot him a teasing grin. “Anyway, I heard you were getting sweet on a certain young lady photographer.”
“Didn’t work out.” Ben had tried all day not to think about Marley. Leave it to his brother to remind him.
Aidan studied him. “This isn’t only about losing your job or Dad remarrying, is it? What else is going on?”
“It’s Marley, the girl I’ve been seeing. Everyone’s always assumed she’s this honest, hard-working, mission-minded Christian girl.”
“And you found out she isn’t all those things?”
“No. I mean, she is...now.” Ben raked his fingers through his hair as if the action would clear the tangle of doubts from his brain.
With a confused grimace, Aidan shook his head. “I think you’d better back up and tell me the whole story.”
Ben described the strange phone call he’d gotten early yesterday, when he’d learned Marley was really the daughter of a Missouri state representative. Before he could finish, Renée peeked out the door. “Honey, the boys are getting wild. Can you keep them occupied while I get dinner ready?”
Aidan shot Ben an apologetic smile. “You can tell me the rest later. Want to help with the kids?”
“Yeah, be right there.” Ben stood and picked up his glass, but as he turned toward the door, the new-email chime sounded on his phone. Still hoping for a job lead, he couldn’t afford to ignore it.
The message came from Uncle Steve, and the subject line read: FWD: FWD: To my brothers and sisters at Spirit Fellowship. The email, originally sent at 2:43 p.m. yesterday, first went to Pastor Chris Arndt, who’d forwarded it to Uncle Steve, who’d forwarded it to Ben.
And the sender was Marley Sanders.
All breath leaving his lungs, Ben collapsed into the chair. What was this—excuses, another cover-up? Still, he couldn’t resist reading on.
The email began with a short message from his uncle:
Ben, I pray you’ll read this with an open mind. Whatever happened in Marley’s past, don’t doubt her sincerity. I know she loves you, and I know you love her.
The last part was true, anyway. Otherwise, Ben wouldn’t hurt nearly this much.
Steeling himself, he scrolled down to where Marley’s message began. She explained how, at the urging of her father’s campaign managers, she’d legally changed her name and left her former life behind. She described her past as a juvenile offender—shoplifting, underage drinking, traffic violations and finally a terrible accident that nearly killed the friend who’d continually tried to talk Marley down from her out-of-control behavior.
Thanks to a reformed ex-con and his wife in Marley’s hometown of Aileen, Missouri, Marley eventually confronted her mistakes and resolved to make amends. When her father strongly suggested she “disappear” and start over somewhere else in a place where no one knew anything about her or the horrible things she’d done, it seemed like a God-given opportunity to turn her life around. She’d chosen to attend college at Sul Ross, mainly because Big Bend Country seemed so remote that no one from her past or her father’s political connections would likely ever cross her path.
Then she’d fallen in love with Alpine and her new church family at Spirit Fellowship. The outreach to Candelaria had shown her a way to give back, to somehow begin to atone for all her mistakes. But the truth is, she wrote, I’ve never had to earn God’s forgiveness, because He forgave me even before I asked, and the Bible assures me my name is written in heaven.
Ben read the email twice more, and each time his regret multiplied tenfold. What kind of idiot was he, letting doubts and questions mar his judgment? How could he turn his back on the best thing that had ever happened to him? The day he first stepped inside Marley’s studio, some small part of him must have already known his life was about to change. Everything about Marley attracted him—her beauty, her talent, her unshakable faith.
Maybe it was her faith most of all, because until he started spending time with Marley, he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed his relationship with the Lord.
But right now, he really, really missed Marley.
The side gate creaked, and Ben glanced up to see his dad and Paula step onto the patio. Rising, he clicked off his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. “Hey, Dad.”
In three strides, his father wrapped him in a bear hug. “What are you doing here, son? Not that I’m sorry to see you, but I thought you were spending Christmas in Alpine.”
“Long story.” Ben didn’t have the energy to go into it again. When his dad released him, he made himself smile and nod at Paula. She was no more deserving of his judgment than Marley, and it was high time he made peace with his father’s remarriage.
Paula’s hesitant smile warmed slightly. “Are you back to stay?”
“Actually, I’m headed back to Alpine tomorrow.” Ben hadn’t even known his own plans until the words popped out of his mouth, but he knew he had to return. Whatever his future held, it would begin with asking Marley’s forgiveness and praying she’d give him another chance.
Chapter Fifteen
Marley spent most of Saturday afternoon photographing the Harders family reunion. She couldn’t thank Janet enough for her compassionate response to Marley’s open letter. In fact, everyone in town so far had been extremely kind and understanding.
Even so, the thought of facing all that sympathy at church Sunday morning was a wee bit intimidating. Instead, Marley decided to take this one Sunday off to worship and pray in the solitude of her apartment.
After some Scripture reading, prayer and a second cup of coffee, she settled onto the sofa to reread Neil Ingram’s article in the Avalanche. In a follow-up to the pieces he’d written about Spirit Outreach’s ministry to Candelaria, he promised to put a positive spin on the big reveal about Marley’s former life, and she had to admit he’d done an excellent job. He’d even reprinted excerpts from the email she’d sent to the Spirit Fellowship congregation.
Apparently, Dad’s staff had already begun damage control. In a statement released late Friday, Harold Sanderson declared he couldn’t be prouder of his daughter. “Everyone deserves a second chance,” he was quoted as saying, “and if those who have held the highest of
fice in the country can rise above ignominy, surely my constituents will be no less forgiving of a young woman who clearly has made every effort to turn her life around and become a contributing member of society.”
Naturally, Marley’s father had yet to direct such sentiments to her personally, not that she expected him to. It would be a long time before he forgave her for forcing him into this corner.
Mom, on the other hand, had already telephoned several times, each time sounding happier than Marley had heard her in years. “You know what this means, don’t you?” Mom had said after Dad made his official public statement. “You can come home where you belong, maybe even for Christmas! You can even change your name back to Marsha.”
“Sorry, Mom. I’ve been Marley Sanders for too long. This is who I am now, and Alpine is my home.” She agreed she might return to Missouri for a visit soon, but it wouldn’t be this Christmas.
At the sound of her doorbell, Marley laid the Avalanche aside. It wasn’t even noon yet, and on a Sunday morning she certainly wasn’t expecting any visitors. Please, Lord, not some nosy reporter who’s found out where I live.
It turned out to be the very last person she’d expected to see on her doorstep: Ben.
“Hi, Marley.” He stood on the small porch, the fingertips of both hands jammed in his jeans pockets. “I took a chance you’d be here this morning, or else you’d have come home to find me camped on your doorstep. Are you still speaking to me?”
She raised a brow. “Depends on what you have to say.”
“How about I start with ‘I’m sorry’?”
“An apology is usually a good place to start.” Beneath his tan windbreaker, Marley noticed the maroon T-shirt, one she’d helped him shop for the first day they met. The slim fit accentuated his solid chest, all the more developed since he’d been working on the ranch with his uncle.
The special times they’d shared—organizing the fund-raiser, horseback riding together, the trip to Candelaria—brought a clutch to her throat. She turned away.
Ben reached for her hand. “Please, Marley. Give me another chance.”
“I heard you went home to Houston.” She kept her eyes averted. “Why did you come back?”
“Because leaving was the worst mistake I ever made.” He pulled her around to face him. “I was wrong, Marley. I let my own insecurities cast doubts on what we have together. Please say you forgive me.”
She slid her hands free and hugged them to her ribs as she swiveled away. She had a comfortable life here, friends who accepted her, a ministry she cared deeply about, and—despite the current financial worries—a fulfilling career. If she let Ben back into her life, would she only be risking more heartache?
His arms snaked around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder and his breath warm upon her cheek. “I’m crazy about you, Marley.” Yearning tinged his tone. “I’ll do anything—be anything—if you’ll just give me another chance.”
“Oh, Ben...” With a sad-eyed smile, she turned to face him and pressed her hand to his cheek. “I don’t want you changing for me. If I’ve learned anything from all this, it’s that we have to be true to ourselves. Most of all, to God.”
“But I’ve already changed. You changed me.” Ben drew her closer, one hand working through her hair and loosening her ponytail. “Marley... I love you so much.” His searching gaze settled on her mouth before he lowered his lips to hers.
A languid warmth filled her as she returned his kiss. She wanted this. All these years, she’d avoided relationships for fear of the truth coming out...until Ben came along. He’d burrowed into her heart with his city-boy charm, then showed her again and again how thoroughly he embraced the things she cared about most.
Tasting the salt of her own tears, she clasped her hands behind his neck and nestled her face into the cleft of his shoulder. “I love you, too, Ben—more than I ever imagined I could love anyone.”
“Then let’s see this through, okay?” One finger under her chin, he lifted her head and smiled into her eyes. “We can make this work, Marley. I know we can.”
She wanted to say yes, to trust that somehow they really could have a future together. “I’m scared.” Scared of losing you all over again. “You needed time to think. Now, so do I. These last few days have turned my world upside down.”
“I understand.” He stepped back, dropping his hands to his sides. “Look, it’s still several days till Christmas, and maybe by then we’ll both have clearer heads.” His tone grew timorous. “Would you consider coming out to the ranch? Because I’d really love to spend Christmas with you.”
Marley squeezed her eyes shut at the sudden sharp pain beneath her heart. “I can’t, Ben. I’m spending Christmas with Ernie and Angela.”
“Okay.” He nodded, his gaze shifting sideways before he fixed her with a pleading look. “But maybe you could come out later in the day and have some eggnog and cookies with us. If not for me, then for Uncle Steve and Aunt Jane? They think the world of you, and it would mean a lot to them.”
With a tired sigh, Marley rested her hand on the doorknob, a silent signal to Ben that he needed to leave. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can promise.”
* * *
“Well, I tried.” Ben plopped onto the sofa in the Whitlows’ great room. The nine-foot spruce by the front windows mocked him with its cheery lights and the Christmas angel smiling down from the top branch.
“Oh, Ben.” Aunt Jane looked up from her knitting. “Poor thing’s been through so much lately. She probably just needs time to sort through it all.”
He sat forward, the heels of his hands pressed into his eye sockets. “I’ve really messed things up, haven’t I? There’s got to be a way to make Marley believe how sorry I am, how badly I want to be with her.”
Uncle Steve’s boots clopped across the hardwood floor and Ben raised his head. His uncle sank onto the other end of the sofa. “Are you about ready to talk turkey about your future? Because the way I see it, until you settle on what you’re going to do with your life—more importantly, where—Marley isn’t likely to take any more chances on you.”
Ben glared at his uncle. “I get it. Totally. But I haven’t had one single job offer I’d seriously consider.”
“Not even working right here on the ranch with me?”
“I love it here, you know I do.” A frustrated growl tore from Ben’s throat. “But I’m not a rancher. All my experience is in corporate management.”
Uncle Steve glanced over at Aunt Jane, and she nodded. Shifting to reach into his back pocket, Uncle Steve tugged out a business card and handed it to Ben. “Then this could be your answer, a chance to have the best of both worlds.”
Ben looked at the card: Dean Radcliffe, Executive Director, Big Bend Assistance Alliance. “I remember he came out the day of the trail ride. Pastor Chris and Marley were talking to him about outreach ministry support.”
Aunt Jane laid aside her knitting and reached across to squeeze Ben’s arm. “Mr. Radcliffe spoke to our adult Sunday school class this morning. He’s moving ahead with plans to open a branch office right here in Alpine, and he’s looking for an administrator. I didn’t want to say anything and get your hopes up—or ours, either—but while you were out this afternoon, I took the liberty of emailing Mr. Radcliffe your résumé.” Her smile widened. “He emailed back not twenty minutes later to say he’s very impressed. He wants you to give him a call tomorrow.”
The twinge of anticipation zinging through Ben’s abdomen easily eclipsed any irritation he felt over his aunt’s presumptuousness. He turned to Uncle Steve. “But...you said the best of both worlds. What did you mean?”
“I mean my offer to partner with me on the ranch is still open. Honestly, Ben, your kind of business sense and promotional experience would be a huge asset. And what you don’t know about horses and cattle ranc
hing, I can teach you, because someday...” Uncle Steve’s throat bobbed, his eyes misting over.
“What he’s trying to say,” Aunt Jane began softly, “is that since we don’t have kids of our own, we’d like the ranch to be yours someday.”
Now Ben was getting choked up. He looked from one to the other as he contemplated the real possibility of spending the rest of his life right here in Alpine.
Right here at the ranch.
But even with a real job prospect—no, make that two opportunities offering both personal fulfillment and the chance to help others—his life wouldn’t be complete without one very important addition. Somehow, he had to convince Marley they could have a future together, that he’d never let her down again.
The twinkling Christmas tree lights reminded him of a special evening in Candelaria, and the germ of an idea began to form. But in order for it to work, he had to make sure Marley came out to the ranch for Christmas.
He shoved up from the sofa. “I need to make a trip to town.”
“But you just came from town,” Aunt Jane said. “What’s so important that it can’t wait till tomorrow?”
The rest of my life, he wanted to shout. “I’m working on a plan. I’ll tell you about it after I get a few more details figured out.”
* * *
Ben headed directly to the Coutus’ house, hoping he could catch them both at home on a Sunday evening.
Ernie answered the door, his flat-lipped scowl clearly expressing his current opinion of Ben. “Didn’t know you were back in town.”
“Leaving was a mistake. I don’t plan to make any more.”
“Does Marley know you’re back?”
“I saw her earlier today.” Ben looked away briefly. “That’s why I’m here. I need your help with something.”
“If you want me to convince her to give you another chance, you’re wasting your time.” Retreating a step, Ernie prepared to shut the door in Ben’s face.
“Please, give me ten minutes. Then if you still want to throw me out, you can.”
