My nails dug into the wood a bit, furious at me for not touching her. I took the pain. It was a good pain, a pain I needed.
“Tell me,” I ordered her.
She shook her head even as she panted with the same hunger I had.
I raised my head and looked at her face. She opened her eyes and I was almost completely lost at how beautiful they were. “Cricket, say it.”
She bit her bottom lip, sending me into a near panic. “Oh, Cricket Hunt.” I shook my head to clear the delirium. I pressed my lids tightly. “Now, Cricket, say it now.”
Instead, her hands slid out of my hair and onto my shoulders. She immediately went distracted as her fingers felt the muscles in my shoulders and back up my neck, then back down my shoulders, all the way down my arms. She picked up my right hand and held it in hers while exploring it with the other. Her slender fingers repeatedly stroked the palm. I stayed completely still, though she was driving me crazy. I was afraid to scare her off. She was thinking, contemplating me.
“Callused,” she uttered, then met my eyes. She brought the hand to her lips and delicately kissed the palm before running her fingers back over it.
As if I couldn’t help myself, I gripped the back of her neck with that same palm, making her gasp. My other hand instinctively went to the small of her back and pressed her deeper into me.
“Cricket Hunt, I want you so badly.”
Something in what I said woke her up. Her previously dreamy stare cleared and she shook her head slowly. Just as languidly, she stumbled away from me, staggering toward the gate.
I turned toward her. “Cricket,” I called gently.
“I-I have to go to bed,” she stuttered, pretending nothing had happened and leaving the stall.
I stood, immovable, listening to her retreating steps. I felt something nudge my leg and looked down. She’d left Eugie and he’d stood, looking up at me. I slid down the wall and sat in the hay with him. He laid back down, his head on my leg and fell to sleep quickly. My hand went to his neck and rubbed there. I loved him as much as he loved me.
“So why can’t she get that same concept, huh, boy?” I asked a sleeping Eugie.
I fell asleep right there in the stall with Eugie, still waiting for the one word from her I was never gonna get.
Very early the next morning, I woke startled in the horse stall with Eugie still in my lap. I stood and stretched, the muscles in my back screaming at me.
“Come on, boy,” I told him. He followed me out the barn and into the lane. It was bitterly cold and I wanted to sprint down to the trailer but poor Eugie was too stiff from old age to go any faster than a soft trot.
“Okay, old man,” I told him and picked him up. I wrapped him in my coat and we headed for the trailer. Inside, he immediately curled up on the banquette and I let him, even throwing a blanket over him before patting his head.
Too cold to just lay down, I showered and warmed up as best I could. My bed felt uncomfortably small for some reason and I tossed and turned for two hours, obsessing over what had gone down with Cricket, wondering what the hell was going to happen with my dad, if he was even going to do anything. I thought about the possibility of going to jail for a very long time for the “errands” I ran for him. I contemplated all of it and came to one conclusion.
No matter what the hell happened, the idea of Cricket marrying anyone else other than me made me sicker to my stomach than every awful scenario I could think of.
My eyes were wide open when my alarm went off, but I let it beep over and over, a welcome distraction from my thoughts.
“Dang, dude,” I heard a groggy Bridge complain.
My palm, the same palm Cricket had kissed, slammed down on the off button.
“Sorry,” I said, bringing that palm to my chest, desperate to rub out the ache she’d put there.
“Where were you last night?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“Oh,” I cleared my throat, “I fell asleep in the horse barn.”
She giggled a little and sat up. “Oh really?” she teased. “Did you, perhaps, fall asleep with anyone else?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.”
Her eyes widened and she swallowed. “What? I was only teasing! She wouldn’t do that.”
I couldn’t help my chuckle. “It was Eugie. I fell asleep with Eugie.”
Her shoulders sagged in relief. “Good.”
At the mention of his name, Eugie climbed off the banquette slowly and stretched before making his way over to me. He rested his head on my shoulder and watched me.
“What’s up, dude?” I asked him.
“He probably needs to pee,” Bridge explained.
“Probably,” I said, standing up and opening the door for him.
Eugie found the least snow-covered grass he could and relieved himself. I stood at the door, freezing my ass off in only my track pants and waiting for him to come back inside when he unexpectedly took off down the lane. I narrowed my eyes and saw Cricket walking toward us.
Without thinking, I bounded out into the cold snow, no shoes, no shirt and bed head. “Cricket,” I said, when I reached her.
Her eyes widened. “Oh my God,” she said, looking down. “You have to put on a shirt.”
“Why did you leave like that last night?” I demanded, ignoring her request.
She peered at my feet. “You’ll lose your toes,” she said and started walking toward the trailer.
I followed her. “Answer me, Cricket.”
“Not here,” she said, scanning around her.
I quieted down with the assumed promise she would eventually talk and we entered the trailer just as Bridge was emerging for the day. She kissed Cricket’s cheek hello and winked at me then left to meet an already approaching Jonah.
I shut the door.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “We can’t be in here alone.”
“Why?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.
She stood tall. “Because it’s disrespectful to Ethan.”
I happened to agree with her. “Then we’re in unison,” I told her, which surprised her.
“We-we are?”
“Most definitely. And it’s also why you should leave him and be with me.”
Her jaw clenched. “I swear, Spencer, if you mention that to me one more time, I’m gonna to smack you.”
“Do it,” I challenged.
She narrowed her eyes. “I should.”
I leaned casually against the counter next to the door and crossed my arms across my chest. “You know what I think?” I asked her.
“Why ask? You’ll tell me anyway,” she cheekily replied.
This made me smile. “I think you hate to hear the truth.”
“Pshh, you are so wrong.”
“No,” I laughed, “I’m really not. Think about the way you practically melted into me last night, that seething kiss on my palm, the tangible heat smoldering between us. It tells me so much.” She shook her head. “It lets me know,” I continued, “that you’re only in your relationship with Ethan because he’s giving you something you think you can’t live without, and you’re too scared to give up.”
She gasped, nearly choking on the draw and slapped her trembling hands over her mouth. Tears overflowed and my gut began to ache. I reached out for her.
“Cricket,” I said, racking my brain, trying to figure out why my words wounded her so badly. “I’m so—” I began, but she shoved past me, sobbing and pushing through the trailer door.
I chased after her, but she ran with purpose, frantic to get away.
I caught up with her and grabbed her arm gently. “Cricket, tell me what I’ve said…”
“Stop,” she bawled, refusing to look at me. “Please, just let me be.”
I nodded and let her go. Every foot she stepped took her farther and farther away from me, and my chest throbbed with the pain I’d never really meant to cause her. I felt like such a fool. I’d pushed her too far. I ran my hands through my hair and decided
I would go apologize to her immediately. I hustled to the trailer and got ready for the day then left, heading straight for the horse barn, hoping she was in there, where we usually met.
Inside, the ranch hands Pete and Drew were brushing down and saddling the horses, readying for the day.
“Hey, you guys seen Cricket?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible.
“Heard she’s still up at the main house,” Drew answered before going right back into the conversation he was having before.
I nodded and tried not to appear too eager to reach the house. Once out of sight, I nearly sprinted for the deck. In the dining hall kitchen, I found Bridge stirring something in a bowl and Jonah draped on the fridge next to her.
“Seen Cricket?” I asked.
They shook their heads no and I left the kitchen, making my way to the main living. I spotted Ellie in there.
“Ellie!” I said a little too anxiously.
“What’s wrong, honey?”
“Oh nothing,” I said, trying to calm myself a little. “Have you seen Cricket? She wasn’t down at the stables this morning.”
I shifted my body back and forth.
Her facial expression dropped a moment but quickly picked back up, shielding herself. “Honey, you’ll probably be working with Drew and Pete today. Cricket’s gone into town unexpectedly with Ethan.”
The words “with Ethan” echoed through my head again and again. I nodded. “Thanks.”
I walked back into the dining hall and lowered myself on the bench; my head fell into my hands. I yanked off my cap and ran my fingers through my hair.
I worked the entire day with my eyes peeled for Cricket and even Ethan, but they never showed. That is, until dinner that night. I’d gone back to the trailer and showered just in case she showed up to dinner. I was determined to pull her aside and apologize for whatever I’d done. Seeing her in pain was eating me to my core, and knowing I was the one that caused it made me sick to my stomach.
Bridge, sporting a little bit bigger bump than the week before, sat next to me.
She sighed. “I look pregnant now.”
I laughed a little. “Yeah, I mean, kinda, I guess. It’s just this tiny little bulge. I thought you’d be a bit bigger than this, actually.”
“Dr. Harmon said he’s not that surprised and that first pregnancies take a while to show, especially in someone as slim as I.”
“Ah, I see.”
“So, uh, what’s going on with you today?” she whispered.
“Dude, I f’ed up royally.”
“What happened?” she asked, taking a sip of water.
“I don’t even know, to be honest. I said something to Cricket, you know, to push her, really, and she reacted completely differently than I thought she would.”
“What the hell did you say?”
“I told her that I thought she was Ethan because she was afraid to leave him.”
“What did she do when you said that?”
I turned toward my sister. “Bridge, she broke my heart, reacted like I’d slapped her. She was trying really hard not to sob and ran as fast as she could.”
“Damn, Spence, you really know how to push a girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thank you for that.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. As soon as I can, I need to get her alone and try to convince her to let me apologize.”
Just then, yelling erupted from the living, and Bridge and I looked at one another before leaping up to see what was going on. We raced down the corridor where a small crowd had gathered. At the end of the hall, Jonah heard us coming and turned toward us. He immediately tucked Bridge behind him as if to protect her, which made me nervous.
I pushed through the other hands and stood up front. It was Ethan and Cricket at the bottom of the large log stairwell in the center of the room, and Ethan was yelling at her at the top of his lungs. I made a move toward them to stop him, but Emmett stayed me with a hand so I obeyed. Ellie and Emmett stood very near Cricket.
“This can’t be happening!” Ethan yelled at the ceiling. His long black hair had fallen from its leather strap and shook with each word.
“Ethan, listen, I—” Cricket began to say but he stopped her.
“No! You don’t understand! I need to do this for you, Cricket!” he practically screamed in her face, making my blood boil.
I clenched my jaw as well as my fists.
“I’m not going to ask you to do this for me, Ethan. It’s too much of a sacrifice.”
“Cricket,” he said, his voice shaking. He fell to his knees and hugged her waist, then looked into her face. “I don’t understand this at all. How could you consider this a sacrifice, if I don’t? I love you.”
“I love you too,” she told him sweetly. Although the words matched, their meanings were completely different.
“We were on schedule,” he said, not realizing it. “Everything was so perfect. What’s changed?”
Cricket fell to her knees and held his face in her hands. “Ethan,” she said, then broke down crying. “It’s too much to ask. It’s just too much.”
“It’s not. I’ve offered because I’m in love you. I want to marry you, Cricket. What better reason to do this than that?”
“I can’t,” she said, explaining nothing else and stood.
She pried Ethan’s hands from around her waist, but he fought her, begging her to reconsider whatever it was they were arguing about. The tears streamed, but she had made her decision and shook her head twice before bounding up the stairs. It took everything in me not to chase after her, but I knew it wasn’t my place, so I held back.
Ethan slumped into himself, his hair falling forward, shielding him.
Surprising me, Ellie fell to the second step on the bottom of the stairwell, buried her face in her hands and wept openly. Emmett sat with her and held her hand but didn’t say a word.
The other hands had dispersed back to the dining hall, realizing they’d overstayed their welcome from the beginning. I turned around and went to Jonah and Bridge.
“What’s going on?” I asked him.
He looked down at his feet. “I’m, uh, not really sure.”
“Bull, Jonah. Just tell me what’s going on?”
He looked at me with sympathy. “You’re in love with her, with Cricket,” he stated.
“I’m not.”
“Then it seems you shouldn’t worry about it,” he told me. “It seems to be a private matter to me.”
He led Bridge off toward the dining hall and left me there speechless. I turned when I saw Emmett pass me and follow Bridge and Jonah. Ellie still sat on the steps but she’d stopped crying, though her head hung low, thinking. I looked around and saw that Ethan was nowhere to be found.
“Ellie,” I said softly, and sitting next to her.
She looked up and smiled genuinely at me. “Yes, son?”
“I’m not sure what’s going on, and I’m not asking, but I do want to know if you’re okay.”
She patted my knee. “You’re a good boy, Spencer Blackwell. You’re still a little confused about life, but you’ll figure it out yet.”
She kissed my cheek and headed for the hall with the others, leaving me bewildered.
I wished I had asked her what she meant, but I didn’t want to bother her. I was so confused because I thought I had life down better than anyone I knew. I chalked it up to old age and dismissed what she said.
I joined the others and sat at the table next to Bridge. We talked about the pregnancy and what we thought the sex of the baby was going to be. She’d decided that she would wait until the birth to find out. That drove me crazy, but there was nothing I could do about it.
“What about names?” I asked her.
“I have no idea, honestly. I can’t decide on a single one.”
“Oh, come on, Bridge. You have to be leaning toward a few.”
“I’m serious,” she laughed. “I think I’m going to have to look
in the baby’s face and decide then.”
I smiled. “Wow, gutsy.”
“I like to live dangerously.”
“I know,” I said, exasperated a little.
She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Get it out.”
“Well, I mean, you and Jonah. What’s really going on there?”
She looked at the next bench down from ours and eyed the subject of my question. “I-now don’t get mad…”
I sighed. “Bridge, any time someone prefaces a sentence like that, I most definitely get mad.”
“Well, just listen then,” she began before taking a deep breath. “I like Jonah.”
“I had that kind of figured out already.”
“A lot,” she said, agony written all over her face.
“I think he likes you a lot too, Bridge.”
“I think so but, well, I’m so perplexed. I’m having someone else’s baby. I’m not quite eighteen. I know it should feel inappropriate but I-I just feel so lost because I don’t feel that way.”
My heart went out to her. “You’re punch-drunk.”
“Extremely.”
“Why don’t you just follow his lead?”
She furrowed her brows at me. “Are you seriously talking to me about this?”
“Yes, Bridge, he’s a good friend to me and, to be honest, you have to be a rare kind of person for your friends to be okay with them dating your sister. You feel me?”
“Yeah, he’s a gentleman. And I know that sounds so stupid in this day and age, but Jonah is so kind to me, so considerate and thoughtful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt uncomfortable around him, and lately I’ve found myself watching his every move when he’s around or wondering where and what he’s doing when he’s not.”
I considered everything she was saying. “Just tread carefully,” I advised. “Follow his lead, don’t rush, and guard the shit out of your heart, Bridge.”
She nodded, taking everything I said seriously. I wondered why I couldn’t follow my own advice.
GREED (The Seven Deadly Series) Page 18
