by R. R. Banks
I peeled myself out of the gown as soon as I stepped into my room. I doubted that I would ever have the opportunity to wear it again, but once I put this experience behind me, I knew that I would enjoy seeing it hanging in my closet. Bathed and changed into a pair of lounge pants and shirt, I sat down on the window seat looking out over the back lawn and held the book I had been reading in my lap. I couldn’t focus on the words, though, and my eyes wandered to the windowsill. I don’t know how long I stared at it, lost in my thoughts, before trying to pull myself back to the book.
I turned away from looking at the windowsill and found Noah standing in the center of the lawn staring up at me. In the next instant, I was running through the cottage and out of the door that led out into the yard, running toward him. Noah took several long strides toward me to close the space between us. When I got close enough, he reached forward and I felt him sweep me into his arms. We were fully visible to whoever might be watching as our bodies crashed together, but I couldn’t think about that in that moment. All that mattered was the feeling of his arms around me and his mouth coming down onto mine in a kiss that seemed to pull every emotion, every thought, every compulsion out of me.
My mind was reeling as he held me closely against him and carried me toward the cottage where we’d had our first, if brief, encounter when I was just at the beginning of my journey. Noah brought me to one of the large cushions on the floor and lowered me to it so that he sat facing me and pulled me forward, draping my legs over his thighs so that I could settle close to him. I reached up and touched his face, his hand immediately raising to mirror my movements as I gently traced the curve of his jawline.
"Noah," I whispered.
As if hearing his name on my lips broke any control that he had, Noah pushed forward to kiss me again, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me into his lap. I gasped at the swell of his erection beneath me and he held me down harder, lifting his hips slightly to rock against me as his mouth played across mine. My need for him felt intense and primal, and I reached down to gather the hem of his shirt in my hands and pull the fabric off over his head.
I leaned down and drew my tongue across his skin, gathering the taste of him. My teeth nipped at his chest and I felt his hands pulling at my shirt. Even with the questions and hesitations that we’d had still hovering in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn't have resisted him. I needed Noah in that moment in a way I felt like I had never needed anything, and I eagerly gave myself over to him as he reached behind me to open my bra and release my breasts into his waiting hands. His thumb rubbed across one nipple as he brought his mouth down to the other, continuing to nudge upwards with his hip as he sucked the taut peak between his teeth.
He repositioned me so that I was sitting in front of him. My body shook as he removed my remaining clothing and then brought me up to my knees before he tenderly ran his hands down me, following every curve as if trying to memorize me beneath his palms. He followed his hands with his mouth, trailing kisses along me with such control and purpose it was as though he had been imagining this very moment, planning everything that he was going to do if he got me in his hands again. By the time his mouth reached my hipbones, I was trembling nearly uncontrollably. He moved it down to draw his tongue slowly and deeply through my core. It created concentrated, intense pleasure, but it was also a message, a reminder of the first time that he had touched me that way, the impulse that had brought him to his knees in front of me to nurture me as I cautiously, nervously began to learn my own body.
He rose up onto his knees and guided my hands to the front of his pants. I released the row of buttons down his fly and peeled away his pants, revealing that he wore nothing beneath them, and eased them as far down as I could. I wrapped my hand around his surging erection as he finished taking his pants the rest of the way off, and I indulged myself in the feeling of running my fingers along its hard, beautiful length. Noah groaned at my touch and my body clenched as if already seeking him. I stroked his luscious cock for a few moments, offering him back the pleasure he had given me. When I couldn't handle the empty ache any longer, I looked into his eyes, evaluating him, wanting to see that he needed me in the same way.
Noah didn’t respond, but grabbed me by my hips and pulled me forward so that my pelvis came up on his thighs and my legs draped around his hips. The movement settled the tip of his erection at my core and he took a moment to stroke me, sending a shock through me. He suddenly paused and eased me off of his lap and stood. I was briefly worried, but then I saw that he was walking toward a cabinet hanging on the wall. He opened it and pulled out a condom, slipping it on without ceremony. He returned to the cushion with me and brought me back into his lap, catching my mouth to rebuild the heat that had been lost.
We kissed hungrily, almost frantically, then he was inside me and I gasped at the intense, full feeling of him plunging so deep I felt him hit the furthest point. He held my hips tightly as he began to thrust into me in a fast, hard rhythm that told me he didn't want to hold anything back.
I gripped his arms to give myself greater stability and planted my feet on either side of him so that I could lift my hips higher. It was an open, vulnerable position that I never would have even considered before coming here, but it felt natural and real now. Noah growled in his throat and rose up slightly more on his knees. The leverage allowed him to pick up even more speed, and within seconds I could feel myself losing control. I dug my fingernails into his arms and let my head fall back, screaming as my body contracted around him and held him tightly within me before crashing into fast, intense spasms that milked him until he let out a deep grunt and released into me. I threw myself forward so that I was wrapped around Noah and focused on the feeling of his cock pulsing against my walls. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of my body massaging him, accepting the hot steams he poured into me.
When it was over, we lay tangled on the cushion, our bodies wrapped around each other and our hands lazily stroking each other’s sweaty skin. I kissed his hair and his forehead, holding him against me as tightly as I could. Even in those first moments, clarity was coming into my mind. I knew that this couldn’t last. This shouldn’t have happened. I closed my eyes and held him closer, needing just a few more seconds before I let reality completely set in.
Noah lifted his head and kissed me, then stared down into my face. He stroked his fingertips along my cheek and jawline, and then traced my lips. I kissed them softly.
“You came back,” he whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“You came back. You didn’t sleep with him.”
I felt like a rock had fallen into my stomach.
“No, I didn’t, but Noah…”
“I knew that if you thought about it…”
“Noah, nothing’s changed.”
He stared at me, blinking as if he thought that he hadn’t heard me correctly.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re right. I didn’t sleep with Damien, but that was my choice. He doesn’t know it, but he has involvements in my life outside of all this. In my real life. I couldn’t go through with it and put that at risk later.”
Noah climbed to his feet and pulled his pants on, whipping around to face me.
“That’s it?” he demanded. “That’s why? Because he might at some point interact with you after this, that’s the only reason why you didn’t sleep with him?”
I wriggled into my pants and dropped my shirt down over my head, not bothering to put my bra back on.
“What do you want me to say, Noah?”
“I want you to say that you’ll stop this. I want you to say that you’ll leave and won’t go on anymore dates.”
I waited for more. I waited for him to say the words that I needed him to say, the only words that would convince me to end my retreat, but he didn’t. He just kept staring at me, the demands in his eyes telling me that he didn’t understand, and I felt the softness that had come over my heart harden.
“I’m
going to see this through,” I said, making sure that each word was fully enunciated so that my message was clear.
Noah looked at me for a long, steely moment. Without another word, he stormed out of the cottage, leaving me alone, overwhelmed with the conflicting, battling emotions that filled me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Snow
Any questions that I had about my continued investment in the retreat were gone by the time that I returned home. The unexpected encounter with Noah had worked to confirm that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I was finally doing something for myself and following through with what I had intended from the beginning rather than allowing the will of someone else to control me. I had looked into Noah’s eyes, hoping to see there what I now knew was the only thing that could supersede the valuable personal and sexual discoveries that I was making with each new date. This wasn’t just about the sex, though I definitely felt like I understood Robin’s fascination now. Continuing the retreat was about me connecting to and honoring myself, accepting that my own needs mattered, and that I deserved to focus on not just knowing myself, but knowing how to look beyond everything else to live the life that I deserved. In those last intense moments in the cottage I hadn’t seen in Noah what I needed to, so I made the decision that I needed to and was more determined now than ever to see this through.
Friday morning had come again and I got into the shower to ready myself for my journey back to the retreat. My date box sat in the living room, waiting to be brought along with my luggage. The card had been the same cryptic, vague message that I had become accustomed to over the last several weeks.
“Express yourself”
I had just rinsed the shower gel from my skin when the temperature of the water suddenly shifted to scalding. I pressed myself back against the wall, trying to stay out of the blistering water, and pushed the door open so that I could climb out. My skin stung as I reached in to turn the faucet off. Shaken, I picked up my towel and dried off. I dressed and stepped out of the bathroom, turning toward my bedroom to get my luggage. Moments later I heard the high-pitched scream of the smoke detector. I ran into the hallway and immediately smelled smoke. Rushing toward the grey trail I saw forming near my ceiling, I found a small fire burning on the carpet of my living room. I ran into the kitchen to grab my fire extinguisher, but I couldn’t activate it. Feeling panicked, I ran out of my house and into the yard, shouting for help.
My hand touched my pocket and I realized I hadn’t grabbed my phone. I had no way of calling for help. I was tempted to go back inside, but even from this vantage point I could see that the fire was building in my living room. Tears were forming in my eyes and I felt my chest crushing. Suddenly a figure rushed past me and into my house. A few moments later I saw the glow of the fire stop and the windows open to allow the smoke to stream out. The chauffer’s face appeared in one of them and I felt myself sag with relief. I glanced behind me and realized that the limo had pulled up behind me without me noticing.
“Philip,” I said, the tears trickling down my cheeks now. “Thank you.”
“It’s alright, Snow,” he said. “The damage isn’t too bad. I’ll make some calls and make sure that it is fixed for you before you get back.”
I heard the wail of sirens and looked to the street to see a fire truck zooming toward me. The men rushed out and streamed into my house where Philip reassured them that he had the situation under control. They did a quick scan of the house and then came out to tell me that I could go in if I wanted to.
“I can get your things for you if you’d like,” Philip offered.
I nodded, not wanting to face whatever damage the fire had caused before he was able to extinguish it. A few minutes later he came out of the house carrying my luggage and my date box. He tucked them into the trunk and then went back inside the close the windows and lock the door. With another promise that he would ensure that everything was fixed when I got back from the cottage, he started on the now-familiar drive to the cottage where I hoped that I would be able to calm down and relax before my date the next day.
Lucille
I sat in the upstairs window of the house across the street from Snow’s, my anger tightening in my jaw until it hurt. I had been watching Snow’s house for the three weeks since I discovered that it was for rent and in that time, I had watched her come and go in that limo twice. Not knowing where she was going or what she was doing made me angrier with each passing day. The time away from the company was supposed to be giving me the opportunity to figure out a way to get rid of her. Instead, it seemed to be giving her even more of the adoring worship that she constantly received. It was sickening and more than ever I wanted to destroy her. The end of her leave was coming up quickly. I was running out of time before I was going to be forced to let her back to work and have to deal with her every day. Something had to be done.
I watched as the firefighters took a final sweep of the perimeter of her house and started packing up their truck. All of the fuss surrounding the tiny fire seemed ridiculous, just more of the pomp and circumstance that seemed to define Snow’s life. More people falling all over themselves to ensure that her life was nothing but rainbows and butterflies. It’s not as though I had meant for the fire to get out of control. I didn’t want to kill her. Ruin her day, yes. Piss her off, sure. Scare her and hope that it would make her want to cut her losses, go somewhere else, and start again where she could ruin someone else’s life, absolutely. It was a controlled burn, just like the shift in temperature in her water. Harmless.
My phone rang and I glanced down at it, rolling my eyes before answering it.
“Hi, Honey,” I said, trying to inject as much pleasantness in my voice as I possibly could.
“I just got a call from the fire department. They responded to a fire at Snow’s house. Do you know what’s going on? Is she OK?”
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
He sounded nothing short of frantic and it took everything in me not to throw my phone across the room.
“What do you want, Walter?” I snapped.
“I’m worried about Snow. You said that she’s on vacation.”
“Yes, she’s on vacation. She has been for weeks.”
“But there was a fire at her house.”
“And I’m sure that the fire department handled it. They are the professionals. Speaking of which, do you want to explain to me why they would be calling you to tell you about a fire?”
I was hoping to deflect the situation, make him feel guilty so that he would leave me alone.
“Any time that there is an emergency at the home of one of my employees, I’m notified,” he said. “It’s part of our insurance policy. They all agreed to my notification when they started working for me.”
“Well, I don’t like it,” I said, giving a sniff for extra emphasis. “You shouldn’t be thinking about her when you are away. You should be thinking about your wife.”
“I am, Darling. I’m always thinking of you. I miss you so much. In fact, I’m thinking about cutting my trip short and coming home to you.”
“No,” I snapped, a bit too quickly. “I mean, no, don’t do that,” I said more softly, trying to recover. “You’ve been so looking forward to this trip. Don’t give it up. We’ll have plenty of time when you get home.”
“Our whole lives,” he said.
I felt my stomach turn but I forced myself to make an affirming sound. I ended the call and tucked my phone into my pocket. Across the street a white van had pulled up in front of Snow’s house. A team of men in white jumpsuits climbed out and started carrying equipment into the house. More heroes already swooping in to rescue her.
This had to end. I couldn’t stand the thought of her coming back to work and having to look at her every day. I already heard her name enough just with people missing her and clients asking when she would be back. I couldn’t tolerate having to hear even more about her. Grabbing my keys, I left the house through the garage door and
drove out of the neighborhood, heading for the Royal and Company offices. I wanted to do some more digging into Snow’s files. There had to be something there, something that I could use.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Snow
I was still unnerved by the fire at my house the next day when I arrived for my date. I was trying to get it out of my mind so I could concentrate on the experience that was waiting for me, but it was still frightening. When the limo stopped, I looked out and saw that we were in front of a converted industrial building. Intrigued, I let Philip help me out of the backseat and started for the door. I stepped through it into a large open space that I could only assume used to be a factory floor. Any manufacturing equipment that used to be there was gone now, replaced by paint-splattered tables, drop cloths, and stacks of crates filled with art supplies.
A man sat astride a stool in the center of the room, slashing at a canvas with a narrow paintbrush. He seemed unaware that I was in the room with him and I didn’t know if I should approach him. I took a cautious step in his direction, watching as he continued to create seemingly abstract lines across the white surface with black paint. It was the type of art that I could never decide if I liked it or not. On one hand it was fascinating, the often contrasting colors and harsh shapes juxtaposed with soft curves seeming to embody something that only the person who created it could understand. On the other hand, this caused the pieces to be confusing, sometimes unnerving, making me feel like I was somehow out of the loop and missing out on something that others could see.
