She set the route for the miniature one-lap-around-the-grounds pet parade. She made sure there was music. She made announcements and handled custodial duties when there were spills.
What she didn’t do, Noah realized, was interact with the children. The gymnasium of the community center was chock-full of two-and three-year-olds, along with a few older and younger siblings. They tended to move en masse like little lemmings, cute as buttons, following whatever kid had the toy of choice. But Ivy seemed to be able to skirt around them and be busy wherever they weren’t.
He knew this had to be kind of a bittersweet hell for her. She clearly appreciated children, but every time she looked at them, she had to be wondering what her child would be like if fate had spared his life. Like it or not, she would imagine what he would look like, how he would move and sound and smell and feel cuddled in her arms. That had to sting like fire, especially when her gaze fell on the little ones, the ones about the age Bo would have been.
Lily was close to that age.
Noah took a deep breath, trying to erase that thought, even though he’d known it all along. It broke his heart that his daughter, his reason for living, should cause Ivy such pain, but there was nothing he could do about it. Lily and Ivy couldn’t get close when Ivy would be leaving soon. He knew her ranch and had seen what the taxes were. She’d have enough money to pay them soon.
And then…he didn’t know what she would do other than leave, but judging by the way all the fathers here were looking at her, she was wrong about her modeling career being over. She still had the look men wanted and women wanted to have. Her scars only made her seem more real.
The sound of Alicia’s voice calling everyone to attention brought him out of his thoughts.
“Time to settle down,” Alicia said. “Ivy’s going to read a story. Gather around on the rug.”
Ivy looked like a trapped doe. Alicia wrapped her arm around Ivy’s waist and led her toward a rocking chair set up at the edge of a blue rug. Noah knew that Alicia didn’t have a mean bone in her body, so what was she thinking?
“No,” he said, but no one heard him and he didn’t want to yell and scare the little ones.
Instead he walked to where Ivy was already in the chair, holding a book. The little ones were eagerly gathering around her, right at her feet.
She looked down at the book as if she didn’t see it.
“Ivy, you don’t have to,” he said, and she looked right into his eyes.
But in the next second, she looked down. A small blond boy was touching her shoe and gazing up at her as if he couldn’t wait to hear what she was going to say. Ivy looked as if she couldn’t tear her gaze away. Her fingers clenched on the book, folding it nearly in half. If she hadn’t been holding something, he was pretty sure that her hands would have been shaking.
Lily, seeing that some other child was taking possession of one of “her” adults, was getting ready to do what she did so well—lift her arms, a request to be placed on Ivy’s lap.
The mass of little punkins between him and Lily was squirming and moving, and he couldn’t get to her to stop her without stepping on little fingers and toes. “Lily, darlin’,” he called. “Come to Daddy. You can sit on my lap.”
His grown-up voice seemed too loud and deep in the midst of the lispy, high-pitched voices of the children, and Ivy looked at him.
Lily was biting her lip, a sure sign that she was going through some heavy-duty overload. It was, after all, her first time in a group of kids, and now he was asking her to make a decision. Her little lips trembled, and she blinked as if she would cry, but to his relief she didn’t wail.
“It’s okay,” Ivy said, her voice slightly strangled and soft. Closing her eyes, she lifted Lily onto her lap. Not cuddling, not holding her close, but holding her nonetheless. Ivy sat motionless, stiff. He could tell that this was torture for her.
Dammit, she didn’t have to put herself through this. Lily would survive some disappointment. He started to chart a way through the sea of children, but Ivy was already reading. She managed to make it through with only two stumbles, once when Lily leaned against her and once when the little boy at her feet hugged her leg.
But as soon as she finished, Noah took charge, gathering babies, giving them hugs and turning them over to their parents. By the time he got to Lily and Ivy, the little boy’s mother had carried him away.
“You were perfect,” Noah said, taking Lily in his arms, and he realized that he might have been speaking to either his child or this pale, fragile-looking yet strong woman.
“Ivy…” he began.
She shook her head. “No problem. Good story.”
“One of my favorites.” He had no idea what he was saying, but he could see that she needed things to return to normal, to make small talk.
“So you know it. What’s your favorite part?”
He didn’t have a clue. He’d been watching her instead of listening to the story. “The ending,” he said truthfully, concern in his voice.
His reward was a tiny smile, a hint of color in her cheeks. She was returning to normal. Thank goodness.
Just then, someone called his name. A crowd of women, Sandra among them, descended on him. “So someone finally talked you off that ranch, did they, cowboy?”
“We’ve been waiting for this day, to get you into town. A man needs more than ranching and men who spit and swear. He needs a little softness.”
Okay, what to say to that? “I’m sure you’re right,” he replied.
It was the right answer. The woman who had made the comment gave him a huge smile. But Ivy looked disgusted, probably thinking that he could be manipulated too easily. For some reason that made him smile.
The women chattered on and pressed close to him, and by the time he had disentangled himself and Lily from the group, Ivy was gone. He caught up with her cleaning up the food table.
“Finished?” she asked sweetly.
“I think I just agreed to about ten dates.”
Ivy had to know that he was kidding, and normally she would have tossed out a sassy remark and sparred with him. But this time her eyes didn’t throw sparks. She didn’t look at him at all. Which told him a lot. What a jerk he was. He knew she’d just gone through hell with all those babies and was probably still not recovered. He knew better than anyone how she used sassiness to hide her pain from the world. So why was he teasing her? Without another thought, he reached out and grasped her, hauling her against his side and supporting her as much as she would allow him to.
“We’re leaving, okay?” he told Melanie.
The other woman nodded, a look of concern in her eyes. “Absolutely. Yes. You go, Ivy,” Melanie said. “You’ve been running nonstop. Time for the rest of us to do our part.”
Ivy opened her mouth to protest, and Noah had an urge to kiss her quiet. Wouldn’t that be just great right here in front of all these women? Yes, a part of him answered, but he had the good sense to ignore that thought. Instead, he took her hand, letting the jolt of awareness shoot through him. He savored the softness of her fingers against his and the way his hand fully enclosed hers. “You need a rest,” he told Ivy.
“I have work to do back at the ranch.”
“Not today. You’ve already done more than enough for the Ballengers today.” He did his best to look stern with her, and she let him. Not like her not to argue, so he was even more concerned. First no teasing, then no arguing? Where was his Ivy?
Not my Ivy, he reminded himself, but his concern didn’t subside.
Still, he didn’t say anything on the way home. Lily might be only two, but she was good at reading moods. He bided his time, and as soon as they arrived home and he passed a tired Lily to Marta, he turned back to Ivy.
“Come into my study.”
“Sounds serious.” She smiled and followed him, but her smile lacked its usual punch.
As soon as the door was shut, he turned to her. “I am never putting you in that kind of situation again.”<
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“It was my choice.”
“It wasn’t your choice. You were caught off guard.”
“Alicia meant well. I think she wanted me to feel that I was a part of things.”
“I got that. Nevertheless, no more events like that for you. If Lily needs playdates, I’ll handle them.”
“I did okay.”
His laugh was harsh. “You pretty much ran the whole thing. That’s a whole lot better than okay. But I saw your pain….”
She held up a hand. “I…I handled it.”
“I didn’t hire you so that you could be a human sacrifice.”
“No. You hired me because you needed a ranch hand and I was so annoying that it was easier to say yes than no.”
“And because you’re damn good at ranching.”
“Partly. But mainly because of the other. Because I was persistent enough.”
He finally got where this was going.
“And this persistence…I take it you want to talk more about that.”
“I do. Now that we’re talking about my persistence and pushy ways, I—something came up today and…”
“And…?”
“For starters, I’ve invited a few women and children over here next week. Just a small group this time. Not a big deal,” she said, plowing right in just the way she had when she’d wheedled him into giving her a job.
“Ivy…” He blew out a breath.
“I know. I’m really irritating when I’m pushy.”
“It’s not that. It’s… I saw how difficult this was for you. Why on earth are you diving in again?”
“I have my reasons.”
“Want to share?”
“No. And I don’t want to cancel, either. It’s already set up. Nothing to do but make sure we have a little food.”
Noah shook his head. “You mystify me.”
“Sometimes I mystify me, too.” She was smiling, trying to tease, but her smile was too bright. This day had taken a toll. On both of them. Only Lily had come through unscathed.
“This event today took up a lot of your off hours, and… Lily had a good time. Thank you.”
“You would have made the leap in time, anyway. And I’m pretty sure you won a lot of points with the women in town.”
“Ivy, don’t try to turn me into a hero. I’m just a man, just a rancher and not a very exciting one at that. When the new wears off me, I don’t always show so great.”
“Great is in the eye of the beholder,” she said.
Noah stared into her eyes. He took a step toward her. Had she just implied that she thought he was great? Was he going to kiss her?
She took a step toward him. And then she stopped. She turned. She practically ran away from him.
CHAPTER NINE
NO WAY WAS IVY GOING TO let Noah call off the next playdate because of her, she thought the next day. She might have nearly fainted reading that story, but it wasn’t something she was proud of. Those sweet babies had had nothing to do with her loss, and letting them see how she was affected hadn’t been an option.
In addition, she’d seen how the women looked at Noah. He’d done his share of helping, carrying the heavy stuff, rounding up stray children. Nobody had been criticizing him for not being an exemplary father. He and Lily had fit right in and…okay, there had even been some single women there as helpers who’d been very interested in Noah. Maybe one of them would one day be Lily’s new mother. Maybe someone who had always wanted to be a rancher’s wife. Noah’s wife.
The knifelike pain that slid through Ivy wasn’t surprising—she couldn’t deny how attracted she was to him—but it wasn’t right, either. She wasn’t staying. Ranching could not be her life. She’d spent too long trying to escape it. One day she would wake up and remember that and want to be gone again. She hoped.
Besides, even if Noah was interested in her in a romantic rather than a merely lustful way—which he wasn’t— Lily needed more than Ivy could ever give. The little girl deserved so much more than a woman who would look at her and remember another child. Far more than a woman who couldn’t hold her or hug her the way every child deserved to be held and hugged.
So we get this next playdate going, she told herself. This time we do it here, in Noah and Lily’s territory. They’re the hosts. After that, they’ll be totally in. Old hands with two playdates and a hosting under their belts. After that, they won’t need me.
She shook her head. “As if they do now. Don’t be silly, Seacrest.”
“Are you talking to yourself again, Ivy?” Darrell asked. “I wanted you to help me with Bruiser. He likes you better than he does me, and things get done quicker. But you can’t be daydreaming when you mess with that one. Even you have to pay attention to him.”
For a moment Ivy thought that the same thing could be said about Noah. She’d passed him on her way out. He was heading off to consult with Brody on an injured cow. But even back in his work persona, all business, all ranch, she had looked at him and remembered how he had tasted every time they’d kissed. “Ivy?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” she said.
“You better be.”
That’s the truth in more ways than one, she thought. But she concentrated fully and Bruiser was just as much a love to her as he’d ever been. With Darrell he was still jumpy and nervous.
“He doesn’t like men except for Noah.”
“Men can be a problem,” she agreed, causing Darrell to give her a questioning look. But he didn’t ask, and she didn’t offer. She also didn’t retract that thought. She’d been thinking about Noah far too much ever since she’d come here. It was time to concentrate on anything but him.
The day of the ranch gathering began as well as Ivy had hoped. The weather cooperated, the house was ready and Lily had had her nap. The mood was a little too heightened, perhaps. Maybe she’d planned a bit too meticulously, and consequently she was high-strung and nervous, Ivy thought, but nerves could be dealt with.
She tried not to think about that little blond boy—Benjamin—showing up.
Instead, she made sure that all the preparations were ready. “Blast off,” she said when the first car turned in, headed down the winding drive leading to the ranch.
Noah chuckled. “That monumental?”
“Hey, there may only be a few kids coming, but this is your first hosting job and Lily’s first chance to be princess of the children for a day. Try to look appropriately humble and yet dazzled by your guests at the same time,” she teased.
To her surprise, Mr. “I’m only a rancher” Noah got right into the spirit of the thing.
When the first guests walked in, Lily’s eyes lit up like twin sparklers and she took off in a waddling run to meet them, jabbering so fast that Ivy couldn’t understand her. But it was clear to all concerned that she was happy to have guests and was prepared to be a gracious hostess. Noah, following Ivy’s instructions and Lily’s lead, grinned at his guests and kissed hands.
“Ivy tells me that she’s entered me in a contest, and to win I have to make you all decide that this is the best playdate of the year,” he teased. “So you just let me know if you’re lacking for anything or have special requests, and I’ll do my best to make sure you’re satisfied.”
“You couldn’t not satisfy, Noah,” said Sandra, who had tagged along with Melanie, and Ivy felt a bit less gracious than she had a moment before. Which was wrong.
Ivy decided to switch directions. She had a few baby animals she’d brought out for the children to see and even touch, under supervision.
“When did we get a llama?” Noah asked. The fact that he said “we” made Ivy feel a bit dizzy and disoriented. Not that she would let him know.
“We didn’t. We had a calf, of course, and the foal you’ll recognize. Possibly even the kittens and puppies, but the others—the lamb, the llama and the goat—are all borrowed from neighbors.”
“And what do they get for lending their creatures to us?”
“Well…” she drawled. “So
me of them wanted me to get you to take off your shirt and chop wood so they could see your muscles. But I’m pretty sure they’ll be happy with a simple thank-you and a smile or two.”
“You have a wicked sense of humor, Ivy, but you also made my daughter’s eyes glow when she realized that she was going to have four kids at her very own house, so I’ll forgive you for your smart mouth.”
“Don’t forgive me too much. I’ve lined you up to oversee games.”
He raised an eyebrow. “This group understands games?”
She laughed. “No, they probably don’t. But they like to play, so we have ‘Stand next to the bucket and drop the ball in,’ ‘jump over the one-inch chalk-line river just for fun’ and a simple race where everyone who makes it down the field is a winner. Cam you handle those?”
“Ivy, there are only five of them.”
“And only one of you, but…go get ’em, cowboy.”
He did, and it was great. The kids had fun, but halfway into the party, Brody came to the door.
“I’m sorry for interrupting,” he told Noah, “but that cow is getting worse. I don’t know what else to do for her. You’ve had some veterinary training. It would help if you looked at her. Maybe between the two of us we can figure this thing out. The vet is miles away and in the middle of an operation.”
Noah didn’t hesitate. He told Ivy that he’d be back soon and he left to tend to his ranch. Because that was what he did. He was a rancher to the bone, she reminded herself. Ranching had to come first.
Ivy was surprised that she wasn’t more resentful. It was just the way things were. Not the way she liked them or wanted them, but the way things had to be. Some men were born to be ranchers. And some women were born to keep their distance from ranchers, she reminded herself.
Why was it so difficult to stay away from Noah?
By the time Noah came back, an entire hour had passed. Things should have been winding down. Instead, it looked as if a few more people had shown up. Parents were in small groups. A few children were playing in a corner. But where was Ivy? And where was Lily?
Cowgirl Makes Three Page 10
