by Sharon Joss
The trike smashed headlong into a fire hydrant. With a crunching jolt, I was airborne, and continued on my trajectory, weightless and screaming toward inevitable disaster. Instinctively, I put my hands up and braced for impact as I slid over the trunk of a parked car. I hit the street hard, rolled and tumbled to a stop in the westbound lane, the demon breath knocked clean out of me. My phone gave a final ring and was silent.
I crouched on hands and knees, gulping for air in the roadway, fighting like a landed eel, all my cocky bravado melted to a puddle of mortification on the asphalt. My heart raced with unspent adrenaline and I shook uncontrollably. The realization of my own idiocy descended with the weight of impending doom.
Cars swerved around me, honking. People came running from all directions. My instincts screamed to run and hide, but my body responded slowly, each vertebra in my neck answering to roll call individually, as my inner TIVO reran the highlights of my humiliating flight and four-point-landing over and over and over in my mind. Stand up, Mattie. Get out of the street.
“Miss, do you need help,” somebody asked me.
I choked on the foul stench that engulfed me, unable to answer. I rubbed my forehead; avoiding eye contact. I needed time to figure out how to deal with this. You’ve really done it this time, Mattie. What was I thinking? More than anything, I wanted to slink off without being noticed.
“Is anybody hurt? Call nine-one-one.”
I looked around, but the crowd hemmed me in with their concern. I never liked being the center of attention. When you come from the wrong side of the tracks, you strive to keep a low profile.
“It’s one of the meter maids.”
Tendrils of shame curled around my neck. Parking Control Officer.
“I saw the whole thing.”
My cheeks burned in humiliation. I didn’t remember colliding with anything other than the hydrant. I was pretty sure I hadn’t hit anybody human. Wouldn’t I remember if I did?
“Check out the scooter.” I instantly recognized the nasal whine of Lacey Lippman, followed by the sound of sniggering laughter.
“Oh no, Mattie.” I cringed as the Honorable Sylvia Jefferson ran toward me, pearls askew, sensible pumps clacking authoritatively against the pavement. She waved her arm at the crowd. “Get back, give her some room! Are you okay?”
The whoop-whoop of an approaching ambulance added to the chaos. I gritted my resolve, pulled off my helmet, took a deep breath, and clambered to my feet unaided.
“I’m good, thanks.” Hands reached out to me, but I avoided them, and took a few stiff steps toward the curb. A headache pounded at the base of my skull. I brushed myself off, straightened my collar and tucked my shirt back in. I’d grown up a tomboy; raised mostly by an older brother who’d taught me to take my licks as they came. Besides, I’d already lost it once this morning. Walk it off. Mattie Blackman was nobody’s princess.
CHAPTER 4
Two hours later I sat opposite my red-faced supervisor in his City Hall office. My scrapes stung like crazy, and I had a booming headache of mythic proportions. The EMTs had taped big white squares of gauze to each of my knees, the palms of both hands, and one elbow. My white Parking Control shirt had a torn sleeve, a lost button, and a big oil stain on the left boob, but miraculously, I had managed to avoid hitting the mayor. My shirt was the only loss. Oh yeah, and the trike.
Of their own accord, my eyes drifted to the corner of Mike’s office. I gulped down a horrified giggle. Teratosis was a rare condition, but the symptoms were well documented. Once you acquired an un-materialized demon, you simply couldn’t get any more. It was not possible.
“Mattie, at least give me the courtesy of pretending you’re paying attention, would you? I swear you’ve got the attention span of a gnat. This is exactly what I am talking about.”
“Sorry.”
I felt more like a four-year old facing her first spanking than a grown woman in her late twenties. Poor Mike. He probably felt worse than I did. Along with being my boss, he was a good friend. For the last six years, I’d eaten all my Thanksgiving dinners at his house. I’d helped him shop for his wife’s birthday presents. Hell, my brother was his mechanic.
“How about explaining to me how the hell this happened?”
Of course the harder I tried not to look, the more fascinating the vampire toad became. My glance flicked to the corner again. This particular demonic hallucination smelled strong enough to curl my nose hairs. Its yellow eyes compelled my attention. I struggled to breathe without gagging. Thank goodness, Mike was unaware of the smell. It’s not real, Mattie.
“Mike, you know what a nuisance those feral cats are. The darn thing ran right in front of me.” I didn’t like lying, but more than anything, I wanted to keep my job. City employees are specifically prohibited from fraternizing with teratozoids, heteroclites, demons, ghosts, or spirits of any kind. Especially during business hours.
“You’re a lousy liar. The mayor called me to give me the blow-by-blow. I’ll tell you, he’s pretty shaken up. He is demanding that you be tested for drugs. I received emails from two other witnesses who will swear you jumped the curb and rammed that hydrant for no reason.”
“I guess I got distracted for a second. It could have happened to anybody.”
The turd-colored toad sat right next to Blix. I’d never heard of anyone with two. Absolutely not possible. Yet there they squatted, a few steps away from where Mike and I sat at the cramped conference table. Neither one would be much of a threat to a decent-sized guinea pig, yet both gave me the creeps in a gut-sickening way. I dragged my eyes back to Mike.
“How the hell did you manage to wreck a three-wheeled scooter? My maintenance budget for the whole year is out the window, thanks to you. Our budget was already stretched to the max. The parking division is supposed to be profitable. We can’t do our jobs without scooters now, can we?” Beads of sweat glistened between the sparse dark hairs on his scalp. He looked like he was about to cry.
“I’m sorry, Mike. You know I didn’t plan this, I can ride rings around anybody.”
All the air went out of him. He shriveled into a balding little man before my eyes.
“Mattie, are you going to tell me the truth here or not? Why the hell did you try to run down the mayor?”
He was breaking my heart. I wanted to tell him, but there was no way. I only needed to hold things together for a few more hours.
“It was an accident. I give you my word, it won’t happen again.”
“Parking Control is a plum job. The list of people waiting for the next opening here is longer than my arm. You guys may all think I’m part of the gang, but I take my responsibilities seriously. In case you forgot, we owe our jobs to the taxpayers of Picston.”
“I know; I love this job. Parking Control is my life. I’ll do anything to fix this. I’ll pay for the damages.” Of course, I’d just hocked my bike to come up with the rest of the green I needed for Merle Shine. My employee badge lay on the Formica surface between us. I chewed my lower lip. I was going to need a second job.
“This isn’t just about you. This reflects badly on the entire department and me personally. Come on Mattie, you’ve got to give me something to tell the mayor. Anything.”
I couldn’t tell him the truth. Two months ago, my landlady had been arrested for harboring an unregistered demon. Neighbors said her ex-husband tipped off the FBI. The SWAT team showed up at dawn with dogs and conducted the search while the local news station covered all the lurid details. Weeks later, a steady stream of gawkers still cruised by the house every day. Everyone in Shore Haven knew Patty. She’d worked the breakfast shift at Dave’s Killer Burgers for more than a decade. After the arrest, the guys on the force turned on her with a vengeance that appalled me. I couldn’t let that happen to me. Not when I was so close to getting rid of Blix. And now, with the toad guy showing up, there’s no way I could tell him. It would be all over City Hall by lunchtime. I’d make it up to him. Starting tomorrow.
“Okay, have it your way.” He tapped my badge. “This is a policy violation. I can’t let it go.”
The blood drained from my face and I froze. Oh man, he wasn’t kidding. He was going to fire me. What would I do? I’d never get another job as good as this one. I sent out a silent prayer. I’ll do anything, please!
“I’m suspending you for two weeks without pay, starting right now. With this trike out of commission, we don’t have enough vehicles to support the shift anyway. I’ll figure out something to tell the City Manager and finance folks.” He slumped back in his chair and closed my personnel folder.
I stifled a hiccup as relief surged through me.
“Thanks Mike,” I croaked. “You’re the best. You won’t be sorry.” At least I still had a job. I bit my lips shut to stop them from trembling. If I said one more word, I’d lose it.
“I’m not done yet. I’m putting you on six months probation. When you come back, you’ll be subject to random drug testing. Any violations, or missteps and you’ll be out.”
I trembled as the delayed shock of the morning events hit me. I studied a bloody scrape on the back of my knuckles.
He leaned forward and chucked my chin. His earnest face searched mine. “Hey. I’m worried about you, Blackman. Are you all right?”
I didn’t know how to answer such a loaded question. Mike knew about my mother, the whole town did. Once you get that tar on you, it sticks in people’s minds forever. Not telling him made my heart hurt. I didn’t want Mike thinking I was nuts, but there was no way. Teratosis was somewhere below having crabs on the social acceptability meter, and law enforcement had about as much respect for paranormals and demons as crackheads and lepers. If anyone on the force or in the department found out about my demon problem, my life would be over. I swallowed hard.
I could see he’d already made up his mind. I couldn’t stand the pity on his face.
My eyes filled and I looked away.
He sighed and gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “You’re like the department mascot Mattie. Everybody around here loves you, but you haven’t been yourself lately. I’m not the only one who’s noticed, either. Use this time constructively. Talk to someone. Get your head straightened out.”
I nodded. “Yeah.” I tried not to breathe.
“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.”
At that moment, the security officer arrived and I blushed furiously. My ex-boyfriend Kip here to escort me out of the building. How thoughtful of him to volunteer for the job.
Mike dropped my badge into the center drawer of his desk. “I’ll see you back here in two weeks. Try to keep the excitement to a minimum, okay?”
Of all the people to usher me to my ultimate humiliation, no worse choice came to mind than Kip Bruckner. I wanted to slap the smirk right off his face, but I didn’t dare. What a winner this day turned out to be.
Kip ogled the oil stain on my shirt. “You’ve been a busy girl.”
I gritted my teeth and embraced my hostility. Being pissed off was a lot better than being pitied; and nobody irritated me quicker than Kip. He couldn’t help himself, he was naturally obnoxious, and it was one of the reasons I broke up with him. Or I guess you might say it had been a mutual parting of the ways. Or would have been if not for that oversexed Public Information Officer, Lacey Lippman, the mouth-breathing Queen of Lookatme. I was conscious of the stares as we made our way to the exit. The worst thing I could do was to give Kip any more ammunition. I squared my shoulders and walked toward the stairs.
“There was a reporter here earlier, trying to get a statement from the Mayor’s office.”
“Shut up.” I picked up the pace and entered the exit stairwell. My stiff knees protested in silence as we descended two flights to the lobby. I wasn’t about to let Kip see me hurting. I reached the front doors and didn’t look back.
No one followed me as I walked down the steps of City Hall into the oppressive noon green. I unlocked my Trusty Rusty red Honda and got in. But I instantly detected the presence of my two followers by the distinctive licorice-and-raw-sewage reek that accompanied them. Sure enough, two pairs of lidless golden eyes stared at me from the back seat of the car. Goody, goody; my very own entourage mirage.
CHAPTER 5
“Well, whoop-de-freakin’-do.” I scowled into the rearview mirror. I lowered each of the car windows, grabbed a fresh dryer sheet out of the pink box sitting on the passenger seat, and inhaled deeply. I don’t know why I bothered.
Suspended. I closed my eyes, and Mike’s face flashed before me. I’d never seen that expression on a friend’s face before. Anger, embarrassment, pity, and hurt--all in one place, and all because of me. I’d make it up to him, somehow. In a few more hours, everything would be back to normal again.
Frickin’ inner demons. I jerked the seatbelt across my chest and snapped the buckle into place.
My cell phone vibrated, and I jumped. I checked the caller ID, and relief flooded through me as I answered.
“Matilda Blackman?”
My lips quivered. “Yes, yes, I’m sorry I missed your call earlier. It’s been one of those days. Are we still on?”
“This is Jackie over at Merle Shine’s Pest Control. I’m calling to confirm your five-thirty appointment for this afternoon. “
I choked back another wave of nausea. “I’ll be there. The stink is killing me. You have no idea--”
“Please be prompt, Miss Blackman. Merle’s made a special exception for you. He needs to be home early for his daughter’s birthday party tonight. You are the last teratosis treatment of the day.”
I glanced furtively around the parking lot to make sure no one could overhear our conversation. “No problem. Thank you so much for squeezing me in. I don’t think I can stand it much longer.”
“Yes, well business has been a bit busier than usual.”
“I had no idea djemon infestations were such a big problem.”
“They aren’t normally. We rarely treat more than few local cases in a year. Most of our teratosis business is tourists in town for the Spirit Festival, but that’s not until next month.”
“You have my word, I will not be late,” I promised, and disconnected. The tension in my shoulders eased. I’m all set.
I scrunched around in the driver’s seat to better examine the new guy. Even with their physical differences, they appeared to originate from the same place. They had the same eyes. They both wore dull brown skin with an ashy bloom to it that chocolate got when it sat on the shelf too long. Where Blix was skin and bones, the fanged toad was a slick blob. I’d named him Blix, after a goblin character in a movie I’d seen once. He even resembled the one in the movie, a little. Sort of a forlorn hairless kitten, with big bat ears, and a face like a gargoyle. Pitifully ugly, but Blix was strange in other ways, too. His eyes glowed in the dark, and that was pretty creepy. I’d started leaving the light on at night.
I’d never seen a real live demon before, but if you didn’t count the stink, these two certainly didn’t live up to expectations. From the beginning, the odor came and went in waves--a noxious blend of licorice with a little after-zing of eau d’ poop. If I kept the windows open and the fan on, I could almost pretend the stench didn’t bother me too much. Yeah right.
Good lord, what if another one showed up? I’d lose my job for real, that’s what.
A nervous tic vexed my right eyelid, and I held my finger over it. I loved my job. I was proud to say I worked for the city. A government job is respectable. I loved my uniform. When I put it on, I felt confident; I liked the feeling of authority it gave me. But more than anything, in spite of the circumstances of my birth, my job made me legitimate. My job made me a person of substance. I couldn’t lose that.
With a shaking hand, I slipped the key into the ignition, and started the car. I sure hoped the exterminator people could handle both these guys.
“You two better hope Merle gives me a discount.”
#
I drove to my apartme
nt in Shore Haven, a lakeside suburb about three miles from Picston City Hall. As I changed out of my uniform, I remembered a Laundromat located a couple blocks from Merle’s. It would be an easy to do a few loads while I was at my appointment. Clever girl, Mattie.
With Four Starr Pest Abatement shut down for the foreseeable future, here were only two other places in town to go to get rid of demon breath. Tourists preferred the local fortuneteller experience of course, but I wanted a professional. Merle Shine had been in the pest control business for more than fifty years. They were a member of the Better Business Bureau and had a strict customer privacy clause right there in the contract. The best part was that they were located in Picston, so I faced less chance of running into anybody I knew.
The neat chignon I always wore to work now resembled a squirrel’s nest, so I brushed it back into a tight ponytail. I piled the laundry into the basket, and headed out to the car. I had almost an hour to kill before my appointment with Merle. This was going to work out just perfect.
#
I drove with the windows rolled down and the radio turned up, determined to recover from my disastrous morning, singing along with Credence Clearwater Revival. Bad Moon Rising is one of my all-time favorites. Glancing in the rearview mirror, I thought I saw Blix bobbing his head to the beat, but couldn’t be sure.
“Won’t be long now, boys,” I warned them.
The car behind me honked, and I swerved back into my lane, red-faced. Focus Mattie. The trip back to Picston wouldn’t take long. Shore Haven is geographically separated from Picston by Sentinel Hill, which rises some six hundred feet above the lake shoreline. In the green months, my twenty-minute commute past dense woods and parkland was one of the highlights of my day.
